burningvigor, posts by tag: baaaaaw - LiveJournal

To everyone on my friend's list who has Final Fantasy XIII and is playing it:

I am so wildly jealous of you. Damn you all!! 8(

... That being said, please enjoy it on my behalf.

Seriously, this is the first time since it's mattered that I haven't gotten a Final Fantasy title when it comes out. Starting from VII through XII (and we don't count XI), I've had the game the day of or a few days after it came out, and so now I'm just left to cry at anyone who has it. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, I JUST FEEL LOST...

That is all. This mood icon is so precious. Oh, Peter.

CRAP.

I thought it was just last week since they both had 2 hour premieres, but... Heroes and House are going to be on at the same time every week now?!

Why would they do that? ;____;

Just beat Crisis Core.

Need to try and not cry myself to sleep now.

...Seriously, though. I was kind of crying through the whole ending part and then Cloud's theme played in the credits and that song gets me emotional even when I'm not already upset about something, so then there was some sobbing... but then I recovered.

But god. God. How did I even think I could get through that without breaking down. Auuugh.

...Good game, though. Except for the whole Genesis thing, but I'm looking past it for now.

AHHHHHHHHH saying goodbye is hard. :( Especially when people start crying and then I don't know what to dooooo except hug them and say nakanai de!! I don't cry easily, so I feel bad -- but just because I'm not crying doesn't mean I'm not sad.

Being back in America is going to be weird, but I'm excited to see everyone and to give them the souvenirs I got them and all that. It's just... I don't know, that sense that a chapter of my life is ending and things will never quite be like this again. I guess it was the same with high school, but this is somehow different.

BUT WOW, I just make myself sadder if I put it into words like that.

I'll see a lot of the friends who I made here back in California, so it's okay, but... gaaah.

Anyway, yeah, going on a jetplane tomorrow. It sucks, though, since we have to be out of the apartments by 11, but my flight doesn't leave until 5:30PM, meaning I'll be stuck at the airport for a while before I even get off the ground. I'll have one friend with me (we happen to be on the same flight), but he was totally despondent tonight so I don't know what that'll be like. D:

But I'll post again when I'm on the other side of the Pacific! ♥

VICTORY!!!

Yes, that is me and my friends at the top of Mt. Fuji. \o/ I am the one in the red sweater, in case you didn't know. Pardon me looking like crap -- I had just climbed a mountain, after all. Overall, it was very difficult and painful, but I'm glad that I did it! I mean, I just gained like... a bazillion badass points, right? And that's probably one of the crazier things I've ever done. It was quite the experience, so I'll give a recap (with a few more pictures) under the cut.

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Tomorrow will be spent packing, maybe souvenir shopping, and then going to my class party.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I successfully obtained a PSP! It is red and amazing and I can't want to get games for it.

Speaking of which, I played a ton of Pokemon on the trains during the trip. Finally got back to my Pearl game, and it was a lot of fun. The sad thing is that I spent all that time leveling up. I finally decided that I want one Pokemon of each element/type to be up to level, although some Pokemon cover two categories (my Monferno is Fighting and Fire time, for instance). Anyway, going to be playing the shit out of that on the flight home.

Dammit, I suck at getting to bed on time. I was much better at this back home for some reason. Seriously, I didn't even go anywhere today (other than school) and yet I still wasted copious amounts of time on unproductive things and now I should really sleep, but I feel obligated to do some app-related stuff and whatnot, and...

Gah. But I had fun doing non-productive things, and yet I still feel guilty! Also, I will regret this in the morning.

I'm sorry, guys. I feel bad that I'm failing so hard at being a proper mod and and and yeah. Will try to be better. Forgive me. :(

(In happier news, look! Peter mood theme!)

So, today was my birthday! Yaaaaay! It was a good day, thankfully! It started with my grandfather calling me sometime in the eight o' clock hour to wish me well, which was very sweet of him considering he was calling all the way from South Africa. Then I checked my email to see a slew of notifications that people had written on my Facebook wall, which was a great way to start the day. And, of course, all of the posts made by you awesome LJ folk were much appreciated as well. ♥!!

I got calls from my mom (she sang for me, d'awww), my dad, Andrew, Erin, Jenny, and a text from my cousin on top of that. I know some people really hate their birthdays for one reason or another, but for me it's just really nice to be reminded of all the people who have you in their thoughts, especially after the rough time I was having a week or so ago. (I'm doing a lot better now, for the record!)

But yeah, I went to class, and then ate, and then had to head over to the financial aid office for a bit. Then I came home and opened the snail mail cards that my dad and Erin sent me, and they made me cry. :X WHEN DID I BECOME SUCH A SAP, GOD.

