walking is still honest

@againstme / againstme.tumblr.com

dear mother, this is just survival.
chase | 25 | they/them

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it's been ages since i've posted here, but it's my birthday week (turning 25 on saturday, holy shit) so why not. i knit now, have been since december or so but it's been quite literally the best decision for my mental health i've ever made.

i'm in therapy! have been for almost a year now :D my therapist knits! also i won a yarn shopping spree from a big yarn brand a few weeks ago and i'm waiting on my order to come in :3 and i keep getting wonderful yarn sent to me by knitting friends of mine so i guess i got no choice but to keep it going!

so if i post a lot about knitting here... i might make a knitting account but i just wanted to give a weather update that things have calmed down in my life significantly since being able to move. knitting has been a huge contributor to that. that's all β™₯οΈβœ¨πŸ˜–

One thing about me is that I love looking up lists of things on Wikipedia. Just now I was looking up the names of hex colors and I learned about zomp.

Top tier color. Naming my firstborn Zomp now. #zomp

stoned with by bf, knitting, watching dimension 20. as god intended

T_T I wish bathroom-related disabilities weren’t still today the subject of so much baseless ableism and hatred.. When you learn that kind of shame, it can kill you. People think β€œit’s too embarrassing to be seen buying an enema, or to go to the ER and need a manual disimpaction. I’ll just wait this one out” and then the bowel perforates and that can kill you in no time at all. And a LOT of it is just because of the meaningless stigma surrounding something as universal and basic as.. peeing and pooping?? That’s insane! Most everyone does it! Get over yourself and stop perpetuating shame!! Knowing someone has to wear a diaper will not kill you, but the embarrassment that person feels might just kill them!!

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idk why young people knotting is seen as a loser or antisocial thing tbh when i do it in public people seem happy to see it and sometimes they even stop to talk to me about it it's genuinely swret. okay now before i press post i want it to be known i noticed the typo just in the nick of time but decided to leave it anyway for the same reason some people keep the bullet that killed them as a memento of what couldve been for the rest of their lives

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hey. you. yeah im talking to you 🫡 listen. before you send that ragebait ask or pick a fight with op over something they didn’t say, how about you cast on 49 sts, *k1 p1 until end of row, repeat * for 49 rows, cast off and weave in ends and make yourself a nice little washcloth

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I'm knitting in the corner at a party

and guys my age stop by to tell me I remind them of their aunt, of their grandmother. This is a compliment and I take it as such. They confess to having tried crochet once, and I smile. They get back in line for the bathroom.

I'm knitting in the corner at a party and a queer woman sits on the floor next to me, arranges her skirt, and smiles up at me. (I try not to blush.) She asks me all the questions on her mind about my craft and I answer them, hands still moving. We swap yarn sources. She doesn't stay, but she knows where to find me.

I'm knitting in the corner at a party and everyone knows where to find me when they need a minute, when socializing is too much and the music is too loud and they need to catch their breath. They pretend to be checking in on me, which is sweet, but I can see the relief in their eyes the moment they stop performing for a house full of people. They sit down and tell me things and all the while they never take their eyes off my hands.

The party has wound down and I'm still knitting and the hosts, two guys in their twenties, thank me for "helping to curate the vibe." I had no idea that's what I was doing. I leave the party having forgotten to drink anything and without that woman's number but with many rows added to my top-down raglan sweater. I call it a night, and a good one.

Many lgbt teenagers and young adults growing up on the internet today have socially conservative beliefs that they voice at all times that they got from their conservative parents which they’ve never challenged because they think the life experience of being gay or trans makes them politically progressive

This is why I hate it when people say something homophobic and then go β€œso you’re really accusing me, a whole ass lesbian, of being homophobic πŸ™„β€ like yeah

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british