(no subject)
Wow, I haven't written anything in quite a long time. I feel safe writing this here because no one whom this involves will read it, and well, I just needed to get it off my chest. So, I'll start! There is this guy that I really like. He's cute, funny, caring, intelligent, and one of the most selfless people I have ever met. He is willing to go out of his way for people all of the time. I talk to him quite often, and he is interested in me (though I'm not sure that I'm the only one he's interested in). In any case, I have a good friend who also happens to like him. Now, she likes most of the guys in our group, so I don't feel too bad about liking this one. Well, anyway, since last wednesday when she and I talked and she found out that he was interested in me, she has been very distant. I don't blame her. I'm just sad about it. I hate losing friends, especially over guys, but I don't understand why it has come to this. That's not true, I do understand, but I didn't until last night when I sat down and truly reflected.
Last night I just couldn't take her not saying anything about the fact that this bothered her, so I asked her, in private so that no one else need be involved. Well, she told me that there was no problem and that she was fine with it, which I knew was a lie because of the way that she said it. And I was not the only one who assumed that she wasn't ok with it. That's getting ahead of myself. So, she and I discussed it, and while I didn't believe her, I decided to take her word for it. Well, we went out to the parking lot and the guy in question was with us and she decides to bring the whole situation up pretending to be discrete about it. He knew what was going on.
In any case, I am very ashamed of the way that I acted. Rather than get upset because she was trying to make me feel guilty for liking him and because he liked me, I should have been more understanding of her position. Sometimes I am just too rash in my behavior. I know that I always end up disappointed with my behavior when I don't give myself the necessary time to think over what has been said or done and look at from the other person's point of view. That's why I generally avoid confrontation until I have had time to review the whole situation in my head. I really handled things poorly. Instead of questioning her about whether or not she was upset I should have asked her what I could do, if anything to help the situation. I think that I was afraid that she would tell me that she wanted me to back off, and frankly, I don't want to. I have backed off so many times. This will be the third time in my 19 years that I bothered to do something that I wanted in regard to relationships. I'm not saying that I'm a wonderful person because of it, I do it because I honestly prefer others to be happy over myself.
My sister made a good point last night. She said, "Kristen, we come from a family where the needs of others have always come before our own." It's very true. And I love living my life that way, because when I make others happy, or help another person, I feel better for it. It gives me incredible joy to make others lives more pleasant, which in turn makes my life more pleasant. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love that my mother has taught me to see things from everyone's point of view, even when I desperately want to be right, or when I really want an excuse to dislike someone. That's why I am so disappointed in how I behaved last night. I should have stopped to think about how Audrey felt, rather than simply be frustrated that she was trying to make me feel guilty about the situation. My mother taught me to look at both sides of a situation and to react in accordance to the understanding that I have gained in looking at someone else's view of the situation. I failed to do that last night, and I feel that I was being a silly little girl who knows better but can't control her own emotions. I am so glad that I was able to get that out. Anyone who read this all the way through, I am truly impressed, thank you. I love you all!
-Kristen-
Last night I just couldn't take her not saying anything about the fact that this bothered her, so I asked her, in private so that no one else need be involved. Well, she told me that there was no problem and that she was fine with it, which I knew was a lie because of the way that she said it. And I was not the only one who assumed that she wasn't ok with it. That's getting ahead of myself. So, she and I discussed it, and while I didn't believe her, I decided to take her word for it. Well, we went out to the parking lot and the guy in question was with us and she decides to bring the whole situation up pretending to be discrete about it. He knew what was going on.
In any case, I am very ashamed of the way that I acted. Rather than get upset because she was trying to make me feel guilty for liking him and because he liked me, I should have been more understanding of her position. Sometimes I am just too rash in my behavior. I know that I always end up disappointed with my behavior when I don't give myself the necessary time to think over what has been said or done and look at from the other person's point of view. That's why I generally avoid confrontation until I have had time to review the whole situation in my head. I really handled things poorly. Instead of questioning her about whether or not she was upset I should have asked her what I could do, if anything to help the situation. I think that I was afraid that she would tell me that she wanted me to back off, and frankly, I don't want to. I have backed off so many times. This will be the third time in my 19 years that I bothered to do something that I wanted in regard to relationships. I'm not saying that I'm a wonderful person because of it, I do it because I honestly prefer others to be happy over myself.
My sister made a good point last night. She said, "Kristen, we come from a family where the needs of others have always come before our own." It's very true. And I love living my life that way, because when I make others happy, or help another person, I feel better for it. It gives me incredible joy to make others lives more pleasant, which in turn makes my life more pleasant. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love that my mother has taught me to see things from everyone's point of view, even when I desperately want to be right, or when I really want an excuse to dislike someone. That's why I am so disappointed in how I behaved last night. I should have stopped to think about how Audrey felt, rather than simply be frustrated that she was trying to make me feel guilty about the situation. My mother taught me to look at both sides of a situation and to react in accordance to the understanding that I have gained in looking at someone else's view of the situation. I failed to do that last night, and I feel that I was being a silly little girl who knows better but can't control her own emotions. I am so glad that I was able to get that out. Anyone who read this all the way through, I am truly impressed, thank you. I love you all!
-Kristen-
-
-
disappointed
-
ecstatic
hopeful
confused
happy