New fic - Neutral Zone Part II
Jan. 30th, 2008 03:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
texPart I
The ringing of the phone cut into his dreamless sleep with the finesse of one of Ronon’s knives. His face mostly buried in the pillow, John swung his arm out and snagged the phone. “What?” he growled into the receiver.
“Oh. You were asleep? It’s barely eleven.”
Rodney.
His fingers closed convulsively around the phone. “Yes, I was fucking asleep. What do you want?”
“Jeannie just told me you called last night.”
He was shaking, inside and out. “And? So?”
“I was – what the hell are you so grumpy about?”
“I was asleep, McKay. What do you want?” John asked with his teeth clamped together.
“Burning the candle at both ends, are we, Colonel? It’s comforting to know that despite our altered circumstances, some things remain constant.”
John tensed. He knew what was coming. He just knew it.
“Kirk.”
John didn’t click the phone off. He just rose up on his elbow and hurled the phone across the room as hard as he could.
John had good intentions. He really did. He was going to call Rodney to apologize, the first thing. Then room service brought up the wrong breakfast and the cable went out for hours and he decided to take some time to cool down before he blew it again.
But Rodney, impatient bastard that he was, beat him to it, calling in the middle of the afternoon, when there was a shimmering skin of sunlight on the surface of the lake.
A hot flush of anticipation went through him when the phone rang, the new phone that had been replaced just that morning.
“Hello?”
“Um. Hey. It’s me.”
John sat down on the bed. “Hey.” If his voice sounded a little hoarse, John was sure that Rodney wasn’t paying enough attention to notice.
Through the miracle of fiber optic technology, John heard a metallic squeak of whatever chair Rodney was sitting in. “Uh, look. I think I probably owe you an apology.”
John swung his feet up onto the mattress and settled back against the headboard. “Probably?”
“Fine. I definitely owe you an apology,” Rodney shot back with his usual exasperation and John relaxed a little. “I know you hate the Kirk thing and I just said that because – well, I shouldn’t have said it.”
John let his head fall back farther. “No, you shouldn’t have.” He was doing it again, drinking in Rodney’s voice. It felt good, like the feeling he got when he pulled on his favorite tee shirt or when he walked onto the ramp of Jumper Two and it lit up with warm welcome.
“I just said that. Now, you apologize to me.”
“What for? You’re the one who woke me up.”
“Waiting, waiting,” Rodney sang determinedly and John chuckled and gave in. It occurred to him that he gave in to Rodney a lot.
“Okay, I apologize. Can we move on now?”
“Have you heard anything from the SGC?” No one could say that Rodney McKay was slow getting with the program.
“No.”
A moment of silence hissed over the line. “Huh. Seems kind of odd. You’d think they’d want to get you back off-world as soon as possible.”
John tamped down the dread that rose in his throat and changed the subject. “How did your date go?”
“I think that the term ‘date’ is a bit overstated, but – fine. It was fine.”
“If you think I’m letting you get away with that pathetic answer, you’re all kinds of wrong. I want details.”
“Weren’t you the one who said we don’t have that kind of relationship?”
“But you said that we should and I’ve decided you’re right. So come on. Give. What did she look like?” John asked, a confusing mix of anticipation and tension suffusing his skin. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to listen to Rodney wax poetic about some random woman but he was sure that he was going to badger the hell out of Rodney until he spilled.
Rodney hummed softly. “She was gorgeous, for not being blonde.”
“Would you get over that already? So what was she? Brunette? Redhead?”
“Brunette. Really dark, glossy brown hair, past her shoulders and wavy.”
“Nice. How was she built?”
“Sheppard.”
“McKay.”
“Fine. In heels, she was as tall as me. And – ” Rodney paused and John’s heart started to thud against his ribs.
“Voluptuous.”
John’s dick stirred interestedly. Rodney liked voluptuous; John couldn’t think of any guy who didn’t like it.
“Voluptuous is good.”
“Yeah,” Rodney agreed in a dreamy voice. “She wasn’t slim and she wasn’t full-figured exactly, just really curvy and well-proportioned and – ”
“Hot,” John finished for him – for them both. “What did you do?”
“Excuse me?” Rodney squeaked. “Really, Colonel, I think that's a little personal."
"Cool it, Rodney. I meant where did you go."
Rodney snorted. "Did you just say 'Cool it'?"
Christ, but he’d missed this. "Don't change the subject. And judging from that reaction, you must have gotten some action tonight, so keep talking and don't leave anything out."
Rodney sighed. "The eighties really left a lasting impression on you, didn't it?"
It was John’s turn to snort. "Says the guy who has the Pet Shop Boys’ Greatest Hits on his personal laptop."
"What? That’s absurd. I don’t even – know – who you’re talking about.”
“Glass Tiger.”
“Shut up.”
“The Complete Discography of Bryan Adams.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
John chuckled. “Easy, tiger. Your secret’s safe with me. It’s Radek you have to worry about.”
“That Bohemian big mouth. As soon as I get off the phone, I'm sending him an asbestos gift basket."
"I didn’t hear that. Let's get back to your date. Gimme the details."
To John's surprise, Rodney did just that. From the highway robbery that was valet parking to what he had for dessert to the traffic in Vancouver. It was all very unsatisfying.
"Okay. So. Is she a keeper?"
"She isn't a fish, Colonel. She’s a very engaging, moderately intelligent physicist and it was a very pleasant evening but I thought I’d wait until our second date before I propose marriage."
John’s grin faded. "You're going to see her again?"
"I realize that it's a tad callous. After all, I'm due to leave in less than a week and who knows when I'll get back. But I get the feeling that -- well, that I could get laid if I play my cards right and fuck, it's been so long."
John's gut clenched. He couldn't remember ever having heard Rodney say "fuck" before and as soon as he realized that Rodney had just said it, roughly, into his ear, John was instantly hot and hard.
“But Rodney, you suck at cards,” John teased, but it was no use. Because against his will, a bothersome image popped into his head – Rodney and the voluptuous physicist, her dark hair spread out on the pillow beneath her, her legs wrapped around Rodney’s waist, the long muscles in his back tensing as he fucked her into oblivion – and John closed his eyes until it went away.
"Ah, yes, with the joking. Thank you for that, Colonel.”
“But what about you and Katie? You’ve never, well, you know.”
“We didn’t have a date that didn’t include either Cadman or Carson and since then, well, it’s too weird. And unfortunately for my libido, we can’t all be so rakishly attractive that we only have to grin at someone to have them fall onto their back.”
John’s breath stuttered to a stop. Had he heard what he thought he heard? Was Rodney trying to tell him something? Should he say something or do what he, what they both, usually did, which was pretend that it hadn’t been said? He had to struggle to pay attention when Rodney kept going.
“I'm sure that sexual deprivation is a concept that you're unfamiliar with but --"
"You're not all that observant, are you, McKay?" John said in a voice unintentionally low and husky. "I spend my free time with you, Ronon or Teyla. Just -- don't go there. I need to get laid as much as you do." Rodney didn't say anything for a beat or two and John grimaced. "I guess that didn't come out right."
"Don't be ridiculous, I know exactly what you mean." There was a moment of silence and then, Rodney spoke again.
“Seriously? You?”
“Yes, Rodney, seriously.”
“Hmmm.” Then Rodney's voice changed, in a subtle way that John couldn't really describe. “You know what I miss more than anything? Well, not more than intercourse but still. Kissing."
John dropped his head back against the pillows and suppressed a groan. "Yep, I hear you."
"Arms around you, a mouth against yours, the shift of bodies, the slickness of someone else’s tongue in your mouth." John thought of Rodney's mouth, his full, slanted bottom lip, how smooth it would feel against John's tongue, how hungry. John reached down and pressed the heel of his hand against his dick and received an answering burn of pleasure right where he wanted it.
Rodney released a shuddery breath and then he rushed on in a too-thin voice. “Sorry, too much information, I know.”
“No, it wasn’t. Hey, remember being a teenager, making out for hours in the front seat of a car or on the couch in somebody’s basement, keeping one eye open for her parents?”
Silence greeted him from Rodney’s end and John suddenly felt sick, sure that this time he had given two much information. “Uh, hey,” he blurted out. “You still there?”
“Yes, I’m here. I was just – well, the truth is I didn’t make out with anybody until my second year at university so it was really more of a roommate than a parent problem and that was just annoying, not necessarily dangerous.”
“Come on, McKay. Are you telling me that – ”
“I’m telling you that I was a skinny 15 year old science and math geek when I graduated high school, Colonel. Have you got the picture now?”
John lay on the bed like he’d been knocked down there by a roundhouse right. What a dope he was. Why had he never considered that the reason for Rodney’s awkwardness wasn’t just that he was a self-absorbed geek but that he really really had little experience?
John thought about the women he’d watched Rodney crash and burn with since their arrival in Atlantis – Allina, Norina, Katie Brown, even Sam Carter on her brief visit here. Cadman had told him later how completely clueless Rodney was where women were concerned (just before he’d sent her off to inventory ammo) and yet, John had never speculated why.
“Sheppard?”
John’s heart clenched with a confusing rush of emotions. “Listen. There’s someone at the door, I should go.”
“Ah, yes, of course. Well, goodbye, Colonel.”
“Later, buddy,” John said in a thick voice before he clicked off the phone.
John looked up at the ceiling but what he saw was Rodney, fumbling through a conversation with Allina; nervous and fidgety with Katie Brown in the mess; insulting Sam Carter without even realizing it. Rodney, who’d saved his ass over and over again, and showed more courage than a scientist was entitled to.
And this time, when John felt the lazy pull of arousal, he let it come.
John wrapped his hand around his dick and allowed himself to think about those things he didn’t think about on Atlantis, when Rodney was so close and so dangerous. Rodney’s wide mouth, his broad shoulders, his blue, blue eyes –
John imagined that it was Rodney’s hand around his dick, Rodney’s mouth silent for once while he kissed John, hard and hungry. John squirmed and thrust into the circle of his hand and when he came, it was in a scalding rush that left him feeling empty and alone.
