My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old!Hans Moleman
Hans Moleman (also known as Ralph Melish, born August 2) is a mole-like man with extremely bad luck.
He is best known for his 10-second short film Man Getting Hit by Football in "A Star Is Burns". There is a running gag in the series of him getting killed by various accidents, yet returning unharmed and alive later on. Because of this, some fans refer to him as The Simpsons version of Kenny McCormick. He makes his first appearance in "Scary Movie" on The Tracey Ullman Show.
He is voiced by Dan Castellaneta.
Biography
Hans Moleman first appeared in the Tracy Ullman short "Scary Movie" (without glasses) sleeping in the cinema, but wakes up when Bart screams. He was silent then. He looked different in that short, showing a prototype version of him. He was officially introduced as a speaking, unlucky character in the episode "Principal Charming"; however, his driver's license listed his name as "Ralph Melish".
He has cataracts and is almost entirely blind (which has severely impaired his ability to read and drive, which is why he always fails his vision test at the DMV). He carries a brown cane with him everywhere, which was once shown to contain a hidden sword.
Hans was once mistaken for Bart and accidentally had his brain "re-programmed" (Homer and Marge had hired a cult re-programmer, hoping to convince Bart to move out of Mr. Burns' mansion and back in with them), apparently leading him to believe he is the son of Homer and Marge.[1]
Homer once stumbled across Hans Moleman as the leader of a race of Mole People in an underground fortress complete with earthquake machines.[2] In the opening credits for The Simpsons, Marge strikes Moleman with her car. He has some jobs such as a mailman and a janitor (in the episode where Homer gets good luck).
His home address is 920 Oak Grove, Springfield.
His original driver license, which said he was born in 1921, was voided in "Principal Charming". He got a new one in "Black Widower", presumably the one voided in "Selma's Choice", which listed his year of birth as 1961.
Hans Moleman may have been a food proprietor, or at the very least was willing to participate in the A Taste of Springfield event, as he had a stand called "Hans Moleman's Gruel. However, this stand ended up blown up by Homer in a failed assassination attempt against the latter involving a poisoned eclair, with the resulting explosion being potent enough to leave a smoking crater behind (though Moleman himself survived, albeit covered with gruel, promptly participating in a massing and resulting beatdown of Homer afterward partly as a response to his destroyed gruel stand).
Like most of Springfield's residents, Hans Moleman is of the Protestant Christian faith and is frequently seen at church. In "The Springfield Connection", he is seen with Reverend Lovejoy before his execution.
Hans Moleman once attended Springfield University for a short time, only so that he could have somewhere to sit. It is unknown how long he attended the school and whether he gained any credits.[3]
In "Walking Big & Tall", it is revealed that Hans Moleman was once the mayor of Springfield.
Deaths
- "Homer's Triple Bypass": Drove off a cliff, when Homer rammed him for going slow, while hauling Edgar Allen Poe's exploding house that caught on fire. A major contributing factor was his glasses being knocked off his face in-transit due to Homer's ramming him, forcing him to get his eyes off the wheel to try and find his glasses.
- "Terror at 5½ Feet": Rammed off the road by Otto. His car stopped before hitting a tree, but exploded anyway.
- "The Last Temptation of Homer": Mauled by a group of fossil fuels advocates for promoting alternative energy.
- "Bart of Darkness": Gets set on fire by a sunbeam.
- "The Springfield Connection": Executed in a local jail, even though they're not really allowed to have executions. The lights are flickering in the next scene, implying that he was put to the electric chair offscreen.
- "Mother Simpson": Buried alive in the Springfield Cemetery.
- "Team Homer": Gets his head drilled by Mr. Burns, who was so high on ether that he thought Moleman was the Lucky Charms leprechaun.
- "The Joy of Sect": Suffocated by the Rover guard balloon when Marge runs away from the Movementarian compound.
- "The HΩmega Man": Dies off screen when the French government detonates Springfield with a neutron bomb.
