I am a waiter at a pretty upscale restaurant that opened pretty recently on a wine farm. As part of the agreement, we are one of the options for a complimentary breakfast to guests who are staying on the wine farm.

As such, our hours are pretty insane. A full day of work for us means we get into work at 6:30 AM and leave close to 10:30 PM.

I had the joy of serving two really sweet ladies ([Lady #1] and [Lady #2]) in the following interactions over two days:

Day #1, I served them for breakfast around 9 AM. They were sweet, kind, and [Lady #2] seemed shocked that we had to come in so early! We joked, and they left very happy.

Then in the evening:

Hostess: “Hey [My Name], you have a walk-in. Are you able to take them?”

Me: “Yeah, of course, I’ll be with them in two seconds.”

Sure enough, when I went over to the table, it was the same two ladies!

Lady #1: “We saw your dinner menu and decided to try it.”

Lady #2: “Yeah, but we weren’t expecting you to be serving us! Though you look good for working what? Thirteen hours already?”

Me: “Yeah, around that. There is a reason we call it the grave-shift.”

We all joke and laugh, they loved their meals and what I recommended to them, and I wish them a good evening, and also:

Me: “See you tomorrow!”

Lady #1: “I really hope not! Get some rest.”

The two laugh and walk to catch their shuttle. Little did they know that the next morning, I was working again and walked up to the hostess.

Me: “Hey [Hostess], there are two ladies from [Cottage] that are probably coming in today. If possible, can you try to give them to me?”

She raises her eyebrow, but after explaining, she laughs and agrees. Later that morning, I was getting coffee when I heard:

Hostess: “Hey, [My Name], those two ladies you asked for are sitting outside.”

I walked up to them from an angle they couldn’t see me from unless they turned away from the view their table was positioned at.

Me: “Good morning, I promised I would see you two today!”

Lady #2: “Oh, stop it, we told you to get some rest!”

We all laughed, and they had another great breakfast. At the end, [Lady #2] walks up to me.

Lady #2: “How do I add a tip for you?”

Me: “Well, since breakfast is complimentary, we don’t ask for tips, but if you are sure, I can get the card machine?”

Lady #2: “Please do! You have been so kind and helpful. How much is 15 dollars?”

I converted the amount to our local currency, and it is a lot! About the same as I would make on a table for dinner.

I wished them an incredible day and told them, unfortunately, that I was at university for the rest of the week, so I wouldn’t be able to serve them for breakfast for their last day tomorrow. They joked that I would finally get my rest and left.

Those two single-handedly made my entire week.

This story reminded me of one of my own dumb-genius friends. She is one of the smartest people I know (top 1% graduates of our year in the COUNTRY).

A group of my closest friends and I decided to have a braai (South African barbecue) shortly after high school graduation. The gas-powered grill we were using wasn’t cleaned and had a bunch of fat stuck to it. I wanted to clean it, but was assured it would “burn off.”

It did burn.

The flames went about 15cm high, and as I’m running towards the braai, what does Genius shout?

Genius: “GET WATER QUICK! SOMEONE GET WATER!”

A chorus of “NO!” arose, and someone slammed the lid closed and turned off the gas.

She is yet to live it down.

I work at a winery. A customer has wandered into the tasting room. He’s been rude and brusque to the reception staff (and possibly a little sexist).

Customer: “So where do you grow your grapes?”

I turn around and look through our enormous balcony windows that overlook our vineyard.

Me: “You see those two hundred meters of vineyards that you had to drive through to get to this tasting room? There.”

He was less talkative after that.

I am getting multiple emails from a client whose project is a grainy YouTube video of a cheetah chase (wildlife documentary). The client has a specific vision for the final product:

Email #1:

Subject: “My Project – Edit it to be AWESOME!”

Client: “Hey, Chief!” *’Dear Editor’ was apparently beneath him.*

“Just sent you that cheetah chase video I was talking about. Make it EPIC! Fast cuts, dramatic music, the whole shebang!”

Email #2: *Received three hours later.*

Subject: “Re: My Project – Edit it to be AWESOME!”

Client: “Hey, Chief,

Just a quick question. Can you make the warthog FASTER? Like, way faster? It seems a little sluggish.”

Me: *Confused but polite.* “Hi, Mr. [Client]. No problem! I can adjust the video speed for the warthog. Can you give me a little more detail on how fast you’d like it?”

Client: *Reply same day.* “Chief, just make it a BEAST! Like a Mr. Twin Turbo V8 engine, running 300km per hour! It’s the only animal I’ve ever seen outrun a cheetah!”

My jaw dropped. This client clearly hadn’t noticed the cheetah catching the warthog in the original video. My next email, carefully worded, explained the limitations of reality and video editing.

The email chain devolved into a hilarious (at first), then frustrating series of demands. The client insisted on the warthog defying nature, adding sound effects of roaring engines, and even requested a CGI flamethrower attached to the warthog’s rear.

It became apparent that the client was trying to capitalize on the recent trend of viral warthog videos. He wanted his own creation to stand out, even if it meant completely disregarding the laws of nature and physics.

Finally, after countless emails and a firm (but respectful) explanation of my limitations, the client accepted a slightly sped-up warthog and a soundtrack more befitting a wildlife documentary. The saga ended with a curt:

Client: “Fine. Just send it.”

The experience left me with a newfound appreciation for clear communication and the occasional laugh at a client’s outlandish requests. But next time someone asks for a warthog with a V10 engine, I’ll politely decline and enjoy the memory of this client’s “Mr. Twin Turbo V8” masterpiece.

I am giving a tour of our safari park to a group of tourists.

Me: “We won’t see too many of the animals being active in the daytime. As it’s late October, which is our border of spring and summer, it’s quite hot and dry. They tend to be more active at night.”

Tourist: “You mean fall?”

Me: “If by fall you mean autumn, that’s March through to May in South Africa.”

Tourist: “Oh, so if it’s March back in the USA, what month is it here?”

Me: “It’s… still March. The month is the same, it’s just the seasons are reversed.”

Tourist: “So it’s March right now?”

Me: “No… it’s still late October. The date is the same, it’s just the season is different.”

The tourist nodded but I found out later he didn’t understand because he was complaining to his wife that his “expensive and new” smartphone wasn’t updating the display time automatically because “it’s March over here and the d*** thing is still saying October!”