A message from a friend brought me back here. Rather fitting as we are in the final days of this year/decade. It is hard, embarrassing and sometimes painful to look back at a decade's worth of old internet postings. However, it does show just how far I have come in the last 10 years. It is hard to think how not that long ago I was a 10th grader angsting in Orlando. It is also embarrassing how much I foolishly posted online. However, I cannot bring myself to delete it. And so the first decade of the new millennium draws to a close.
I have not made a post here in quite some time. Over a year in fact. A lot has happened since I left Orlando in January of 2004. My life has been changed and shaped and I have been through a crucible of fire. In a little over a year this chapter of my life will end. But the ink is permanent and everything I have done will be my history. That said I had lost my way for a long time. All my life I knew who I was and then in three months I lost myself for over three years.
That said I came to an epiphany today. I realized that there is no one at the mall during the day. The Yuma Palms mall is a big outdoor shopping center. To illustrate this please realize that is was about 110 degrees in the shade and Yuma Palms has a Hot Topic. But I realized, most goths go out at night because they find like-minded people or solitude. They do not have to deal with the mundane trappings of a comercialized society. And yet here I found that to be true in the daytime. If you can stand the heat then you can prosper quite well. This is information I intend to take to heart since I am soon to be alone as my friend is being reassigned to a new base.
Hi journal. How are you? Well heartache is the impetus for me to journal my life eventhough I know I'm supposed to. Well, I met a nice girl Edith. She is everything I could ask for and apparently more. I brought her and her sister back to the base tonight because she asked me to. But she didn;t want to go home even hough she told her mom and older sister she was going to the movies. So she calls up a friend, a male friend. And then she gets him to come over. She tels me it is because her sster want to go see her boyfriend. now please note at this point there is me, Edith, Nayalie, her friend (214) and then up pulls Edith and her sister's friend (H&HS). Now each of use three exlain why they can;t be here on base or in our rooms after 2200. And KNOWING Edith is my girlfriend, takes both of them. Actualy in his defense I sorta left Edith standing there after she talked to the Shaun guy in "private" and she KNEW I was pissed and NOONE asked me to drive them or to come with them. So, yeah. Maybe Im being stupid but now I am going to be in troube with her mom and sister when they find out we lied because I was responsible for them and I tried to explain tht to Edith. but... >< oyu know what to hell with it. InshaAllah!
I will kill Frank and everyon responsible for the coding of Live journal. I just spent two hours on a post of comedic material. My mouse hits a link that is NOT coded to open a new window and in the time it takes to load the page I lost it all because the text box also dosen't retain text if you DO navigate away from it. ... Shitty coding guys. This is why people have My Space now.
So I just woke up and have no reason to be working yet I am. Joy. But I got to thinking. What is the chique geek mystique? Rick Morranis had it as Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors as did his character. Ditto with Gene Wilder and his character Leo Bloom in the Producers and Tony Schalub and his character Adrian Monk. And it is not limited to just fantasy as Bill Gates has proved. But does it take a prodogy to shine with worth? What is it about smart guys/girls that makes it so we have such a hard time relating to people and on a smaller but more significant scale people we are attracted to? Is it self esteem? I recently served duty where I had to take a Marine on restriction to get his chow and mail and such. He was on restriction as a Married NCO for having relations with a (former) Lance Corporal. he got busted to CPL and she to PFC and both are on restriction but I realised it really did nothing. But after I realised who this guy was it wasn't just his rank and marrital status that pissed me off but on a more primal (sic petty) scale it was him. He was coarse, disgusting and ugly to me. He actually offended me as the reason I hate the sterotyping of Marines and being seen as him. (He was also a little too happy to see his Playboy but given his incarceration I let tha tone slide.)
