I haven't paid my phone bill in so long that my number was canceled. I owe almost $6,000 to the bank. I owe the state of Massachusetts $500.
I need a second job and there is nothing in this fucking town that will pay me enough to dig myself out of this hole.
I'm still sick and I really wish some hot guy would just walk in an ask me to marry him so I could stop being such a whiny bitch.
On the bright side ... ............well I am sure there is something to be happy about but I just can't think of it right now. Apparently I am too busy making myself miserable - I need to shut up.
I really want to start answering people that ask me "what's new?"
What I really want to say is, "I got accepted into COLLEGE!" Not to see the look of shock and/or excitement that will flit across their stupid fucking faces, but to see how disappointed they will look after they realize that I was kidding.
No one talks to me! I am being such a baby about everything now but I really feel like every time I say something it's unimportant and gets ignored. It's not true, maybe it's just the people that I am trying to make talk to me don't want to, but even so I'm being a stupid little bitch.
I'm going on a road trip which is pretty nice, Boston, New York, Maryland and Philadelphia with Katie Greg and the other Katie. I'm excited about it I just feel so tired and upset when I wake up every day and it takes Katie and Diane all day to get to me to loosen up, I feel guilty about that but I don't know what my problem is. I don't want to know what it is ..they said I should go to therapy but I don't want to. Maybe I should start doing drugs again
You know what I learned today? While sitting in the UMO parking lot I discovered that in the corners of my mouth there are little folds that allow my top lip to completely cover my bottom lip and, in affect, make it appear as if I have swallowed all but my goatee!
The dog, Cora, ate shrooms the day before yesterday. She was tripping BALLS under the kitchen table when Katie found her...but she's back from the vet now and completely drug free. I love the vet, every time I go my cats' doctor asks me how they are and it makes me so happy that someone else loves my cats as much as I do. I love her, my cats are so fucking cute. I need to take a really good picture of Toaster and Microwave together and give it to her, I don't have any pictures of Nuke at all only Toaster becase she's a big whore.
Cora's vet tech. is cuter though, his name is Nick and he is adorable - possibly gay but also possibly married? I think I saw a ring. But I have a ring on my ring finger too, it's pierced through it and I'm not married! Maybe I have a shot ...
I am so tired all the time now, it could be something wrong with me or maybe just the weather but all I want to do is sleep and watch movies and eat cookies and sleep.
Kelly Hartwell gave me some AMAZING shoes, they are George Washington shoes and they are so great.
Katie and I spent almost $100 on movies the other night. The Go-Getter is my favorite so far. Zooey Deschanel and Jena Malone have never been better and it even had Maura Tierney as a chain-smoking pet shop manager, it was incredible. Scoop is funny and cute, Woody Allen and Scarlett Johansson are amazing together. Itty Bitty Titty Committee EVERYONE needs to see this movie. It's about lesbians but I love it.
We also got KIDS, DEBS, Underworld & Underworld II, and more good oldies.
I keep feeling real lost. I want more music but I don't want to download it, and I need money and I make a lot but it all flies out the window. I want to watch movies but feel like I am doing something with my life, I can't focus and I'm wearing the wrong shoes.
I just found my phone after a week of wondering where the fuck it was. It was in my coat pocket.
Let me talk about some crazy good shit for a moment:
I'll start with the bad parts, 1. Katie's in New York at a concert. Without me - uh yeah. 2. My phone is off again because I can't pay my bill. 3. I'm working a lot and I'm poor. 4. I have mad overdue bills
BUT I had to work tomorrow morning, babysitting at the Jew House of God And Other Jewy Things (the temple) and Diane (Katie's mom) called and said I was sick. Then she just told me to relax, stay up late and do whatever and sleep in tomorrow. YESSSS.
And so the best parts of my night that make everything GREAT:
I watched What Happens In Vegas with Eva and she was happy. Even though Katie punched her IN THE FACE this morning. hahahahahahaha
I am watching a movie about crazy 40 year old lesbians in a punk rock band [Prey Rock and Roll]. IT'S GREAT - but I went to smoke the bong and came back and the channel was IFC and this is the movie descrption: [The Prophecy] CHRISTOPHER WALKEN (1995) plays Gabriel who, jealous that God gave souls to humans, leads a an army of evil angels to raise hell on Earth.
It's been a pretty good day. I want to go to a bakery.
--thought I figure that if I were to settle down somewhere on Earth as I approach the end of my stay here.. I might possibly be an old man. Interesting thought, I thought. I have never let ideas of old age or educational plans get stuck in my head too long, but I've only just begun to question why I avoid concentrating on my future. Future as in anything can happen, tomorrow but then next week and two years from then. In the last few days I have started getting nervous about a feeling that there is some gargantuan mass of undefined pressure locking onto me. *You are going to have to get inside my head for a second: I just picture a heavy, watery..amoeba floating above my head. It has a definite complexion of its own, a feeling or attitude of fixed place there, with me.. like it knows me in a daunting, private way. There's a sensation like eyes burning in the back of my head so I drop my head back and I vaguely recognize it. I don't know what it is or why all of a sudden it is directly on top of me but feeling as if I knew it was there all along. Confused, I pull my neck up and all around me is a shadow. My throat dries out and a fierce bolt of charged, excruciating tension strikes and swells in my chest. I don't even try to move because I don't know how - like I don't even have limbs but only phantom limb syndrome.
