kindmemory, posts by tag: j - LiveJournal

Eh, I hate being assaulted by weird feelings and paranoia. This morning there was an article about the Queen (need I say which one?), and I felt...weird, like she's dull and I'm afraid I'm going to end up that way. Then I wonder if she really is. She has the moon in Leo just like I do, Capricorn ascendant. I have no idea if it's something else, or if someone on the inside is just reading some astrology book in there and coming up with dire predictions or if they are noticing some coincidences.

I finally know who my Autistic One is--Evanna. She started out as Luna, but I didn't notice her from anyone else, I thought Luna and Autistic One were not related. But she is up at Patty's. And Luna changed her name from her character to the actress who played her in the movies, Evanna Lynch.

Three of my other soulbond witches changed to actresses too, Hilda, Gilda and Sabrina to Beth Broderick, Caroline Rhea and Melissa J Hart. And became Christians.

I do kind of wish that I could have gone on the camping trip, but I really spaced out and just was lost. I didn't want anyone to sleep in the tent with me, I didn't really have much nice in the way of food to contribute, nobody else liked hummus and pita chips. I didn't have any money to do the slightest bit of shopping, not one little thing. Depression and whatever.

I didn't even know I was multiple then. Though something positive happened last time I went. Oh, and I was having my period and that was NOT good.

And, spacy, spacy, spacy. Mostly I remember how miserable it was. But I did have one interesting discovery which might not have had had I not gone. I mentioned in the previous paragraph having a positive experience, it was just about trust. I guess I don't need to get into detail. Actually it was about the inner folk learning to trust, I think, some who needed someone on the outside to lean on.

But I have the urge to hide and withdraw, or else you could say I'm really shy. And that I need the bucks I get with housesitting. And...I'm chicken?


K, whatever, it's good to vent.

Not even sure I spelled it right. That was the first thought on my mind this morning, and something or someone tells me that it has to do with my mother. I keep thinking that it's literal, but now I'm like, no, I have nothing in real life to do with General Shalikashvili, a Polish American General. I think he resigned over what was going down in Afghanistan when Bush was still pres. (er, I could be very mistaken about that last bit)

The other thought was just plopped right on me, very clearly about my mother. Yesterday someone in my system who's been around since the early 1980s I think, did what I an a lot of other members have done, got saved. Which is probably enough to make a lot of people run screaming from the journal, but let the chips fall where they may. This happened yesterday.

Anyway, I woke up and I get the idea that my literally cursing my mother (I get a huge wave of anger and an overwhelming urge to say "God damn you ____ ____, God damn you". Needless to say she's been the kind of person that makes you want to say that. But it really does seem like I want to sort out the feelings, not just feel furious. If I feel furious still, I'm sure it's righteous anger. But Depression is my enemy, I don't want to stay mad, I want to learn from this and continue to stay insulated from her and not get involved with her attempts to draw me in to confrontation.

Anyway, did always think it was odd that Shalikashvili was so highly ranked, but foreign born, in the US Army. It's going to take me a while to figure out what the connection is to my mom--other than that I think she had an affair with a man with a Polish last name, while she was still married. She just had a friend with a Polish surname visit her. Lol.

K, whatever.

I'm reading Entity, by Eric Frattini, which is about the history of the Papal espionage service, from the days of Elizabeth I to the reign of John Paul II, Karol Wojtyla. John Paul I was his immediate predecessor, though his term lasted only a month. It was rumored at the time he died suddenly that it was an inside job, that it was strongly suspected that the new pope was going to adocate Birth Control, or loosen the Roman Catholic's stance on it. That was all I'd ever heard as far as rumor. This author thinks it had to do with money from very dubious sources such as the Mafia, money stolen from Jews and Serbs around the time of the second world war, all being laundered and channeled to fund all sorts of activities. One of these being the aid to Nazi and Serb war criminals including Josef Mengele and Ante Pavelic who was a horrible dictator in Croatia, the atrocities committed under his rule got him put in a camp for war criminals after WWII. He escaped with help, the book's author says, from the Holy Alliance, the Roman Catholic church's spy service. He went to South America with a fake Red Cross passport.