i feel a little less salt each time

It's been a crazy ride this last few years, but I'm about to hop off this train and embark on a whole new adventure. Toddler in tow I'm heading back to Chicago to return to my former glory of driving, drumming, and exploring my life.

I'm determined to continue pushing my business forward, and hopefully get it off the ground. Pretty soon I'll be tipping my hat to Montague, so if anyone wants to see Lucas and I before we leave, let me know.

from the moment we found out i was pregnant we were both pretty sure it was a girl. we even agreed on a girl's name, finding it difficult to decide on one for a boy. it seems however, we do in fact have to find one because IT'S A BOY!!!

i can't believe how rapidly my life has changed in the last few months. and how it continues to do so. it's amazing how one small moment can completely shift everything you've ever thought you wanted.

it would be freaking fantastic to not throw up several times a day every day. seriously.

it's not fun keeping secrets. especially not ones i want to tell everyone.

for the first time in a long time i'm fighting the urge to cut myself.

so this should get updated more often. not just because i have shit to say but because i don't want my journal so full of freaking depressing stuff and/or all this old junk.

my life rocks. the end.

no but seriously. i have the greatest job. the best coworkers. amazing family. awesome friends. and even though everything is confusing and unsteady i'm hopefully on the verge of an amazing relationship.

i can't help but feel like it's not fair. that she should be the one alone and lonely.

it kills me when you post songs that used to be our songs. because then i wonder. if you're thinking about me. or him.

i've actually been entertaining myself lately with my little random moodswings. especially when i get bitter and cynical. last night i was convinced that the only reason we have fairy tales is to give people just enough hope so that they don't kill themselves and they continue to procreate thus ensuring the survival of the human race. 'happily ever after' does not exist. and those couples who do make it all the way through smiling in the end are probably suffering from some sort of disillusionment. or they're just so happy that they don't have to be alone. and your reward for suffering through years with one person. watching them die. before your eyes. great.

maybe i need to stop watching house so much.

"kissing jessica stein" was good for my heart. i realized how much i missed watching it.

i'm definitely ready for a night out this weekend.