#manners

I feel as though what drives most rude / inconsiderate behavior I experience IRL on a day to day basis comes from a place of having this unearned and unnecessary sense of urgency in situations that aren't actually urgent. I think if more people became aware of this completely unnecessary sense of urgency in situations that actually aren't urgent, it might make co-existing and sharing public spaces with other people a lot easier and more tolerable.

That text post that's been making the rounds that goes something like "Omg you made it to the same red light as everyone else but faster and more dangerously and recklessly, should we call nascar? Do you want a medal?" summarizes exactly what I'm trying to talk about.

It's like when I have to change buses at one of the bigger and busier bus stops, and the people who get off the same bus as me shove and elbow past me to get off before me, and then shove and elbow past anyone even slightly in their way on the way to the bus they're switching to, only to end up on the same bus as all the people they shoved and elbowed, with several minutes to spare before it leaves and plenty of open seats left.

I think this unnecessary urgency a lot of people feel in their day to day lives drives a lot of bad behavior. I'm not saying I'm innocent of this (is anyone?), I've felt it too in plenty of situations that didn't call for it, and regrettably was less kind than I should have been as a result. But I try to be aware of it, and always try to ask myself it it's really as urgent as my lizard brain is trying to tell me it is, and even if it was urgent, does that still justify unkind behavior?

Is shoving or elbowing another person aside going to make the difference between whether or not you make it to the bus before it pulls away? (hint: at least where I live, most of the time that's a no because the drivers usually won't leave if they see people from another bus heading towards their bus). Is shoving and elbowing people aside in a crowded grocery store going to make any real difference in how quickly you get your shopping done?

Does a few extra seconds of time actually justify cruel and unkind behavior towards people you perceive as slightly inconveniencing you?

fill in the form, dimwit

My mom was a huge stickler for manners, a few in particular. Most specifically that kids must always give up their chair to an elder. If it got to the point that an adult had to ask for a seat we had done fucked up. Every family gathering the kids would pop up when an adult joined the room.

This got amusing as it was an inter generational trait. Every person was subject to this conditioning. Any younger person was obligated to give up their chair to an older person. One Christmas the family was sprawled in my nana's dining room. Everyone was laughing and chatting when my great-grandma walked into the room. Every single person in the room jumped to their feet to offer her their chair in unison- except one.

My dad, engrossed in telling a story, had missed the memo. He looked up in bewilderment as the whole family stared at him in outrage that he'd stayed seated when the oldest person present had walked in.

He's never lived it down.

Etiquette Problems in Pictures, Lillian Eichler, 1924