The dog, Cora, ate shrooms the day before yesterday. She was tripping BALLS under the kitchen table when Katie found her...but she's back from the vet now and completely drug free. I love the vet, every time I go my cats' doctor asks me how they are and it makes me so happy that someone else loves my cats as much as I do. I love her, my cats are so fucking cute. I need to take a really good picture of Toaster and Microwave together and give it to her, I don't have any pictures of Nuke at all only Toaster becase she's a big whore.
Cora's vet tech. is cuter though, his name is Nick and he is adorable - possibly gay but also possibly married? I think I saw a ring. But I have a ring on my ring finger too, it's pierced through it and I'm not married! Maybe I have a shot ...
I am so tired all the time now, it could be something wrong with me or maybe just the weather but all I want to do is sleep and watch movies and eat cookies and sleep.
Kelly Hartwell gave me some AMAZING shoes, they are George Washington shoes and they are so great.
Katie and I spent almost $100 on movies the other night. The Go-Getter is my favorite so far. Zooey Deschanel and Jena Malone have never been better and it even had Maura Tierney as a chain-smoking pet shop manager, it was incredible. Scoop is funny and cute, Woody Allen and Scarlett Johansson are amazing together. Itty Bitty Titty Committee EVERYONE needs to see this movie. It's about lesbians but I love it.
We also got KIDS, DEBS, Underworld & Underworld II, and more good oldies.
1) School's over, I didn't graduate on time. I have to wait three months. 2) Coffee Express sucks, I think my boss is poor and so I'm looking for a new job. 3) Despite the fact I don't have reliable income I am looking at a few apartments tomorrow. Singles -ugh. 4) I overdrew a total of $30-something dollars in my checking account and Bank of America charged me $237.00. 5) I am completely broke for the first time in ..a year? 6) I'm staying in Maine, I finally decided. Depends on what kind of a lease I have to sign, but hopefully I won't trap myself here for more than a year. 7) I'm getting a license and a car. It doesn't even SOUND right, so maybe I'll just get my license and call it good.
The good news is that if I like the small, single bedroom "loft" (hah, Bangor.) apartment I am going to see tomorrow, it's only $425 a month. It has mostly new appliances, everything works and it's not in any of the bad parts of town, so maybe a little pricey for the size of it but $425 for my own space is justifiable. The only stipulation that I know of so far is cats are the only pets allowed. And after the last month of practice-apartment sitting, I will not be getting a fucking cat. It's a little place but it's above a ghetto bookstore and across the street from the Ice Cream Saloon. What upp.
Today after school I walked around, had lunch with Lily and went to the DMV for my driver's test. They messed something up but didn't tell me what and so I had to take the written test and now, instead of a license, I have TWO PERMITS! Lucky me. I'm just not meant to get it. I'll probably still send in again anyway.
It pissed me off, it completely ruined my day. They were so rude to me, and acted like I didn't know what I was talking about. They made it seem like I made the mistake and when I showed them what they did wrong the woman just said "Well, send this form in. NEXT." I am now dreading New York City....
I'm tense, tired and my foot hurts. I was waiting for Devin and Colleen to call me back but they got tied up. So I fell asleep looking up at this tree while I was laying down in the median in front of Bapst. Weird. I got new pants though.. they're neat.
my zits hurt and I miss people. You know when you're just too _______ to do anything productive about it?
I've started two letters that I have absolutely no choice but to finish and send by tomorrow. It's ridiculous how I commit myself to things that are fine ideas, but I force myself to go about it in the most difficult way possible.
I spilled coffee on myself today, so much that it soaked every private area I have and then I entertained all of K Mart with my wet pants. When I took my underwear off it look like I had the most disgusting accident in eighteen-year-old history.
There is a problem in my diet, I've urinated countless times today and I am about to poop for the third time. Not even six months ago I was struggling to poop at least THREE times a week, I think the root of the problem is my hypochondria. suuurrrppprrriiiissseee surprise.
Tomorrow I leave for New York .. Leave for Portland around 4:00 Flight (supposedly) leaves at 7:40 (big storm tomorrow) I return in the afternoon on Wednesday
Thursday I leave for Boston whenever And I come back Sunday.
I'll be available and stuff though. I'm excited.
And I'm sorry for getting everyone else sick. It's a good thing I didn't see Alison today, we would have exploded. My head's exploding with snot.
Everything has been weird the past few weeks. Something is trying to tell me to stay grounded, almost like it's about time I stay down. I do a lot of day dreaming and, lately, a ton of drawing, every time I just start to get carried away there's always that person that says something just sharp enough, just cruel enough to snap me back to reality.
It's not that people are being mean, I just get carried away and then when things don't go according to the story I've created I become upset. My mood changes too often etc.. anyway I think that something is trying to bring to my attention that all of that is a waste of energy. I agree, but it is only one of the habits that I have acquired that burns my patience as well as the time I have been so desperately trying to kill.
[I am almost done]
I've been craving space. Hard. I have nothing in my life that involves the kind of space I need. I don't know how to explain it, I don't feel like I am being prevented from finding what I need. I've just drawn a blank; I need to talk for hours. I want to talk until my voice starts to sound funny, like I have a cold.
I am happy, and above everything else I am extremely fortunate to have all of the support I am being given. So I guess I don't know what my issue is. I bet I just need to smoke some pot.
I have a ton of neat pictures. Genna Duplisea? You came out of nowhere and you make me smile a lot.
What am I supposed to get from missing more and more people. I mean I have VERY few people left here that I enjoy any time with and more people that I never thought I would miss this much. And I'm so easily turned off, all anyone has had to do to me lately is show a little attitude and I just ...cut 'em out.
The last two days at school have been so weird. I LIKED them. And I downloaded older Metric, it's so good. The Police and the Private is definitely one of their best songs.
I feel really weird about life right now, but I'm not going to go into because...well who doesn't.
Roxanne's mom just gave me the drug talk, it was my first one! I've never gotten the mom talk it was great. She told me to kick ass if anyone pissed me off, to call if I'm ever high and lost or something, and to make sure I don't piss her off. It was a little more elaborate than that, but I loved it. I really really like being at the Papkens, I feel like I am going to ctually be prepared for life after I graduate.
...IF I graduate! Har har, speaking of not graduating, the school finally fixed my report card. They had me down as failing my required English class and having to take night school etc.. Well. That's not happening. I'm a PROUD C STUDENT!
Off to work, then a movie? And if anyone cares, I REEALLY like texting with my new phone, it's just fun. So someone should have a conversation with me while I'm at work it'll give me something to do in between customers.
I can't look at my pictures from El Salvador, I haven't in a while and last night I accidently came across them and my whole body sunk. It makes me feel very specifically guilty, if that makes any sense..and I just wish I knew what I was doing.
In my head though, everything's a party. Seriously. I don't know anyone I'm looking at right now but I am imagining all of them in music videos for ..Ludacris. And playing roles in That 70's Show, doing those psychadelic little intros with all the swirling colors and stuff. It's funny, but it worries me. Maybe I'm just as crazy as the lady that just sat down next to me and started talking about her son who I think doesn't exist.
