Tranquility
Tranquility, its close. I can feel it.
This is for myself
I need to get alot done this week
I have alot of goals to accomplish pertaining to my future in my field if I wish to continue on.
I need this week to stop trying to goof around with friends between 10-6 and make it so I am accomplishing certain things between those times.
I need to utilize my planner and check it between those hours instead of goofing off on such BS sites as espn, IGN, facebook ect...if its not pertaining to MY future, I need to just ignore it for the time being.
That and I need to try to get my one friend to hang out more. I really like her, she's got a special personality.
Ack, see there I go again.
I'm hearing a final verdict from one lab this week...though I do need to push for the volunteer postion (horray for working without pay!)
Thats all I can think of, back to work!
I have alot of goals to accomplish pertaining to my future in my field if I wish to continue on.
I need this week to stop trying to goof around with friends between 10-6 and make it so I am accomplishing certain things between those times.
I need to utilize my planner and check it between those hours instead of goofing off on such BS sites as espn, IGN, facebook ect...if its not pertaining to MY future, I need to just ignore it for the time being.
That and I need to try to get my one friend to hang out more. I really like her, she's got a special personality.
Ack, see there I go again.
I'm hearing a final verdict from one lab this week...though I do need to push for the volunteer postion (horray for working without pay!)
Thats all I can think of, back to work!
That razor sharp silver lining
Everyone hates me.
I used to say that back in high school.
Now I'm a little more scientific about it. I've broken it down to 3 categories.
Upon first meeting me about...:
80% of people I meet take an immediate disdain for me. It may just be a lack of trust or being very unsure of who I am.
10% think nothing in particular of me
10% think i'm a pretty cool seeming guy right off the bat
My change in mindset is how I take these people on.
The high amount of disdain for my being seems to come from a combination of those people who just wont like you in life ever, and those who don't know how to place you into anywhere.
What I find is most of these people are very swayable. Usually if they are around me enough they find out that I am a very genuinely good guy, even if I'm a bit weird (I like to say "unique"). I think these are most of my mild friendships and aquaintences. Though I have made a few good friends from this group as well
Most of my best friends come from the group that really thought nothing of me. I believe thats mostly the mindset I give to most new people I meet. I don't hate them, and I don't really mind their being there or their company. Most people are honestly good enough for at least attending some event.
The most interesting category is that 10% that thought I was pretty cool right off the bat. I find these people to usually just become somehow dissapointed in me, like they were expecting something else. It's almost like they were looking for something unique, or weird if you will, but were still looking for something to fall into an easily applicable social category.
I came from a pretty dark and gloomy past. I decided if I was going to die then I was going to die trying to live. I guess in that I don't really care to hate people, its too much of a hassel for me. It's so much easier to just let them be and if they seem alright talk to them more.
I do need to do some work on these categories. I know I can be a really good leader when placed in the position of power. But if up to my peers with so many not knowing me, and judging me so harshly so quickly I cannot get elected to a postion by my peers.
In other news I have a friend seperating from her boyfriend and I really hope to hear from her because I know she is quite upset. My other friend may finally be making some changes that involve her own happiness soon, I really hope to be there for her when she does.
And in other news...straight dating sucks. Why can't you people stop playing so many games? I kind of miss the gay dating scene at this point, staight dating is just so...weird
Or as I like to say, unique
I used to say that back in high school.
Now I'm a little more scientific about it. I've broken it down to 3 categories.
Upon first meeting me about...:
80% of people I meet take an immediate disdain for me. It may just be a lack of trust or being very unsure of who I am.
10% think nothing in particular of me
10% think i'm a pretty cool seeming guy right off the bat
My change in mindset is how I take these people on.
The high amount of disdain for my being seems to come from a combination of those people who just wont like you in life ever, and those who don't know how to place you into anywhere.
What I find is most of these people are very swayable. Usually if they are around me enough they find out that I am a very genuinely good guy, even if I'm a bit weird (I like to say "unique"). I think these are most of my mild friendships and aquaintences. Though I have made a few good friends from this group as well
Most of my best friends come from the group that really thought nothing of me. I believe thats mostly the mindset I give to most new people I meet. I don't hate them, and I don't really mind their being there or their company. Most people are honestly good enough for at least attending some event.
