Suzy

My last sparkle day was pretty delightful, spending 2 hours chatting and snacking and planning DnD with Unicorn and H. I also started playing Sims again, and actually playing, for the first in probably close to a year. I sent my twins on a yoga retreat and it was honestly fun. I've been logging in regularly and have played a bit since, to get the Bridgerton rewards.

Re-entry was exactly as I hoped. I had a nice relaxing Thursday morning before going in for my night shift, and it felt good to be back. My head was clear, I had some energy, and I wasn't wishing that I was still home. My one thing I needed to get done was prep for my Friday program, and everything else was gravy. Friday I was off and had a great program and more of the same self-care plans. I worked Saturday, and it was a really lovely chill day that was steady but never overwhelming, and entirely on desk. I wrote up my monthly report and was kind of staggered by how much I had done, despite being off for a week and a few other days around my birthday. No wonder I am burned out?

I also met with a therapist who specializes in late diagnosed ADHD and autistic women, and I liked her a lot. So I'm going to see her this summer to set up systems and structure to build up my executive functioning skills and sensory care. I am tentatively very excited and hopeful.

Monday was fine until a late evening meeting that I started to feel anxious about after it finished--I think I talked too much, I think I might have annoyed or frustrated people. It's a mx of autistic adults and caregivers of autistic kids, and famously these groups do not always align. So I ended up feeling numb and zoned out with tablet games. Same thing happened Tuesday night and I ended up awake until 2am, which, no. Anxiety persisted all Wednesday morning, I very much did not want to go into work, I just wanted to, like, hide my head. But I went and it was fine, and between that and talking with E, I felt better. So I ended up rereading Long Game until 2am, ha. I don't feel bad about staying up reading a book, but it still was not my finest decision. I'll do better this weekend, but I do wish I had been able to put some of those self-care things in place. Few steps forward, few steps back.

Summer Reading started, and the energy and enthusiasm and hordes of children storming the desk to register is as exhilarating and joyful as always. This really is the best part of the year. In a few weeks we'll be exhausted and by August we'll be sick, but the start of it is always great. <3

My nerves are shottttttttttt, ha. Last night I noticed a drip from my freezer, but it seemed fine. A few hours later I went to grab an ice cream sandwich, and it was MUSH. And so was everything else in my freezer. I tested a cup of water from my pitcher in the fridge, which seemed cool enough, but that was not the case this morning. So I had to take the afternoon off, throw out three bags of food, including yesterday's delivery, and put in an ASAP ticket for a new fridge. It is possible that it's something fixable, but honestly--it's from February 1986. It's older than my brother. It has celebrated its 40th birthday. It's time.

But the stress means I haven't eaten a lot today, plus the fact that the food I wanted to eat has been thrown out, and my desk partner called out sick again. So I am solo on desk until 9 and I am super overstimulated and half a beat from bursting into tears. yay.

I had already hit a wall Tuesday afternoon after surprise being on the desk solo for 3 hours during a rainy spring break morning, and would have taken yesterday off if I hadn't had a program. So I was already on edge. I stopped at Walgreens before work to get birthday cards for my dad, coffee to drink at work in the morning, and a frozen dinner, but because I am solo, I don't have a break, so I keep having to sneak back there--to heat it up, now it's cooling down, and then eventually I'll sneak back to eat it.

Last weekend was c2e2, which was fun but a lot. I haven't had the energy or motivation to put together a cosplay for the first time in ten years, but I got great comments on the Rozanov jersey and Read Romance Fight Patriarchy shirts I wore, so that was nice. I also knew walking was going to be a challenge--I've still only walked to work maybe five times in the last 14 months, and the last time I walked at lunch, I went less than a mile and still came back fatigued and sore. But I think I did well--I took Tylenol before going both days, and after we got back on day 2. Instead of walking each aisle and crisscrossing back and forth several times, usually around 6 miles, I only did the aisles once on Friday, 3 miles, and only hit a few specific booths on Saturday. So while I was tired on Sunday, it wasn't egregious.