I got my work done relatively fast and then my roommate took me downtown to this Italian restaurant. I had lasagna and then we had this amazing chocolate cake with butterscotch for dessert. ♥ ♥

Then there was House, which was awesome! I feel cool that such a good episode was on my birthday. ( Collapse )

As for gifts, Erin got me 12 months of LJ paid time, and anonymous got me six months of paid time for razing_phoenix. HO CRAP. I've never had a paid account for one of my RP journals, so I'm a little overwhelmed. Actually, Erin and Andrew were supposed to come up to see me this weekend, but it turns out that can't happen, so I think I'll just spend my time uploading icons like mad if I get bored. 8D I'LL MAKE THE BEST OF THINGS. Uhh, and my mom asked me what I wanted and I said a digital camera would be good, since I want one for when I'm in Japan... And I think my dad's just going to give me cash. So yeah, that's that! Overall, I'm very pleased with how today turned out, so whoo! I needed this, to be honest. ♥

Oh, and I believe tonight was also a full moon! More coolness on my birthday, amirite. But yes, thanks again to everyone who wished me well! You guys are the best.

So, I'm doing better since last time I updated, at least. I went through a rough patch there, but it seems like things are improving. I think I had some mild depression going on (or at least people told me that was what it sounded like when I described how I was feeling to them). I'm not 100% yet, and I'm still having some sleeping problems, but I'm working on it. I'm also still worrying my head over the fact that I will be shipping off to another country come April, but nest has been helpful with reassurances and advice. Man, it's weird how transitions in life will sometimes totally steamroll you. I ended up having to drop one of my classes because my work load was not agreeing with me, and taking that pressure off has helped a lot.

I went on a hike yesterday! My roommate had some family visiting and her aunt is a park ranger, so she wanted to go hiking and I ended up tagging along with them. It was pretty laidback, so it was pleasant rather than torturesome. It also helped that it wasn't too hot out.

Though speaking of which, the weather here is baffling me. Just a few days ago it was so hot that we had to have fans on 24/7, and then last night it was so cold that I had to pull a sweatshirt on when I went to sleep. But yeah, sleeping has been tough lately. I keep waking up an hour or two hours before my alarm is set to go off and then I can't get back to sleep because I lay there and worry about things. I miss sleeping a lot, dammit. I think the fact that we don't have curtains over the window (which my bed is right next to) also has something to do with it. We went out and got curtains today, but we can't put them up yet because we don't have a drill. Oh, and we wanted to pick up our futon, but the frame wouldn't fit into the van we had, so we just have the cushion part here. Though apparently we can use someone's truck to get the frame tomorrow, if all goes well.

Oh, and my mental state seems to have led to me getting a mild cold, so that sucks and also adds to the sleeping issues. Auugh, why can't I just pass out and sleep forever like some people. ;__; I slept so well in my dorm last year, baw.

I got a card from my dad in the mail today. ♥ Though I've decided not to open it until Tuesday when it's actually my birthday. Still, it was nice to get. The envelope is purple. ANYWAY, I should go read apps and all that stuff, and hopefully I'll have less to complain and baw about soon.

So, things have been really insane for me lately. I just haven't been doing very well emotionally, which is pretty surprising for me, since I tend to sail through life other than, y'know, the stress of school and stuff.

The combination of moving into a new place (even though I'm familiar with the school and the area, being in an apartment is different from the dorms), financial concerns, the anticipation of classes starting and all the work I have, the stress of all the paperwork I need to do for studying abord, just missing home in general, and then getting into a phase of "what the hell am I going to do when I'm out of school?" has had me pretty down. I'm not usually someone who feels like crying all of a sudden, but on Sunday night I was in tears while talking with Erin and my mom. I've been slowly getting better since then, but yeah, it's been rough. (Part of me thinks it's because I'm due for my period and I'm really hoping I'll be less emotional once I get it, but who knows.) Then my dad called me today (while I was in the university center since the internet is down at my apartment for some reason) to give me more reassurance and support and just... be there, and I had to try really hard not to start crying here, in a public place. Auuugh, I'm just not used to being like this. It's very unlike me.

But I'm working through it, I think. My mom was suggesting I get a job, but I just... don't know if I have the time for it. I feel bad since I know that tons of other people work while going to school and that makes me wonder why I can't do the same thing, but I just... I don't know. I also feel terrible because I've been pretty absent at damned due to all of this stuff, and I just want to feel at ease and content again, and it's been hard.

Part of my concern is that it seems like everyone's post-graduation plan is graduate school. And I don't know that I want to do that. Nor do I think I could afford it. Literature is my major (Japanese minor), and I worry that there won't be any options for me unless I go to graduate school. It doesn't help that when it comes down to it, I don't know what I want to do. I think I need to be more informed of what my options are, but my dad was so sweet, telling me that I could do whatever I wanted because I'm a dedicated, hard-working person, and BAAAW, I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

The good thing about a heavy workload is it means I have less time to get myself worked up, but the three-day weekend will hopefully give me some time to relax... Unless it backfires and causes me to think too hard and I end up a wreck again. But I'm trying to be optimistic!

Oh, and the other thing was that I've realized that I'm not very good at feeding myself, so I ended up getting a 5 meal plan at the dining hall to make sure I eat a proper lunch, at the very least. I need to figure out more quick, easy-to-make things that I can have for dinner, though. I dunno.

But yeah, hopefully the internet will get fixed soon so that I can actually be around and talk to people in what free time that I have. I miss you guys. ♥

Ngg. I'm pretty sure I'm homesick.