mixed habitat & densely vegetated hiding places

I know I'm weeks behind on this, but oh well.


Post the 20 first lines from your last 20 fics.

1. Astoria sits in a secluded corner of her parents' garden, on a delicately wrought white bench. (A Child That Knows Poems By Heart)

This is all right, it works.

2. They stood together, gazing up at the chandelier that hung from the ceiling, the dust so thick on its spidery limbs that it looked almost like snow. (The Secret Incantation)

I think this is pretty striking and works well to set the tone.

3. Dr. Ricci is an unsmiling woman who rarely looks up from her clipboard. (August and Everything After)

I actually based the doctor in this story on a real doctor I had.

4. Anastasia rarely had reason to go up to up to the surface anymore, but the Undercity had its own seasons, its own yearly rhythm. (The Good Old Days)

I wrote this fic in one sitting at the last minute and I think it shows, because it starts out sounding a little on the serious side and then veers silly. It's better to set the tone in the first line and keep it there.

5. Cassius' foot taps involuntarily on the Senate floor, in and out of time with the ticking of his watch. (Acted Over)

I feel good about this opening. It establishes the time motif, the anachronistic setting, and even the question of Cassius' free will. This basically is the whole story in a sentence.

6. When she went to school, she became Rolanda. (The Two Names of Xiomara Rolanda Hooch)

I remember not being totally satisfied with this as a first line, even though it was worked on (and I would say improved) in beta. But the story went over really well so either nobody else thought it was a weak opening, or they kept reading in spite of it. :)

7. "Program running. Enter when ready." (The New Water)

This is fine, establishes the setting.

8. "Edgar Bones," Dumbledore says. (Our truancy is defined by one fixed star)

I don't know if this had the immediate impact I wanted it to, because it could be that people don't really remember what happened to Edgar Bones.

9. The rain is starting again, cold drops falling onto the back of Harry's neck, and spattering on his glasses. (Two Februaries)

I'd fiddle with this one if I had it to do over again, because I think it almost reads like the raindrops are spattering from his neck and onto his glasses, which is obviously not what I meant.

10. There is something in Chepi's walk that is different from other women, a certain sway in her hips and swish of her tail. (Sweet Tooth)

When I write about non-human characters I usually try for word choices that underline their personhood, which is why she's a woman here. I don't see "man" and "woman" as something only humans can be.

11. Galana lets a sheet of linen fall onto the cutting table, light and airy. (Armor Proficiency)

Works for me.

12. Alyssa grits her teeth as she rides at the back of Thrall's procession, enduring the bumpy, donkey-like gait of the brown worg beneath her. (Reputation Grind)

I always thought the worg mounts looked extremely uncomfortable.

13. It is with great regret that we announce the death of Thomasina Coverly-Smith, the eminent woman mathematician and author, which took place late last night at her residence in Westminster, in her 79th year. (The Universe Is Winding Down)

Even though this was a last-minute Yuletide Madness ficlet, when I was writing it I actually read a bunch of Victorian obituaries to try to get the style right. I did my best!

14. Once upon a time there was a unicorn who strayed from the herd. (The Unicorn Who Loved a Horse)

The recipient asked for a fairy tale here, so I figured, stick with the classics.

15. Vol'jin raised his hand, and after a moment's hesitation, he rapped on the door. (Patch Notes)

This is fine, nothing special.

16. The first time Carla picked up a sword, it was a splintery plank of driftwood with a crosspiece nailed on. (A Sword Sharp As Your Wit)

I think originally I was going to theme each section of this story around one of the menu verbs from the game, and this was "pick up", but I ended up not using that idea, which probably would have been either a distraction or so subtle that nobody even noticed it. This still works as a first line, though.

17. Parvati stands naked in front of the mirror. (Cross)

It strikes me in retrospect that maybe the mirror should have had dialogue in this fic, since it's HP.

18. Her fingertips just brush his palm as she draws him down, down into the echoing stairwell. (Voir Noir)

Huh, I don't really remember writing this. Maybe it was like the shoemaker and the elves, but with porn.

19. The two of them stand in the abandoned barn, gazing up at the heavy chain that hangs from the ceiling. (Lightning Overload)

Wait, this is the same opening as #2! At least it's in a different fandom.

20. "I'm glad Harry's aunt and uncle let him come after all." Hermione turned away as she took off her shirt and pulled her nightgown on over her head. "He would have been miserable if we'd gone to the World Cup without him." (Wake the Girls)

This is a little bland and expository, which is weird because that's not normally a problem I have! I could have established the timeframe in a more interesting way.


Overall, I think these are better than the previous batch, last time this meme came around. Maybe I'm improving!