Help! My body wants a baby.

I haven't used my LJ for gods knows how long, so I haven't posted here in a long time. I'm now married, and in grad school. Grad school wasn't part of the plan, and yet, here I am! I'm on assistantship, and my Master's will take 4 semesters. I have one under my belt and am beginning the second now. I'm considering trying to convince my husband to start trying now, but not really sure how great my program will be about it. I'll get FMLA, but that's unpaid, not sure we could manage without the pay. Also usually so sure I don't want to be pregnant during the summer. We have several trips planned and it'd be nice to have one last HOORAH before pregnancy and babies. But I'm so impatient. After the disaster of my divorce and knowing kids were even further off when that all fell apart, being this close and seeing so many around me have beautiful babies, I'm just so tired of waiting.

It's just not ideal and financially we're kind of still recovering from our wedding in August. I'm also a huge supporter of waiting at least a year after the wedding because marriage is such an adjustment (again, esp after the divorce, I'm a tad paranoid we didn't even make it a year). But I am so damn tired of waiting. I've been so good. I have a college degree, a house, a husband, a nice car, blah blah blah blah.
I just want baaaaby. ;_;
I'm so whiny right now.
All our close friends know that later this year we might begin trying, and they're all so excited for us. Which makes me want to hurry even more.
*sigh*
Again, it wouldn't be the smart thing to do. :/

Went to my hairdresser's today, and she asked me as discreetly as possible if I have any "news." She means baby news--she wants to know if I'm pregnant.

I'm not. I don't have any baby news. My husband and I won't even be able to start trying to conceive for at least two years. Finances are terrible because I just got out of my Master's program and we both have student loans. We both have good, steady jobs, which I know is really amazing for 20somethings in this economy, but the debit is huge and grim and won't go away soon. It'll be manageable, but we live in one of the most expensive cities in North America and the idea of being homeowners seems out of our grasp. It's not fair. I want to be able to give our future children the kind of lives my parents were able to.

I really wanted to be in a better position by this time in my life. I want to be a younger mother. I want to be a younger mother so that I can be alive for the greatest stretch possible for my children's lives, and--with hope--their children, too. And a more direct worry is that I want to have children so that my own parents have as much time to be grandparents as they can. I know it seems a little silly to worry like that, but I have so much love in my life and I want to share it.

And I know I have room in my heart to share it with a baby. And my husband will be an amazing father.

Is it like this for everyone? Am I going to spend the next two years thinking about this non-stop? Noticing every child, every baby ad, feel slightly weepy every time someone asks me anything about "news"?

Thanks for listening. I hope you're all copying with your cluckiness.

I love you for printing pics of my three year old, and for gifts, and all that jazz. However, must you put banner ads for birth announcements on EVERY WEBPAGE I VISIT (and yes, I know that Google is telling them to)?!?! I'm not pregnant and it's driving my cluck crazy.

Love,
Sailorgarnet

edited for grammar.

Hey everyone, my name is Jen, and I'm new. I have one 19 month old son, and two lovely stepdaughters who live with their mom and visit us for summers, etc. They are 6 and 8.
I've been wanting another baby, but hubby is hesitant since it would make 4 for him, and finances are not really where they need to be for another baby. So I've been considering being a gestational carrier, aka a surrogate. Has anyone else here tried this? Or considered it? Or would just like to voice their opinion? I'd like to try it, but I want all the info I can get before I commit. Thanks!

A wonderful person over in the vaginapagina community gave me the link for this community. I had no idea there was an entire LJ community for people who were as insane about having babies as I am. 8D

I am 26, currently in a wonderful committed relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years, and we both have lots of plans for marriage and babies. At some point. Probably (hopefully) when we can afford it.