That scenario has been flashing in the front of my mind and it splits my thoughts into different directions. First thought - of course - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME and WHY am I have ridiculous daydreams that I am taking seriously?! But in the spirit of learning more about myself I decided to just see where my mind led me and I think I need some help on it: Speaking in terms of societal expectations I don't know if I Do or I should feel that my metaphysical "amoeba ghost" is simply my sign to either ignore the pressure and be consumed by it or acknowledge it and start facing my obvious fear of growing up.
First of all: I have never thought about growing up, in a serious way. So I can't say if I am afraid of it or if I need to think for myself and understand that it is just my nature to roll with the punches. But it does worry me now that I have thought about it.. Am I avoiding something that "every man has to face" or am I just going my own way? And if I am going my own way then is my ghost pressuring me to find out what I want? Living on your own path to fulfillment and going through the day by dealing with it challenge by challenge is no worse than making a plan and fighting for it. It leaves more room to enjoy the tiny, beautiful things in life. But the question is could I do both? Could I actually make a plan and then include working my way through it into my every day? And is now the time to try? I have 4 jobs, and a lot going on so maybe I need to wait a little longer to think about this. But I have been putting it off for a couple years, it made sense to not go to college right after high school and I still think it was the right choice. But when and where do I start finding what I want?
I have only gotten so far in answering these questions: .I don't think it is crazy for me to have a ghost in my head. All I know is that it brought up all of these questions that worry me and regardless of it's actual purpose ...or existence.. it has interrupted my routine for a reason. .I know that I would prefer to simply choose my own way, like I always have. But with my current situation what it is there is no proof that it has ever worked for me. Maybe resorting to a more organized life plan would force me to really figure out what I want and lead me to actually doing something about it. .Maine does not give me the field of opportunity that I know I can find elsewhere, and I am thinking about doing something I know that I want to try without a doubt so I will open my mind to go anywhere.. it's just a matter of figuring out what I'm looking for. Maybe a school, or an international program...
I need help.
I feel like an old Indian woman that always waves her arms and mumbles. With lots of beads. Why can't you just google "What do I want?"
EVERYONE I KNOW -student- DAVID F. CHAPMAN -aspiring ... gypsy?-
I got a phone call from my horrid mother the other day about 15+ bank notifications showing up in her mail box. If you haven't heard I was booted from my apartment and started living with a family that I "manny" for and my mail has apparently been forewarded to my mom's address. ANYWAY: I went online to look at my account and was in debt for about $300.00 and I have no fucking idea why until I look at all the charges which were from weird websites and gas stations. SO, naturally, I think it's Krystin because she's a stupid little girl who has actually tried to do that shit to people before so why not me? But it wasn't her, kind of unfortunate, I called one of the "Contact Us!" phone numbers on the first website that charged me to ask what the fuck I was paying for and it was porn. The next website: porn. More porn after that. ... just porn and cigarettes from the looks of it and I could not figure out who the fuck would have found my card that I had put away before I moved. I had to call the bank and bitch at a clerk to get her to give me my card number so that I could call to get all the charges cancelled - which was not easy. But the first call I made was the porn website and they asked "Is there a particular reason you are cancelling with us Mr. Rodgers?"
HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE to a) Commit Identity Theft and b) USE YOUR OWN FUCKING NAME TO ORDER PORN ON A STOLEN CREDIT CARD. Even better, I happen to know a Mr. Rodgers. His name is Aaron and he is sometimes a Ms. (Drag Queen and flaming homosexual) Rodgers. The next step one must take when going after a rogue queen with your check card is: call the fucking cops. I HATE police officers, they are all fucking FUCKING useless and I definitely got the cream of the crop to help me out. When they dispatched Officer Genius to the house to get a report started so that I could get my money back he was obviously not paying attention. Not only that I went through the whole process with him even SAYING that in order to receive a reimbursement from the bank I needed a full police report and he tells me as he is leaving "By the way I'm going on vacation for a week so we'll have to wait until next Monday to finish up this paperwork."
fuck you.
In other news: being a Manny/Personal Assistant is really working out, I love it. The only problem is that I barely go to the store anymore, for almost three weeks now. Things will even out when I have my own place again but I am going to have a real hard time finding someone that will rent to me. But I also work as a ChaCha Guide, which is amazing. Anyone can text any question to ChaCha (242-242) and Guides get paid to answer these questions so you don't have to fuck around with computers. It's free to ask because they are advertisement based so people ask evveerythhingg it's great. My first one yesterday was: Random teenager: What's the average penis size? Dave: Penises come in all shapes and sizes! But the average length depends on age, for adults it is from 5-7". Thanks for using ChaCha!
It always makes me feel better when I am stressed out, I just go make a little money and answer weird questions. Sometimes you learn some really random facts trying to find an answer to an interesting question but a lot of them are just asking for directions.
So I am working for Ofelia's - if you didn't know. It's weird updating on this but I felt it necessary considering a lot has happened.
1) after Krystin and I left Microdyne my life barely improved. 2) I got sick of feeling like I was regressing and Krystin left after we "fought" 3) I was already spending all my time with Sergio and Blake with not working and all so when the thrift store had to move twice because of bitch-ass republican shop owners and former thieving volunteers I just .. Had nothing else to do and got totally sucked in. In a good way. 4) I work 24/7 at our new store. Thrift store/The Exchange - it's awesome. 5) Sergio and I can put shows on again. 6) I have two cats and they are awesome. 7) a lot of people came home from school and it's really fun to see all the bitches. Kelly Hartwell is a blast we stayed up watching Dogma and All Dogs Go To Heaven and other fantastical movies for 12 hours. Sarah's home and I started hanging out with Devin and Colleen again. Everything's good.
