Where the Heart of Anti-Shurtugal Rises Again.

The longer this book goes on, the more reading it becomes an unpleasant chore. I might legitimately have more fun reading a finance textbook, and nothing, but nothing, glazes my eyes over like finance.

This book does not need to exist. That has become my mantra while reading it. This book did not need to be written. This book did not need to be published. This book does not need to exist.

Next up will be Torylltales with “Tusk and Blade”. In the meantime, I’m getting back to rereading The Lord of the Rings.

Well, it looks like my time has come. No more putting it off, it’s time to wade knee-deep into this steaming pile of bullshit.

*pulls on hazmat gear*

Let’s fucking go.

This chapter is only seven pages long in the book, and and probably wouldn’t be more than four in a text document with typical margins and font size. This spork isn’t all that long either. The main reason that it took this long is because every time I tried to read this, I found myself bored out of my mind. Sure, there were a few little infuriating moments to latch onto, but for the most part my eyes just wanted to slide right off the page. Paolini’s complete inability to trim fat from his manuscripts is on full display throughout this novel, and at this point it is really starting to grate.

Epistler is up for the next chapter, “Recitations of Faith,” after which I’ll be back to spork some hideous dialogue in “The Court of Crows.” May your sporks stay sharp, friends.

Well, fuck.

Here it is, folks. The part of the book we’ve all been both anticipating and dreading. The part where Paolini decides that since he’s out of ideas, he may as well just rehash what Murtagh and Thorn went through in the main series, but on-screen this time. Yeah, just retraumatizing the boys as much as possible without doing any research on actual psychology. I’m sure that’ll work out so well.

Of course, that’s not all that’s infuriating about this section. Part III of #NotMyMurtagh also contains one of the most egregiously terrible retcons this series has ever seen. If you’ve not already read the book, prepare to scream incredulous expletives at your screen, because it’s going to be one hell of a trip. Luckily, we have Epistler taking on the duty of ripping the chapter with most of that bullshit to shreds; she’ll give it the exact harsh treatment it so richly deserves.

We’re also in for a good dose of standard Paolini awfulness as a side dish. From your standard tortured purple prose to the cultural carnage of Paolini taking another shot at prominently featuring an Urgal character to yet another attempt to write poetry, it’s a veritable smorgasbord of sloppy writing.

If I manage to get through this without punching something, it will be a goddamned miracle.

Part III: Nal Gorgoth

The Village - Epistler, SnarkbotAnya, & Torylltales collab

Bachel - ultimate_cheetah

The Tower of Flint - Epistler

Dreams and Portents - SnarkbotAnya

Recitations of Faith - Epistler

The Court of Crows - SnarkbotAnya

Tusk and Blade - torylltales

Mother’s Mercy - ultimate_cheetah

Breaking Point - Epistler

Upheaval - ultimate_cheetah

Anticipation - torylltales

The Bad Sleep-Well - Epistler

Nightmare - SnarkbotAnya

Uvek - Epistler

Obliteration - Scales

Waking Dreams -

Fragments - SnarkbotAnya

Without Flaw -

Choices - Scales

Qazhqargla - torylltales

A Question of Faith -

Black Smoke - SnarkbotAnya

Fire and Wind - torylltales

Grieve - SnarkbotAnya