bucky

Pregnancy woes

It's no wonder why so many women question everything they do when it comes to parenting; listening to hospital staff while you are pregnant makes you think you are doing everything wrong.  At least in my case, every time I go to the doctors I feel like I have to defend myself.  Here are some things I've dealt with since I've become pregnant:
1) Midwife: "You're overweight so we have to test you for diabetes in the first trimester.  Don't worry that you have severe morning sickness and can't keep food down or just can't eat at all." - I am under the impression that because I hadn't eaten for at least 18 hours prior to taking the test that it skewed the results since I was under severe starvation mode and they just dumped a whole bunch of sugar in my system.
2)  Nurse: "All you have to do for the 3 hour glucola test is go in and have your blood drawn 3-4 times over a 3 hour period.  No, you won't have to take the sugar drink." - Lie!  This was told to me after I informed the nurse I had severe morning sickness.  Not only did I have to take that stupid sugar drink but it twice the amount it was the first time.  I was so freakin nauseous  and sick, it's a wonder I was able to hold it in because I would have had to take it again if I got sick.
3) Nutritionist: "Gestation diabetes comes on in some women because of the hormonal dump each trimester.  You did nothing wrong. Your blood sugar numbers look great and the fact you workout a lot is good but you are not eating enough.  I wouldn't even be able to eat that little. " - I've actually lost 15 pounds since getting pregnant.  Not good but by that point (once I was through the severe morning sickness) I was eating more than before I got pregnant
4) Doctor (1st visit/4months - did not even look at my blood sugar readings):  "You were probably diabetic before you were pregnant.  You need to do a hemoglobin A1C.  If you diet and exercise you could have avoided being diabetic" - see note from nutritionist
5) Doctor (2nd visit - saw the results of HbA1C & daily readings) - "Your blood sugars are doing great but your blood pressure is a little high today.  Even though your blood pressure has been great until now, I think you are headed for preclampsia.  You were probably hypertensive before you got pregnant. Do you get headaches?"  Yes, I've had migraines once a month for years that will only go away with medicine I can't take while I'm pregnant "Oh well, next time you have one that won't go away with tylenol you need to go to the ER because your blood pressure is probably high."  - Even after telling him I check my blood pressure at home and it's fine he insisted I have a problem.  No sir, the problem is your office checked my blood pressure as soon as I sat down even though you are suppose to wait 5 minutes (I learned with my last pregnancy that if they would just wait that 5 minutes my blood pressure is perfectly normal).

Despite not believing I'm diabetic or hypertensive I continue to check myself constantly.  You know what the numbers show?  Nothing, there isn't a darn thing wrong with me.  I'm no longer being super picky about the carbs I eat either.  In fact if I want spaghetti with more than 1/3 cup of noodles by golly I'm gonna eat more because this baby is hungry.  But yeah... blood sugar is still within normal range.  In fact lately the numbers have been super low.  After eating, I'm allowed for it to go up to 135 before being concerned but within the past month I'm surprised if it gets above 110 and it usually hovers around 80-90.
bucky

It's so easy to hide when nobody cares

4 years ago I started on a journey that changed my life completely - I became pregnant! While it contained a lot of joy that only a parent can comprehend, it also lead me down a road to severe depression. I gained way too much weight. I already had a problem with my metabolism before but while pregnant I was put on bedrest for the last few months and the weight just piled on. After giving birth and reading various articles of how easy it is to shed the pounds after pregnancy, I thought I would be able to lose it. It never happened! In fact it was so depressing that I couldn't lose weight, I actually started gaining weight.

To deal with it, I hide. I no longer seek out friendships, no longer contact long time friends, no longer actively look to hang out with people. I'm still visible via social media so if anyone wants to find me they can but no one does. And even if they did, I am just so uncomfortable about how I feel in front of anyone that I would probably found a way to avoid it.

Holiday get togethers with family (especially in-laws) makes me altogether freak the fuck out. My husband usually drags me to them even though I have an absolute horrid time because I think everyone is judging me (it's not paranoia when I know they talk behind my back). And then my husband always asks me that dreaded question every time we are over at his family gatherings: "aren't you going to eat?" Even though he knows I cannot stand the thought of eating in front of others. I suppose he is looking out for me and he gets super upset when I go through periods of not wanting to eat anything at all but I can't help that when I look in the mirror I am completely revolted by what I see. I eat less than my husband, workout a lot, and yet he's the skinny one. Ugh.
bucky

Day 1 cont

4:30- chicken breast on foreman grill with cinnamin, 1/3cup applesauce, 2tsp chia seeds, 1/2 mixed veggies (canned, no sodium)
7:00 - handful no salt added tortilla chips (couldn't fight the cravings)

I wanted to run but daughter didn't fall asleep until 9something.  She kept coming out of here room looking for me.  It has also been threatening to storm.  Checking the radar it even looks like it will rain tomorrow morning so I can't even run then.  Perhaps when Jason gets back from his drug screen and it is cool enough I'll run. 
bucky

For Lele-chan

Here's a list of my recent favs:

4 Strings - Let it Rain
4 Strings - Take me Away
Black Rock - Blue Water
Goldfrapp - Strict Machine
Goldfrapp - Fly me Away
Goldfrapp - Ooh La La
Iio - Is it Love
Iio - Kiss you
Kate Ryan - Libertine
Kate Ryan - Desenchatee
Kate Ryan - Voyage Voyage
Lautsprecher - Omnibus
MSTRKRFT - Element of Danger
MSTRKRFT - The Looks
MSTRKRFT - Easy Love
MSTRKRFT - Work on You
Olav Basoski - Waterman
Mason vs Princess Superstar - Perfect
Outfly - La Marche de la Lune

Hope you like!
bucky

Por Fin

  So the last day in Guatemala has finally arrived.  While I am grieved about how fast the time went here, I am also glad to be heading back home.  I have had so much fun while here but also some pretty stressful times when it came to the whole language barrier thing.  About 12 hours from now I will be on my way to the airport where I will be trapped in a  whole day's worth of traveling.  So not looking forward to that part but hopefully within 36 hours from now I will be safe in my own bed.  I should be arriving in Fort Lauderdale at around oneish (after clearing customs and all) with an 8 hour overlay.  Icky, but for those I haven't talked to in 3 weeks be expecting a phone call because I will once again have reception. 
  Hopefully I will see Lele-chan, Megs, Holli and everyone else in the next week or so.  BTW, is anyone up for coming with me to New Orleans in a week?  Ttyl for now.


-Rue B
bucky

No matter what you do

Totally love this song and I like the video only in that it messes with your head. :P



"Tell me what your spirit says
show me what you pray
teach me every single part
I'll be your guide
you are a prisoner
looking for to be..
you can change your face
but can't change your mind
no matter what you do
no matter what you do
no matter what you do
no matter what you do
no matter what you do
no matter what you do
no matter what you do"

Can you really change your mind?
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