There were gale force winds the next day. Well, not gale force exactly, but high enough that there were whitecaps on the lake. There was also a forty percent chance of thunderstorms and John decided to just stay inside. The hotel was quiet, as usual. And John got quiet, too, by osmosis.
During the respite, he put together an agenda in his head. First, he repaired his reputation with the hotel staff. He made nice with housekeeping, being as polite as he knew how to the maid and chatting up the supervisor when she walked past his room with her clipboard. She was startled and wary but when they parted, she blushingly called him Colonel Sheppard.
He gave the guy who brought his lunch a huge tip. Ditto the valet guy.
As he punched in Rodney’s number, John felt like everything had been set aright, which should have been the first sign that things were about to go FUBAR. The first time the phone rang until it went to voice mail. The second time, Rodney picked up on the fourth ring and his tone was choked with panic.
“Sheppard, I have to call you back. There’s a situation.” John had heard that voice before. Out of force of habit, he got to his feet and reached for his sidearm, only to grab helplessly at the outer seam of his pants.
“Rodney, what’s wrong? You okay?” John demanded harshly, his heart in his throat.
Something small and broken came out of Rodney’s mouth and John’s blood pressure soared through the atmosphere. “I’m fine, it’s Madison. She … d’ner”. The connection started to break up and John got the sense that Rodney was moving – through the house, in the car, maybe. “ … first t - … ana – lactic … don’t know wh …” Rodney went on and suddenly, John got it. Rodney had proudly showed pictures of the little blond girl with big blue eyes all around Atlantis and boasted about how she had the McKay genes. Apparently, she had inherited more than one McKay family trait.
“Let me know,” John said and heard Jeannie crying in the background just before the connection was cut.
It was seventy two hours before John heard from Rodney again. The first twenty four hours were the worst. Rodney called three times but each time, he got no further than a couple of words into conversation when the connection faded and died. John slept fitfully that night, with one eye open.
John spent part of the next day on the golf course but he was only able to complete 9 holes before he gave up and went back to his room, checking with the operator to see if he’d gotten any calls while he was out. But he hadn’t and there was only the answering machine at Jeannie’s to listen to his measured request for somebody anybody to call him back.
By the third day, John didn’t bother calling anymore. Instead, he spent hours not listening to the TV, trying to recall the reasons what happened to Madison Miller was really none of his business and wondering who the prick was who coined the phrase, “No news is good news”.
When the phone finally did ring, John picked it up before the first ring was dead on the air.
“Colonel Sheppard? This is Chief Master Sergeant Harriman, calling for General Landry.”
Caught between relief that it was the SGC at last and disappointment that it wasn’t Rodney, John choked on a little spit when he replied. “Hey, Chief, what’s the good word?”
“You haven’t been answering your cell phone or pager.”
John recovered quickly at the censure in the man’s voice. “Hey, when I’m told that I have R and R, I take that very seriously.” He was tempted to ask how he’d been found but figured he was better off not knowing.
“I don’t blame you, sir. However, General Landry asked me to convey to you the importance of being reachable 24/7 and that if he tries to get a hold of you again – ”
“Understood.” John said shortly. “Was that the gist of the General’s message?”
“Not quite, sir. You are to report at 0600 in two days, on the ninth.”
“Tell the General I’ll put it in my date book.”
“Begging your pardon, sir, but I don’t believe I will.”
“Have a nice day, Chief.”
“Same to you, sir.”
He’d finally managed to fall asleep sometime after midnight when the cordless phone rang. John grabbed for it and juggled it to his ear without getting out of bed.
“Sheppard.”
“I need your room number.” Rodney’s voice, in all its pissy, indignant glory, blew back at him and John could almost hear the whistle that his widely gesturing hands were making on the air. “Because these morons down here seem to think I’m a cat burglar intent on gaining illegal entry to your overpriced room. They don’t believe me when I say that I have the highest security clearance known to man and that they’ll be lucky if they still have jobs in the morning because – ”
John got out of bed and grabbed his sweatpants and tee shirt off the dresser, ignoring the way his heart started to hammer in his chest. “Rodney, settle down. It’s 4309.” The call ended with an outraged click in his ear.
Two minutes later, John wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs and opened the door. Rodney, red-faced and furious, shouldered past him and John was glad of it, glad that Rodney was too wound up to see that John was having trouble catching his breath. A wave of eau de McKay hit him full in the face – coffee and clean sweat and possibly something chocolate – and John pushed the door closed with a deliberation that hid a raging struggle for control.
“This is just what I needed,” Rodney said, throwing his bags onto the unmade bed. “My flight from Vancouver to Denver was delayed, first by weather, then by mechanical problems, and now, this. I was going to get a room here but they can forget it now. I’d rather stay at a Motel 6 than this pretentious hovel. I’ll sue this place for harassment and then – ”
John walked slowly into the room, his gaze locked on Rodney. His body felt electrified, caught in an unending loop of want and happiness. Being in the same room with Rodney McKay was making his body light up like a pinball machine. Before John could say anything, Rodney dropped wearily down on one corner of the bed, his big shoulders slumped forward and his head dropped to his chest. “This week sucked,” Rodney said with quiet misery.
John stayed a good three feet away and crossed his arms, tucking his hands into his armpits to keep them from doing something stupid. From this direction, John could see the dark circles under Rodney’s eyes. Rodney looked so tired and defeated it almost hurt John to look at him.
“How’s Madison?”
Rodney looked up, blinking slowly. “She’s recovering; they released her yesterday. Or today. What day is it, anyway?”
“Oh one thirty Sunday. Do they know what she reacted to?”
Rodney’s mouth tilted ruefully. “Pecans. And very likely all tree nuts. Why can’t anyone in my family suffer from something innocuous, like pigeon toes or astigmatism?”
John’s mouth twitched, both with the need to correct his pronunciation of pecan and the mental image of a platoon of McKays wearing glasses and walking pigeon-toed. He ignored it. “When’s the last time you had any sleep?”
Rodney waved one hand dismissively and closed his eyes. “Stayed at the hospital with Jeannie and Caleb until they told me to come here. And I couldn’t sleep on the plane. Turbulence and whatnot. I like it better when you’re the pilot.”
A hot ache bloomed in his chest and John sorted through his bag of tricks for something casual to say. He was treading on dangerous territory here and he was thisclose to doing more than just treading. “Awww. That’s sweet, Rodney,” and if his voice was a little too low, Rodney didn’t seem to notice.
Rodney sighed and rubbed his eye with the heel of one hand. “Don’t let it go to your head, Colonel. You’ve caught me at a weak moment.”
“Okay, that’s it. You’re going to bed.”
Rodney’s head came up. “What?”
“Whenever you start giving me compliments, I know you’re out of it.”
“That’s not true. And what I meant was, how can – I mean, there’s only the one bed.” Suddenly, there was a pink tint to Rodney’s cheeks that hadn’t been there before.
That little blush had never not been hot to John but he courageously ignored it and got into the left side of the bed, still wearing his sweats and tee shirt. “I’ll try to keep my hands to myself.”
Rodney’s eyes were huge and blue. “I – I should shower – ”
“Uh-uh. In the morning.”
“But – ”
“I want to go back to sleep and that’s not going to happen with your big clodhoppers stomping around on the marble tile.”
“Hey.”
“Come on. Get in.” John slid down beneath the covers and turned on his side, away from Rodney. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture Rodney’s expression. It’d be number 15 – arms crossed, lips disappearing into an irked slant, with a glare thrown in for good measure.
“Fine. Do I have your permission to brush my teeth?”
“Just make it snappy.”
John listened to Rodney mutter under his breath, open up his suitcase, paw around inside and finally go into the bathroom. When the water came on, John exhaled, suddenly fiercely awake.
He lay there, keyed up and tense with a half hard dick that was totally going to go to waste tonight. What exactly was he doing here? What did he hope would happen? That Rodney would come out of the bathroom with his minty fresh breath and his broad, bare chest and jump him?
This was such a fuck up. He’d let it go too far, thinking about Rodney. And what was worse, thinking about Rodney and then taking his dick in his hand. It was everything that he’d successfully guarded against for the past two and a half years and he’d blown it all in a matter of days.
So his solution to all this was to share a bed with Rodney. John grit his teeth. “Way to go, John,” he muttered under his breath. So he was still a little freaked about Rodney’s date, that Rodney wanted to get laid, that he could have gotten laid. That could be a friend’s concern for another friend, couldn’t it?
It didn’t necessarily mean that – John closed his eyes. Clearly, he was losing it. He scooted over closer to the side of the mattress and when Rodney came out of the bathroom and got into bed, he scooted over a little more, until he had one knee dangling off the edge.
“Goodnight, Sheppard.”
John shivered. “Sweet dreams,” he replied lightly and heard Rodney make a hmmph noise.
“Yeah. Like that’s going to happen.”
John lay there, not moving, even after he heard Rodney’s breathing even out into soft snores and turned it over and over in his head until he hit upon a satisfactory explanation.
It was earth’s fault – being here, away from his home, he was as out of step as he ever was. Obviously, the planet Earth fucked with his concentration, his discipline and, apparently, his sanity.
Something woke John some time later, which was strange since he felt like he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. He checked Rodney’s side of the bed and found it empty. Turning over, though, John spotted him standing at the window, peering past the curtains at the night sky.
“Rodney? You okay?” Whatever John had expected, it wasn’t the soft, almost dreamy voice that drifted back to him.
“When I was a kid, I’d spend hours out on the roof, staring at the stars. Jeannie, too, when she was old enough.”
There was no good reason for it, but John started to feel uneasy. “Really?”
“It’s so clear out there. I can almost see Orion.” Rodney laughed softly and leaned in with his forehead against the glass. “Remember when we found the Orion? That was a close call. Do you ever think about Norina?”
John propped himself up on an elbow. “Uh, no, not really. Look, it’s still early. Why don’t you – ”
“I’m leaving the Stargate program.”
“Excuse me?”
