Where the Heart of Anti-Shurtugal Rises Again.

Chapter Three - The Hall of Colors

And we’re back with Eragon. It’s night when he finally gets back to his body and he tells us that the only illumination in the room now comes from the flameless lanterns and the Eldunarya themselves. He stares at the floor while he recovers from his experience, and then he smiles, because he’s so happy to have seen Murtagh. He calls him his “half-brother” - because remember, they are that now, and everything Eragon has said and done to him has been forgotten and forgiven - and says that he hasn’t heard anything from Murtagh since they parted ways outside Uru’baen/Ilirea after Galby died. Eragon tells us he only got rumors about a red dragon flying here and there and yonder, and those were his only clues to know Murtagh was alive. Notice he doesn’t say anything about Thorn’s well-being. This is because the dragons are accessories to the Riders, and nothing important. He says it’s good to know Murtagh’s doing well, or at least better than before.

He deserves to be happy, Eragon thought. 

That’s the thought you take away from this whole thing? That Murtagh deserves to be happy? I mean, he does, and he deserves a hell of a lot more than that, but THAT’S THE THOUGHT YOU TAKE AWAY FROM THIS? Not “oh, shit, what kind of evil is afoot? I’d better go help!” or “I should contact him and see if he needs help!” or “shit, a magic that can stop the Name of Names? I’d better go help investigate!” Not any of those? Not anything remotely related to those? Just “I’m glad I got to see him, he’s doing well, hope he’s happy”?

YOU WERE WHINING TWO CHAPTERS AGO HOW BORED YOU WERE AND YOU WANTED TO DO SOMETHING EXCITING. This. This is exciting!

But wait! It’s work. And it doesn’t threaten him directly. It’s not like this problem has landed on Eragon’s doorstep and is forcing him to do anything about it. It’s also not like Eragon could gain even more recognition or free power ups if he went and did anything about it. Even in the next paragraph, all he does is “consider” what he saw, then complains some more about being ignorant about stuff, says he won’t do that anymore, but ultimately shrugs his shoulders and completely forgets about it. Except, of course, to turn the whole vision back to himself and his own issue, which was him complaining about all the paperwork he has to do, plus everything else he alone has to do, and he can’t trust anyone else to do it, so of course he is the only one. Eragon is such a lazy sack of shit. He can’t be bothered to do anything unless he gets something out of it first. The half-brother he was so worried about - wait. Eragon wasn’t worried about Murtagh ever. He didn’t look for him, no, but he didn’t even try either. He just listened to rumors and assumed Murtagh was just fine. And he keeps not worrying about him, too. Eragon sucks.

He has a think about Murtagh’s quest, along with Bachel, and says he’s concerned, but not THAT concerned to actually do anything about it, and only says that these things remind him that there’s so much he doesn’t know about the world and what lives in it. He says “ignorance wasn’t a flaw he could afford anymore” - even though ignorance is exactly what he dives into because he does nothing do help Murtagh on his quest or figure out who Bachel is or anything related to her - and he talks about how ignorance could be what kills those he and Saphira swore to protect. Whose ignorance, Eragon? Yours? Because you are hundreds of thousands of miles away from ANYONE you have some semblance of responsibility to, so your ignorance or lack there of won’t help them. Everyone else’s ignorance, yeah, that might get them killed for sure. Anyway, Eragon’s ultimate display of brotherly love is merely hoping Murtagh will be careful. He just knows that whatever Murtagh’s up to, it’s going to be dangerous, and while he’s certainly capable, he isn’t invincible. Eragon says “no one was”, meaning, no one’s invincible, and I have a nice hearty laugh because Eragon fucking is invincible.

Anyway, Eragon then remembers Murtagh’s advice to Essie, which is that sometimes, you just have to stand and fight, and running away isn’t an option. Suddenly Eragon has an epiphany as to why the dragons decided to show him that little aside.

His smile returned, and he let out his breath. If a girl like Essie could stand her ground and face the difficulties of her life, so too could he—and with good grace. He was a Dragon Rider, after all. It was what he was supposed to do. 

A girl like Essie is going to stab her problems with a goddamn fork. She isn’t going to face them at all. She’s going to make them disappear and then wonder why everyone’s afraid of her when she’s just so strong and brave and wonderful so love me, dammit! Seriously, just like Eragon couldn’t understand why the common folk weren’t falling all over themselves to kiss the ground he walked on, Essie isn’t going to be able to understand why nobody likes her after she’s taken a fork to another girl. I still don’t think Eragon understands responsibility. He talks about how him being a Dragon Rider means he just has to accept it, how it’s what he’s “supposed” to do, but that’s all it is. Talk. Eragon doesn’t want responsibility. That’s why he ran away at the end of Book Four. He had an out in the fact that the stupid prophesy from Book One told him he was going to leave and never return, and then another in the fact that there was a buttload of Eldunari and eggs that he needed to do something with because, oh noes, what if someone tried to steal an Eldunari? Because who in their right mind would be stupid enough to do that? Notice too how there wasn’t mention of anyone trying to steal the eggs, but that could have been because they were constantly in that stupid pocket plane that was attached to Saphira. But the point is, Essie and Eragon are two peas in a pod because they both deal with their problems in the same way. Violence.

Besides, none of the problems he was wrestling with were half so unpleasant or daunting as that nasty Hjordis. Eragon chuckled and shook his head, glad he wasn’t the one having to deal with the spoiled girl. 

