update post
I need a new lj theme. The current one with its "construction" theme doesn't apply anymore. At least, it's not the bulk of my thoughts like it used to be. I guess that shows that I have changed. It's hard to tell sometimes, especially when you have a memory like mine. Stuff just gets skewed. Add to that the fact that my brain likes to emphasize certain events over others, and before long, my memory gets pretty damned inaccurate.
There are some things I wish I could change faster than the rate at which they're currently changing, but I am satisfied with any amount of progress in these "tough spots." I'm conquering a lot of my obsessive thinking patterns, but very, very slowly. Scheduling is still a major problem and I feel like I am taking two steps back for every one step forward. Another thing bothering me is that I still haven't made any new friends in the area. Granted, my efforts in that area have been pretty minimal - basically boiling down to keeping a my space and OKC account. Usually if I try to message people, it either results in no response, or we message each other back and forth for a bit and it then peters out. *sigh*
Not to focus so much on the failures, I've been going to therapy fairly regularly, and trying to write down more of my thoughts while there and after the sessions. I was offered antidepressant samples by a nurse practicioner I went to for a checkup, but decided to forego them after reading up on that particular type. I feel like I need to do this on my own, if possible. So far, I've been happier in the past few months than I remember feeling in quite some time. Considering some of the challenges I am facing now (relative to my own life--I'm not saying it's difficult in general), I consider my current state with some satisfaction.
So now it's just continued work and further honing, as well as tackling some of the remaining challenges. But I feel more prepared to do so than I ever did before.
As a side note, an update on "Lester" the cat:
He apparently has had a rather difficult life so far. Some neighbors down the street were (to my next door neighbor's knowledge) the cat's first owners. They put him out for good about 2-3 years ago, it seems. At that point, my next door neighbors took him in, and eventually gave him to the previous owners of my house. They took him with them when they moved to another area of the city, and then gave him to their friends (location undisclosed). Because when we found him he was so thin, it seemed he'd been roaming without a home for quite some time. He apparently came back to my house because it was someplace he knew. In any case, after a small summit with the neighborhood children who were trying to give him back to the original owner (who had thrown him away to begin with), I realized the parameters of the problem and explained to the kids that he needed a lot of care and that I would be taking him in "until he was better." They agreed to this and took off, probably giving little thought to it afterwards.
Anyway, Lester, aka Smokey, seems to have found his new old home.
There are some things I wish I could change faster than the rate at which they're currently changing, but I am satisfied with any amount of progress in these "tough spots." I'm conquering a lot of my obsessive thinking patterns, but very, very slowly. Scheduling is still a major problem and I feel like I am taking two steps back for every one step forward. Another thing bothering me is that I still haven't made any new friends in the area. Granted, my efforts in that area have been pretty minimal - basically boiling down to keeping a my space and OKC account. Usually if I try to message people, it either results in no response, or we message each other back and forth for a bit and it then peters out. *sigh*
Not to focus so much on the failures, I've been going to therapy fairly regularly, and trying to write down more of my thoughts while there and after the sessions. I was offered antidepressant samples by a nurse practicioner I went to for a checkup, but decided to forego them after reading up on that particular type. I feel like I need to do this on my own, if possible. So far, I've been happier in the past few months than I remember feeling in quite some time. Considering some of the challenges I am facing now (relative to my own life--I'm not saying it's difficult in general), I consider my current state with some satisfaction.
So now it's just continued work and further honing, as well as tackling some of the remaining challenges. But I feel more prepared to do so than I ever did before.
As a side note, an update on "Lester" the cat:
He apparently has had a rather difficult life so far. Some neighbors down the street were (to my next door neighbor's knowledge) the cat's first owners. They put him out for good about 2-3 years ago, it seems. At that point, my next door neighbors took him in, and eventually gave him to the previous owners of my house. They took him with them when they moved to another area of the city, and then gave him to their friends (location undisclosed). Because when we found him he was so thin, it seemed he'd been roaming without a home for quite some time. He apparently came back to my house because it was someplace he knew. In any case, after a small summit with the neighborhood children who were trying to give him back to the original owner (who had thrown him away to begin with), I realized the parameters of the problem and explained to the kids that he needed a lot of care and that I would be taking him in "until he was better." They agreed to this and took off, probably giving little thought to it afterwards.
Anyway, Lester, aka Smokey, seems to have found his new old home.
moody
stupid
indescribable
bored