Today

HW: 145 
CW: 123
LW: 118
GW1: 115
GW2: 105

I hope i can reach my first goal by christmas, is that reasonable?

Holy this has been quite a bad week! I was going to do great because my P.E class is going swimming, i was going good, it was starting to show, i was happy to see my ribs....noww i go and binge 3 days in a row, tonight which is the night before swimming. I'm not going. I'm supposed to meet my class at the pool but I'll just "forget" to get droped off there and just go to school and won't be able to i guess. But theres no way I'm going out there in a swim suit, im far from ready for that just yet.
I've gained some weight with these binges, i purged today and tried to before.
i was at my LW but now im not. I have to get back on track. I really did want to go swimming but I blew it , i feel bad but bettr now that most of its out of me. I had a power bar, chocolate ,chocolate and more, a granola bar, candy, shit shit shit, now I feel bad but just need to get my head in the game. Tomorrow i have bball practise for 2 hours then im going to the gym with sis so should be good day tomorrow, its my re starting day. Gotta loook good for mm:)

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 So yesterday I went to my best friends house, I'm practicly family there and their family friend was there and everytime she sees me calls me sexy and hot and it makes me so uncomfortable and she keeps saying everytim i see you you are thinner and thinner and prettier and prettier ( like she acotiats the 2) 
 Then yesterday she kept being like your not anorexic are you ( and shes soo totally ANOYING )( but to everyone not just me) and my friend kept saying NOO ( she doesn't no about my ED but she has been noticing my restrictions)
And she was like talking to us and when she left she was like " well i really hope your not anorexic..or whatever you call them" 
OMGG can she be any more rude or annoying!!!! and i wanted to say  " even if i was, saying that isn't helping anyone" 
like is she friggen serious , who does she think she is, how can she just say that to me!!! how can she just say that to someone who really is anorexic ( or somone who isn't) and expect them not to be offended? 
and i was thinking " i wish i had a friend that was ana too, so i could tell them all about this" then i realized..I do!! all of you guys:D just today I rrealllly realized how much you gurls support me and keep me going. i just wish i could talk to someone in person that was my friend. well well i guess this wil have to do
LOVE You guys!

So in planning we are in a new rotation and we just started health and sex. And my teacher keeps talking about eating and i just get so uncomfortable sitting with the whole class listening to her. No one else can tell but inside I'm totally squirming. Today she was talking about depression and she said 
If you are depressed you tend to loose weight because you won't eat as much
and if you have an eating disorder , that will probably make you depressed whch is a cycle or somthing.
And as soon as she said ED i was like....!!!!!!!!!!!!! and started wondering if anyone saw a little alarm go off in me. 
Wow being a vegetarian has gone so well, its only been a week but i'm happy. I seriously want my GW1 for christmas, i want people to finaly notice me in a good way instead of a bad way. im alrea half way since i started my ticker.so far ive lost 11 pounds on my ticker and i have 11 to go:D
I'm starting to talk to my crush a little more, his best friend is going out with one of my friends and me and her were like jumping around thinking about how fun hanging out as double couples would be:D

Today was great, around 400 or less today. If you think about how much a normal person eats ( women) its around 2000 a day, we eat so much less than they do, One time i was reading a diet site and somone asked what 2468 was and then somone else explained what it was ( 200 cals, 400 cals.....) and everyone freaked out and was omg yuo can't survive on that then somone said maybe they meant 1200,1400,1600,1800 ( even that is less than a regular persons meals yet that seems SOOO huge to me:o  

 This week has been great, I feel good about most of my choices and am deff back on track. Today was pretty good, i had what i have for breakfast everymorning:
Raisin bran mixed with shreddies with soy milk ( very small bowl) 
During the week while im at school I don't eat lunch, today I had a cup of unsweetend tea. 
Then theres usually no way around dinner at my house, so i eat what is made except for meat, i don't eat that anymore. Tonight they made roast but I didn't have that, i had tiny bit of greek salad, tiny bit of green salad and a few parogies. They let me off with so little because I just got my braces changed and they hurt. Im probably going to say they hurt for longer than they do so i can get away with non solid, little portions for a while.
Then today I went to the gym, did a step class. I'm going to try a spin class before school next thursday. And next wednesday there is a kickboxing class:D yay
All is good. Tomorrow ill eat B, no L, and hopfully none-very little dinner.

Today I had around 397+ cals
b: 1 small bowl of vector cereal and milk= aprx. 230+cals
L: nothing. water
S: 1 package of craisins = 90 cals
d: liptons soup= 77+cals
but I did around 10km run.
Tomorrow is my active day, i have basket ball and the gym and yoga :D YAY I (L) yoga

 Bonjour...jk
aha well its 9:19 and I'm just waiting around my house for my parents to go to bed...
I hope to find somthing usefull to do...
I really want to read the book skinny bitch but I think the only way to buy it is to order it online which isn't an optino for me. Maybe Ill take a drive and buy it somwhere at a mall in the city...

  This weekend 2 of my friends had birthday partys and they both went out for dinner, how am i supposed to get around that? The first night I ate a lot and had candy too and felt sick I hadn't eaten all day before that because i knew we were going out. The next night was better because i rememberd how awful i had felt and i didn't want that feeling again. But i did have some cake this morning because we dind' get to eat it last night. If i say no to things like that they would ask why. They know i love cake so i can't say i don't like it.  But I'm feeling fine right now and just weighed in at 128 which is okay seeing how its in the morning and i ate. I usualy wigh myself right before i go to bed, that way if i do it at the same time everynight its more consistant. I try to only weigh my self in bra and undies because i feel like my pants probably weigh alot. I have to sneek around to weight my self because its in my parents bathroom, in their bedroom. Well so far so good but I have to think up an excuse for not eating dinnner tonight. any good ones that work?