Where the Heart of Anti-Shurtugal Rises Again.

Chapter Six - Questions and Answers

Eragon finally finishes reading Angela’s bullshit and stares out the window for a while. Eventually, still holding the papers, he gets up and goes downstairs. The dwarves are still there eating, which they had been when Chapter Four first started, and we found out Elva was there with them. This time, we’re informed that there are a bunch of humans chowing down, along with a few elves and absolutely zero Urgals. Why? Who knows. Eragon certainly doesn’t explain why. He does, however, make special mention how there’s a dwarf in a corner playing a flute, and this melody apparently accompanies the thrum of conversation quite well. Angela is found sitting by a fire, doing what else but knitting, because that’s all that women do for a pastime. She looks up as Eragon approaches her, but apparently that’s not enough for her to stop what she’s doing.

Eragon says he has questions. Angela quips that he has “more wisdom than most”, and I say bullshit to that, because Eragon never had questions all throughout the last four books even though he was supposed to be “always curious”. Anyway, if you’re expecting Eragon to ask any relevant questions, prepare to be disappointed, because he only asks “how much of this is true” in reference to Angela’s story. Angela laughs, and apparently it’s cold enough in this room DESPITE HAVING MULTIPLE FIRES GOING that her breath steams the air. She tells Eragon that she made it perfectly clear in her opening remarks and that it can be as true or untrue as he wants the stories to be. Eragon promptly says that she made it all up. Angela immediately says no, she didn’t make it all up, and even if she had, there are lessons worth learning in the writing. Doesn’t he agree? Eragon just shakes head, amused and exasperated with her. Because Eragon doesn’t care about learning lessons. They mean nothing to him.

Eragon grabs himself a chair and randomly starts thinking about Brom and how Brom would smoke and Eragon wonders if he should start to smoke himself, and the dwarves probably have a pipe he could have. Because any of that was necessary to what he and Angela have just been talking about. Anyway, Eragon finally asks why Angela made him read her drivel, and Angela says well, maybe there’s certain doors you need to go through. Eragon doesn’t get it, so he gets - what else - frustrated, and changes the subject to ask about the “Keeper of the Tower”. Angela quickly interrupts him to say he can’t talk about that, don’t ask questions, she’s not going to tell him anything about that guy.

Because it’s TENGA. It’s Tenga, guys. The old man that was very clearly mentally abused and then abandoned by someone he cared about when she was through with him.

Eragon just agrees without argument, but he tells us his “suspicions remained”. Not that he really cares, because if he really did want to know, he’d probably say something like “I’d like to know one day, if you’re comfortable giving me an answer” or if he wanted to be an asshole, he could just say “It’s Tenga, isn’t it?” and get his answer by her reaction. But because it’s Angela and she is more Sue-ier than Eragon is, she gets to have her way. Anyway, Eragon looks around the room and spots Elva, who is sitting and talking with a bunch of dwarves. Creepily, all of them are giving Elva 100% of their attention. Eragon asks about Elva, and Angela responds that Elva’s a “bright young woman with a bright future”, and gives Eragon a very creepy smile. Eragon ignores the smile and says that maybe he should see Elva get some training, the kind of training a person of “such great promise” needs.

Yeah, this goes nowhere, because we don’t know what kind of training Eragon is talking about, and I don’t know why Elva would even bother to accept training from Eragon anyway, since HE IS THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP HER LIFE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Also notice that Angela is the one who led Eragon to that conclusion, foisting the responsibility of actually training Elva onto him instead of doing it herself.

True to form, Angela says “exactly” in response to Eragon’s “maybe I should train her”, and even looks “both satisfied and relieved”. I am not making that up. It’s right there in the text. Angela wants zero responsibility in dealing with Elva, but she seems to want to take the glory. Angela then tries to walk back her words and make me believe that she totally didn’t mean for Eragon alone to handle Elva by saying that training Elva isn’t beyond her, oh no, never that, but that this task is best suited to be handled by more than herself.

Yeah, I don’t believe you.

Eragon says in response:

He nodded. “Of course. Elva is my responsibility, after all.” 