Rodney let the curtains fall back into place and in the darkness, John could hear his rapid, shallow breaths and little else. “You heard me.”
John leaned over and switched on the bedside lamp, bathing everything in an incandescent golden glow, including Rodney’s too pale face. “Wait. Hold up a second. Tell me what’s going on.”
“What are you, dense all of a sudden?” Rodney snapped. “You know what this is about, Colonel Oblivious. I’m not going to Area 51. I’m going back to Vancouver.”
John threw the covers back and got out of bed, despite the fact that his legs suddenly felt as if they weren’t attached to his body. “Well, the fuck you are. Are you crazy?”
“No, I’m not crazy, just realistic.”
His breath rushed out of him, like someone was sitting on his chest, like he was caught in a riptide that was rapidly carrying him out to sea. “Is this about that woman? The one you had one date with?” John asked, his voice heavy with sarcasm. “Gee, McKay, you really do need to get laid, don’t you?”
Rodney glared at him, his fists curling at his sides. “Fuck you. You think I’d do this for a woman?”
“Then what the hell, Rodney? Why are you doing this? Why would you consider – ”
Rodney looked at him as if he’d just announced that he was a Wraith Worshipper. “We aren’t ever going back to Atlantis,” Rodney said with a grim, crooked frown. “Don’t tell me you believe otherwise.”
The floor tilted violently and John fought to stay upright. Oh, fuck, there it was. Every thought he’d been fighting to keep chained up was let loose with a vicious snap.
“You don’t know that,” John said tightly, around the ball of panic that had risen in his throat.
“Come on, Colonel. They let Woolsey stay. Not Elizabeth. Not you and your big fat ATA gene. What does that say to you?”
John stood there, shaking with the rage that had been simmering for days, since the moment Helia had announced that she had control of the city, his city. Since O’Neill and Woolsey had botched the negotiation and had them walking through the gate with their tails between their legs. Since motherfucking Woolsey had been chosen to stay behind.
The worst of it was that he knew Rodney was right. They weren’t going to see Atlantis again. It was time he faced it – Atlantis was gone. Teyla and Ronon and SGA-1 was gone. And of all the betrayal he’d suffered in the last several days, nothing compared to that. “So you’re going to quit on me, too?” John asked, his voice as icy cold as the rest of him.
“What? This has nothing to do with you.” Rodney shot back, his face red and his eyes angry, an expression that John had seen many times. But there was something else, something he couldn’t quite get a handle on and it freaked him out. “I’ve been through this before, John. I nearly didn’t survive my exile to Russia. It was the absolute low point of my life and I’m not going through that again.”
“Rodney – ”
“I’ll get a place in Vancouver, so I’ll be near Jeannie and Madison.”
“And do what?” John was close to shouting. He knew by now how useless it was to argue with Rodney, who had an endless arsenal of answers at his disposal.
Rodney flinched. “I have offers.”
“In Vancouver?”
“No. But I could use it as a home base. I’ve had several offers since I’ve been back. Very lucrative offers.”
“I believe you,” John answered grimly. He didn’t doubt that Rodney could write his own deal, anywhere in the world. But suddenly, Vancouver seemed like a distant outpost on another planet. “Rodney, come on. Don’t do this. Give it a few days.” John could hear the pleading strain in his words but he couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t – let Rodney go.
“Do you have any idea how hard this is? If I think about it any longer, I’ll change my mind again.”
“Good. So stay.”
“They’ve given the Jumper research to Bill Lee.” There was such bewilderment in Rodney’s eyes that it leached away some of John’s anger. “I asked for it and they said no. They couldn’t have been more clear if they’d ripped my Atlantis badge off my sleeve. And I don’t care what they offer me at Area 51. Besides, Jeannie and I – well, I want to make an effort there. I owe it to her.”
John swallowed. Family, he thought, of course. He knew how much Rodney regretted his estrangement from Jeannie, how strongly Rod’s presence on Atlantis had affected him in that regard. John didn’t doubt that Rodney was sincere about wanting to see more of his sister and that was one argument John didn’t want to make. All the fight drained out of him and he took a deep, shuddering breath.
“I understand.”
Rodney blinked. “You do?”
“Sure. It’s family. You have to do what’s right for your family.” I thought we were family, goddammit. What about me? “Well. I’m – ” John had to stop and clear his throat before he could finish. “I’m gonna miss you, buddy.”
John watched Rodney’s expression fall and settle into an unhappy mask. “Yeah,” Rodney said softly, “same here.”
They stared at each other for a long while and John savored every millisecond. The gravitational pull that had always existed between him and Rodney was even stronger, now that John had given up fighting it, now that the rules had changed. It uncurled in the pit of his belly and spread outward through his body and toward Rodney. If he thought that Rodney in full idiot rant was a thing of beauty, then this Rodney, who seemed to be watching and waiting, still and quiet and unguarded, was a work of art.
Then, abruptly the moment passed and Rodney started to walk past John, away, away from Colorado and toward Vancouver, and his family and some voluptuous scientist, away from John. His heart started to pound against his ribs and one word kept running over and over in his mind – no, no, no.
John grabbed Rodney’s wrist before Rodney could get around him. “Wait.” It was a desperate whisper that lingered on the air for much longer than John wanted. He felt hot and dizzy and if he were able, John would have taken it all back in the next second. But he couldn’t and Rodney stopped.
“Wait? Wait for what?” There was such quiet resignation in Rodney’s voice that John couldn’t stand it any longer.
He lifted both hands to Rodney’s face and kissed him with slow, sweeping tenderness, making it count in case this was the only time. The rasp of his stubble against Rodney’s, the little “oh” of surprise that Rodney made, the solid warmth of Rodney’s broad chest against him caused a rush of blood so loud in his ears that John couldn’t have heard a protest if Rodney had made one.
But Rodney didn’t protest and John didn’t stop kissing him. He could feel the surprise in the tautness of Rodney’s body, but Christ, it was so sweet to finally be here that John put off the inevitable apology and recriminations a little longer. His dick was rock hard and aching, near to popping a hole through his thin sweats and John couldn’t help but push his hips forward, just a little, enough that the sensitive head rubbed against the solid curve of Rodney’s thigh. And John just had time to experience the first scorching rush of lust when Rodney let out a sound low in his throat, parted his lips and began returning the kiss with an unrelenting sweetness John would have never imagined Rodney capable of. Rodney’s arms went around him, tight and possessive, like John was already his and always had been.
The shock of that, the truth of it, the triumphant acceptance of it spurred John into action. He pulled Rodney toward the bed without breaking their kiss, stopping only long enough to settle into bed. Once there, they lay on their sides, Rodney’s legs and arms tangled with his, Rodney’s dick snug against his and Rodney’s glazed eyes locked on his face.
“Oh, God,” Rodney panted as he shoved his hand up the back of John’s shirt. “What the hell took you so long?”
John’s hand went down Rodney’s pants to squeeze a handful of his round, firm ass, which earned him a strangled groan from Rodney and a satisfying throb from his dick. “Me? Why didn’t you – ?” John’s brain went offline as Rodney’s thumbnail flicked over his nipple and a dangerous rush of fire moved from there to his groin. Fuck, he was so close already, he was never going to last more than another couple of minutes and he hadn’t even gotten Rodney naked yet. And Rodney was still talking and it was still as much a turn on as it ever was.
“Me? I couldn’t have been more obvious if I had walked up to you in the Gateroom and slapped you on the ass.”
“Rodney,” John growled against Rodney’s lips and all at once, they were kissing hard, with intent and hunger and an urgency honed by almost three long years of want. John shoved at Rodney’s shoulders and Rodney, to his frustration, shoved back. John wanted to get Rodney on his back. John wanted, no, needed, to get on top, to rub off on that big, broad body of Rodney’s but it was that big broad body that won, pinning John to the mattress with hands and hips and a piercingly hot blue stare. John thought maybe his eyes rolled back in his head.
“You have no idea how long – ” Rodney rocked his hips against John’s, pushed his dick against John’s, his hands wrapped around John’s biceps, pinning him down, holding him still. “I can’t believe -- you’re so – I’ve always wanted – ”
He wanted Rodney to shut up, he wanted to move, he wanted to get naked, he wanted Rodney to hold him down harder, he wanted, he wanted and he was getting it all for once, everything. In the midst of hot chaos of pleasure, John felt his balls draw up in preparation of sweet release. His hands came off the mattress, reaching helplessly up in an abortive attempt to get free and with a low groan, he arched his back and came, shooting in his pants, over and over until he was flat on the mattress again, boneless and dizzy, with Rodney hovering over him.
“Oh, wow, you just – you’re amazing, you know that?”
“Rodney,” John tried to say but he was still panting and fighting to get to the surface after one of the greatest orgasms of his life and what came out sounded closer to Radek’s hometown than Rodney’s first name. “Just gimme a minute,” he slurred, blinking slowly and feeling pleasantly heavy and drowsy, so much so that it took a little while before he realized Rodney had gone still and quiet for the first time in the last ten minutes.
John looked up to see Rodney watching him, his blue eyes anxious. John touched Rodney’s face, lightly trailing his fingertips down Rodney’s cheek.
“What?” John asked softly.
“I’ll mess this up.” The tightly worded confession sent a rush of tenderness through John. “I always mess these things up and – ”
John pulled Rodney down and kissed him slowly, as slowly as he knew how, until he could feel the tension leave Rodney’s body, gradually settling his weight on top of John again. And before Rodney had a chance to freak again, John pushed him over so that Rodney was on his back and John took control.
John helped Rodney out of his clothes, first pulling the tee shirt over his head then pulling the sweatpants off him. Once Rodney was completely naked, John sat back on his heels and looked his fill, his heart pounding fiercely.
John would never understand how it was possible that someone as pale as Rodney looked so totally and completely hot but Christ, he was. John leaned forward, braced his weight on one hand and touched Rodney with the other, brushing the backs of his fingers down Rodney’s thick neck and the hard curve of his bicep; over his collarbone and through the smattering of light brown hair to his small, pink nipples.
