unlocking the secret fourth dimension of human emotions by uhhhh *checks notes*

watching Christian God sob over his bro’s corpse for 100 years before breaking the laws of time, rescuing his bro from WW1, and platonically holding his hand as they run off into the sunset

the old testament god ruled through fear and destruction. his divine wrath flooded the earth, commanded terrible storms, smote entire cities, filled the oceans with blood. the new testament describes his heir: a prophet, a man who walks among his people, a man they could love. yet the prophet declares that those who are unwilling to let him rule supreme — those unwilling to love him more than parents, spouses, children, their own lives — are not worthy of being his disciples. he demands absolute devotion, absolute unquestioning loyalty. those who refuse him, he says, will face his god’s wrath, will suffer in a fiery lake of burning sulfur. he says he has not come to bring peace to the earth, but a sword. when the old god reigned, it was believed that to lead men in this world, to be liked was just as good as feared. but, to be both liked and feared all at once… that is an entirely different state of being in which the prophet exists alone. his followers need to know they’re in good favor with him. they need it. and there is nothing they won’t do to make sure they have it.

i can imagine the posts now going like "PSA!!! DO NOT ADD COMMENTS WHEN REBLOGGING ART OR YOU'RE STEALING NOTES FROM THE ARTIST!!!!! IF YOU ADD COMMENTS YOU ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH!!!!" as if that isn't an insane thing to say and insane norm for a website to create

oh my god and what about peer reviewed tags????? that’s supposed to be uplifting unseen commentary, and now that’s all just going to the peer reviewer??? whenever you peer review tags you now have to make the conscious choice to take notes away from op and give them to yourself for the commentary someone else wrote. this is madness

Now Announcing: The Tumblr Fiction Podcast Sexyperson Bracket

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Have you looked at all of the sexy brackets swimming around lately and thought, "Those are great and all, but I really wish there was one that was all-gender-inclusive and specifically about fiction podcasts"? Probably not, but I did!

I'm going to be assembling a fun little bracket to figure out once and for all who the sexiest character in podcasting is. But first, I need your help: I want to make sure that the options in the bracket really represent the full scope of podcast characters Tumblr finds sexy, not just my weird tastes. So, to make sure we have a diverse candidate pool, I'm now taking suggestions for characters to put in the bracket!

You can submit your suggestions in this Google Form

A few quick notes:

• I am not attached to "sexyperson" and honestly find it kinda clunky. If you have any suggestions for better gender-neutral alternatives, please let me know
• Our current icon is just a stock image from Unsplash, but I'm not a huge fan of it. If you're a fanartist who's made art of a podcast character that you'd be comfortable with me using as our icon (with credit), please let me know!
• I'd like to get as many submissions as possible, so I'd really appreciate people reblogging this!

And now for a short Q&A under the cut, for those who may have a few questions:

Keep reading

#fun! #i did submit several dndads characters - sorry in advance about all the character names but the show is just Like That #i also apologize for submitting more than three but... dndads is exactly the type of show that generates textbook tumblr sexypeople #would be happy to help narrow it down

Please don't be sorry, opening the form and seeing submissions like "Scam Likely" and "Sexcalibur Horsepower" next to names like "Jon" and "Peter" made me laugh so hard. Also I know nothing about DNDads so I might have to take you up on your offer to narrow the submissions down

Oh thank god — I’m glad it made you laugh! A lot of important dndads NPCs were originally named by Patreon supporters, hence Sexcalibur Horsepower, Yeet Bigly, Lizardboy Scales McStuffins, etc.

If you want a hand shortening the dndads list, I’d be happy to run a quick “primary” in the dndads community to narrow it down to one or two candidates. Otherwise, I think Scam Likely is probably our golden champion, followed by either Glenn Close or Ron Stampler. Honda Odyssey-san gets an honorable mention.