A responsibility you barely dealt with at best and ignored at worst until she did something you didn’t like. I distinctly remember you being willing to outright attack her and completely neuter her power in Book Three because you didn’t like her going all Evil Overlord when you removed the compulsion to help people from her, and I distinctly remember you blaming her for Wyrden’s death because she refused to go with you on your hare-brained scheme of sneaking into Dras-Leona. I distinctly remember you going to her tent and beating her with your words, blaming her for a death THAT WASN’T HER FAULT. She didn’t have to go, and even if she did, what makes you think she COULD HAVE stopped it? Like I said earlier, those purple crystals knocked out ALL magic. Elva’s ability is sourced from magic. Galby was able to STOP HER by using the Name of Names. So even knowing all that, he still blamed this little girl for refusing him, for refusing to put herself in danger just for him, and then he used her like a tool. When he and Galby were having their argument about them each bringing a child to the final battle, Eragon claimed that Elva was here of her own free will, but she wasn’t. He guilt-tripped and gaslighted her into coming. She was as much a victim as the two kids Galby kidnapped and brought to be human shields.

Human shields, mind you, Eragon was willing to kill.

After that, Eragon didn’t bother with Elva again until he went to tell Nasuada he was shirking the rest of his responsibilities to gallivant across the countryside and fuck off beyond Alagaesia’s borders, under the pretense of raising the dragons (provided they hatched) and protecting the dead dragon balls. He made Elva an offer, she refused, and he said “Deuces” and never thought about her again. He never made provisions for her, never asked her if she wanted to go him, if she wanted to learn things. He never did anything resembling responsibility toward her, and for him to do so now, it’s like… why. Why do you care so much about her now? All I can think of is that Eragon cares now because she’s in his line of sight. She’s physically there in front of him. Once she’s gone again, he won’t bother to deal with her unless she becomes a problem for him. It’s the same with Angela. All throughout the last three books, Angela was supposed to be keeping an eye on her and then “teaching her how to behave”, Angela’s words, not mine, and yet Angela was conspicuously absent for anything and everything dealing with Elva. Sure, we didn’t need to see it on the page, we could have gotten a minor sentence from Eragon stating how Angela was teaching Elva or getting ticked off at her because she’s a little monster, but we didn’t even get that. What we got was Angela talking about how she put Elva in a coma until the fighting was all done. That was the extent of their interaction. This is all bullshit.

Angela says Elva is indeed Eragon’s responsibility. Of course, he could blame this all on Brom because it’s Brom’s fault for not teaching Eragon properly. Or, how about, we blame it on the author who screwed with his own canon for the Rule of Cool? Anyway, Eragon laughs, and says that blaming the dead for the mistakes of the living doesn’t accomplish anything. We’re reminded that Angela’s been knitting this entire time and then she says that Eragon’s “grown wise” in his “old age”.

He’s fucking seventeen at the youngest. Eighteen at the oldest. Give me a break.

Eragon pretentiously says that no, he’s just trying to avoid the same mistakes he made before. Yeah, by doing absolutely nothing except whining about it all. Angela says that what Eragon said could be the definition of wisdom, and Eragon agrees, then says that just avoiding making mistakes isn’t enough to make somebody wise. He says something stupid, which is something like if one lives under a rock for a hundred years, do you learn anything? He uses a turtle as the example, rather than a person. And I suppose it would depend on what the turtle was interested in learning about. Angela counters with the same question, but this time uses a man in a tower. Eragon just gives her A Look and says maybe. Depends. Angela kinda sorta agrees with him. Eragon then stands up and offers her crap back to her, but she says to keep it. He’ll get more use out of them than she will, and besides, the words are all in her head, and that’s what really matters.

So... Angela has an eidetic memory? That’s a new one.

Eragon says he’ll tuck these away somewhere no one will ever think to look - I really hope he throws them in the fire when she’s gone - and sticks the papers in his shirt. Angela just smiles and tells him to do that. Eragon finally gives his attention back to Elva and he gets a little nervous. But he ultimately ignores it, and says that just because something is difficult or uncomfortable doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing. Which is a load of crock coming from this idiot. Every time he came across something “difficult” and “uncomfortable” he either whined about it until someone else took care of it for him, ignored it outright until someone took care of it for him, or both. Eragon hasn’t had to do anything for himself.

Need I remind you that this novel OPENED with Eragon pissing and moaning about paperwork, saying it was too difficult?

Yeah, I have no sympathy for this moron.

Eragon tells Angela they’ll talk more later, and Angela just grunts at him. Eragon then makes his way across the room, and as he does, he connects with Saphira. I bet you forgot she was even here. It’s okay. So did I. She only appears when it’s convenient. Anyway, she’s outside with Furry Rape Elf and some other nameless elves, clearing snow with fire.