- "Children of a Lesser Clod": Mistaken for Marge's dead Uncle Louie and locked in a morgue drawer.
- "Connie Appleseed": Gets sucked into quicksand, which Lisa (as Connie Appleseed) thinks is an apple tree talking to her.
- "C.E. D'oh": Falls to his death after getting thrown out of a window.
- "Reaper Madness": Gets killed by Homer's touch of death.
- "'Tis the Fifteenth Season": Gets eaten alive by wolves after driving his car off the road and getting his body stuck in the snow.
- "The Ned Zone": Gets eaten alive by alligators after falling into a sewer.
- "Million-Dollar Abie": Dies of a sudden heart attack.
- "G.I. D'oh": Gets hit on the head by falling bowling balls in a deleted scene.
- The Simpsons Movie: Gets run over by Homer's car.
- "E. Pluribus Wiggum": Gets crushed by a large piece of concrete.
- "The Debarted": Suffocated by an airbag after Marge rear ended his car.
- "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble": Gets sucked up by the Vac-U-Bots.
- "Mypods and Boomsticks": Drowns after driving his truck into the ocean.
- "Don't Have a Cow, Mankind": Gets his head run over by a car after being turned into a zombie.
- "The Squirt and the Whale": Gets crushed by a piece of an exploding whale.
- "War and Pieces": Murdered by Colonel Ketchup with a letter opener.
- "The Fool Monty": Gets run over by Smithers' car.
- "The Falcon and the D'ohman": Gets struck by Homer's car.
- "The D'oh-cial Network": Gets struck by Homer's car.
- "Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart": Gets crushed by Lard Lad's donut.
- "A Test Before Trying": Dies when his life support gets unplugged.
- "The Man Who Grew Too Much": Gets crushed by Sideshow Bob's block of concrete.
- "School is Hell": Gets axed in half by Beelze-Bart.
- "There Will Be Buds": Gets impaled by a sword.
- "Haw-Haw Land": Dies of kidney failure.
- "King Leer": Gets crushed by a folding bed.
- "Geriatric Park": Gets crushed by a dinosaur's foot.
- "Daddicus Finch": Gets stuck by Brockman's car.
- "Bart vs. Itchy & Scratchy": Gets crushed by a boat.
- "Gorillas on the Mast": Drowns after Maggie destroys his surfboard.
- "The Fourth Thursday After Tomorrow": Gets run over by a pizza delivery vehicle.
- "Treehouse of Horror XXXI" intro: Gets kicked away by a robot.
- "Nightmare on Elm Tree": Gets a Beehive put in his Head.
- "When Nelson Met Lisa": Gets crushed by an asteroid.
- "Hostile Kirk Place": Gets taken away by an eagle, presumably to be eaten alive.
Age
There appears to be a continuity error involving his age:
- Although seemingly an elder, Hans Moleman once claimed that he was only 31 years old, implying in the process that his appearance is due to heavy drinking and not a result of old age.[4]
- His date of birth on his driver's license has been inconsistent. "Duffless" showed his date of birth to have been August 2nd, 1961, making him 31 when that episode aired. However, in an earlier episode "Principal Charming", his license said that he was born on that date in 1921, which would have made him 69 as of the airdate.
- He was apparently the mayor of Springfield 30 years ago, which casts his statement about being 31 years old into doubt, implying that he is well over 50.
- In "Little Girl in the Big Ten", one of the college girls refers to him as an "80-year-old man", although she was most likely only referring to him by his appearance.
- The ending of "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken" implies that he is over 70 years old.
- In "Gorillas on the Mast", Hans Moleman claims that he is 88 years old and never learned how to swim.
- His age of being only 31 is reinstated in The Simpsons: Tapped Out.
- A younger and healthier version of Hans Moleman is featured in "Lisa the Boy Scout", before getting mutated into his regular form by a glowing uranium rod. This implies that Moleman's elderly-like appearance was due to a radioactive mutation, rather than old age or alcoholism.
