The Child Within

Everyone, please welcome drlele and fille_parfaite to Imhên, aka Lele and Kell-Belle. I hope all of you have a nice time playing together.

Now will someone please remove Bombadil from the Last Homely House before Elrond's head explodes?

Does anyone know what happened to Tom?

Both: *enter lair, notice puppy Balrog lying on his back. There are strange singing noises coming from his belly*

Older self: Right...so what happened while we were gone?

Legolas: *picks up mail* Hmmm...let's see, Dad came by and bitched me out for not being at the Council. *smirks* Poor guy had to go himself...serves the bastard man right...Oh!

Older self: Oh?

Legolas: There's a wedding invitation here...*opens and reads* Oh. My. God. *looks at Balrog's belly suspiciously*

Older self: What????

Legolas: Well, your little pet here ate Bombadil, and Goldberry's getting remarried.

Older self: *grins* Honey, you're my little pet...

Legolas: *shakes head* *smiles in spite of himself* I'm not little. *sighs* So guess who Goldberry is marrying?

Older self: *shrugs*

Legolas: Gimli.

Older self: *blinks* Okay...

narrator: and so, the truth will finally be revealed. what actually DID happen that night Boromir and Aragorn got very drunk? and what does Tom Bombadil have to do with it? and will Frodo ever be ungagged so he can tell everyone off for dragging him into this new quest and using him a step-ladder? let's find out now...


( Older Self says: this looks kind of long un-cut.Collapse )

Elrond: Erestor!

Erestor: My lord?

Elrond: Call together the free peoples of Middle-Earth: Dwarves, Men, Elves, Hobbits, Ents. We all face a dire threat, though many do not know of its existence. Beseech the Eagles for assistance. We've no time to waste.

Erestor: Of course my lord! *rushes to compose messages for Gwaihir's folk to carry to Lindon, Minas Tirith, Edoras, Caras Galadhon, Bag End, Lasgalen, etc., summons the Eagles and sends them on their way*

Self: This should be interesting. *rouses Glorfindel and orders him to be nice before trotting off to dig up a horse lord or two to send riding for Imladris* Come on, Eomer! Off your delicious derriere and onto Firefoot! You've got some traveling to do!

Eomer: *mutter, grumble, groan*

Self: *sits back with a nice cup of hot chocolate and waits for the darlings to start trickling in*

21 year old self: *emerges from bedroom, brushing her hair and smiling*

Boromir: *emerges from bedroom grinning rather cheekily* good morn--erm, evening!

21 year old self: so...what've we missed? *glances at all the towels lying around*

13 year old self: That's it! I'm leaving!!! I'm tired of those two locking me out of wherever they're at...there's something goin on, and I don't want to be mixed up in it!!!! *tucks puppy Balrog in bag so it's head sticks out the top* Let's go find Gollum, okay?

puppy Balrog: Okay! *grins*

Narrator: Little does she know that puppy Balrog is the founder of the "I hate Glorfindel" club and is making it's first step toward world domination...

*All are sitting around a table, looking glumly at the object in the center*

22 year old self: Okay, Eowyn, let's get this straight. What exactly happened the night Leggy and I were shagging the Gondorians were drunk?

Eowyn: *breathes* Okay. I was feeling sort of depressed after seeing Aragorn in the state he was. I mean, here I thought he was some incredible king of men, and it turns out he's nothing but a lard-ass. So after he attempts to fondle kiss me, I run away and have about 20 shots of vodka. Things got a little hazy after that.

Arwen: *rolls eyes* No shit.

Eowyn: Anyway, somehow I ended up with Grima, who wouldn't keep his hands off me. Then it got really blurry. Boromir came in--

Faramir: Boromir? Wait, Eowyn--

Eowyn: Let me finish!!! Anyway, Boromir came in and beat the shit out of Grima for trying to take advantage of my unfortunate state and--

Arwen: *under breath* Unfortunate my ass.

22 year old self: Quiet you, or I'll say you DID sleep with Boromir...

Arwen: *hushes immediately*

Eowyn: *giving table a weary look* Well, after that, he took me in his arms, and I knew I had to thank him, and he looked so much like Faramir, and I had had SO much to drink, I...*shakes her head, wiping tears* I'm so sorry, but I know it was Boromir I slept with.

Faramir: *starts chuckling* Honey, did it occur to you that if he looked that much like me, that it was me?

Eowyn: *blinks* But they said--

Faramir: *kneels down in front of her and take her hand* It was me. I was the one who heard about what was going on and came to find you. Boromir was never involved. Who he mistook for you, I don't know. But the child, dear, is ours.

Eowyn: *blinks happy tears* *smiles* *kisses Faramir firmly on the mouth*

Everyone else: *covers their eyes*

Faramir: Just do me a favor honey, okay?

Eowyn: *nods*

Faramir: Next time I ask you to get into the bathtub with me, please do it. I was being molested by a 13 year old.

22 year old self: It wasn't mine!!

*All get up, say good night, and depart for their respective rooms. Eowyn and Faramir plan for the arrival of their new child, Arwen makes sure Aragorn isn't cheating on her...again...Tom Bombadil climbs in bed with Boromir, and Legolas decides he needs to take another bath. 22 year old self decides to help him, and they lock themselves in the bathroom...again...*

Meanwhile...

Balrog: *peers cautiously out of closet and scampers out. Chases flaming tail and then bounces into bed to curl up next to 13 year old self*

Aragorn: Ah!!! Ooh!!! Ow!!! Mercy!!! Ack!!! Honey, I'm sor--Ah! Boro--Ow! Cele--Ooh!

*passes out*

Legolas: "Ai! Ai! A Balrog! A Balrog is come!" *bursts into laughter and runs off to the safety of the dorm*

Balrog: Here Glorfy, Glorfy, Glorfy...the elves tell me that you missed our time together...*stomps toward Glorfindel*