Memories of Sand

Today, I have:( ta-fucking-da )

I'm also planning on planting some lettuce and kale in the backyard today since I now have a tool to help, and I'm going to change my sheets sometime today. All while in pain all the time! I thought about going for a walk since it's beautiful out, then my legs wobbled while walking to my car to get to Target. I think instead of a walk I'll try to sit outside next to my plants for a bit.

My dad is coming to visit on Friday and staying for a week, so I'd like everything to be wonderfully clean by then so that he doesn't quite realize how awful I've been about cleanliness levels. And really my cleanliness isn't that bad, but it has been bothering me how much cat hair there is everywhere.

That reminds me that I do need to clean out my car... It's pretty gross. :/ But that, too, requires spoons.

Last night I did some rearranging and I'm realizing I have a lot of things I should move around to make better room. I haven't quite moved in to my place, even though it's been near a year. I am pretty bad at doing these things and I don't want that to show, either. I want to be able to invite people over! Which would be easier with more chairs, maybe sofa. Then again, I don't necessarily have the money for such a thing. So. I hate that I'm asking my parents for so much all the time. >_<

And I am blabbering. I just need to make sure I take breaks where I'm not running around doing things, and so I figured writing here would keep me seated for a bit. I should look at my inbox, too... But really, big focus this week is on Cleaning Everything for my dad's arrival! Also I should work on the competition for the law review.

To do this weekend: ( list )

I am gagging and coughing really easily this morning. I have no idea what this is about. One bad air quality day does in fact take me days to recover from... I need to not go outside on my lunch break today.

In cute news, I got home from work last night and New Housemate already had a plan for dinner! I had pretty much been fantasizing about getting home and having him or someone just hand me a drink and say dinner's almost ready. All I had to provide was the drink and it's not like that was so hard. Then he went to the store to pick up limes and cilantro and came back with a piece of cake for us to share. !!! I squealed. He may not be great at cleaning up after himself, but man, he sure did provide what I needed after work yesterday.

I so don't feel great. Wish me luck that no smokers come sit next to me on the bus.

I had a pretty amazing weekend, although I think it's more a "gotta write in my paper journal" weekend than a "write about in DW" weekend. I found out a lot about other people that is helping me to be more vulnerable, things I need to write about to process, but those are not my stories to tell. Better to tell privately.

The things I am learning about myself are:

• Practicing being vulnerable with people is a good thing.
• I can totally see myself with house spirits, just having to explain this to the housemates would be... difficult.
• It is actually okay to be vulnerable and open to people, and that there are still people who accept me as I am.
• Mayday is still a spiritual experience, and a place to watch and be vigilant.
• I need plants and growing things in my life.

These things are alllll over the place.

I want to thank everyone for the comments on my last (locked) entry. ♥ I'm still processing, and I think there will be more on the subject to come, once I've figured more of it out.

I, like apparently many people, have had a hell of a bad mood today. Since I've already bitched about mine to many other people (I'm sorry :((((), I'd like to do a good things list to try and brighten things up.

1. books books books! (Should I start doing the Reading Wednesday thing that other people are doing? I want more book discussion yes)
2. Took myself to the deli for lunch, and though I wasn't happy with my sandwich and salad, I did get $2 in quarters so I can do the laundry that has been waiting for me for maybe three weeks now. Fingers crossed it dries by tomorrow night so I can iron, ugh.
3. $secretproject which will be unveiled to my access list when I have spoons again.
4. tarnished and untonuggan and thebonesofferalletters and serpentine and silveradept and wild_irises and, y'know, everyone who's been around the last few days...
5. It's something like 30˚F warmer than it was yesterday and the whole last week.
6. Might be able to go to the gym this weekend! A little bit of swimming and the steam room will feel sooooo nice.
7. Contract with temp placement has been extended again, which means I can't visit tarnished anytime soon, but I have money and like my coworkers? (Also the boss is totally fine with my taking time to get doctor's appointments taken care of next week, as long as I let people know.)
8. Bonding with a coworker over nail polish and braiding hair and makeup is super awesome.
9. ... getting home right away after work? (I am floundering now.)
10. The best of friends who have been making sure I eat and such.

(Because lists are good things.)

