matt1993, posts by tag: insomnia - LiveJournal

So depressed right now. I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight because today I found out that yet another YouTube channel I'd found out about (thanks to Quidd) and kinda wanted to check out eventually is controversial - SSSniperWolf. And knowing about this makes me keep thinking about the Etika and cobanermani456 things again and worrying that I'll be hated for liking any of these channels, or wanting to see more of their videos (or any of their videos, as I haven't actually watched SSSniperWolf yet). Same thing with YouTube channels that became controversial before this year like PewdiePie and JonTron...

Are any of you going to dislike or judge me for wanting to see these channels? If not, please say so even if you feel like you'd be repeating something you've already said. I can't take this depression much longer...

Could someone more emotionally stable than me please research what these controversies are really all about and tell me what actually happened? (EDIT: I should clarify, I mean aside from the PewdiePie and JonTron ones as I think I know what those were about... but is it lame that I had no idea until I asked someone about those?) I've tried looking them up myself but didn't get far because a) it made me depressed easily and b) I know that I'm going to hear at least two sides to each story and not know which one is actually true, and be hated if I think the one that isn't true is true (which I'm told I have done already regarding cobanermani456).

Well, tonight, it was the English paper that's due tomorrow. I've been procrastinating it and unable to focus on it for so long that I had to stay up all night working on it, only to just now, at almost 6 in the morning, finish all the parts of it that I don't need my sister pathvain_aelien's advice on. (i.e., the introduction and first body paragraph) And, to make matters worse, I have a report for College Connections due next Monday and a 1500-2000 word essay in Computer Science that I haven't even started on (aside from some notes) due next Thursday. And since P_A can't help me with it this weekend or next week, they might as well all be due tomorrow. :'(

(what I wanted to put for the music tag: "Dr. Mario - Chill (SSBB version), Super Mario Galaxy - Speedy Comet and Final Bowser, Enya - Cursum Perficio backwards, and Sarah McLachlan - Black all at once and in G Major")

I visited the college that I am the most interested in from Sunday to Monday, staying overnight in the dorm (like I'd done before at another college).

Although the first day was pretty good, the second day ruined it for me. It all started when the fire alarm went off at 12:30 AM for no reason. Once I realized that it wasn't just imagination, I was hit with the realization that I hadn't quite memorized the fire escape route, so my plan was to just run through random hallways on the floor I was on until I either found the elevator (because I hadn't remembered "oh yeah, I can't use the elevator during a fire or fire drill" yet) or someone who knew where it was. Fortunately, this was actually much sooner than I expected - I heard some guy's voice so I followed him down the stairs and outside the building. Even though there wasn't a fire - the fire alarm came on by accident - it was clear from right then that I wouldn't get anywhere near enough sleep that night, since breakfast was at 7 and I hadn't even fallen asleep once yet. Especially since, in my no-common-sense hurry to get out of my room, I forgot to take my room key with me and ended up having to borrow the master key. Which I accidentally used to open the door to the room next to mine at first.

And, as expected, I briefly woke up and went back to sleep several times starting at 6, eventually becoming awake enough to get up at around 7:30 or 8. By then, my roommate was already gone, and only a few people were downstairs, none of whom knew where to go either. I ended up missing breakfast completely - and I thought I was late that one time at Camp El Tesoro when I got to breakfast just a few minutes before it was over! Throughout the rest of the day, I also got separated from my group and ended up lost 3 more times. :(

The lack of common sense apparently didn't end after the trip was over, either - I somehow managed to post even more comments in asperger that I ended up regretting despite the fact that:

A) I didn't even mention a cure for autism this time, and
B) I had a feeling it would happen just like I knew this, this, and the fact that I probably haven't heard from Schrödinger's Enya in awhile because I acted like the paparazzi countless times would.

Will I ever say anything that I won't end up regretting? :'(

Speaking of those comments in asperger, people there have pointed out that "creative tumors" isn't a good term for, well, creative tumors because it's kinda unpleasant-sounding, but I can't think of anything better. Do any of you have any ideas?

Things that won't work for a renaming of creative tumors:
- daydreaming (that would imply that I am creative enough to come up with these ideas almost constantly, rather than every now and then randomly)
- creative spasms (saying "4 or 5 years ago, the most creative spasms I had at once was four" implies that I thought about four ideas at the same time, when really I mean to say that four ideas kinda took turns distracting me)