Not as much cosplay or cosplay that I recognized this year, but I did enjoy seeing a resurgence of Squirrel Girls, and several varieties of Peggy/Captain Carter. I was really surprised to only see a handful of K-Pop Demon Hunters, and there wasn't really a standout fandom of the year. There were several of us in Heated Rivalry related shirts, but no one tried a cosplay. I think Ilya's red flowered shirt would be a fun one, ha.

I did stress buy a fair amount of HR merch, but half of what was there was very anime style. I like my big, hot, muscular hockey players, and don't really want them looking like tiny twinks, so that limited things. But I got some art, a shirt and sweatshirt, some charms to hang on my fandom tree, a coaster, and stickers, plus some non-fandom tea, Robin Buckley perfume, and a Sexy Girls Read notebook, so a pretty great haul overall.

Last week I had a check in with my doctor, where I was going to talk to her about how my meds feel off and my Vyvanse isn't helping like it used to (I think the dose is too high, actually), and we had to reschedule because she was sick. Sad frowny faces. My mood has been low, my energy lower, and it's been a rough few months. The time change did help, at least.

So does DnD! Last week was absolutely AMAZING. We learned a ton of lore about the world and my character--like her mom is at least 2000 years old and her brother was the knight of the main angel in the creation story of our world. And we rescued my best friend!! Which was the mission, but there's still a few days left until the adventure is over. Which could be a few months of playing, ha. I think I will be continuing on after my arc is done--the GM really likes having a character who dives into things and asks blunt questions and doesn't overthink everything, and likes BE specifically. But we also have 9 players now, so I know that that's a lot for them to handle! But it's still so much fun for me, and if it's fun for them then why not, I think.

I'm glad it's been going so well and is so much fun, because it's also the only creativity I currently seem capable of, ha. I really want to write, but the rare times I have the energy/motivation/dopamine to sit at the computer, my mind goes blank. I think I really need a full mental and physical reset, and I'm not sure how or when that will be possible. I hope I can figure it out soon.

And that I have a working fridge sooner rather than later.

Happy new year! How can 2026 only be a week old? It feels like Christmas and winter break was months ago.

Christmas was delightful, time away from work was delightful, new years eve games with friends was delightful, ending 2025/starting 2026 with the Stranger Things finale was delightful. I found it very satisfying--for me, it was a ten year wrap up that took care to feel wrapped up. I can picture a lot of happy lives for them all, but there's also still room for fics.

Less delightful is that Dad's pre-cardioversion echo showed a new heart problem, a ventricular strain, which often causes a-fib, which it has. And research seems to show that the two together lead to poor heart prognosis. And then on top of it, the valve that they repaired three years ago failed and is leaking again. Only when dad went to the cardiologist this week, he didn't ask questions and he says that the doctor didn't say anything about it, just that dad can decide to still do the cardioversion if he wants to. But why did that go from yes to can do it? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Part of his symptoms is memory issues, so has he forgotten parts of the discussion? Doctor appointments can have a lot of information given at once. I think mom is working on questions and maybe a second appointment to talk things over.

I started my new PsA med last weekend, which I'm excited and hopeful for. But in the meantime, while it builds in my system, it's barely better than no meds. Add in a delay on my estrogen and progesterone and I am sore, slow, tired, and sluggish. I had to take the afternoon off today because I didn't have the energy to move. Luckily the e&p came in, so I can pick it up tomorrow. I hope it helps.

I bundled some streaming together, added HBO, and am now paying less for 3 than I was for 2. \o/ Which means that I binged Heated Rivalry on Saturday, and again Tuesday night when trying to distract myself from Dad's health. I liked it a lot the first go around, but I really struggled with figuring out the timeframe for each episode and how little they used the names of most teammates. When I had it down for the second viewing, I liked it even more, and caught a lot more, too. A lot of the writers I follow have started writing HR fic, too, which I'm delighted by. There's a lot to catch and analyze--I really like Veronica Vee on Insta, who does deep dives into the directing and staging.