Quotes
Hello, this is Moleman in the Morning. Good Moleman to you. Today, part four of our series of the agonizing pain in which I live every daaaay.Hans Moleman
A poem by Hans Moleman. I think that I shall never see, my cataracts are blinding me.Hans Moleman
No one's gay for Moleman.Hans Moleman
I was saying Boo-urns.Hans Moleman
Trivia
- In early episodes, his skin color was inconsistent and would range from yellow to brownish-yellow.
- In the "Treehouse of Horror XVI" segment: "I've Grown a Costume on Your Face", Moleman was humorously turned into a mole, despite not wearing a costume.
- He had an affair with Lars Ulrich's grandmother and is considered by Metallica to be a "real fan".[5]
- According to Homer, kissing him on the forehead is similar to kissing a peanut.[1]
- He is one of the Springfield residents to appear in a Tracey Ullman short, the others are Krusty and Abe.
- Hans Moleman is the unknown thief who stole Peter Griffin's car in "The Simpsons Guy".
- He is one of the Seniors who appears in the song "Adults/Kids".
- According to his license, he is 4'4" (132cm) and weighs 140lbs (64kg). Such a weight at this size would make Hans extremely overweight. However, he only appears slightly chubby.
- Mega Moleman X is the only Mega Man reference in The Simpsons franchise overall.
- He is similar to Kenny from South Park in that he regularly dies/is placed in no-survival situations but returns unharmed in later episodes, but also similar to Bruce from Family Guy, in that he has a different profession in nearly every one of his appearances.
- After his first appearance (named Ralph Melish) in “Principal Charming”, Matt Groening told the animators not to use him again, finding his mole-like appearance off putting. The animators leaned into the joke, renaming him to Hans Moleman and giving him background appearances and small roles.
Tributes
- In 2015, nerdcore rapper MC Lars created a song and music video as a tribute to Hans Moleman titled "The Ballad of Hans Moleman".
- In 2019, Vulture published an article titled "The Enigma of The Simpsons’ Hans Moleman".
Gallery
Appearances
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Episode – "Principal Charming" (as Ralph Melish) - Episode – "Old Money"
- Episode – "Radio Bart"
- Episode – "Black Widower"
- Episode – "Homer the Heretic"
- Episode – "Homer's Triple Bypass"
- Episode – "Selma's Choice"
- Episode – "Duffless"
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THOH – "Treehouse of Horror IV" ("Terror at 5½ Feet") - Episode – "Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood"
- Episode – "The Last Temptation of Homer"
- Episode – "Bart's Inner Child"
- Episode – "Bart Gets Famous"
- Episode – "Lisa Vs. Malibu Stacy"
- Episode – "Burns' Heir"
- Episode – "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
- Episode – "Bart of Darkness"
- Episode – "Lisa's Rival"
- Episode – "Lisa on Ice"
- Episode – "A Star Is Burns"
- Episode – "'Round Springfield"
- Episode – "The Springfield Connection"
- Episode – "Mother Simpson"
- Episode – "Team Homer"
- Episode – "22 Short Films About Springfield"
- Episode – "Burns, Baby Burns"
- Episode – "Bart After Dark"
- Episode – "The Springfield Files"
- Episode – "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"
- Episode – "Brother from Another Series"
- Episode – "My Sister, My Sitter"
- Episode – "In Marge We Trust"
- Episode – "The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase"
- Episode – "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace"
- Episode – "The Joy of Sect"
- Episode – "Dumbbell Indemnity"
- Episode – "The Trouble with Trillions"
- Episode – "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""
- Episode – "Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers""
- Episode – "The Old Man and the "C" Student"
- Episode – "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?"
