it's been an interesting couple of months.
i finished camp nanowrimo, that's something! i actually did really well, my goal was 30k and i did 45. I didn't finish the story by any means, but at the end of the day i'm proud of what i wrote, and my characterization wasn't too shabby either ;).
after that was august, which was a little bit of a blur and more just "i need to get through this" than anything else. i don't remember exactly, but i got to go on an actual vacation for the first time in 5 years at the beginning of september, so i'm pretty sure my mindset was just to survive until then.
(vacation was lovely, by the way. eden inn and resort in lancaster, pennsylvania. if you ever have a chance or a reason to stay there, DO IT. it's the most gorgeous hotel i have ever been in. look at their website. look at their BALLROOM:
http://www.edenresort.com/wp-conte… )
end of september, i ended up getting my learner's permit (even though i'm gonna be 24 in like 3 weeks) because laws in my state are stupid and even though i know how to drive i need to go through the process anyways and pay a crap ton of money for common sense *growl*. but that was a thing. and then, the first 3 days of october i was absent from real life as i prepared for my best friend's wedding/was actually in the wedding and had to be way more girly/social than is my natural state of being. the whole experience was very interesting: exciting and fun and terrifying and uncomfortable and happy and very, very sad because bride and groom are moving basically across the country. and i am super happy for them (he's got a heck of a woman and i'll beat him if he doesn't treat her right!), but for me it sucks. maintaining long-distance friendships has never been my forte. i try, but more often than not i'm the only one who tries. and i have few enough real life friends who actually live in my state right now that losing her is a big deal. it's killing me a little inside even though i really am happy for them.
but that's just the way my life turns out. over the past few years i have experienced a steady succession of getting close to people only for them to leave, and of all those relationships i have maintained...one consistently. one came back for a year but is gone again, another just came back so we are now maintaining our relationship again...but of all the many people who have left me and not been able to come back, there is ONE who i still talk to on a regular basis. and i am not looking forward to being cripplingly lonely for the next however-long. i don't make friends easy. and right now, because of all this angst and emotion, i really don't particularly want to be with other people, either. certainly not people i trust. withdrawing from the world may not be the healthiest way to deal with this, but it's all i know and right now i feel like i need some space.
wow i'm sorry, this post started out vaguely hopeful and then took a swift turn downhill into "whiny little brat" territory. i'm just not sure what to do with my emotions. i don't want to whine at people in person because most of it is silly and selfish and not their problem. and hey, i don't trust people. so ranting and complaining about stuff on the internet is totally the best option, right? :p
on the upside, my Jesus-time has been back on track. i HATE to be that person who needs to have awful things happen to them to start getting right with God again, but it's been good. i look back now and wonder why i ever got lazy about it.
and i'm still writing! nanowrimo is (for real) happening in a little less than a month, and i am SO psyched! i can't wait to see what the influences of the past couple of months do to make it into whatever i end up writing.
okay, so we ended vaguely hopeful. this is good. we're working on it.
(i have a few new writings to post/i need to update my scoundrels master list, so hopefully i'll be around in the next few weeks)
exhausted
tired