Rodney was surprisingly firm except for a little bit of a soft place at his lower belly and really, John wasn’t paying too much attention to that because by then, his attention was totally focused on Rodney’s cock – big, slick-red and wet at the head. John’s mouth started to water at the thought of getting to taste that but first things first.
Rodney bore it all silently, shaking and panting, his hips pushing up at empty air. Ignoring Rodney’s stare, John bent down and gave one of Rodney’s nipples a gentle kiss. Rodney hissed, as if he were in pain and John flicked his tongue at the nipple, which evoked a series of growling, turned on sounds that made John’s dick twitch. He let his bottom lip drag against the tiny pebbled peak. Rodney reached out for John’s hips and tried to force them down onto his.
John resisted, pulling back to give Rodney a grin. “You fucking tease,” Rodney shot back, with his blue eyes nearly black with arousal. “Please, touch me, John.”
“Mmmm,” John said, giving Rodney’s other nipple the same treatment, “I am touching you, Rodney.”
Rodney closed his eyes, turning his head to the side, the cords in his neck standing out. “Bastard,” he cursed breathily. “I’ll get you for this.”
John laughed softly and pressed his mouth to Rodney’s hairy breastbone and then moved down. He followed the trail of hair that went from there down to Rodney’s belly button, sticking his tongue into it and gaining a laugh from Rodney.
He licked a long, wet stripe from Rodney’s belly button to the dark brown bush of hair between Rodney’s legs, studiously ignoring Rodney’s dick, where it bobbed above his belly. “You smell,” John said roughly, stroking the crease of Rodney’s thighs with his thumbs before diving down farther and working his tongue into that pale line.
“I told you,” Rodney gasped, opening his legs wider, rocking his hips and trying to get his dick in John’s mouth. “I – shower – fuck, John, please.”
John had never had a kink about body odors but smelling Rodney like this, unshowered and travel-weary and turned on, made his spent dick twitch hopefully. The sharp tang of sex and sweat made this seem even more real somehow, hotter and more grounded in them and what they were and all that they had been over the last two and a half years. Fuck, how had resisted this for so long?
He slanted a hot look up at Rodney, and swallowed him down without preamble. Rodney sucked in his breath and let loose with a litany of turned-on words and sounds.
“Oh, God, John, yessssss, this is so good, I knew it would be, I knew it, yeah.”
Rodney’s dick felt amazing on his tongue, heavy and silky hot. Rodney shivered under John when John started to suck him, hollowing out his cheeks as much as he knew how, rubbing his tongue against the underside. Rodney’s hands landed on John’s shoulders, opening and closing convulsively, his hips arching up, straining up so eagerly that John wished like hell that he could get hard again, so that he could rub off on Rodney’s hairy leg and he wouldn’t have to
stop.
“John,” Rodney said between gritted teeth, his hands tightening almost painfully on John’s shoulders, “I’m gonna come, oh, wow, this is a – mazing – nrgh,” and with one last thrust upward, Rodney started to come in John’s mouth. It was so hot to feel Rodney out of control that John had trouble remembering to breathe. But somehow he managed and when it was over, John crawled back up Rodney’s spent body and plastered himself to Rodney’s side.
This was the part that John always always failed at – the after part. He never knew if was okay to cuddle, or fall asleep or what. He could think of a few instances where he’d been woken up by indignant slaps to the back of the head or a disappointed frown when he wriggled in a little too close.
But this was different. This was Rodney and as much as he didn’t want to acknowledge it, this was, in all likelihood, goodbye and John really didn’t give a fuck whether Rodney liked it or not. John curled his body toward Rodney’s, resting his head on Rodney’s broad shoulder and trying to commitment every single sensation to memory.
“John?” Rodney’s breath was warm and moist against John’s temple. “Was that a “goodbye, it’s been great” thing? Because that would really, really suck.”
“It has been great, though,” John said, nuzzling Rodney’s neck and trying to keep it light. Which was hard because there was something heavy going on with his chest. “Really great, Rodney. I mean it.”
“Well, of course, you do, but let’s not get all emotional, shall we?”
John closed his eyes and breathed in, absorbed every molecule of Rodney that was available to him. “That’s my line, isn’t it?” he returned with a self-directed sneer, thinking of all the times in his past when he’d thrown out a similar line of bullshit to keep someone from getting too close and had gotten away with it.
“I’m sure it is. But let’s keep some perspective here. As much as I approve of saying goodbye like this, it’s not like I’ll be in another country.”
John frowned. “I guess that depends on your definition of ‘country’.”
Rodney shifted and squirmed beneath him, moving John around until they were pressed together from toes to hair, both Rodney’s arms closing and tightening around him. “I see your point,” Rodney went on, running one big hand slowly up and down John’s back. “But Nevada isn’t actually a foreign land. It just seems that way, what with the heat and the legal prostitution and oh, yes, the heat.”
John drew in a breath and held it, the steadfast thump of Rodney’s heartbeat in his ear. “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice a little too high. “Didn’t they secede from the Union a few years back?”
With a quiet chuckle, Rodney pressed a kiss to the top of John’s head. “That was Texas.”
He propped himself up on an elbow. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” There was a moment or two of silent conversation, during which the two of them grinned goofily at each other and made sort-of promises and almost vows.
And when they were done, John leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss against the corner of Rodney’s mouth. “Now. How ‘bout that shower?” John rolled over and got to his feet.
“Oh, hell, yes,” Rodney returned, bounding out of bed.
They dozed for a couple of hours and woke up starved. In between slow, dirty kisses, they dressed and moved the party downstairs to the breakfast buffet.
“So, listen,” Rodney began as soon as they sat down with their loaded plates, “how are you at long-distance relationships? Because I’ve never had the pleasure, and considering my track record with people who live in the same city as I do, I’m not sure whether I’ll be more or less successful. What do you think?”
John grabbed up his napkin and opened it with a sideways snap. “No problem. Piece of cake.”
In the process of getting the waiter’s attention by snapping his fingers over his head, Rodney paused long enough to scowl at John. “You said that too fast. Did you even hear the question?”
“Put your hand down and yes, I heard you. Look, we’ve had a relationship for the past three years. The only difference is we’re adding sex to the mix.”
Rodney sat back and crossed his arms, his mouth on a thin slant. “Oh, yes, only sex. Sex never complicates things.”
John tilted his head thoughtfully. “Hmm. I see your point. Okay, then. No more sex.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet.” There was an open heat in Rodney’s eyes that was new. And there was an answering heat in John’s that wasn’t new at all.
John grinned. “I think you just answered your own question, didn’t you?”
Rodney stared at him for a moment, then did the finger-snapping, oh my God, I’ve got a plan and we aren’t going to die thing. “Yes. You’re right. We can totally do this. Piece of cake. And speaking of cake – ” Rodney bent his head over his plate and inhaled blissfully. “Mmmm. I have really missed not-frozen waffles made from batter. And warm syrup. And real butter– ”
“And me?” John waggled his eyebrows.
Rodney began to cut up his waffle with geometric precision, but he paused just long enough to look up at John through his lashes and grin. “Maybe,” Rodney said.
And much later, after John knew what Rodney’s smile felt like against his skin and how Rodney shivered when John held him down, they covered the last forbidden topic.
“We’ll go back,” Rodney said as he reached up, grabbed John’s head with both hands and kissed him hard. “I promise, we’ll go back.”
John released a long, shuddering breath as Rodney arched up against him, holding onto John’s ass and pushing his wet cock along side John’s. John felt a hot rush of longing, for Rodney and for Atlantis and for him, Rodney and Atlantis entwined together. Through the dim light in the room, John lowered his head. “You’ll find a way,” John whispered roughly, rubbing his face against Rodney’s.
Rodney shook his head. His hands slid down John’s shoulders to clamp around John’s biceps. “No,” Rodney said against John’s ear, kissing him with tenderness that nearly broke him. “We’ll find a way.”
The ringing of the phone cut into his dreamless sleep with the finesse of one of Ronon’s knives. His face mostly buried in the pillow, John swung his arm out and snagged the phone. “What?” he growled into the receiver.
“Oh. You were asleep? It’s barely eleven.”
Rodney.
His fingers closed convulsively around the phone. “Yes, I was fucking asleep. What do you want?”
“Jeannie just told me you called last night.”
He was shaking, inside and out. “And? So?”
“I was – what the hell are you so grumpy about?”
“I was asleep, McKay. What do you want?” John asked with his teeth clamped together.
“Burning the candle at both ends, are we, Colonel? It’s comforting to know that despite our altered circumstances, some things remain constant.”
John tensed. He knew what was coming. He just knew it.
“Kirk.”
John didn’t click the phone off. He just rose up on his elbow and hurled the phone across the room as hard as he could.
John had good intentions. He really did. He was going to call Rodney to apologize, the first thing. Then room service brought up the wrong breakfast and the cable went out for hours and he decided to take some time to cool down before he blew it again.
But Rodney, impatient bastard that he was, beat him to it, calling in the middle of the afternoon, when there was a shimmering skin of sunlight on the surface of the lake.
A hot flush of anticipation went through him when the phone rang, the new phone that had been replaced just that morning.
“Hello?”
“Um. Hey. It’s me.”
John sat down on the bed. “Hey.” If his voice sounded a little hoarse, John was sure that Rodney wasn’t paying enough attention to notice.
Through the miracle of fiber optic technology, John heard a metallic squeak of whatever chair Rodney was sitting in. “Uh, look. I think I probably owe you an apology.”
John swung his feet up onto the mattress and settled back against the headboard. “Probably?”
“Fine. I definitely owe you an apology,” Rodney shot back with his usual exasperation and John relaxed a little. “I know you hate the Kirk thing and I just said that because – well, I shouldn’t have said it.”
John let his head fall back farther. “No, you shouldn’t have.” He was doing it again, drinking in Rodney’s voice. It felt good, like the feeling he got when he pulled on his favorite tee shirt or when he walked onto the ramp of Jumper Two and it lit up with warm welcome.