Interestingly enough, we're on the tail end of a pregnancy panic. We use the FAM method as our primary form of birth control, since we know we're not financially ready for a baby any time soon, with condoms for fun times during the time after my period and until I can see a very clear handful of days after ovulation. This month though, my luteal phase has appeared to be much longer than usual, which had me freaking out (today would mark 17 days past ovulation, if my charting has been accurate this month, which it might not have been because I can't seem to stay asleep or wake up when my alarm goes off and keep having really bizarre, creepy dreams all this month). I took an HPT last night, because I just couldn't sleep without some sort of answer either way, and it was negative. I was both incredibly relieved and incredibly disappointed. I know we're not anywhere ready to take care of another human being, but I've wanted a baby pretty much since puberty. It's hard to relate to my closest female friends because most of them are actually anti-pregnancy for themselves (it's just not something they feel is a calling for them, which is fine), with my best friend actually having a phobia of pregnancy (like, visibly pregnant women creep her out). It's nice to see that there's a community where my baby-craziness isn't looked at as some weird cry for love or attention or lack of hugs in my childhood or something.

Anyway, even with my negative HPT, and my temperatures finally, slowly dipping back towards pre-ovulation levels, and light cramps that say my period is on its way, there is an annoying part of me that's hoping I'm one of those 10% of women that gets negative HPTs until she's practically ready to deliver and that my temperature drop is some weird estrogen surge.

I know it's not true, but, like so many other people in this community it seems, everyone I know is getting engaged, married, or pregnant, and I'm insanely jealous (one of my friends just announced her pregnancy on Friday, and she was on the pill, in addition to two of my friends on Facebook awaiting the birth of their second and third children, and my cousins and friends posting pictures of the adorable kids they already have, in addition to my brother having just gotten married and they have two kids, and my stepsister getting married in June, and my one friend getting married in December, ugh). Someone tell me they can relate (well, I assume many of you can, as you're here in this community). But I'm wondering if anyone else in this community charts and has hoped against science and nature and everything else that the chart was lying, even though you knew it was for the best if it was true. I really do feel like such a weirdo. ^^;

Hi, I'm new here. I'm 25-years-old, and I consider myself a Kinsey Scale 5 (aka, I'm what most would consider a lesbian, though if I met the right man, it could change.) I've been wanting a child since I was a child, basically. Having children is my dream, and when I think about what I was made to do in life, all I can think is: I was born to be a mother.

The problem is, I'm not what most 25-year-olds are, or are "supposed" to be. I still live at home, still finishing up getting my bachelor's degree, and I'm single. I've actually never even had a serious relationship. I've gotten to the point where I don't care if I have a partner. My dream is to have children, and I don't mind being a single mother. I'm always faced with, "You're crazy"s and "good luck"s. Is there something wrong with being determined to raise children on my own? Am I crazy for wanting to do it alone?

The other issue is, I'm nowhere near financially ready for a baby. Just getting pregnant is going to be costly, as I'm going to have to go through IUI or IVF unless I find a willing sperm donor and do it at home. My parents still pay a lot of my bills. Basically, I haven't really "grown up" in a way, but I am so, so ready, mentally, for a child. A lot of my friends are in the same spot as me - still in school and still living at home, but I have one or two who are engaged and thinking about families soon. It hurts my heart, so bad, knowing that I can't have that. The thought that I may never have children scares me. I always dreamed I'd have at least two kids by 25, and here I am childless. Not even getting into the fact that I'm obese and would need to lose at least 50lbs before any doctor would let me do IVF. I'm just so distraught, and I needed to vent. Has anyone been through anything similar? Having to wait but really, really not wanting to? :/

Forgot to add, I'm always, ALWAYS thinking of how unfair it is that my straight friends can "accidentally" get pregnant, but that will never happen to be because I don't date men. In a way, I feel like I'm punished for being gay. It's 10x harder for me to have a baby than a straight person and to me, it's so unfair. I know there's nothing I can do about that, but I'm always finding myself sobbing over that fact.