9-1-1 starts tonight, and I'm less enthused than usual. The first part of the season was rough, without a lot of character beats and without a lot of team bonding, and I really miss those aspects. Maybe things will be more even for this next set.

Tonight is also the premiere of The Pitt season 2, and I'm excited to watch that with the fam this weekend. Mel!!!!

There is a rally about ice/minneapolis/our town right now, just outside the library, and periodically there will be loud roars and cheers. It's pouring rain, so they're under our overhang instead of in the park, and I am curious about the turnout. But not curious enough to expend any energy walking to that side of the room, ha.

Let's see what I can accomplish tonight that requires little to no brain power or energy!

I keep thinking I can't post until I finish my writeup of the convention that we put on in October, but things persist on happening.

Like yesterday, when I went in for a crown and left with a surprise appointment for a root canal ("woot canaw") two hours later. I'm staying ahead of the pain with Tylenol, but clearly did not do the fun Christmas things on my day off yesterday as planned, ha.

This is accidentally a month of medical appointments; I'm seeing literally every doctor I have. And that expands! Like my annual physical turned into getting a sleep study and working with a dietician/nutritionist. And the crown leading to a new specialist!

The last appointment is with my rheumy, and I'm talking about changing meds. The psoriasis flare refuses to go away, two new patches have emerged, and the derm agrees that we've thrown everything possible at them. Plus I've been really fatigued, foggy, and low since the convention, and wasn't much better before it. I think I've walked to work fewer than ten times this year, when typically it's 2-3 times a week. I don't love that. There's also increasing breakthrough pain. It's leagues ahead of what it's been like on past medications or on nothing, but it's absolutely negatively impacting my life.

The convention really did go well, and while there were hiccups, 99% of people loved it, and we got multiple standing ovations.

Unfortunately in that 1% is the director of the partner non-profit, on which board I sit, who is? a very very dear friend of mine. I mean, she congratulated us on a successful convention. After accusing us of taking money that rightfully belonged to the non-profit, and trying to bill us $3k after the fact for setting up tours and using the non-profit spaces for a convention event--after saying, "Of course we won't charge you for the spaces, why would we??"--and thereby ending her decade+ long friendship with another of the planners, amongst other consequences.

My therapist is super proud of how I handled it, stood up for myself and the planners, and am navigating the fall out. Because she has been a very, very close friend. I have realized that it stems from different views of the convention--friend saw it only as a way to make the np money, while we and the attendees saw it as a labor of love for community building. So when we used the last $1k to reimburse our travel and hotel rooms for October (not getting paid for two years of work! Just straight reimbursement!) instead of donating it to the np (with the $500 we'd earmarked to donate and the $4k for seed money for the next convention), she flipped out very harshly.

She did apologize to me, and showed regret, which is more responsibility than I've ever seen her take. (Two of the other planners got half apologies and the last one got unfriended on socials.) We've agreed that we need to take time to talk about what happened, but we're both having medical adventures this month so that is delayed. And in the meantime, I'm still stiff and uncomfortable and not able to trust her very much. So meetings have been really great, especially the financial team meeting that happened days after the big showdown.

But yeah. Life has been A Lot lately. I'm also planning to up my adhd meds because I'm really sure they are not working at the same therapeutic level. Transitions like leaving for work and getting ready for bed are incredibly hard, and I've found myself late to work and late to bed, which are absolutely connected. And being tired makes me foggier and sadder and my executive functioning dip lower and it's a wretched circle.

One very big bright spot has been DnD, though. I get myself out every single week on time, and I'm loving it so so so much. I thought I was going to like combat best, since it's structured, but honestly, I love the roleplaying. This group is just fantastic and welcoming and FUN. I take notes every week, and I really want to type them up and share our stories.

I was really hoping that DnD would help boost my creativity--that I could improv it like I do the roleplays, but that hasn't really happened. But also I haven't had the mental or physical energy as much, either. I have written 13 stories this year, and I'd like to get to 15 at least. Yuletide is due this week, and I have 100 words down and a plot, plus a two hour writing group tomorrow. I also have two Christmas related 9-1-1 fic ideas, so we'll see if either or both of those can happen.

