jackass of all trades

i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes

I'm rooming w a buddy of mine who's Chinese and she started playing some MMO and I was like, what's with the Chinese music and she was like "I just call it music. Just a lil glimpse into how Chinese I am." Which is a funny little response except she is high as fuck and stretched it out to approximately three unbroken minutes because she kept laughing too hard at her own punchline

Idea of kitties so mazing

Youre Little Friend With The Ears

Im dryin up faster than lake mead just thinking about it

Futures

Made of

Ethical romantasy

[woman who has never been gentle with herself voice] I just need to be more disciplined

me and this random couple are going to see sinners this friday

Everyone wish me luck on my date today I’m so nervous what if they don’t like me…

You show up and Michael B Jordan is sitting in both seats.

☝️only funny addition so far. I’m actually shocked nobody else thought of that yet

updated the character limit on the blinkie maker! previously 15 characters, you can now attempt to cram a whopping 25 characters on your blinkies!! certain fonts and font sizes WILL cut off. use your best judgement ok?

perfect

Can you say one of your younger friends or family who is rude, rascal and violent is cute because of their appearence even if they were adult!?

Please imagine;

You are around 60 years old, and your son in law around 25 years chases you at full speed then bites and beats you every day, can you say he is cute!?

you cant call it that

her cookie make me pitch a tent because shes fat & weird and now I will expire in 1-3 days

im literally in tears what the fuck

world changing post

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

man what the fuck ever