The most interesting category is that 10% that thought I was pretty cool right off the bat. I find these people to usually just become somehow dissapointed in me, like they were expecting something else. It's almost like they were looking for something unique, or weird if you will, but were still looking for something to fall into an easily applicable social category.
I came from a pretty dark and gloomy past. I decided if I was going to die then I was going to die trying to live. I guess in that I don't really care to hate people, its too much of a hassel for me. It's so much easier to just let them be and if they seem alright talk to them more.
I do need to do some work on these categories. I know I can be a really good leader when placed in the position of power. But if up to my peers with so many not knowing me, and judging me so harshly so quickly I cannot get elected to a postion by my peers.
In other news I have a friend seperating from her boyfriend and I really hope to hear from her because I know she is quite upset. My other friend may finally be making some changes that involve her own happiness soon, I really hope to be there for her when she does.
And in other news...straight dating sucks. Why can't you people stop playing so many games? I kind of miss the gay dating scene at this point, staight dating is just so...weird
Or as I like to say, unique
I need to update more often
So much stuff happens and I never get to post about it.
I think posting lets me level things out and refocus my attention. Will do soon
I think posting lets me level things out and refocus my attention. Will do soon
Needs & Wants
So I'm at this point in my career where I'm wondering what to do
How do I continue on from here? What do I do, where do I go?
I screwed this semester up. I only manged to pull a 3.0 out of finals week when I entered Hell and Finals week with a 3.6.
Looking back I am thinking I was overstressed this semester. Early on I had a very close friend almost die. Some part of not knowing what was going on, and feeling so cut out left me trying to focus when I wanted to be so many other places.
I was trying to restrict my ADHD regime. I dont like having all the super stressed side effects from those amphetamines. However I think I lost too much of the functional stress at times. I'd find myself goofing off on a day when I had a big test or paper due the next day. I wonder if I had downregulated the release of stress hormones.
The last few weeks after finals I've felt depressed. Out of it in many ways.
On the more positive end, I did improve socially which was a big focus of mine coming into the semester. I finally feel more secure about the friends I do have and have developed some kind of trust with them. It helps alot cause I feel I dont need to cry for help so much due to insecurities about friendships.
And from there I have been starting to 'date' again. I am trying to focus much more on the straight half of my sexuality. Since I think the guy to girl ratio over my life has been around 25:1. Unfortunetly Pittsburgh seems to have a 3:1 single guy to any female ratio. So it's not been "easy" trying to date again. For the most part I feel as if I'm trying to rip a girl away from someone their seeing, or I'm getting girls that feel a bit crazy after just getting out of a relationship.
It's definetly weird being so used to dating men having to date the other sex. Especially with the gender differences between the sexes. I'm really unsure of when to "push" for a girl to come hang out, and when their sending a "not interested fuck off" signal. I had some advice from a counseler that I may be coming off as too intense due to feeling a need to entertain. I can see that as being true. For the most part my most successful dating with a want of more hanging out has been with girls who I meet and have a nice "hows the weather, whats your favorite color" conversation with the first time. Albeit most of them have boyfriends already begging the question whether their intrested in just friendship, or more. TO which I've recently discovered, most femine girls have no idea what they really want.
I guess I ran a bit to social relations in order to distract myself from my issues mentally with my school future. And my physical life (+5 pounds) again suffered this semester.
The situation is this (maybe it will help if I write it out)
I have wanted to be a Biomedical Engineer because it most closely fits what I wish to do as a career.
This field is small, and very restrictive because schools like to play up "how good" they are. Most people only pick it if they are a very strong student. The average GPA for graduates is around 3.6-3.7.
I have been told by Pitt's graduate program that Lab expierience is a must especially to make up for a lower GPA such as my own
Right now I only have 3.0 GPA, lower than even the lowest application GPA of 3.3. I'm slowly becoming a "great" student but I dont have enough time with one more semester left to prove I can be good enough withing the established education system (fuck the 4.0 scale). I really needed to do better this semester...and after the finals week drop its not looking good
Lab expierience left me as the new guy out when Dr Cui took on 6 more grads & post docs, and on the out when Dr Kandler lost the transgenic line and the rest of the lab was too busy to train a new undergraduate. Thusly I dont really HAVE lab expierience, and the labs that would be most ideal continue to be filled and not accessible....which is frustrating beyond frustrating.