I've been enjoying Hallmark movies this year, there's been some fun ones, but not a lot more is happening. I found LED string lights that perfectly mimic incandescent lights, so I am loving those. I've only managed 1 or 2 Christmas romances so far this year, and in fact will not hit 100 books read this year. I don't think that's ever happened. I have cards to write, and a few presents that need to be mailed out rather than ordered, and somehow need to find the motivation and energy.

I also need to get work done, but I'm flagging hard. Still ahead of the pain, but I could use a nap. I'd walk for tea or coffee, but it's 11* with a -3 windchill, so that isn't an option, ha.

All right. Two hours. Let's go.

What a fucking week. In both good ways and not.

Like, I saw a condo and fell in love. There's a sunken living room! A conversation pit could be mine! Two bedrooms, dining area, adorable patio, great light, original parquet flooring. Very quirky and midcentury.

Did you know that if you don't currently have debt, you don't have an official credit score? My car and school loans were paid off years ago and I don't have a credit card. I did still get approved because they can see my history, but they have to use the lowest positive credit score for me, bah.

So I'm going to get a credit card and in a month, my score should reactivate.

So anyway, I got approved for a loan and am talking with my realtor about putting in an offer.

!!!!!!!!

Like, wtf. But I mathed it out, and I can definitely afford the monthly payments. Closing and down payment would wipe out 90% of my savings, but it's doable. I'm anxious, but it hasn't yet triggered a spiral or anxiety attack. So hopefully that means good things. Either I get a super cute place, or I get to keep my savings. Win win?

I've also been in a flare all week. I did back to back programs Monday morning and was shot the rest of the day. Noodle legs and deep fatigue. I took a walk on Tuesday and was shot the rest of the day. I had a program yesterday morning, got through it surprisingly well, and then crashed for the rest of the day. I had a check in with my doctor today, who said that my inflammation was not only positive again, but the highest he'd seen it since we started tracking. Yay. And then a headache all afternoon and evening, and I even laid down to close my eyes in our staff room.

I really hate feeling like I need to ration my activities again. Too many flashbacks to when I was so, so sick in 2018. I've wanted to be writing for a discord prompt month, but only managed to be up in a chair for a few hundred words last night. Otherwise I get home from work and can't get off my couch. Even when my brain wants to do things, my body is stuck.

Flares don't last forever, but I also can't predict when it will ease up. :(

And then ICE is in our town. At least one person has been taken. Nannies were crying and scared today. A coworker that I love was followed in their car by a drone, which then followed them from their car to the building they were going into. It's nauseating. It's terrifying.

Swinging back to good, lest I cry at work, DnD has been a joy. Overwhelming, and I still need Unicorn to sit me down and reassure me on Mondays, but we finished up roleplays and jumped right into my arc and omgggggggggg it's so FUN. BE is just throwing herself into things and startling the rest of the party and making the players laugh, and it's really fun to play someone without a filter. She strings three or four sentences into one, she can't stay still, she says exactly what she's thinking. But she's also super mysterious to the others because she'll answer any question but doesn't think to offer info. So they're super confused as to how she knows and is hugging the big kahuna fey leader they are all in awe of, who also asked them to help her as a personal favor, and how she knows the beloved deceased character who has haunted the narrative for the whole game. I made a little scrapbook slidedeck with photos of her, her fam, her missing best friend, plus music, radio shows, postcards her best friend sent while she was gone, etc etc. It was really fun.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for Unicorn's friendship--and her husband, my realtor. I'm grateful that we're finally getting momentum towards the convention next month--registration is closed, and we can finally nail down numbers and expenses. I love watching the leaves turning beautiful colors (even when it's 85*) I'm glad I work in a town and for an organization that stands up for our residents. I love all of the programs I've done this week, as loud and chaotic as the kids have been, ha. They were also joyful. I'M GOING TO HAVE MY VERY FIRST HEAD SPA NEXT WEEK!!!