“I just said that. Now, you apologize to me.”
“What for? You’re the one who woke me up.”
“Waiting, waiting,” Rodney sang determinedly and John chuckled and gave in. It occurred to him that he gave in to Rodney a lot.
“Okay, I apologize. Can we move on now?”
“Have you heard anything from the SGC?” No one could say that Rodney McKay was slow getting with the program.
“No.”
A moment of silence hissed over the line. “Huh. Seems kind of odd. You’d think they’d want to get you back off-world as soon as possible.”
John tamped down the dread that rose in his throat and changed the subject. “How did your date go?”
“I think that the term ‘date’ is a bit overstated, but – fine. It was fine.”
“If you think I’m letting you get away with that pathetic answer, you’re all kinds of wrong. I want details.”
“Weren’t you the one who said we don’t have that kind of relationship?”
“But you said that we should and I’ve decided you’re right. So come on. Give. What did she look like?” John asked, a confusing mix of anticipation and tension suffusing his skin. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to listen to Rodney wax poetic about some random woman but he was sure that he was going to badger the hell out of Rodney until he spilled.
Rodney hummed softly. “She was gorgeous, for not being blonde.”
“Would you get over that already? So what was she? Brunette? Redhead?”
“Brunette. Really dark, glossy brown hair, past her shoulders and wavy.”
“Nice. How was she built?”
“Sheppard.”
“McKay.”
“Fine. In heels, she was as tall as me. And – ” Rodney paused and John’s heart started to thud against his ribs.
“Voluptuous.”
John’s dick stirred interestedly. Rodney liked voluptuous; John couldn’t think of any guy who didn’t like it.
“Voluptuous is good.”
“Yeah,” Rodney agreed in a dreamy voice. “She wasn’t slim and she wasn’t full-figured exactly, just really curvy and well-proportioned and – ”
“Hot,” John finished for him – for them both. “What did you do?”
“Excuse me?” Rodney squeaked. “Really, Colonel, I think that's a little personal."
"Cool it, Rodney. I meant where did you go."
Rodney snorted. "Did you just say 'Cool it'?"
Christ, but he’d missed this. "Don't change the subject. And judging from that reaction, you must have gotten some action tonight, so keep talking and don't leave anything out."
Rodney sighed. "The eighties really left a lasting impression on you, didn't it?"
It was John’s turn to snort. "Says the guy who has the Pet Shop Boys’ Greatest Hits on his personal laptop."
"What? That’s absurd. I don’t even – know – who you’re talking about.”
“Glass Tiger.”
“Shut up.”
“The Complete Discography of Bryan Adams.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
John chuckled. “Easy, tiger. Your secret’s safe with me. It’s Radek you have to worry about.”
“That Bohemian big mouth. As soon as I get off the phone, I'm sending him an asbestos gift basket."
"I didn’t hear that. Let's get back to your date. Gimme the details."
To John's surprise, Rodney did just that. From the highway robbery that was valet parking to what he had for dessert to the traffic in Vancouver. It was all very unsatisfying.
"Okay. So. Is she a keeper?"
"She isn't a fish, Colonel. She’s a very engaging, moderately intelligent physicist and it was a very pleasant evening but I thought I’d wait until our second date before I propose marriage."
John’s grin faded. "You're going to see her again?"
"I realize that it's a tad callous. After all, I'm due to leave in less than a week and who knows when I'll get back. But I get the feeling that -- well, that I could get laid if I play my cards right and fuck, it's been so long."
John's gut clenched. He couldn't remember ever having heard Rodney say "fuck" before and as soon as he realized that Rodney had just said it, roughly, into his ear, John was instantly hot and hard.
“But Rodney, you suck at cards,” John teased, but it was no use. Because against his will, a bothersome image popped into his head – Rodney and the voluptuous physicist, her dark hair spread out on the pillow beneath her, her legs wrapped around Rodney’s waist, the long muscles in his back tensing as he fucked her into oblivion – and John closed his eyes until it went away.
"Ah, yes, with the joking. Thank you for that, Colonel.”
“But what about you and Katie? You’ve never, well, you know.”
“We didn’t have a date that didn’t include either Cadman or Carson and since then, well, it’s too weird. And unfortunately for my libido, we can’t all be so rakishly attractive that we only have to grin at someone to have them fall onto their back.”
John’s breath stuttered to a stop. Had he heard what he thought he heard? Was Rodney trying to tell him something? Should he say something or do what he, what they both, usually did, which was pretend that it hadn’t been said? He had to struggle to pay attention when Rodney kept going.
“I'm sure that sexual deprivation is a concept that you're unfamiliar with but --"
"You're not all that observant, are you, McKay?" John said in a voice unintentionally low and husky. "I spend my free time with you, Ronon or Teyla. Just -- don't go there. I need to get laid as much as you do." Rodney didn't say anything for a beat or two and John grimaced. "I guess that didn't come out right."
"Don't be ridiculous, I know exactly what you mean." There was a moment of silence and then, Rodney spoke again.
“Seriously? You?”
“Yes, Rodney, seriously.”
“Hmmm.” Then Rodney's voice changed, in a subtle way that John couldn't really describe. “You know what I miss more than anything? Well, not more than intercourse but still. Kissing."
John dropped his head back against the pillows and suppressed a groan. "Yep, I hear you."
"Arms around you, a mouth against yours, the shift of bodies, the slickness of someone else’s tongue in your mouth." John thought of Rodney's mouth, his full, slanted bottom lip, how smooth it would feel against John's tongue, how hungry. John reached down and pressed the heel of his hand against his dick and received an answering burn of pleasure right where he wanted it.
Rodney released a shuddery breath and then he rushed on in a too-thin voice. “Sorry, too much information, I know.”
“No, it wasn’t. Hey, remember being a teenager, making out for hours in the front seat of a car or on the couch in somebody’s basement, keeping one eye open for her parents?”
Silence greeted him from Rodney’s end and John suddenly felt sick, sure that this time he had given two much information. “Uh, hey,” he blurted out. “You still there?”
“Yes, I’m here. I was just – well, the truth is I didn’t make out with anybody until my second year at university so it was really more of a roommate than a parent problem and that was just annoying, not necessarily dangerous.”
“Come on, McKay. Are you telling me that – ”
“I’m telling you that I was a skinny 15 year old science and math geek when I graduated high school, Colonel. Have you got the picture now?”
John lay on the bed like he’d been knocked down there by a roundhouse right. What a dope he was. Why had he never considered that the reason for Rodney’s awkwardness wasn’t just that he was a self-absorbed geek but that he really really had little experience?
John thought about the women he’d watched Rodney crash and burn with since their arrival in Atlantis – Allina, Norina, Katie Brown, even Sam Carter on her brief visit here. Cadman had told him later how completely clueless Rodney was where women were concerned (just before he’d sent her off to inventory ammo) and yet, John had never speculated why.
“Sheppard?”
John’s heart clenched with a confusing rush of emotions. “Listen. There’s someone at the door, I should go.”
“Ah, yes, of course. Well, goodbye, Colonel.”
“Later, buddy,” John said in a thick voice before he clicked off the phone.
John looked up at the ceiling but what he saw was Rodney, fumbling through a conversation with Allina; nervous and fidgety with Katie Brown in the mess; insulting Sam Carter without even realizing it. Rodney, who’d saved his ass over and over again, and showed more courage than a scientist was entitled to.
And this time, when John felt the lazy pull of arousal, he let it come.
John wrapped his hand around his dick and allowed himself to think about those things he didn’t think about on Atlantis, when Rodney was so close and so dangerous. Rodney’s wide mouth, his broad shoulders, his blue, blue eyes –
John imagined that it was Rodney’s hand around his dick, Rodney’s mouth silent for once while he kissed John, hard and hungry. John squirmed and thrust into the circle of his hand and when he came, it was in a scalding rush that left him feeling empty and alone.
There were gale force winds the next day. Well, not gale force exactly, but high enough that there were whitecaps on the lake. There was also a forty percent chance of thunderstorms and John decided to just stay inside. The hotel was quiet, as usual. And John got quiet, too, by osmosis.
During the respite, he put together an agenda in his head. First, he repaired his reputation with the hotel staff. He made nice with housekeeping, being as polite as he knew how to the maid and chatting up the supervisor when she walked past his room with her clipboard. She was startled and wary but when they parted, she blushingly called him Colonel Sheppard.
He gave the guy who brought his lunch a huge tip. Ditto the valet guy.
As he punched in Rodney’s number, John felt like everything had been set aright, which should have been the first sign that things were about to go FUBAR. The first time the phone rang until it went to voice mail. The second time, Rodney picked up on the fourth ring and his tone was choked with panic.
“Sheppard, I have to call you back. There’s a situation.” John had heard that voice before. Out of force of habit, he got to his feet and reached for his sidearm, only to grab helplessly at the outer seam of his pants.
“Rodney, what’s wrong? You okay?” John demanded harshly, his heart in his throat.
Something small and broken came out of Rodney’s mouth and John’s blood pressure soared through the atmosphere. “I’m fine, it’s Madison. She … d’ner”. The connection started to break up and John got the sense that Rodney was moving – through the house, in the car, maybe. “ … first t - … ana – lactic … don’t know wh …” Rodney went on and suddenly, John got it. Rodney had proudly showed pictures of the little blond girl with big blue eyes all around Atlantis and boasted about how she had the McKay genes. Apparently, she had inherited more than one McKay family trait.
“Let me know,” John said and heard Jeannie crying in the background just before the connection was cut.
It was seventy two hours before John heard from Rodney again. The first twenty four hours were the worst. Rodney called three times but each time, he got no further than a couple of words into conversation when the connection faded and died. John slept fitfully that night, with one eye open.
John spent part of the next day on the golf course but he was only able to complete 9 holes before he gave up and went back to his room, checking with the operator to see if he’d gotten any calls while he was out. But he hadn’t and there was only the answering machine at Jeannie’s to listen to his measured request for somebody anybody to call him back.