I cant seem now to bring my self to accepting my current situation, because Im unsure of what that situation actually is. I feel very lost
How do I continue on from here? What do I do, where do I go?
I screwed this semester up. I only manged to pull a 3.0 out of finals week when I entered Hell and Finals week with a 3.6.
Looking back I am thinking I was overstressed this semester. Early on I had a very close friend almost die. Some part of not knowing what was going on, and feeling so cut out left me trying to focus when I wanted to be so many other places.
I was trying to restrict my ADHD regime. I dont like having all the super stressed side effects from those amphetamines. However I think I lost too much of the functional stress at times. I'd find myself goofing off on a day when I had a big test or paper due the next day. I wonder if I had downregulated the release of stress hormones.
The last few weeks after finals I've felt depressed. Out of it in many ways.
On the more positive end, I did improve socially which was a big focus of mine coming into the semester. I finally feel more secure about the friends I do have and have developed some kind of trust with them. It helps alot cause I feel I dont need to cry for help so much due to insecurities about friendships.
And from there I have been starting to 'date' again. I am trying to focus much more on the straight half of my sexuality. Since I think the guy to girl ratio over my life has been around 25:1. Unfortunetly Pittsburgh seems to have a 3:1 single guy to any female ratio. So it's not been "easy" trying to date again. For the most part I feel as if I'm trying to rip a girl away from someone their seeing, or I'm getting girls that feel a bit crazy after just getting out of a relationship.
It's definetly weird being so used to dating men having to date the other sex. Especially with the gender differences between the sexes. I'm really unsure of when to "push" for a girl to come hang out, and when their sending a "not interested fuck off" signal. I had some advice from a counseler that I may be coming off as too intense due to feeling a need to entertain. I can see that as being true. For the most part my most successful dating with a want of more hanging out has been with girls who I meet and have a nice "hows the weather, whats your favorite color" conversation with the first time. Albeit most of them have boyfriends already begging the question whether their intrested in just friendship, or more. TO which I've recently discovered, most femine girls have no idea what they really want.
I guess I ran a bit to social relations in order to distract myself from my issues mentally with my school future. And my physical life (+5 pounds) again suffered this semester.
The situation is this (maybe it will help if I write it out)
I have wanted to be a Biomedical Engineer because it most closely fits what I wish to do as a career.
This field is small, and very restrictive because schools like to play up "how good" they are. Most people only pick it if they are a very strong student. The average GPA for graduates is around 3.6-3.7.
I have been told by Pitt's graduate program that Lab expierience is a must especially to make up for a lower GPA such as my own
Right now I only have 3.0 GPA, lower than even the lowest application GPA of 3.3. I'm slowly becoming a "great" student but I dont have enough time with one more semester left to prove I can be good enough withing the established education system (fuck the 4.0 scale). I really needed to do better this semester...and after the finals week drop its not looking good
Lab expierience left me as the new guy out when Dr Cui took on 6 more grads & post docs, and on the out when Dr Kandler lost the transgenic line and the rest of the lab was too busy to train a new undergraduate. Thusly I dont really HAVE lab expierience, and the labs that would be most ideal continue to be filled and not accessible....which is frustrating beyond frustrating.
I cant seem now to bring my self to accepting my current situation, because Im unsure of what that situation actually is. I feel very lost
Swingin`
Lately Ive been getting really up for things, having great times. And then feeling empty and lonely at the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure its mostly due to coming down from amphetamine highs from the Adderals. But it hasnt been helping much of my self conciousness, and is most definetly destroying my dating life. O well, thing about sucking at dating, you end up with a ton of very beautiful female friends.
I'm pretty sure its mostly due to coming down from amphetamine highs from the Adderals. But it hasnt been helping much of my self conciousness, and is most definetly destroying my dating life. O well, thing about sucking at dating, you end up with a ton of very beautiful female friends.