So we're nearly two weeks out from mom's fall. I'm writing from the desk at work. This is my second shift in two weeks--I came in Saturday with the intention of staying at my apartment overnight and heading back up Sunday for 24 hours and heading back in for this shift. But when I called Saturday after work, mom said things were okay, but my brother did better when I was home. (And so did the dog.) So I drove back up then and came back this morning. At least it was at the reasonable hour of 11am, instead of 7:30am, ha.

So tonight is potentially their first night solo, and longest time without me there. (Saturday was 11 hours, this would be about 36.) I got in about an hour before my shift today so I could restock meds and pack work clothes and be ready to drive back up after work tonight just in case. Then again to work tomorrow late morning and back up after work, but then staying put until Thursday morning. I'm off on Friday for my birthday, I'm going to see Thunderbolts* with Unicorn and I'm super excited! Plan is to drive back up for my birthday/Mother's Day on Saturday, but I foresee it being Friday after the movie.

Mom is doing really well, but she's 13 days out from major injury and 10 out from surgery. When they went in, they realized she'd broken it in three places, actually, and one of them required a plate and some screws. She's zooming around on her knee scooter, but she's reeling from how tired she is all the time, and how her stamina is so much lower than she's used to. On Saturday she had PT and a haircut, and slept most of Sunday. So she needs assistance with things, although I'd say she's 90% independent in the house, and is trying to take on some of my brother's care, but is limited in what she can do. Bed and meals, mostly. I take on a lot when I'm there because Dad has low patience and struggles deviating from his routine. (Gee, where do my brother and I get that from, lol) But he thinks that he does, like 90% of my brother's care, because he feels like he's doing so much more than usual, but I'm the one who is setting things out and checking on him every ten minutes when he calls, and doing the nitty gritty things.

Like, at one point last week I was super struggling, and it was clear to everyone. And at dinner, Dad very sympathetically said, "You look tired!" And I agreed, I was. And then he sat on the couch with his feet up the rest of the night while I walked back and forth in front of him and did my brother's entire night routine and transitions.

But at least I'm doing better. I had two big things last week and the anxiety from them really sucked me dry. I did my work presentation from their basement, and it went decently well. Although I need to re-record the audio because of internet issues. :( And then I had a standby jury duty notice for Thursday. So I worried about that until I was almost sick with it. Then I forgot to call in until late the night before--and of course I was supposed to appear. But I set my alarm and called the jury line when they opened the next morning. I explained the circumstance and the lady told me she hoped things got better for us soon and postponed me until July. I was off the phone in 2 minutes. So my anxiety dramatically lowered after that.

But I'm still tired. And I'm still sad and stressed and worried. And I cannot believe that it's May wtf?! My birthday is in less than a week! I will officially be in my mid-40s! I feel like I've entirely lost the last two weeks. Trees and flowers are in full bloom down here now. I miss my life, and also don't quite remember what my life is at this point.

Let's finish with some lists.

Things I want to do:

1. Finish my current 911 fic and write a second before May 15. Then I will have written 20 fics for one fandom in exactly a year, which would be a staggering record. Honestly, my current 18.5 is also a record, but I want a round number.

2. Watch Sam's Captain America movie before Friday

3. Do my PT exercises at least once but preferably three times before Monday

And some gratitude. I list something every day in my self-care app, but it's getting harder and harder.

1. My brother is honestly being a superstar handling all of this.

2. I love all my puppy kisses and snuggles.

3. I like my quiet mornings on the porch while everyone else sleeps.

4. I like having a set night routine that gets me into bed before 11 (even though I stay up past then reading).

5. Mom is blowing me away with how much she's moving and doing so soon after the injury. I'm really proud of her. Now I just need her to eat more so her body has the necessary energy to heal!

I had two super awesome and busy weekends in a row, and I am soooooo dysregulated. I'm foggy and exhausted and super unmotivated. I took off yesterday for two doctors appointments and slept three hours and still am tired. Unicorn and I packed up two new sensory kits this afternoon, and then spent half an hour "testing out" the star projector by laying down in the dark programming room to watch the stars and talk D&D, ha. It was the first time I could breathe deeply all day, and helped SO MUCH.