By the third day, John didn’t bother calling anymore. Instead, he spent hours not listening to the TV, trying to recall the reasons what happened to Madison Miller was really none of his business and wondering who the prick was who coined the phrase, “No news is good news”.
When the phone finally did ring, John picked it up before the first ring was dead on the air.
“Colonel Sheppard? This is Chief Master Sergeant Harriman, calling for General Landry.”
Caught between relief that it was the SGC at last and disappointment that it wasn’t Rodney, John choked on a little spit when he replied. “Hey, Chief, what’s the good word?”
“You haven’t been answering your cell phone or pager.”
John recovered quickly at the censure in the man’s voice. “Hey, when I’m told that I have R and R, I take that very seriously.” He was tempted to ask how he’d been found but figured he was better off not knowing.
“I don’t blame you, sir. However, General Landry asked me to convey to you the importance of being reachable 24/7 and that if he tries to get a hold of you again – ”
“Understood.” John said shortly. “Was that the gist of the General’s message?”
“Not quite, sir. You are to report at 0600 in two days, on the ninth.”
“Tell the General I’ll put it in my date book.”
“Begging your pardon, sir, but I don’t believe I will.”
“Have a nice day, Chief.”
“Same to you, sir.”
He’d finally managed to fall asleep sometime after midnight when the cordless phone rang. John grabbed for it and juggled it to his ear without getting out of bed.
“Sheppard.”
“I need your room number.” Rodney’s voice, in all its pissy, indignant glory, blew back at him and John could almost hear the whistle that his widely gesturing hands were making on the air. “Because these morons down here seem to think I’m a cat burglar intent on gaining illegal entry to your overpriced room. They don’t believe me when I say that I have the highest security clearance known to man and that they’ll be lucky if they still have jobs in the morning because – ”
John got out of bed and grabbed his sweatpants and tee shirt off the dresser, ignoring the way his heart started to hammer in his chest. “Rodney, settle down. It’s 4309.” The call ended with an outraged click in his ear.
Two minutes later, John wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs and opened the door. Rodney, red-faced and furious, shouldered past him and John was glad of it, glad that Rodney was too wound up to see that John was having trouble catching his breath. A wave of eau de McKay hit him full in the face – coffee and clean sweat and possibly something chocolate – and John pushed the door closed with a deliberation that hid a raging struggle for control.
“This is just what I needed,” Rodney said, throwing his bags onto the unmade bed. “My flight from Vancouver to Denver was delayed, first by weather, then by mechanical problems, and now, this. I was going to get a room here but they can forget it now. I’d rather stay at a Motel 6 than this pretentious hovel. I’ll sue this place for harassment and then – ”
John walked slowly into the room, his gaze locked on Rodney. His body felt electrified, caught in an unending loop of want and happiness. Being in the same room with Rodney McKay was making his body light up like a pinball machine. Before John could say anything, Rodney dropped wearily down on one corner of the bed, his big shoulders slumped forward and his head dropped to his chest. “This week sucked,” Rodney said with quiet misery.
John stayed a good three feet away and crossed his arms, tucking his hands into his armpits to keep them from doing something stupid. From this direction, John could see the dark circles under Rodney’s eyes. Rodney looked so tired and defeated it almost hurt John to look at him.
“How’s Madison?”
Rodney looked up, blinking slowly. “She’s recovering; they released her yesterday. Or today. What day is it, anyway?”
“Oh one thirty Sunday. Do they know what she reacted to?”
Rodney’s mouth tilted ruefully. “Pecans. And very likely all tree nuts. Why can’t anyone in my family suffer from something innocuous, like pigeon toes or astigmatism?”
John’s mouth twitched, both with the need to correct his pronunciation of pecan and the mental image of a platoon of McKays wearing glasses and walking pigeon-toed. He ignored it. “When’s the last time you had any sleep?”
Rodney waved one hand dismissively and closed his eyes. “Stayed at the hospital with Jeannie and Caleb until they told me to come here. And I couldn’t sleep on the plane. Turbulence and whatnot. I like it better when you’re the pilot.”
A hot ache bloomed in his chest and John sorted through his bag of tricks for something casual to say. He was treading on dangerous territory here and he was thisclose to doing more than just treading. “Awww. That’s sweet, Rodney,” and if his voice was a little too low, Rodney didn’t seem to notice.
Rodney sighed and rubbed his eye with the heel of one hand. “Don’t let it go to your head, Colonel. You’ve caught me at a weak moment.”
“Okay, that’s it. You’re going to bed.”
Rodney’s head came up. “What?”
“Whenever you start giving me compliments, I know you’re out of it.”
“That’s not true. And what I meant was, how can – I mean, there’s only the one bed.” Suddenly, there was a pink tint to Rodney’s cheeks that hadn’t been there before.
That little blush had never not been hot to John but he courageously ignored it and got into the left side of the bed, still wearing his sweats and tee shirt. “I’ll try to keep my hands to myself.”
Rodney’s eyes were huge and blue. “I – I should shower – ”
“Uh-uh. In the morning.”
“But – ”
“I want to go back to sleep and that’s not going to happen with your big clodhoppers stomping around on the marble tile.”
“Hey.”
“Come on. Get in.” John slid down beneath the covers and turned on his side, away from Rodney. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture Rodney’s expression. It’d be number 15 – arms crossed, lips disappearing into an irked slant, with a glare thrown in for good measure.
“Fine. Do I have your permission to brush my teeth?”
“Just make it snappy.”
John listened to Rodney mutter under his breath, open up his suitcase, paw around inside and finally go into the bathroom. When the water came on, John exhaled, suddenly fiercely awake.
He lay there, keyed up and tense with a half hard dick that was totally going to go to waste tonight. What exactly was he doing here? What did he hope would happen? That Rodney would come out of the bathroom with his minty fresh breath and his broad, bare chest and jump him?
This was such a fuck up. He’d let it go too far, thinking about Rodney. And what was worse, thinking about Rodney and then taking his dick in his hand. It was everything that he’d successfully guarded against for the past two and a half years and he’d blown it all in a matter of days.
So his solution to all this was to share a bed with Rodney. John grit his teeth. “Way to go, John,” he muttered under his breath. So he was still a little freaked about Rodney’s date, that Rodney wanted to get laid, that he could have gotten laid. That could be a friend’s concern for another friend, couldn’t it?
It didn’t necessarily mean that – John closed his eyes. Clearly, he was losing it. He scooted over closer to the side of the mattress and when Rodney came out of the bathroom and got into bed, he scooted over a little more, until he had one knee dangling off the edge.
“Goodnight, Sheppard.”
John shivered. “Sweet dreams,” he replied lightly and heard Rodney make a hmmph noise.
“Yeah. Like that’s going to happen.”
John lay there, not moving, even after he heard Rodney’s breathing even out into soft snores and turned it over and over in his head until he hit upon a satisfactory explanation.
It was earth’s fault – being here, away from his home, he was as out of step as he ever was. Obviously, the planet Earth fucked with his concentration, his discipline and, apparently, his sanity.
Something woke John some time later, which was strange since he felt like he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. He checked Rodney’s side of the bed and found it empty. Turning over, though, John spotted him standing at the window, peering past the curtains at the night sky.
“Rodney? You okay?” Whatever John had expected, it wasn’t the soft, almost dreamy voice that drifted back to him.
“When I was a kid, I’d spend hours out on the roof, staring at the stars. Jeannie, too, when she was old enough.”
There was no good reason for it, but John started to feel uneasy. “Really?”
“It’s so clear out there. I can almost see Orion.” Rodney laughed softly and leaned in with his forehead against the glass. “Remember when we found the Orion? That was a close call. Do you ever think about Norina?”
John propped himself up on an elbow. “Uh, no, not really. Look, it’s still early. Why don’t you – ”
“I’m leaving the Stargate program.”
“Excuse me?”
Rodney let the curtains fall back into place and in the darkness, John could hear his rapid, shallow breaths and little else. “You heard me.”
John leaned over and switched on the bedside lamp, bathing everything in an incandescent golden glow, including Rodney’s too pale face. “Wait. Hold up a second. Tell me what’s going on.”
“What are you, dense all of a sudden?” Rodney snapped. “You know what this is about, Colonel Oblivious. I’m not going to Area 51. I’m going back to Vancouver.”
John threw the covers back and got out of bed, despite the fact that his legs suddenly felt as if they weren’t attached to his body. “Well, the fuck you are. Are you crazy?”
“No, I’m not crazy, just realistic.”
His breath rushed out of him, like someone was sitting on his chest, like he was caught in a riptide that was rapidly carrying him out to sea. “Is this about that woman? The one you had one date with?” John asked, his voice heavy with sarcasm. “Gee, McKay, you really do need to get laid, don’t you?”
Rodney glared at him, his fists curling at his sides. “Fuck you. You think I’d do this for a woman?”
“Then what the hell, Rodney? Why are you doing this? Why would you consider – ”
Rodney looked at him as if he’d just announced that he was a Wraith Worshipper. “We aren’t ever going back to Atlantis,” Rodney said with a grim, crooked frown. “Don’t tell me you believe otherwise.”
The floor tilted violently and John fought to stay upright. Oh, fuck, there it was. Every thought he’d been fighting to keep chained up was let loose with a vicious snap.
“You don’t know that,” John said tightly, around the ball of panic that had risen in his throat.
“Come on, Colonel. They let Woolsey stay. Not Elizabeth. Not you and your big fat ATA gene. What does that say to you?”
John stood there, shaking with the rage that had been simmering for days, since the moment Helia had announced that she had control of the city, his city. Since O’Neill and Woolsey had botched the negotiation and had them walking through the gate with their tails between their legs. Since motherfucking Woolsey had been chosen to stay behind.
The worst of it was that he knew Rodney was right. They weren’t going to see Atlantis again. It was time he faced it – Atlantis was gone. Teyla and Ronon and SGA-1 was gone. And of all the betrayal he’d suffered in the last several days, nothing compared to that. “So you’re going to quit on me, too?” John asked, his voice as icy cold as the rest of him.
