Men books-policing women: another manifestation

Aside from the whole phenomenon of dissing on Wot Gurlyz Reed, one has observed in various fora men in relationships with women being Weird about their book collections/reading habits -

Thinking Bookz They Were Too Menny, or she was reading when she should have been attending to him etc etc etc

So when I came to contemplate upon this, You be the judge: should my girlfriend stop annotating her books?, I rather thought that those comments I saw here and there about the propriety or otherwise of writing in books were on the whole Point Thahr Misst.

I.e. it is established that these books in question are actually Julie's books ('Julie says I shouldn’t care about this as she buys her own books') They are not joint property - they are her books and sometimes Charlie takes a notion to read one:

He says I shouldn’t annotate my books in case he wants to read one, but I can count on one hand the amount of times our book choices might have overlapped.... Charlie says we need to buy two copies of each book but I disagree. He could just go and borrow one from the library.

We???

She's annotating them for her own purposes, seems legit, doesn't have to be meaningful to anyone else, really.

Also, if he's fretting about 'In our small flat – and in a cost of living crisis – we have too many books and too little space' (hmmmmm) maybe he should be thinking about ereaders, for him if not for her.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

kerk_hiraeth

Something tells me this has nothing to do with whether she annotates her books or not.

Personally I hate the idea, but it's something I've got used to owning so many secondhand books as I do; also a very odd state of mind for someone who treats their books abysmally at times.

I have noticed though that the books that mean the most to me are ones I often buy multiple copies of; even if I already have both hardcover and paperback copies.

I am also a terrible hoarder (someone said I should call myself a collector, but I know what I am)

But something that is clearly something she has been doing since long before they became a couple; no to be a source of friction?

This does ring alarm bells for their future.

kerk

oursin

Oh, it is clearly not about her writing 'lol' in the margins and underlining passages.

rydra_wong

She should ask herself: “Is this a book that Charlie wants to read?”

*screaming*

Of any book belonging to her. Might Charlie possibly want to read this, at some hypothetical point? Because if so her reading habits (and ability to do what she wants with her own damn property) need to be subordinated so that the book can be wholly available for Charlie's hypothetical enjoyment.

I know, right? Why is she filling up the place with books Charlie doesn't want to read? Horrors.

pameladean

Bet he's got a hobby that takes up space and money. P.

ethelmay

Definitely taking up all the air in the room.

lethe1

If they already have too many books, why should they buy two copies of each? He doesn't make any sense.

merrileemakes

The bit that got me was that she is a writer. She's working when she annotates books. He's being pissy because what she does for work occasionally inconveniences him.

Red flag that he wants to have annotation-free books so he can "have a relationship with the writer" of these books, but doesn't seem to respect the relationship with the writer that lives in his own house.

Edited Date: 2026-08-13 10:47 pm (UTC)

conuly

When the kids were little, I sometimes would pretend to "read them" as though they were books, flipping them back and forth like pages and then, eventually, deciding to "take notes", ie, tickle them.

This has nothing to do with that, but my god should she dump that ass. Think how much space she'll clear up for more bookcases!

It’s a bit like how kids shouldn’t put toys in their mouth if others want to play with them

Oh, fuck off with this shit, Charlie. Kids are allowed to put their own toys in their own mouths.

Which reminds me of something from even longer ago - my foster sister used to circle all the dialog in books. Or, well, only for the first few chapters. She did it as an anti-theft measure, on the grounds that simply writing her name on the cover or on a specific inside page would not work in the cutthroat environment of her group home where she stayed during the week.

mrissa

We have a new Bonus Godson as of this year, and he is amazing, and he had his joy of reading taken from him by childhood trauma. This summer he has learned to love to read again, and it is making him so happy. He finds that underlining, making notes, etc. helps him focus. I used to be really snotty about buying used books that people had annotated, but he is excited to share with me a WWI memoir he's been reading and annotating, and now that I see what it's done for him I am excited to read it in just exactly that condition. So what if he circles "and." I can see why circling "and" might have actual meaning. And if I didn't feel this way, I'd miss out on sharing this book with him. I'm really glad I learned better.

swingandswirl

You know, I don't actually WANT to be a misandrist.

And yet men keep pushing me to it.

Seriously, dude, they're not your fucking books. Also, if it bothers you that much? This is the UK, go find a damn library.

antisoppist

I am reading my daughter's copy of Emily Wilson's translation of The Odyssey which I originally gave her as a present. She has annotated all of it in pencil with notes and circles and exclamation marks and all sorts. It is her book! She can do whatever she wants with it. I am grateful that she has lent it to me and glad that I gave her a good present.

I hate finding people have corrected the grammar in library books in pen but library books are meant to be shared and you should not mess with the experience of the other readers you are sharing the books with. This is not the same thing at all. It's her bloody book to enjoy as she likes.

Edited Date: 2026-08-14 11:00 am (UTC)

bibliofile

Oh FFS. Get your own damn copy, Charlie, if it bugs you that much. Her books are hers.

(Men and their fucking policing of women sidenote: Dr Tressie McMillan Cottom mentioned that, while out in public and annotating a book, some guy came up to her and announced that he would never write in a book. Fuck off, all of you.)

It's Always More Complicated

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