But I had a fantastic time in Minnesota, getting ready for the con. We got great planning done, explored the town, and got good leads for transportation. I didn't sleep particularly well, which has made the rest of the month harder for sure. But it was still magical, and I really love that little town.

My friend and I went to an amazing exhibit called Girlhood: It's Complicated, all about the importance of girls in American history and how our bodies and identities are seen as being for public consumption and how girls have always fought back for themselves. It was PHENOMENAL. If it ever travels to you, go see it.

Then I had to get through four days of work before c2e2. I managed, but that first Monday was really really hard--super foggy and fatigued and worn out.

My friend L came in Thursday, and we ended up taking Lyfts to and from my place to the convention. It was faster and easier. Friday I was an Emerald City citizen and that was super fun, and Saturday I was an old west Miss Minutes from Loki, ha. We spent hours walking back and forth--though by Saturday afternoon, she was sitting and I was walking, ha. I commissioned two things: Buck and Tommy from 9-1-1, and my D&D character BethanEira with her bestie Sian, and I adore them both! I picked up beautiful art, some Marvel pet comics from Chrissie Zullo, yoga shorts that say This is America's Ass, a Rockford Peaches pin, and other delightful things. One booth was an artist who created tea dragons and painted them with tea and watercolors! Like she designed a dragon that went with peppermint tea, drew it, and colored it in with peppermint tea and watercolors. Super pretty.

My fandoms weren't really well represented, which is surprising when it's Marvel and Stranger Things (and completely expected for 9-1-1, hence the commissioning). There was two or three times as much anime as usual, and no one big cosplayed fandom. I even only saw a handful of Harley Quinns and Captain Americas. But happily there were Peggy Carters and Hawkeyes, and a surplus of Squirrel Girls. Also multiple groups of Sims 4 robbers, which was delightful.

L headed home Sunday afternoon. I had been very tired on Friday, and had more energy on Saturday, though there were definitely still points I honestly wished I had a rollator or something to lean on as I walked. Sunday and Monday, I felt that deeply. So worn out, such tired legs, couldn't even walk to work on a warm day because it was so tiring to move. I'm trying really hard to just rest and sleep as much as I can this week. Tuesday I forgot to take my morning meds, so I was foggy and exhausted and drained, which also didn't help! Especially since my morning started at 8:30 for a kindergarten storytime and visit. Where I discovered that multiple kindergarteners not only love the Titanic (which I get, I loved disasters as a kid, too), but also the 1997 Titanic movie. ?! One kid was like, "Yeah, Jack's my favorite character." Another girl claimed Titanic was her second favorite movie, because Mean Girls was her very favorite. Okay then!

Plus that night I had dinner with Unicorn and Rainbow to put together my D&D character and test out combat. Which was ridiculous fun! We were battling a dragon that took her character out in one move, but my character managed to keep up. But we are two mostly defensive healers, so not the best fighters to take it on alone. In the end, we both survived, so we call that a win, ha. I had a few good spells and abilities that helped me out, like turning into a constellation of an archer and sending arrow constellations. And a gathered swarm of mini dragons attacking for me.

Tomorrow I start pt for my hip and drive up for a weekend with the family, and all I want to do is sleeeeeeeeep. At least I know I can sleep deeply and well there. I'm trying not to think about next week. Day by day, babies.

Gratitude: 1. Smooth travel to and from Mankato, and the joy of spending time hanging out in our girls' houses. We kept giggling all giddy. 2. PT! My doctor told me years ago I had bursitis in my hips, that's why I get drilling debilitating pain, and then my rheumy was like, I'll give you a shot or you can go to pt, which do you prefer? So I'm going to pt three blocks from my house. 3. I really really love being surrounded by fandom at c2e2, and discovering new-to-me artists! I added a bunch on insta and already bought some new prints and stickers. 4. I am so lucky and grateful to have my good supportive team around me as I travel and have fun and come back dysregulated and foggy and struggling to do things. 5. I am so fucking grateful that Unicorn was like, let's turn the lights off and see how well these work! Because it did magical things for my brain and I wouldn't have the mental ability to have written this or other emails tonight if we hadn't taken that half hour. Also, she gave me some practical things to ask for from the gms to help me feel more confident with my character. <3 <3 <3

I wrote four fics in February. Four! And people were lovely about them. That's my excuse for not posting recently, ha.