“What? This has nothing to do with you.” Rodney shot back, his face red and his eyes angry, an expression that John had seen many times. But there was something else, something he couldn’t quite get a handle on and it freaked him out. “I’ve been through this before, John. I nearly didn’t survive my exile to Russia. It was the absolute low point of my life and I’m not going through that again.”
“Rodney – ”
“I’ll get a place in Vancouver, so I’ll be near Jeannie and Madison.”
“And do what?” John was close to shouting. He knew by now how useless it was to argue with Rodney, who had an endless arsenal of answers at his disposal.
Rodney flinched. “I have offers.”
“In Vancouver?”
“No. But I could use it as a home base. I’ve had several offers since I’ve been back. Very lucrative offers.”
“I believe you,” John answered grimly. He didn’t doubt that Rodney could write his own deal, anywhere in the world. But suddenly, Vancouver seemed like a distant outpost on another planet. “Rodney, come on. Don’t do this. Give it a few days.” John could hear the pleading strain in his words but he couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t – let Rodney go.
“Do you have any idea how hard this is? If I think about it any longer, I’ll change my mind again.”
“Good. So stay.”
“They’ve given the Jumper research to Bill Lee.” There was such bewilderment in Rodney’s eyes that it leached away some of John’s anger. “I asked for it and they said no. They couldn’t have been more clear if they’d ripped my Atlantis badge off my sleeve. And I don’t care what they offer me at Area 51. Besides, Jeannie and I – well, I want to make an effort there. I owe it to her.”
John swallowed. Family, he thought, of course. He knew how much Rodney regretted his estrangement from Jeannie, how strongly Rod’s presence on Atlantis had affected him in that regard. John didn’t doubt that Rodney was sincere about wanting to see more of his sister and that was one argument John didn’t want to make. All the fight drained out of him and he took a deep, shuddering breath.
“I understand.”
Rodney blinked. “You do?”
“Sure. It’s family. You have to do what’s right for your family.” I thought we were family, goddammit. What about me? “Well. I’m – ” John had to stop and clear his throat before he could finish. “I’m gonna miss you, buddy.”
John watched Rodney’s expression fall and settle into an unhappy mask. “Yeah,” Rodney said softly, “same here.”
They stared at each other for a long while and John savored every millisecond. The gravitational pull that had always existed between him and Rodney was even stronger, now that John had given up fighting it, now that the rules had changed. It uncurled in the pit of his belly and spread outward through his body and toward Rodney. If he thought that Rodney in full idiot rant was a thing of beauty, then this Rodney, who seemed to be watching and waiting, still and quiet and unguarded, was a work of art.
Then, abruptly the moment passed and Rodney started to walk past John, away, away from Colorado and toward Vancouver, and his family and some voluptuous scientist, away from John. His heart started to pound against his ribs and one word kept running over and over in his mind – no, no, no.
John grabbed Rodney’s wrist before Rodney could get around him. “Wait.” It was a desperate whisper that lingered on the air for much longer than John wanted. He felt hot and dizzy and if he were able, John would have taken it all back in the next second. But he couldn’t and Rodney stopped.
“Wait? Wait for what?” There was such quiet resignation in Rodney’s voice that John couldn’t stand it any longer.
He lifted both hands to Rodney’s face and kissed him with slow, sweeping tenderness, making it count in case this was the only time. The rasp of his stubble against Rodney’s, the little “oh” of surprise that Rodney made, the solid warmth of Rodney’s broad chest against him caused a rush of blood so loud in his ears that John couldn’t have heard a protest if Rodney had made one.
But Rodney didn’t protest and John didn’t stop kissing him. He could feel the surprise in the tautness of Rodney’s body, but Christ, it was so sweet to finally be here that John put off the inevitable apology and recriminations a little longer. His dick was rock hard and aching, near to popping a hole through his thin sweats and John couldn’t help but push his hips forward, just a little, enough that the sensitive head rubbed against the solid curve of Rodney’s thigh. And John just had time to experience the first scorching rush of lust when Rodney let out a sound low in his throat, parted his lips and began returning the kiss with an unrelenting sweetness John would have never imagined Rodney capable of. Rodney’s arms went around him, tight and possessive, like John was already his and always had been.
The shock of that, the truth of it, the triumphant acceptance of it spurred John into action. He pulled Rodney toward the bed without breaking their kiss, stopping only long enough to settle into bed. Once there, they lay on their sides, Rodney’s legs and arms tangled with his, Rodney’s dick snug against his and Rodney’s glazed eyes locked on his face.
“Oh, God,” Rodney panted as he shoved his hand up the back of John’s shirt. “What the hell took you so long?”
John’s hand went down Rodney’s pants to squeeze a handful of his round, firm ass, which earned him a strangled groan from Rodney and a satisfying throb from his dick. “Me? Why didn’t you – ?” John’s brain went offline as Rodney’s thumbnail flicked over his nipple and a dangerous rush of fire moved from there to his groin. Fuck, he was so close already, he was never going to last more than another couple of minutes and he hadn’t even gotten Rodney naked yet. And Rodney was still talking and it was still as much a turn on as it ever was.
“Me? I couldn’t have been more obvious if I had walked up to you in the Gateroom and slapped you on the ass.”
“Rodney,” John growled against Rodney’s lips and all at once, they were kissing hard, with intent and hunger and an urgency honed by almost three long years of want. John shoved at Rodney’s shoulders and Rodney, to his frustration, shoved back. John wanted to get Rodney on his back. John wanted, no, needed, to get on top, to rub off on that big, broad body of Rodney’s but it was that big broad body that won, pinning John to the mattress with hands and hips and a piercingly hot blue stare. John thought maybe his eyes rolled back in his head.
“You have no idea how long – ” Rodney rocked his hips against John’s, pushed his dick against John’s, his hands wrapped around John’s biceps, pinning him down, holding him still. “I can’t believe -- you’re so – I’ve always wanted – ”
He wanted Rodney to shut up, he wanted to move, he wanted to get naked, he wanted Rodney to hold him down harder, he wanted, he wanted and he was getting it all for once, everything. In the midst of hot chaos of pleasure, John felt his balls draw up in preparation of sweet release. His hands came off the mattress, reaching helplessly up in an abortive attempt to get free and with a low groan, he arched his back and came, shooting in his pants, over and over until he was flat on the mattress again, boneless and dizzy, with Rodney hovering over him.
“Oh, wow, you just – you’re amazing, you know that?”
“Rodney,” John tried to say but he was still panting and fighting to get to the surface after one of the greatest orgasms of his life and what came out sounded closer to Radek’s hometown than Rodney’s first name. “Just gimme a minute,” he slurred, blinking slowly and feeling pleasantly heavy and drowsy, so much so that it took a little while before he realized Rodney had gone still and quiet for the first time in the last ten minutes.
John looked up to see Rodney watching him, his blue eyes anxious. John touched Rodney’s face, lightly trailing his fingertips down Rodney’s cheek.
“What?” John asked softly.
“I’ll mess this up.” The tightly worded confession sent a rush of tenderness through John. “I always mess these things up and – ”
John pulled Rodney down and kissed him slowly, as slowly as he knew how, until he could feel the tension leave Rodney’s body, gradually settling his weight on top of John again. And before Rodney had a chance to freak again, John pushed him over so that Rodney was on his back and John took control.
John helped Rodney out of his clothes, first pulling the tee shirt over his head then pulling the sweatpants off him. Once Rodney was completely naked, John sat back on his heels and looked his fill, his heart pounding fiercely.
John would never understand how it was possible that someone as pale as Rodney looked so totally and completely hot but Christ, he was. John leaned forward, braced his weight on one hand and touched Rodney with the other, brushing the backs of his fingers down Rodney’s thick neck and the hard curve of his bicep; over his collarbone and through the smattering of light brown hair to his small, pink nipples.
Rodney was surprisingly firm except for a little bit of a soft place at his lower belly and really, John wasn’t paying too much attention to that because by then, his attention was totally focused on Rodney’s cock – big, slick-red and wet at the head. John’s mouth started to water at the thought of getting to taste that but first things first.
Rodney bore it all silently, shaking and panting, his hips pushing up at empty air. Ignoring Rodney’s stare, John bent down and gave one of Rodney’s nipples a gentle kiss. Rodney hissed, as if he were in pain and John flicked his tongue at the nipple, which evoked a series of growling, turned on sounds that made John’s dick twitch. He let his bottom lip drag against the tiny pebbled peak. Rodney reached out for John’s hips and tried to force them down onto his.
John resisted, pulling back to give Rodney a grin. “You fucking tease,” Rodney shot back, with his blue eyes nearly black with arousal. “Please, touch me, John.”
“Mmmm,” John said, giving Rodney’s other nipple the same treatment, “I am touching you, Rodney.”
Rodney closed his eyes, turning his head to the side, the cords in his neck standing out. “Bastard,” he cursed breathily. “I’ll get you for this.”
John laughed softly and pressed his mouth to Rodney’s hairy breastbone and then moved down. He followed the trail of hair that went from there down to Rodney’s belly button, sticking his tongue into it and gaining a laugh from Rodney.
He licked a long, wet stripe from Rodney’s belly button to the dark brown bush of hair between Rodney’s legs, studiously ignoring Rodney’s dick, where it bobbed above his belly. “You smell,” John said roughly, stroking the crease of Rodney’s thighs with his thumbs before diving down farther and working his tongue into that pale line.
“I told you,” Rodney gasped, opening his legs wider, rocking his hips and trying to get his dick in John’s mouth. “I – shower – fuck, John, please.”
John had never had a kink about body odors but smelling Rodney like this, unshowered and travel-weary and turned on, made his spent dick twitch hopefully. The sharp tang of sex and sweat made this seem even more real somehow, hotter and more grounded in them and what they were and all that they had been over the last two and a half years. Fuck, how had resisted this for so long?
He slanted a hot look up at Rodney, and swallowed him down without preamble. Rodney sucked in his breath and let loose with a litany of turned-on words and sounds.