• Watched Sailor Moon Crystal this morning, could not get the beautiful animation of the cosmos out of my head. Awe.
• Pool Boy is Stateside again! I will see him in a matter of hours!
• I haven't told him this yet, but my mom, O She of the Great Gushing About People, loves him and wants to fly both of us out to California December/January when my brother has a break from school. This makes me squirm with glee.
• I've been SO unproductive lately and it's starting to make me mad at myself. It's no longer out of a lack of energy, because I can tell that things are getting fixed and aligning in my body and I really CAN do the things, but out of habit. Which is a revelation, I have to say. But it does make it irritating when I've spent a day watching TV and reading, things I'm used to, and around 5pm I HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND GET SOME FRESH AIR AND MOVE MY BODY or I WILL JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN FROM ANNOYANCE.
• Which isn't that bad of a problem to have, in the grand scheme of problems I've had.
• I successfully made a video demonstrating to others' how to make a video testimonial about why climate change is a big deal, and I haven't watched it yet because people have told me it brought tears to their eyes. I'm not sure I can handle that.
• I've been knitting! A sock I've been working on for ages. Just a few rows a day so that I have NO wrist pain. Slow but steady progress. I want more!
• I have actually spent some time the last few days tidying things. I rarely tidy. Clean, yes, because kitchens and bathrooms disgust me. But tidy? I tend to care, but not enough, that I can't find things on my desk, and then I go elsewhere to work.
• At least the things I can control regarding my environment are improving.
• I still hate my vacuum, the carpet, the mold trap that is the bathroom, the tiles coming unglued, the water seeping in the walls, the caulk that peels away two months after being applied, the effect on my health. I'm really ready to not live the college student life anymore.
• I admitted to friends the other day that I'm kind of avoiding the job hunt this week, because it's so disheartening. Kinda left them speechless. At least I was honest. It's easier to expend energy on my volunteer passions, because then at least the energy isn't going into the ether.
• *sigh*
• Did I mention Pool Boy is Stateside again? He's been gone a week and a half. So ready to see him again. ♥

1. Blissfully sunny day
2. watched two episodes of Psych with an online friend to relax!
3. Doing many, many chores, but also spacing them out with good, relaxing things.
4. Tendons popping out a bit less after physical therapy
5. Getting to talk to some of those people that really help me feel like I'm getting it together!
6. Still very excited about the movie I saw last night with a Pool Boy
7. Snuggly Peppercat
8. Animal Crossing for sitting still and not braining
9. Really not worrying about things today and tomorrow (though in the back of my mind I keep thinking I need to send out resumes)
10. Feeling comfortable with focusing on ME and MY HEALTH

• Stress is going to exist in any job I'm in. Therefore: I need to work on my stress-relieving habits.
• I'm taking up crafting, makeup art, kids' body art, a little bit of knitting, writing in journals, video games... I am working on my happy. (Note to self: make a giant list of self-care a lá untonuggan)
• There are people, people here in my geographic vicinity, who really do care about me. And are willing to listen to me and let me cry and worry about me when things go wrong. I know good people, and one of my flaws is not trusting them enough to care about me. And also working on caring about them in return.

My roommate works at an elementary/middle school with special needs children, is taking grad school classes (which technically counts as full time), and is worrying about me when I end up in the ER two days after coming home from vacation. (And yes, I would have rather she'd been there with me than my HR person, but what can I do.) The very least I can do is do her dishes in addition to mine from time to time and get better at tidying up our apartment. She's so very there for me, and I would like to be a better person and be more there for her, too.

A couple of people have been musing about gifts to me recently (my birthday's in late January too, so naturally during Giftmas people start to think about it), so I thought I might as well, for once in my life, instead of sticking my fingers in my ears and my head in the sand, I might as well make a wishlist of gift ideas. And then of course not send it to the most important people, which are my parents, because they never seem to actually listen to what I'd like.

( But let's try this anyway. )

-One of my favorite pens is... not in my pen cup. Or on my bedside table. This may mean it's time to declutter again. Oh well. Good weekend project — which by the way... IS TOMORROW! Yay Weekend!

-Brown rice green tea + Silk French vanilla soy creamer is lovely, and I am glad I have that. Maybe I'll buy that creamer more often than when I make Becky's vegan pumpkin pie (though I won't buy margarine for the pie, so my version is less vegan).

-I turned off the lights last night at 9:20pm, which made it so that I didn't even grumble or snooze when my alarm went off at 7:30 this morning. Still deeply tired from all the mental Stuff I've been dealing with the past three weeks. However, I have already done half an hour of internship stuff! The rest is writing, which is breezy. And good because I don't think I have the energy for much more.

-It's Friday! And tomorrow is Sleep-In Day! :D

-I started updating my resume this week! Progress! I have some! (I said SOME, you naysayers I know...)

A week in the blues is a week too long. Right. Time to return to my previous genki self. Sorry about the last week and a half, folks. Now I'm going to work extra hard to be on my game. There are always so many things I want to do and not nearly enough time to do them. I blame watching television, but to be honest, the average American supposedly watches something like 5 hours a day and I can't fathom having the time for that.

So, some thoughts to get more time out of my day:

( A list. )

If I'm a little more careful about having less distractors in my computer use, I'll get more of the things I want to do done: like clean out my email, keep up with Dreamwidth and Google Reader. Write posts daily for here and Sunbeam Soapbox. Take on the world I mean, go to more protests, check out more of the city, and learn more about different branches of paganism. Learn Tarot. Learn magic. Find a teacher in the city. There are so many things I want to do that I haven't been because I've been letting myself get distracted.

Not to say that I won't ever be on messengers, because that's ridiculous. I just want to be on messengers and chatting when I want to concentrate on people, not when I'm trying to distract myself from something. So here's hoping this sticks. And I'll catch up with you all later today.