I started an estrogen gel two weeks ago, and my brain is absolutely clearer and I am much less fatigued. I'm tired right now, but that's primarily because I've been staying up too late because I'm not so exhausted, ha. But when I wake up in the morning, it isn't stressful to haul myself up and out of bed, and when I walk to work, I don't feel like my head is too heavy for my body and impossible to hold up.

Now I just need to make responsible sleep and food decisions, and things will be great! Oh, would that it were so easy.

I have also been hanging out with my coworkers who invited me for an arc in their D&D game. The timeline keeps getting pushed back, the story probably won't be ready for me until May or June at this point, but I'm having fun with the prep and keeping up with them all. I'm in their Discord now, and getting used to chatting with them. I've been on servers for ages but didn't have a reason to really use the app until now, so I am also getting involved and chatty in two fandom ones now, and that's been fun!

9-1-1 is back for the first time since November tonight. It's on right now, actually, woe, and I am at work. But I am both looking forward to it and not, because I felt blindsided by a plotline that I was enjoying in the first half. And the BuckEddie shippers can be absolutely vicious, and a lot of the BuckTommy ones complain about them and also seem to be following their example. One of the servers I'm on is for BuckTommy, who I ship, but I am afraid they will be bitching about Eddie, their friend who I love. The other server is just general fandom, but there's a 9-1-1 thread and I think most of them are BuckEddie, but a few are BuckEddieTommy, which I also fully support. But I'm afraid there will be Tommy bashing. I just want to enjoy my pretty boys, damn it. So I'm glad there will be new episodes, but it was less stressful to be in fandom when there wasn't new content, ha.

The general fandom one is a fic discord primarily for writers, many of whom I've been reading on Ao3 for a long while. There's a March challenge, and I really want to get myself geared up to write and participate. It's a tic-tac-toe, so three stories or one story with three elements. I haven't begun noodling yet, so I should. I also want to write the sequel to the story I wrote and posted throughout December, which is half way there. I had actually hoped to have it posted before tonight's premiere, but well. Four other fics.

The library is stressful these days. There are three final candidates for our new director, and two of them have worked here before. One would be a horrific disaster, and I'm horrified they got this far. To the point where I'm going to talk to one of the interims and share my concerns. The other would also not be great; they may be better now but it was very hard to get any support at all when they were my manager's manager. The third is a complete unknown and pretty much everyone I've talked to is rooting for them at this point. Very dispiriting.

Plus, the current board plans to make the decision and offer at the end of March--one week before the election where two of them are definitely leaving and one or two of them might be voted out (please please). Half the board could potentially change over and have no say in who the director they work with for the next four years will be. It was annoying when the board did this a few months before an election previously, but one week really makes us angry.

And the board candidates are a mix of okay to wtf, so that's awesome.

And then there's the country! It's infuriating.

Okay, I get to go on my break now, so let's end with some gratitude.

1. I'm off tomorrow and meeting a friend at the mall! We haven't seen in each other in years.
2. Today was part one of the meetings where we decided what books to add to our annual recommendations, and these are my favorite meetings of the year! I have so many books I want to read right now!
3. It was very bright and sunny today, and I went for a lovely dinner walk.
4. I have been pretty productive at work and home--more work than home, but still!
5. New 9-1-1! Maddie's going to get kidnapped by a serial killer, Buck is going to rescue and snuggle some cute dogs, and these are the kind of disasters I crave. I can't wait for the episode with the car sticking out of a window several stories up. Sublimely ridiculous, bring it to me.