“Oh, God, John, yessssss, this is so good, I knew it would be, I knew it, yeah.”
Rodney’s dick felt amazing on his tongue, heavy and silky hot. Rodney shivered under John when John started to suck him, hollowing out his cheeks as much as he knew how, rubbing his tongue against the underside. Rodney’s hands landed on John’s shoulders, opening and closing convulsively, his hips arching up, straining up so eagerly that John wished like hell that he could get hard again, so that he could rub off on Rodney’s hairy leg and he wouldn’t have to
stop.
“John,” Rodney said between gritted teeth, his hands tightening almost painfully on John’s shoulders, “I’m gonna come, oh, wow, this is a – mazing – nrgh,” and with one last thrust upward, Rodney started to come in John’s mouth. It was so hot to feel Rodney out of control that John had trouble remembering to breathe. But somehow he managed and when it was over, John crawled back up Rodney’s spent body and plastered himself to Rodney’s side.
This was the part that John always always failed at – the after part. He never knew if was okay to cuddle, or fall asleep or what. He could think of a few instances where he’d been woken up by indignant slaps to the back of the head or a disappointed frown when he wriggled in a little too close.
But this was different. This was Rodney and as much as he didn’t want to acknowledge it, this was, in all likelihood, goodbye and John really didn’t give a fuck whether Rodney liked it or not. John curled his body toward Rodney’s, resting his head on Rodney’s broad shoulder and trying to commitment every single sensation to memory.
“John?” Rodney’s breath was warm and moist against John’s temple. “Was that a “goodbye, it’s been great” thing? Because that would really, really suck.”
“It has been great, though,” John said, nuzzling Rodney’s neck and trying to keep it light. Which was hard because there was something heavy going on with his chest. “Really great, Rodney. I mean it.”
“Well, of course, you do, but let’s not get all emotional, shall we?”
John closed his eyes and breathed in, absorbed every molecule of Rodney that was available to him. “That’s my line, isn’t it?” he returned with a self-directed sneer, thinking of all the times in his past when he’d thrown out a similar line of bullshit to keep someone from getting too close and had gotten away with it.
“I’m sure it is. But let’s keep some perspective here. As much as I approve of saying goodbye like this, it’s not like I’ll be in another country.”
John frowned. “I guess that depends on your definition of ‘country’.”
Rodney shifted and squirmed beneath him, moving John around until they were pressed together from toes to hair, both Rodney’s arms closing and tightening around him. “I see your point,” Rodney went on, running one big hand slowly up and down John’s back. “But Nevada isn’t actually a foreign land. It just seems that way, what with the heat and the legal prostitution and oh, yes, the heat.”
John drew in a breath and held it, the steadfast thump of Rodney’s heartbeat in his ear. “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice a little too high. “Didn’t they secede from the Union a few years back?”
With a quiet chuckle, Rodney pressed a kiss to the top of John’s head. “That was Texas.”
He propped himself up on an elbow. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” There was a moment or two of silent conversation, during which the two of them grinned goofily at each other and made sort-of promises and almost vows.
And when they were done, John leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss against the corner of Rodney’s mouth. “Now. How ‘bout that shower?” John rolled over and got to his feet.
“Oh, hell, yes,” Rodney returned, bounding out of bed.
They dozed for a couple of hours and woke up starved. In between slow, dirty kisses, they dressed and moved the party downstairs to the breakfast buffet.
“So, listen,” Rodney began as soon as they sat down with their loaded plates, “how are you at long-distance relationships? Because I’ve never had the pleasure, and considering my track record with people who live in the same city as I do, I’m not sure whether I’ll be more or less successful. What do you think?”
John grabbed up his napkin and opened it with a sideways snap. “No problem. Piece of cake.”
In the process of getting the waiter’s attention by snapping his fingers over his head, Rodney paused long enough to scowl at John. “You said that too fast. Did you even hear the question?”
“Put your hand down and yes, I heard you. Look, we’ve had a relationship for the past three years. The only difference is we’re adding sex to the mix.”
Rodney sat back and crossed his arms, his mouth on a thin slant. “Oh, yes, only sex. Sex never complicates things.”
John tilted his head thoughtfully. “Hmm. I see your point. Okay, then. No more sex.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet.” There was an open heat in Rodney’s eyes that was new. And there was an answering heat in John’s that wasn’t new at all.
John grinned. “I think you just answered your own question, didn’t you?”
Rodney stared at him for a moment, then did the finger-snapping, oh my God, I’ve got a plan and we aren’t going to die thing. “Yes. You’re right. We can totally do this. Piece of cake. And speaking of cake – ” Rodney bent his head over his plate and inhaled blissfully. “Mmmm. I have really missed not-frozen waffles made from batter. And warm syrup. And real butter– ”
“And me?” John waggled his eyebrows.
Rodney began to cut up his waffle with geometric precision, but he paused just long enough to look up at John through his lashes and grin. “Maybe,” Rodney said.
And much later, after John knew what Rodney’s smile felt like against his skin and how Rodney shivered when John held him down, they covered the last forbidden topic.
“We’ll go back,” Rodney said as he reached up, grabbed John’s head with both hands and kissed him hard. “I promise, we’ll go back.”
John released a long, shuddering breath as Rodney arched up against him, holding onto John’s ass and pushing his wet cock along side John’s. John felt a hot rush of longing, for Rodney and for Atlantis and for him, Rodney and Atlantis entwined together. Through the dim light in the room, John lowered his head. “You’ll find a way,” John whispered roughly, rubbing his face against Rodney’s.
Rodney shook his head. His hands slid down John’s shoulders to clamp around John’s biceps. “No,” Rodney said against John’s ear, kissing him with tenderness that nearly broke him. “We’ll find a way.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 10:40 pm (UTC)::FLAIL::
This is gorgeous. Oh my God. I'm in love. I mean -- the longing! and John! and Rodney! and I like it better when you're the pilot and I couldn’t have been more obvious if I had walked up to you in the Gateroom and slapped you on the ass and the finger-snapping, oh my God, I’ve got a plan and we aren’t going to die thing.
I love them. I love this. This is gorgeous. YAY.
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 11:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 11:46 pm (UTC)Okay, this was fabulous, with the ust and the waiting and the LONGING and the meeting and the hot, hot sex!
::fans self::
I might be a tad bit fussed, y'all. ;>
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 11:51 pm (UTC)God, I love this so, so much. It's so deliciously in character and rich, and Rodney is such a huge presence even when he's not directly referenced that I just. *flails*
Gorgeous!
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:40 pm (UTC)That's the highest compliment you could have given me. Thank you so much.
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Date: 2008-01-31 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 12:51 am (UTC)I like how you got inside John's head and showed his frustration and confused denial. Not an easy thing to do considering he has such a THICK SKULL! *g*
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 12:52 am (UTC)It was so awful for them to be exiled from Atlantis, Rodney and John deserved something good like this.
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 01:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 01:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 01:51 am (UTC)whiningsaying to each other that there needed to be new fic with pining and hot sex and happy endings and then you went and posted this. Can I have a million dollars, too? If you are going to fulfill my fondest wishes and all. I promise to give you some if you do!I can never get enough of them during this time period, so lost and confused about, just, everything. You've captured it perfectly. Fantastic stuff. :)
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:50 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for that. I worried that I wouldn't be able to get that across, since for much of the story, Rodney isn't even in the same country as John. But I'm glad it worked for you. Thank you so much.
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Date: 2008-01-31 02:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 02:46 am (UTC)And on top of the wonderful storytelling, John's fantasies about Rodney were hot--almost as hotty mchotness as when John and Todney actually get together. I have such a kink for a touch of angst, and you wrote the passion and the aching joy of that scene beautifully. Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:14 am (UTC)Yes, yes, what
This is also unbelievably hot. The description of John's orgasm is just perfect.
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Date: 2008-01-31 02:49 am (UTC)This was so gorgeous and lovely and HOT.
“That was Texas.” - this however, deserved a spew alert. hee!!
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:55 pm (UTC)Thanks, sweetie. *hugs*
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:09 am (UTC)These morons down here seem to think I’m a cat burglar intent on gaining illegal entry to your overpriced room. - Hee! The idea of Rodney as a cat burglar, dressed in all black spandex climbing the side of a building, just cracks me up.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:57 pm (UTC)You're right - someone needs to right that!
Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate that!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:15 am (UTC)So many lines to love, but here are a few that jumped out at me and made me gasp as I read:
the tentative strain in Rodney’s voice launching a nuclear strike at every nerve ending in his body
and:
But it felt too much like pity to John and nothing made him run faster. Well, almost nothing.
and:
There was an open heat in Rodney’s eyes that was new. And there was an answering heat in John’s that wasn’t new at all.
and:
And much later, after John knew what Rodney’s smile felt like against his skin and how Rodney shivered when John held him down,
And the ending...! As much as I love me some Sheppard-angst, I was bouncing in my seat for them to figure it out and finally get together. And you totally delivered. Yay boys! ♥ ♥ ♥
This whole thing was simply gorgeous. Thank you for posting it! *saves to memories*
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Date: 2008-02-01 12:16 am (UTC)*saves to memories*
Eeee! You make me blush!
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Date: 2008-01-31 03:29 am (UTC)Also? John is a terrible guest and I adored that little touch in this fic.
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Date: 2008-02-01 12:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 03:41 am (UTC)<-- meep of happiness
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Date: 2008-02-01 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 04:22 am (UTC)♥ ♥ ♥
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Date: 2008-01-31 02:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 04:54 am (UTC)When it was time for The Simpsons that night, John turned to the movie previews and ordered up the big-titted brunette/high-heeled blonde movie and jerked off with ruthless precision. He was back to the Simpsons within fifteen minutes.
That's just so perfectly, painfully, fantastically John. I couldn't help but laugh, and but I really felt bad for him because it's just so...lonely! *claps* Very, very well done.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 12:24 am (UTC)Neutral Zone - story
From:Re: Neutral Zone - story
From:no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 05:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 12:25 am (UTC)