(no subject)
"Pregnant woman shot on I-79
Monday, August 04, 2008
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
A pregnant motorcyclist was shot in the abdomen on I-79 Saturday evening, causing minor injuries to her but not harming her baby.
Aliza Marie Musser, 26, was riding as a passenger on the southbound ramp toward Neville Island at about 5:30 p.m. when she felt what she thought was a rock from a passing car hit her left side, according to state police. Ms. Musser, of Suncrest Street in Mount Oliver, later realized she was bleeding, and was taken to Sewickley Valley Hospital.
Hospital workers discovered that she had been shot and removed a .223-caliber bullet from her side. Ms. Musser's injuries were not life-threatening, but she was taken to Allegheny General Hospital for more observation as a precaution before releasing her, state police said. Police said they do not know where the shot came from and they are continuing to investigate.
First published on August 4, 2008 at 12:00 am
"
So lets get the facts straight,
1) She's pregnent
2) She's riding a motorcycle
3) She's shot while riding the motorcycle
4) She doesnt fall off just casually thinks its a rock
5) Wants police to believe that the bullet below was not noticeable when it shot her
with a .233 caliber bullet....check out the size of those puppies. http://www.thingsyouneverknew.com/product/thingstowear/watches+and+jewelry/.233+calibur+bullet+necklace.do
Monday, August 04, 2008
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
A pregnant motorcyclist was shot in the abdomen on I-79 Saturday evening, causing minor injuries to her but not harming her baby.
Aliza Marie Musser, 26, was riding as a passenger on the southbound ramp toward Neville Island at about 5:30 p.m. when she felt what she thought was a rock from a passing car hit her left side, according to state police. Ms. Musser, of Suncrest Street in Mount Oliver, later realized she was bleeding, and was taken to Sewickley Valley Hospital.
Hospital workers discovered that she had been shot and removed a .223-caliber bullet from her side. Ms. Musser's injuries were not life-threatening, but she was taken to Allegheny General Hospital for more observation as a precaution before releasing her, state police said. Police said they do not know where the shot came from and they are continuing to investigate.
First published on August 4, 2008 at 12:00 am
"
So lets get the facts straight,
1) She's pregnent
2) She's riding a motorcycle
3) She's shot while riding the motorcycle
4) She doesnt fall off just casually thinks its a rock
5) Wants police to believe that the bullet below was not noticeable when it shot her
with a .233 caliber bullet....check out the size of those puppies. http://www.thingsyouneverknew.com/product/thingstowear/watches+and+jewelry/.233+calibur+bullet+necklace.do
The zen of summer
Ok so something has happened this summer
Its quiet.
Its nothing bad, dramatics are working themselves out. Im not having to bang them off a wall.
Not 2 years ago, I would get frustrated, yell, throw things. Feel like I should get out of it all.
And for extended periods of time.
Anymore people seem impressed with me. And for the most part I feel stable.
I dont think I really feel frustrated by not having a great number of friends. I have my good ones it seems.
And for the first time, things that I saw in people are starting to shine through. Best friends are becoming closer than ever.
For my part. Im not chasing girls, Im not running around like a moron.
Its peaceful and I like that.
Therefore, Im starting to feel the need to settle down and actually get with a girl with thoughts of possible marriage and stuff. Why? Cause im 23 and a pittsburgher...and its just too damn quiet.
Though I do enjoy it while it lasts.
Its quiet.
Its nothing bad, dramatics are working themselves out. Im not having to bang them off a wall.
Not 2 years ago, I would get frustrated, yell, throw things. Feel like I should get out of it all.
And for extended periods of time.
Anymore people seem impressed with me. And for the most part I feel stable.
I dont think I really feel frustrated by not having a great number of friends. I have my good ones it seems.
And for the first time, things that I saw in people are starting to shine through. Best friends are becoming closer than ever.
For my part. Im not chasing girls, Im not running around like a moron.
Its peaceful and I like that.
Therefore, Im starting to feel the need to settle down and actually get with a girl with thoughts of possible marriage and stuff. Why? Cause im 23 and a pittsburgher...and its just too damn quiet.
Though I do enjoy it while it lasts.