I swear to all that is holy, if I see one more woman change their FB profile picture to their baby's sonogram picture, I am going to scream and throw things. Not only is it a punch in my clucky-gut/heart to see so many happily expectant mothers, it also annoys me. I may get a lot of flack for saying this, but I think it's sort of sad. Just because you are having a baby doesn't mean you have lost your identity. Sure, many women (I am sure I may be one of them) identify themselves as 'mom" above all else. I feel like that is okay and really important. But I think it is also important not to lose your own identity. I keep wanting to ask the dads how they feel. Many times, the EM replaces her photo from her wedding or with her SO to the sonogram or baby. How does that make the dad feel? I think it's important to be mother AND partner AND self. I know I will be excited to become a mom, and will make some sort of announcement via Facebook. But I don't think I would change my picture to the sonogram. I am not sure I'd even share the sonogram. Is nothing sacred? My husband doesn't have FB but I show him things sometimes and he has said before "I hope you don't do that with our kids." As in sonograms and constant kid photo updates. I sort of think it's a safety issue. Even with privacy settings, I'd be nervous about having pictures of my kids out on the internet; who knows who could be looking at them? Granted, I post about 2 zillion pictures of my cat, so maybe I have no room to talk. But a cat is not a human baby. Nor have I changed my main picture to that of my cat (even though she is gorgeous) because while I love being her cat-mom, it does not define me. I am still Maria, with an identity separate of whom I love and care for.

Sometimes I just want to comment "YOU ARE NOT YOUR BABY. YOU ARE STILL [insert mom's name here]" I'd rather see them with their kids, or hear stories of parent-heroics like cooling a tantrum or getting all the kids to nap at the same time. I prefer reading the stories from the working moms I know who are high-powered career women by day and moms after 5pm. I mean, they are always moms, and they always love their little ones, but they own who they are, separate of just being "mom." Same goes for dads, though I see less of this occurring with dads I know (which I think is also interesting).

Am I alone in this? Does anyone get what I am saying? I do not mean to offend, it's just what I feel. I want to be a mom more than anything, but I do not want to lose myself. I not want to lose the woman my husband fell in love with. I want to be assistant director Maria, and Ethan's wife and our kids' mom and best friend Maria. I want to do it all. And I want people who look at my photos to see them all in my face.

If you got pregnant, how would you tell your family and friends? Do you ever worry people will have a bad reaction?


I was thinking about (if we get pregnant any time soon...) telling my husband's folks by having our little niece whisper that she's going to have a new cousin into her grandma's ear (she'll be 4 in April... I think she can handle this if we coach her immediately beforehand?). A part of me worries they'll have a bad reaction, and if we're at something like a New Years or Christmas party, that their poor reaction will just ruin the whole party. OTOH, I'm wondering if it wouldn't be like breaking up with someone in a crowded restaurant... they can't makes a scene without making themselves look bad, lol. I think having our niece tell everybody would be super adorable, but my husband is so sensitive and I know he'll get upset if they're not cool. I really think they'd react fine, they were just so shitty with our first 10 years ago. I've talked to my SIL (their daughter) about how we're nervous how they'd react to a pregnancy (all of our ducks are not in a row, in their parents' opinions) and she thinks once we got married people kinda expected us to get pregnant so they would't have a bad reaction... IDK. Hopefully having two little granddaughters already running around will soften them up a bit!

My other idea is to pass around a 'cute photo' of our cat wearing the "big brother" shirt I bought him (how I plan to tell my husband when it ever happens).

Anyway, I guess we'll cross that bridge when I actually get pregnant, but I'm curious if you all have any plans for the future!

I'm so excited! I had to get online and post somewhere. I know I updated just a little while ago about having ovulated and gotten my period. I don't think we had sex during my fertile period that month. Well, after that I used OPKs for a few weeks, but got rather bored of it. They seemed to get darker and then went light again. I thought maybe I'd ovulated, but haven't gotten a period yet. So I noticed CRAZY EWCM two days ago and started doing OPKs again then. I just got a positive! :D I have never gotten a bona fide positive OPK! We had sex last night, and will again tonight, and I'm still having EWCM. Wish us luck!!




*x-posted to cluckyttc*

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x-posted to cluckyttc