the seems have been torn

is any here still active in this community?

Hi!

Does anyone have a personal experience with using seabuckthorn treatments? Positive or negative.

Have you ever been so hurt you cant cry anymore,
But you can feel the tears form and fall behind your eyes,
Or feel like no matter what you say or anything you do no one will completely understand you,
Or that you fail at everything even when you succeed,
And you feel pathetic and nothing makes sense and everythings confusing,
And you want to kill yourself so bad but you cant,
And you just want to curl up die,
and even though your living you dont feel alive?

Does anyone here live in Minnesota? Because we may be moving there...it's going to tear me apart, and if I know someone there, well it might, MIGHT make it a tad easier for me. [Doubt it.]

[X-posted]

I guess I'm doing okay...I mean...I haven't cut in a few days. I just feel like I should. I feel like I deserve the pain of it. I feel like I'm suppose to bleed, for being so stupid and everything all the time.

My best friend from middle school, who had moved away, has moved back. Yeah, this seems good right? Wrong. Back in middle school she made my two close friends and me extremly depressed with a lot of shit. It seemed like she always wanted there to be drama between us. So when she got taken from her dad and went to live with her mom, my close friends and I slowly got our lives back together, piece by piece. We thought we were doing good. I mean sure, we still had some problems, but we didn't haver her there to create more drama. Well now she is back...and un-changed. At first we were all excited that she was back, thinking she had changed, and that we would all be happy. Well she has managed to eff some more up. A couple nights ago one of my close friends I mentioned before, the friend that moved back, and I went out to see our friend DJ. My friend that came back decided it was a date between her and I, even though I have no interest in her. She kept hanging on me and everything, until I decided it was enough. So my other friend, that happened to be there also, and I decided we would pretend we were together so that she would leave us alone. You see, she was hitting on her too. Anyway...the point is, she is back and so is the drama. I don't know if I can take it now... Not right now... Not with my family problems... Not with my school shit... Not with my problems... I just can't take her lies, and her drama, and all of her shit.

My parents seem to have let up today on yelling at me... I'm sure it won't last long... At least I will have one free day of being told I'm worthless. My sister seems to want to kill me though. All she does is scream and mess with my cats. I really don't like that she is so young. One of my cats is pregnant, and I keep thinking she is going to kill the babies.

I've not done anything this weekend, and I feel like shit. Not in a sick way, just because I'm lazy. I feel like I should be doing something productive...but I'm not...It's useless...Whatever...

Kill me? Please?

[X-posted]

Somebody tell me not to take this personally, that it was bad luck and coincidence. I'm not having any luck convincing myself of that.

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Why am I falling apart over not being invited to a stupid meeting that none of them had prepared for anyway? Would I feel so hurt and confused if one of the others had suggested changing the time?

I guess I'll make the first struggle post here. I'm going to place it under a cut because I don't know if what I'm going to say is going to touch any nerves.

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Well, here I am once again writing in my own Journal...this is pathetic, come on don't make me do worse! ;-)