Suzy

So yesterday totally sucked. I woke up sad and blue and then had two anxiety spikes and spirals by 11am. One centered on my car - my new insurance cards didn't come yet which made me anxious to drive to Target as had been my plan. So then I was sad about not going to Target for Christmas stuff on top of it.

I managed to pull myself together to start sewing and while the first two projects were a bust, I mustered through and conquered a brand new pattern, and those are good enough to give as gifts. Yay.

When the cards still hadn't arrived in yesterday's mail, I went online to request new ones just in case and saw that the pdf was actually in my account there. Of course, I don't have a printer, but I decided to save the pdf to my phone and go to Target anyway. And I did! I got out, with less than three hours before Zumba, which is usually impossible for me.

I figured that would improve my mood a lot, but it didn't. I was super sad and down the whole drive and then while shopping. I ended up with several varieties of cards, within my budget. They are super adorable and very very retro, which is neat, but also a fair bit away from my usual card. I'm a little nervous that I'm going to sit down to write cards in a few weeks and be horribly disappointed that I let my depressed state of mind choose cards that I regret. :/
I got home just in time to get dressed for Zumba and eat an entire personal pizza I bought at the store. SIGH. But I did go, and I did feel more myself after. (Relatedly, other people get a nice pink flush when they exercise. I get a grey pallor. It's not fair!)

I am guessing that it was all a reaction to a stressful weekend. My second parent workshop was Saturday and while it was decently attended (12 people! And only 3 came because they knew me!) and it went okay, it wasn't great. I wanted it to be great. But I never really connected with the audience or my content, and while I saw people nodding and taking notes, it was a big bummer.

Then Sunday, I was Librarian in Charge on a crazy weather day with multiple torandoes and hail storms in the area. I hate bad weather and I especially hate tornadoes. I was super on edge and freaked out. Luckily, our head facilities guy was working too, and he was super supportive and helpful. And even emailed my manager and all of admin to say that it was my leadership and weather geekiness that kept him updated enough to hit the branches before we flooded at the main library. And he didn't at all mention the ledge talking off of, which was very kind of him.;)

So I guess my mind and body had just had enough. But I hate feeling so sad and down. It's been sort of recurring lately. I haven't even really done much in the way of Christmas, it all feels exhausting.

I did have a successful full week off, though, since I last posted. I was really upset and disappointed when I got sick that Monday, which threw off my entire week plan, especially because I was meeting Meg and heading up to my parents for 3 days on Tuesday - no time to catch up. But it was good to get out of the house when I was feeling down, and I had such a wonderful afternoon with Meg that I felt much better. Then I got to rest and read at my parents, and stayed with my brother for a full three HOURS while my parents got out together to shop and eat. My mom hasn't had three hours out of the house in years. I was super pleased at that, and so proud of my brother for pulling it together.

The rest of the week was filled with sewing projects and throwing up a few tiny Christmas decorations and doing a lot of reading. I did get totally caught up on TiVo and my to-read pile - and I am caught up to Parks and Rec now. BEN AND LESLIE OMG. And apparently it was far more restful and relaxing than I thought, because I came back to work to do 3 straight hours on the reference desk on a schools out day and stayed perfectly chipper and happy the entire time.

And then that afternoon, our first snowfall came, and you all know what that means to me. I was on cloud 9 for days. Twirl.

So that was fabulous. And I do have random days off in December, too - one is unbooked, one I'm going downtown to hear the brass symphony do Christmas songs, plus I'm off the entire Christmas week. So there's still time to get in the mood and get stuff done. Hopefully it doesn't get bitten up by ornament exchange stuff - it is mostly going smoothly, but I was so stressed and upset that last Sunday of my vacation when I had to get the assignments out. Fingers crossed that at least 90% of people behave nicely and follow rules!