naughtyelf, posts by tag: local news - LiveJournal

LMFAO. This HAS to be the funniest official statement I've ever heard from a football club.

Basically, Craig Bellamy (Newcastle player on loan at Celtic) sent "threatening" text messages to Alan Shearer, who replied (and I never thought I'd say this, but good on him!) "in no uncertain terms" telling Bellamy he wouldn't be welcome back at St James' Park.

Newcastle's official statement?

"Following media reports this morning the chairman wishes to make it clear that Alan Shearer has never said to him that he would knock seven bells out of anyone."

I kid thee not.

http://www.nufc.premiumtv.co.uk/pa…

Heh. The Sunderland Echo ROCKS. Its the best paper ever. On Saturday, we get a story about Nissan workers having to piss in buckets because they don't have time for toilet breaks. Yesterday, there's a hilarious piece about the Chief Officer of the Tyne & Wear Fire Brigade stealing £4.60 worth of doorstops from B&Q in Sunderland. There were some classic quotes, such as one from a police spokesman stating that "The theft involved doorstops to the value of £4.60" ... LMFAO! Also the best one, IMO, was from a B&Q spokesman saying "I can confirm that somebody did steal some doorstops. There was an incident."

LMFAO!

But today ... today we get this:

A PARTYING pensioner who fell and broke her hip after falling when leaving a city nightspot today slammed door staff who she claims told her she was "too drunk and too old" to be out clubbing..

*snigger* It's not funny, but...dude. Haaaaa. It is!