matt1993, posts by tag: fear - LiveJournal

I've neglected to mention this in here until now, but one of the things I've been told about my anxiety is that I will feel better if I got more sleep at night and got on a regular sleep schedule. Unfortunately, I've been unable to get onto one no matter how much I try.

And even if I did, how is that supposed to work if the only dreams I have anymore are dreams that people hate me for how I feel about masks, social distancing, pandemic shaming, and wanting things to be back to normal eventually? O_O

Those are, without a doubt, THE most terrifying dreams I could POSSIBLY have. I still have PTSD over EACH AND EVERY time someone has been mad or even irritated with me over how I feel about the pandemic and restrictions. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is scarier to me than the thought of people hating me for that. (Please don't lecture me over how that should not be the scariest thing to me. That is not how you make it less scary for me - lecturing me about anything related to the pandemic makes it MORE scary to me.)

It's scary enough living in this reality, where I'm only 95% sure that by the time the pandemic is over I'll have unintentionally offended half of my friends (both online and IRL) to the point of them hating me forever. I don't want to have another dream like those ever again! I'm seriously considering never sleeping again until the pandemic is over. I may or may not follow through with that (after all I'm a bit drowsy right now and may very well go to bed soon), but I figured I should give you a better idea of how UTTERLY TERRIFYING the idea of being hated over the pandemic is for me. (EDIT: Well, I did end up going to bed after all. At 5 AM, but still. I don't remember what my dreams were, but they must have been better than the ones from the previous night. But, again, the fact reminds that I am so terrified of being hated for anything related to the pandemic that I was briefly considering staying awake forever to avoid having dreams where that happened.)

For more on why this is the case, here's a couple of earlier entries where I found out that there's a term for the type of anxiety I have (rejection sensitive dysphoria):

LJ links:
https://matt1993.livejournal.com/3…
https://matt1993.livejournal.com/3…
DW links:
https://matt1993.dreamwidth.org/38…
https://matt1993.dreamwidth.org/38…

Once again, it's time for some archived Miiverse posts I was hoping to have posted here last week! :P

← 01/05/2013 10:30 PM-midnight 01/07/2013 - 01/09/2013 →

New Super Mario Bros. U Community
Matt 01/06/2013 5:13 PM

Run for It
It's so hard to hit the switches! Especially if we bubble if the A button merely twitches!

2 0

(I think this is the only time I actually obeyed the "write a rhyme about this level on Miiverse" prompt that came up in-game, not counting the time I subverted it by rhyming "Star Coins" with "can't think of a rhyme related to this level". I did the "warning sign" prompt a few times, though. And apparently I also only ever followed the "two words" prompt once but didn't think to point it out in these Miiverse backup entries.)

New Super Mario Bros. U Community
Matt 01/06/2013 7:24 PM

Run for It
This is the only level I know that's easier with more players…but we're STILL not past it!

3 0

New Super Mario Bros. U Community
Matt 01/06/2013 7:49 PM

Run for It
I think we'll have better luck if we just stay at the beginning until the timer runs out…

2 0

(Or rather, pathvain_aelien thought this and I made a post on Miiverse about it.)

New Super Mario Bros. U Community
Matt 01/06/2013 10:32 PM

Run for It
FINALLY made it with two ☆ Coins but only because one of us touched the goal by accident!

2 0

(Considering the trouble we had in this level, I'm surprised it apparently only took us two days to beat it [even if that's not counting going back later for the remaining Star Coin]. I see it did take a few hours, though!)

New Super Mario Bros. U Community
Matt 01/06/2013 10:57 PM

Fliprus Lake
If there were ever a Three Stooges video game, it'd be a LOT like 3-player in this game...

5 0

(Oddly enough, within the past month or so I discovered that there are in fact TWO Three Stooges video games already. Since 1984 and 1987, in fact. The former apparently has three-player mode as its ONLY mode, even! Maybe I should try these out someday...)

New Super Mario Bros. U Community
Matt 01/06/2013 11:54 PM

Hammerswing Caverns


5 0

I turned 23 about 23 minutes ago (as of my writing this sentence)! Yay!! :D

I'm not going to get to open most of my presents until the party two days from now, though. So I don't have much to say yet.

I will, however, make a Museum of Accomplishments post now! It'll be nice to not be 14 days behind on it and 379 days behind on it at the same time. :)


← Age 21-22 Age 24 →

At age 23:

( Collapse )

I feel like I should say something about 9/11 today.

But there's not much I can say about it that a) people haven't said already and b) I haven't said in this entry from four years ago.

The only vaguely-9/11-related entry I could potentially write that would be unique is if I finally replaced this userpic with the more legible version seen here (EDIT: That entry was friends-only for some reason, so here is the updated userpic itself [EDIT IN 2019: Welp, in 2017 I actually did replace it, so now it'd make more sense to show you the OLD version.]) and posted about that. But having September 11 be the day I update a userpic parodying my 8-year-old self's questionable grasp of reality doesn't seem like the best thing to do in memory of 9/11... yet, at the same time, I feel extremely obligated to post something that's somehow interesting and in good taste. And I can't.