Clearly Eragon was never bullied as a child. And considering how spoiled he acts in Book One - demanding Sloan to take Saphira’s egg in lieu of money for the meat, for example - I don’t think he ever got bullied by the other village children. Or Roran. This is also likely an example of Paolini’s own upbringing shining through (although it’s an assumption, but I’m not very forgiving with him) because he himself was likely never bullied. He was homeschooled, his only interaction was between his parents and sister, and when he got into the “real world”, so to speak, he was treated like a once in a lifetime genius and was shielded from every negative comment he received from the public. As far as I know, he never made friends when he was still in those formative years where children get bullied by their peers. So he doesn’t know what it’s like to be bullied. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of bullying, or being the one doing the bullying. Or maybe does, considering he and Sanderson bullied Robin Hobb at one event the three were at. But the point is, for Eragon to decide that Hjordis is a “spoiled girl” is very pot the calling kettle black. He doesn’t know Hjordis, and he only saw Essie’s point of view. He watched and listened to this girl describe what happened to her, and instead of standing up for herself, she hurt someone she called a friend (which is something Eragon did constantly throughout the books, if you’d care to recall. remember all the times he whined about Murtagh being his friend but when it came down to it, Murtagh was the first person Eragon demanded to kill outright?) and she’s planning on hurting Hjordis in order to get her friend to forgive her for what she did and like her again. Eragon is such a fucking asshole. You can obviously tell that he doesn’t have any empathy or understanding for Hjordis because she’s not a Sue. Essie is. Even though Essie herself is a right spoiled brat. Remember, all we know about Hjordis is that she torments Essie and that she lives near the castle and her father is the chief mason of Ceunon. We never saw the event Essie describes. We see Essie tantruming through the city and she tells us what happened and why she did what she did, but there’s got to be more to the story. A true dragon Rider who cares for the people would have investigated and figured out what the truth was, but not Eragon. And look his last line - he’s “glad he wasn’t the one having to deal with the spoiled girl”. Because that’s work. That’s responsibility. Eragon doesn’t want that.

I can’t remember if this was written before he became a father or after, but it doesn’t give me a warm and fuzzy feeling to think that this is Paolini’s attitude toward feuding children. It really makes me wonder if he just makes his wife deal with the kids and the temper tantrums and the sibling bullying and steps back and says it’s not his problem. I really hope not. I hope that he’s a better man than his self-insert, but my god, this entire attitude Eragon has toward hard work and responsibility just seems extremely reflective of how his author views his own life and how he should be treated.

Glaedr asks if the change of scenery helped and Eragon nods, even though Glaedr can’t see him do it, and he stands up. Then he says yes, it helped, and he thanks them all. They all say he’s welcome. Then Eragon whines that they called him “youngling” and that one day they’ll consider him all grown up! But not today. Eragon leaves and goes back upstairs. Eragon takes a moment to have a think about the grass ship that Murtagh saw, which indeed is the same one Ayra had made so long ago, and then he also reminds us he made a gold lily and that’s all about that. Doesn’t even bother to wonder if the flower still exists, if it propagated. Nope, just like in Book Three where it appeared and quickly disappeared, it does the same thing here. Eragon blah blahs about Arya’s little grass ship, we don’t care, and then we get reminded Saphira does still in fact exist. Eragon undresses - so he sleeps naked? - and crawls under her wing to cuddle up with her. Saphira simply says “so?” when he comes back, and Eragon says she was right and he needed the break. She hums, and says he’s much nicer when he isn’t being a little asshole. He laughs about that and he shows her what he got to see. After, Saphira says she’d like it if Murtagh and Thorn came to stay with her and Eragon. I’m not sure Murtagh and Thorn have the same feeling. Anyway, Eragon says he wishes they’d come stay with them, too. Saphira asks if Eragon thinks they have another enemy hidden in Algalaglag and he says:

“I don’t know. If we do, they’re just one more added to the lot. I wouldn’t worry about it.” 

But you should worry about it! And what enemies do you have, Eragon, besides the ones you yourself make? Unless it’s an antagonist (or protagonist, depending on the point of view) from a spitefic or fanfic, you don’t have any enemies! The fact that you aren’t even bothered by Murtagh’s situation just screams “not my problem”. And, true to form, Murtagh takes care of said problem before you even have to get off your fat duff and do some work. I know people with power are allergic to work, but this is just ridiculous. The fact that Eragon says not to worry about this potential magic that can foil even the Name of Names is bothersome to me on account of the fact that, if that magic were to drop a big steaming load on his doorstep, he’d whine and cry about it, throwing an epic tantrum of epic proportions, until a Deus ex Machina arrived to save his ass and do the work for him. Eragon hasn’t had to work for anything in his entire life, and he still doesn’t, because he’s living the cushy life while Murtagh is out doing the grunt work and Arya… well, I have no idea what she’s doing, but I’m guessing elf-queen stuff since she doesn’t seem to be that interested in doing Rider stuff. I don’t remember her ever being mentioned in Murtagh’s Brick as an active party in the story, but then, at the time of writing this, I still haven’t gotten past Morontagh fucking around in the lake with the giant ass murder fish. Eragon is such a lazy dickwad! I wouldn’t be surprised if we came back to him in a later book and he’s got some big tittied slave girl feeding him grapes while he watches new Riders kill themselves for his amusement. If this was how the Riders of old acted, then I’m glad Galby led a revolution on their butts. They wouldn’t lift a finger to help anyone unless it directly affected them or a huge amount of money were shoved under their noses.

Saphira agrees, then settles down to sleep, saying to leave the worries for tomorrow. Eragon agrees with her, so he closes his eyes and snuggles up to her, and says for the first time since arriving here, he has the best sleep of his life.