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Interest-ing Theory

, , , , , | Working | June 23, 2026

Years ago (early 1990s), when at work early, I got a call from security. A janitor needed to replace duct filters in the section where I was working. Having no security clearance, it was required that he be escorted by someone with secret security clearance, and so that duty fell on me.

As we made the rounds to replace the filters, he detailed his plan to fix the country:

Janitor: “When an American is born, the government should put $1,000,000 in his bank account. Then he can live off the interest for his whole life and never touch the $1,000,000. When he dies, the money goes back to the government, and it costs the government nothing. And since the $1,000,000 is never spent, the government can deposit an IOU into the bank account, and the bank pays interest on the IOU. AND THEN AMERICANS CAN LIVE THE WAY AMERICANS WERE MEANT TO LIVE!”

So many holes in that theory, I just nodded and let him finish his rounds.

Not Our Mess To Deal With

, , , , , | Right | May 15, 2026

I worked at a carpet cleaning service company. I take a customer call, and she’s angry and demanding before I can even finish my hello:

Customer: “You guys did a s*** job cleaning my house!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Can I get your account details so I can look into it?”

Cut to a few questions later, and we figure out she called the wrong company.

Me: “Ma’am, it seems you need to call [Maid Service]. I’ve Googled the right number for you based on the name on the invoice you’ve provided.

Customer: “Ugh.”

Me: “Well, here is the number. Have a good rest of your day.”

Customer: “Wait, aren’t you going to call them for me? I mean, you’ve already looked them up.”

Me: “…No?”

Customer: “Then you still did a s*** job!” *Click.*

You Can’t Sweep It Under The Rug

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2026

I work for a carpet and flooring company.

Caller: “I’ve had this carpet down for a month, and there’s dirt and hair all over it. It’s supposed to be stain-proof!”

Me: “There is no such thing as stain-proof carpet, unfortunately, but the carpet you chose is polypropylene, so it is bleach-cleanable. Lots of things should come out of it.”

Caller: “Well, it shouldn’t be dirty already; it’s not been down long.”

Me: “Do you take your shoes off before you come in the house?”

Caller: “Nobody has time for that. This carpet is bleach cleanable; dirt shouldn’t hurt it.”

Me: “Have you tried cleaning it?”

Caller: “I shouldn’t need to clean it, it’s bleach cleanable.”

Me: “Well, you bring in dirt from outside when you walk in, it might be an idea to clean it.”

Caller: “But the carpets have been down for a month! It shouldn’t be dirty.”

Me: “How often do you vacuum it?”

Caller: “We haven’t vacuumed it yet.”

Me: “After a month?”

Caller: “Nobody has time for that!”

The Dust Always Settles

, , , , , | Working | March 11, 2026

I’m a janitor. I have been doing this for over ten years and currently do it as a part-time gig, cleaning two offices twice and once a week, respectively.

The way janitorial contracts work in Finland is that the customer and the company offering cleaning make a contract, which includes a list of tasks and their frequency. It also includes things like whether toilet paper, trash bags, etc., are included in the contract or provided separately. This list is the framework of what I do during the hours allotted to my work.

I got the smaller of the two offices almost three years ago, with no list and a promise to get it to me “as soon as possible, as it’s not ready yet.” Fair. Understandable. Happens! I was given a vague description of what the client wanted and agreed to it at first. It had some quirks, like fluffing pillows, arranging chairs, and dusting decorative items in the bathrooms. I was under the assumption that this was all in the contract, and time had been allotted for it.

In the first half year, it became painfully obvious that all the things I was verbally told the client’s contract included were not possible in the hour and thirty minutes I was given to work. It was to a point where I quite sternly told my manager I would only do about half of the things. Fluffing pillows and dusting decorative items could not be more important than hoovering the full floor carpets or taking out trash. More than once in the two-plus years before “The Incident”, I would stay extra time to get at least the most vital things done.

I hated the office job, as it meant hard work for an hour and a half, not finishing in a manner I was happy with, and usually came with post-it notes left by the client lambasting me for not doing some small task, like dusting windowsills. I would literally hoover desks and windowsills to make sure I could save as much time as possible. It was madness.

There was so much more I could complain about, but I won’t, as there is way, way, way too much. I will concentrate on the poignant bits.

That being… “The Incident”, AKA what happened when my managers’ superior retired.

Let’s call her Lisa. My manager shall be Katrina. I had been discussing most of my issues with Lisa, as Katrina was never very active in solving problems, including, still, two-plus years in, not having that ever-so-important list. Lisa was painfully aware of my issues with this client and would call me about the newest complaint with an attitude of “I know this isn’t your fault, but I have to inform you. Rules, you know?” Which left me thinking she was an ally.

Lisa was not an ally.

When Lisa’s replacement took over, I found out that there was a list. Always had been. It was dated almost exactly on the day the contract started. The list was short. Much shorter than what Lisa had told me the tasks were. Almost comically short, in fact. Nothing about fluffing pillows. Nothing about bathroom decorative items or the bathroom carpets.

It was an amusingly simple, short, and to-the-point list, with no frills.

The new person also somehow suddenly found me more time to do my tasks. This whole time, I had been told by Lisa that the client refused to buy more time. Turns out our scheduling department could easily just appoint thirty more minutes of work time to the job.

This meant Lisa had been lying to me for almost three years. For three years, I had been treated like a servant by the office staff, going far beyond what the client had bought, while Lisa was just too lazy to do anything about it.

I taped the “new” list my new superior gave me to the janitorial closet door, so it could be seen by the customer and me anytime someone opened the door. I made sure to do nothing at all, not on the list, and have enjoyed my two-hour work time immensely. I get to leave on time, I don’t have to run to take out the trash, and I haven’t emptied a dishwasher in months, as it turns out that wasn’t my job either. Just like those pillows weren’t.

Don’t be like Lisa and always demand your work tasks on paper.

Flue Straight Into Sexism

, , , | Right | CREDIT: BeautifulPhantom1 | October 4, 2025

I opened a chimney sweeping business under the shortened version of my first name, which, when shortened, can easily be mistaken for a man’s name. A woman called me up and wanted a quote for cleaning her chimney. I give her the quote, and she’s not happy.

Caller: “That’s too expensive!”

Me: “Are you a senior citizen or have you served in the military?”

Caller: “I’m a senior citizen.”

So, I applied the senior discount and re-quoted the price. She still wasn’t happy.

Caller: “I’m going to call [Shortened version of my name] and have him fire you for trying to charge me so much!”

I invited her to give him a call and wished her a pleasant day.

I guess once you get to a certain generation, it’s too hard to wrap their mind around a woman owning such a dirty business. The witch with long hair flying on a broom past a chimney as my logo should have given her a clue, though.

I hope she enjoyed finding out my nearest competitor charged double what I did and had a six-month wait list.