I don't know why I'm really posting this... I just feel like if I don't at least post something today, people are going to wonder why I didn't (or why I already didn't post anything on September 11 in 2012, 2013, or 2014), and if I do post, people are going to wonder why I'm not writing enough. Yes, I do remember being woken up really early one morning in 2001 when I was 8 and being told about something that was happening that I didn't really understand at first, and then watching the news (which either reran a news clip from earlier that day or my family recorded it, I don't remember which), and hearing about it at school, and I remember being kind of scared at some point... but that's about all I remember of my experiences from the day itself, and I've said most of it already.

Just tell me what I'm supposed to say on September 11! And whether updating this userpic today would be a good or bad idea! I feel like I'm expected to know whether it's a good or bad idea automatically, but I don't...

What have I done lately besides still being worried that I've annoyed everyone, you ask?

In no particular order:

- Now I actually am in the Mortar Board!! I've mentioned that I was a finalist for being accepted, but I never mentioned actually being accepted until now :)

- A month or two ago, my Physics professor asked me if I was interested in doing a research project about the molecular flow of granular materials (or something of that sort - it's taken me a while to be able to even understand what it's about that well) with him next semester. I was interested (even though I barely understood it at all at the time), but it's been a confusing (for me) whirlwind of meetings and a formal dinner with some of the other faculty members involved and me not being able to explain the project well enough to anyone until recently, and it made my schedule really full for a while and had me really stressed out, but lately it hasn't been nearly as confusing :) Today we finished the application!

- I might've mentioned this in another entry, but I got a 62 on my second test in Math Stats and already had a 60 on the first one :( I'll probably do better on this next one, though :)

- I continued having to worry about the possibility that my last three entries-- oh wait, I said that already.

- About a year ago, my roommate gave me a hard time about a video that says that Mario-- wait, I've mentioned that recently too.

- I got to go home for Thanksgiving break!... and had to work on an Internet Programming assignment :(

- Still haven't checked my friends page, because I'm still afraid that if I even glance at it, the first thing I'll see is something pertaining to the Forbidden Comment Threads (Ω or not Ω) (that is the question) or something that reminds me of it. Sorry :(

- Probably something else important that I forgot.

- Oh, at some point there was a Physics test that I couldn't even finish a single question on! I thought it would be easy because the first test was easy, but it wasn't :( Hopefully the work I showed trying to find something that even seemed like it could be the right way to solve any of the problems is worth enough partial credit that this test won't bring my grade down too much. And hopefully the final won't be nearly as bad.

No repost button friends-only blah blah blah I need to schedule this entry and go to bed.

Last week, as part of an assignment in Speech class, I rewatched The Mummy and watched The Ring for the first time.

Turns out that my prediction here was actually wrong - The Ring is, in fact, a lot scarier than the parody of it on Annoying Orange.


But you know what's even more terrifying than both combined?

A horror movie I watched yesterday called Worse than the Forbidden Comment Threads.

Have any of you heard of it? It's the sequel to that one movie about the guy who reads a cursed flame war that makes him start seeing nightmarish visions of his friends misinterpreting everything he's ever said and hating him for it, and seemingly, the only way for him to get rid of the visions is to make a list of everything he's said and done that might be misinterpreted and post that to his LiveJournal in friends-only entries.

I found both that one and the sequel REALLY disturbing... It's almost impossible to remember that either of them is just a movie. Maybe it's just because the main character looks kind of like me. Actually, come to think of it, he looks almost exactly like me... and he even has a lot of interests in common with me: same celebrity crush, same favorite video games...

Even the phrase "Forbidden Comment Threads" sounds familiar for some reason... Didn't I hear it somewhere before about three years ago? I remember thinking up a phrase kind of like it that had something to do with a--


O___O

...

Uhhh...

Guys...

...

I...

I just remembered...

The first one in that series was no horror movie...

I... I think I remember... the Forbidden Comment Threads...

...actually happening...

...as part of my own life...

...

I don't think the sequel was just a movie either...

...

There really is...

...something that's probably worse than the Forbidden Comment Threads...

...and I read it yesterday...

...

...

Okay, now I'm way too scared to even care whether or not going from actual horror movies to a controversy that I pretended was a horror movie is too sudden of a topic jump...

*hides and curls into the fetal position in a clearly horrified manner*


(short version of this entry: What?! The Forbidden Comment Threads are evolving!)

These get pretty hilarious :)

Classes start tomorrow, and I never did get to upload the newer versions of some of my userpics as userpics because I still have some unanswered questions about a couple of them (and a quickly-growing [even for me] fear that one of my comments on my previous entry is offensive). (EDIT: Quickly-growing fear averted. :) )

Also, I glanced at a few pages in my Psychology textbook. Three words: Forbidden Comment Threads. (are what a lot of the class sessions are probably going to remind me of, given all the controversy that's mentioned)

Watch this video with the sound on:





Then watch that video again with the sound off, but with this playing at the same time with the sound on:





I can't even decide which music makes the first video funnier! :)