...Why. Why would that be a good use of her ability? Especially when the elves have fucking magic in spades to just make the snow disappear? What are they doing about the water that gets left behind by the melting snow? Or are we just supposed to think that her fire breath is hot enough to make the water disappear, too? This is so stupid.

So, anyway, once they link up, Eragon asks if Saphira’s been eavesdropping, which she has. He says he could use her help, so she just drops everything she’s doing to go join him.

And he felt her turn and head inward. Pleased, Eragon continued on. The witch-child might prove troublesome for him alone, but even she would hesitate to disregard a dragon. Moreover, Eragon did not believe that the girl would be able to manipulate Saphira with her powers the way she might him. 

I distinctly remember Elva telling Saphira to fuck off, too, when Eragon was trying to get her to go on the Dras-Leona raid. Even though, after the whole debacle in Book Three, she told Saphira that she was her servant and she would do anything Saphira asked of her. To be fair, when Saphira did ask something of her, it was to back up Eragon and his request that she join the secret mission. Saphira never really asked Elva to do anything of her own volition - it was always for what Eragon wanted. Even now, Saphira is only interacting with Elva upon Eragon’s request. She’s not doing anything with Elva of her own volition. Worse, I think, Eragon is calling Saphira for backup because he’s such a coward that he can’t take on Elva alone. And notice Eragon is still calling Elva names. He’s still calling her “witch-child”, and perhaps disturbingly so, he isn’t even using her name in this paragraph. He isn’t looking at Elva as a person still. He’s looking at her like she’s a monster, a problem he has to deal with to his satisfaction. Eragon’s entire intention of having Saphira there is to act as a shield for him, because he’s afraid of Elva and what she could do to him. Look at his wording - he’s afraid of being manipulated by her. Ignoring the fact he’s been manipulated his entire life since becoming a Rider, he’s so afraid he might be manipulated against his will that he needs a bouncer in case Elva gets ready to take off her earrings and come after him with her shoes. Eragon still hasn’t changed from the selfish little twat he was when we first met him, and if anything, he’s gotten worse because he hasn’t learned anything about responsibility and being an adult and honorable because all he does is whine and complain and then be afraid of the shit he’s caused. I can only imagine, that if he ever did go back to Alagaesia, he’d flee at the first sign of anyone dissenting against him if he didn’t have Saphira or anyone else as backup.

Eragon says that whatever happens, it’s going to be interesting. And if you’re expecting to find out what happens, keep on dreaming. We never find out what happens.

As he stopped in front of Elva, she looked up at him with her violet eyes and smiled, wide and sharp-toothed, like a cat before a mouse. “Greetings, Eragon,” she said. 

Considering this is from Eragon’s point of view, the wording doesn’t surprise me. It bothers the hell out of me, though, because Eragon is still being a little asshole towards this little girl that he, in his ignorance and arrogance, fucked up because he felt he needed to do it after being asked and clung to by an old woman like an 80s hero on his movie poster. Of course, this is all Paolini’s fault because he decided to make up some conjugal meaning to a word that doesn’t exist and fuck with his magic system - which was always touted as “the word means the thing” so there’s only ONE WORD FOR ONE THING, and that’s why I fucking hate it that he made the ancient language both the language of his magic system and the language of the elves. Because now, as a language of a race, there has to be synonyms and antonyms and everything else that comes with a language. This completely negates the whole “one word equals one object” deal that the language was originally supposed to have. The fact that Eragon is describing Elva in terms normally reserved for villains (or anti-heroes, but I don’t think that’s what Elva is being set up as) just makes me think that Eragon (or Paolini, as he’s writing this) is almost… I don’t know… annoyed by the fact he has to be responsible for Elva, and if he can paint her as evil and ungrateful and anything else negative then, when she turns out to be an actual villain, he can say “well, I tried,” and happily chop off her head. Elva got done did dirty the moment she was introduced in Book One, and she’s still being treated like she’s shit on everyone’s shoes. At this point, I really wouldn’t be surprised if she turns out to be a Big Bad that some future Rider has to face. I can only hope that the future Rider will be smarter and more compassionate than Eragon, and they choose to save Elva instead of watching her dispassionately as she begs for help before ultimately committing suicide.

And that’s where this chapter ends. Just on that cliffhanger, if it can be called such. Do we ever find out what happened? No. This book just creates more questions than answers, and acts as a big middle finger to anyone who wants to have those answers.