I think I'm better. Or cured. Or "normal. Or... whatever you want to call it... This is from my essay about what a black belt in TKD means to me...
Under his [Grandmaster Chong's] guidance, I believe that I have been able to improve my forms, techniques, power, stamina, and even aspects of my day to day life. In just seven short years, you have truly given me a new outlook on my life.
I'm talking about my ED... just didn't want to go into it in front of the entire black belt panel :P But what he said to me a couple of months ago (posted it, doubt ya'll remember :P) really effected me... I just don't give a fuck any more. And there's no way I can possibly thank him enough...
I know I couldn't have just woken up with a completely different mindset... but that's what it seems like. So I think I'm gonna take some time off of this LJ and figure some things out... basically I won't be commenting or responding to ya'll or posting for as long as it takes for me to sort myself out.
Stay strong angels, you can make it.
So today I passed out during my Tae Kwon Do. I take hour and a half classes from 8 to 9.30 once a week, and end up leaving my house around seven in the morning. We're talking about an hour and a half straight of hardcore cardio/aerobics in a steaming hot room at the crack of dawn (almost). I generally don't get down more than one or two (low sodium) saltines, and afew sips of gatorade fifteen minutes or so before my class, but god knows that's not enough.
Basically I need a miracle food or supplement or something that I can take right before my classes that will give me enough energy to keep goin all the way through. Help? Please?
Anyway, after I've excused myself ("Sir? I think I'm going to pass out..."):
Him (In his Korean accent and halting english): Are you ok?
Me: Yes sir, I'm sorry sir.
Him: Don't be sorry, I'm worried. Have you seen a doctor?
Me: No sir, I'm fine sir. Thank you sir.
Him: Low blood sugar?
Me: Maybe sir
Him: You can't always be worried about being thin. You need to eat more. Gain weight. Be stronger.
Me: Yes sir. I'm fine sir but thank you sir.
That was the longest convo we've ever had. He is such an amazing person, I'm so lucky to be training under him. Every time this happens I feel like I'm letting myself down, and my mum down, but more importantly it's like I'm letting him down. I don't want to do that anymore.
Bright side: I think I'm down to 87ish. Yay!
X-Posted
Aight, want to ask all ya'll angels afew questions...
First off, every time after I eat or drink anything, no matter what it is (diet coke, spinach, lasagna :P), my tummy just puffs out. It used to only puff out visibly (at least enough for me to care), after a big binge, but now it's like anything sets it off... I don't think I have to explain why this gets awkward when I go out... I carefully plan an outfit that's conservative enough to cover whatever part of me feels fat, but still showy enough to satisfy my beyond slutty self-image, I figure out what to eat and when to eat it so that I seem to be eating relatively normaly, I balance what I've eaten before I go out with what I'm going to have while I'm out and when I get back... ya'll know how frustrating it is. But then to be out with friends, and to have a diet coke, and have your stomach suddenly jump from 21" to 24" is just... ew. Anybody else ever have problems like this? Or know why I'm having them?
The difference between my weight and physical appearance after eating vs. in the morning or after a fast is pretty huge. I can range from 89 to 94 in one day. So how do I figure out what my true stats are? I'm assuming I go with my stats from after a fast or in the morning or some other time when I have minimal water weight and food mass...
Also, weird I know, I've got brown spots on my lower back where my spine sticks out. They're almost like bruises, except they don't hurt and don't seem to fade away. I'm pretty sure it's just the skins reaction from rubbing against bone or something along those lines... am I close?
Thanks dolls, stay strong!
X-Posted
Mini liquid fast. Anything not solid. Forty-eight hours. Started 4 pm today, ending 4pm Tuesday. Fifteen minutes in, anyone want to join me?
So let's say I have a friend... her bmi's 15, she hasn't gotten her period for about seven months, she eats -on average, less than 1000 calories a day (but doesn't count), no regular meals, sometimes she purges... basically she's Ana with Mia tendancies, only with none of the mental aspect. Ya know, not so much of an obsession with weight or body image, not paranoid about calories and carbs, more of an "I eat when I'm hungry" attitude. Would that still be considered Ana?
X-Posted
I'm one of those people who can't purge... I'll sit there with a toothbrush down my throat for ten minutes or jam my fingers as far down as they can go, and get nothing. After another attempt, I think I've figured out what I've been doing wrong.
Is it possible that I can't seem to purge because I've been drinking diet soda right beforehand? I know that water is my friend... but even that has to be carbonated. *I'm a tad obsessive* So could having so much carbonated shit inside me be what's keeping me from getting anywhere?
Ack, somebody help me?
X-Posted
Hey ya'll, I just got a new sn: lick_my_hips, let me in? Pretty Please? :P