Now up to this point I have come of somewhat bitchy and opened avenues for more bitching. But intellectually I am intreagued. How is it intelligent people as a majority (experience here not sterotyping) have such low confidence and esteem while guys that are ignorant but vile don't? Shat is it about the geek/nerd that even be he/she attractive finds themselves lonely and desperate while the nasty guys/girls get all the attention? Is it simply carnal? Do women want to be used? Do guys only want "7 minutes in heaven?" That may seem kind of naieve to sme but look deeper. Relationships notwithstanding why do certain people have better emotional ties? Is it geeks/nerds have intelligence and so they garner confidence from that while those of lesser aptitude have to hone a better personality? Is it something about the geek/nerd social structure that retards our growth in dealing with others, isolating us to our own kind? But the bigger question is why, for all our intelligence, are so many of us STILL so afflicted? Is it psychological or is it merely a phase we pass as we develop our nerd wings to fly? And what about the intellectual figures that were suave ala Sherlock Holmes, Zorro, etc? Are they just myth? If not what facet does that minority of th egeek/nerd pool contain thatthe majority doesn't?
I dunno. Maybe it is all media. Maybe it is part legacy. Maybe it for us it is just a more pronounced form of what everyone goes through. But still I guess it boils down to: How do ugly guys get laid? Or more politically correct how does the lower 10% seem to always trump the upper 10?
In October I bought porn for midnightenamour (-10 points). In August I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In November I helped angel_one across the street (6 points). Last week I set yulina's puppy on fire (-66 points). In June I gave bludragon a kidney (1000 points).
Overall, I've been nice (958 points). For Christmas I deserve a toy train!
Over a year of Penny Arcade Archives + Work = BAD. I have had to stifle my laughter so hard so many times I am sure my SSGT thinks I had beans for breakfast.
And not having internet at home has kinda put a damper on the whole "new journal" thing. Don't quite work when you can't e-mail people you approve the info.
... umm... "clock" "banana" "Jigglypuff"
Oh I've taken up to reading FoxNews.com agian. So it seems the MPAA thinks explosive and bloody death = R but gay cowboys = NC-17... Nice. No I have no Idea why kids keep shooting up their schools. MUST be those damn videogames... You know those things that also have a rating. No for real. I remember these activist moms bitching for it. See? Look in the corner. What? No I mean it is surely the video Game and Movies industry's fault for perverse youth not parents. I mean you expect them to pay attention to what their kids do? My GOD! no those ratings are simply for statistical purpose to show how Satan is entering our kid's lives. Where is JESUS? Walmart killed him! Yeah because they cater to those damn Jews and dirty Muslims too. Oh no lets not forget the Pagans who have th audasity to have a holiday in the same month hundreds of years before Christ was born!
As for Bush and war and stuff like that I have a unique opinion. first off anyone *coughMUSCICIANScoughMEDIAcoughACTORScough* who spout off Bush this and Bush that i imediately write off as not haveing a valid opinion worth listening to. The truth of the matter is that the only armed forces BUSH could send in are the Marines. They are the only branch that can be sent in on Executive power alone. For the Army, Navy and Air Force CONGRESS is directly responsible. If they opt to listen to the president or to give him more liberties then just rememebr YOU voted for your Congressmen and Representatives. If not shut the hell up because you forfited your right by not participaitng in the Democratic process. (and there is no Electorial College for Senators and Reps)
Second on things the President IS in charge of stop blaming JUST Bush. Last I heard he has a CABINENT that reports to him to make decisions and that in themselves makes a lot of those decisions he is blamed for. If you want to say the Bush Administration or include the offending parties like Cheney, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, Rice, etc then ok.
And FINALLY I am sick and tired of hearing whining and bitching form civilians and college bitches that have nothing better to do than bitch and moan about "Our Troops..." Here is a news flash: no one held a gun to our head and made us enlist. We chose this accepting, many KNOWING, the possibility of war. We CHOSE to put our lives on the line. And quite honestly we are not in a position to question the powers that deploy us. Are there bigger threats to us like North Korea? Yes. But anyone who has taken a good history class knows a) showing a display of military might deters many conflicts. B) If a conflict with N.K. or anyone else arises now we are battle proven and "salty." Besides at this point we are not "raping and piliging" we are acting as a police force while these nations get back on their feet.
But I digress... I am just sick and tired of hearing uneducated trite and in some cases false doctrine preached to the nation by people who get attention by grabbing their crotch on stage or flexing their ass on film. Don't get me started on our "news" programs. I think people should listen MORE to the people involved and seeing the sights first hand than their television and radio and *groans* The internet.
"'Oh I'm an artist.' Big deal! ELVIS was an artist, but that didn't stop him from serving his country during a time of war. That's why he's the KING and you are just a schmuck!"
surprised
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