- Episode – "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"
- Episode – "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge"
- Episode – "Simpsons Tall Tales"
- Episode – "The Parent Rap"
- Episode – "Little Girl in the Big Ten"
- Episode – "The Frying Game"
- Episode – "Three Gays of the Condo"
- Episode – "'Tis the Fifteenth Season"
- Episode – "All's Fair in Oven War"
- Episode – "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
- Episode – "G.I. D'oh" (Deleted scene)
- Episode – "Homerazzi"
- Episode – "Yokel Chords"
- Episode – "Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2"
- Episode – "Future-Drama"
- Episode – "You Kent Always Say What You Want"
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- Episode – "Any Given Sundance"
- Episode – "Mypods and Boomsticks"
- Episode – "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
- Episode – "In the Name of the Grandfather"
- Episode – "Wedding for Disaster"
- Episode – "The Great Wife Hope"
- Episode – "Homer Scissorhands"
- Episode – "Replaceable You "
- Episode – "Moe Goes from Rags to Riches "
- Episode – "Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart"
- Episode – "The Spy Who Learned Me"
- Episode – "Ned 'N Edna's Blend"
- Episode – "A Test Before Trying"
- Episode – "The Man Who Grew Too Much"
- Episode – "Days of Future Future" (First Church of Springfield)
- Episode – "The Simpsons Guy" (cameo)
- Episode – "Walking Big & Tall"
- Episode – "Sky Police"
- Episode – "Waiting for Duffman"
- Episode – "Peeping Mom"
- Episode – "Puffless"
- Episode – "Halloween of Horror"
- Episode – "Paths of Glory"
- Episode – "Barthood"
- Episode – "The Burns Cage" (Seen in the school auditorium)
- Episode – "Simprovised"
- Episode – "The Serfsons"
- Episode – "Grampy Can Ya Hear Me"
- Episode – "Baby You Can't Drive My Car"
- Episode – "From Russia Without Love"
- Episode – "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh"
- Episode – "Gorillas on the Mast"
- Episode – "Marge the Lumberjill"
- Episode – "Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"
- Episode – "Screenless"
- Episode – "Better Off Ned"
- Episode – "Highway to Well"
- Episode – "Warrin' Priests (Part Two)"
- Episode – "The Way of the Dog"
- THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXXI"
- Episode – "Burger Kings"
- Episode – "Bart's in Jail!"
- THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXXII"
- Episode – "A Serious Flanders: Part One"
- Episode – "Mothers and Other Strangers" (flashback)
- Episode – "A Made Maggie"
- Episode – "You Won't Believe What This Episode is About - Act Three Will Shock You!"
- Episode – "Pretty Whittle Liar"
- Episode – "Poorhouse Rock"
- Episode – "Habeas Tortoise" (seen on video screen towards end of episode)
- Episode – "One Angry Lisa"
- Episode – "Lisa the Boy Scout"
- Episode – "When Nelson Met Lisa"
- Episode – "Carl Carlson Rides Again"
- Episode – "Hostile Kirk Place"
- Episode – "Pin Gal"
- Episode – "Homer's Crossing"
- Episode – "Iron Marge"
- Episode – "Do the Wrong Thing"
- Episode – "Lisa Gets an F1"
- Episode – "Night of the Living Wage"
- Episode – "The Tipping Point"
- Episode – "Bart's Brain"
- Episode – "Bart's Birthday"
- THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXXV"
- Episode – "Women in Shorts"
- Episode – "O C'mon All Ye Faithful"
- Episode – "The Flandshees of Innersimpson"
- Episode – "P.S. I Hate You"
- Episode – "Full Heart, Empty Pool"
- Episode – "Thrifty Ways to Thieve Your Mother"
- Episode – "Aunt Misbehavin'"
- Episode – "Parahormonal Activity"
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Special – "Apocalypse D'oh!" - Special – "Sugar High"
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Video game – The Simpsons Road Rage - Video game – The Simpsons: Hit and Run
- Video game – The Simpsons Game
- Video game – The Simpsons: Tapped Out
- Video game – LEGO Dimensions
- Video game – The Simpsons Ride (Pre-Show)
