Sweaters in May - Bummer
May. 7th, 2026 07:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zforceAnother gloomy day hovering in the low 60s. It's not supposed to improve much in the next few days. It will be below 70 with a lot of rainy days in the coming week. Most of the time it won't be out of the 50s. This is May! Can't I have a little May weather? I guess I was spoiled by those hot days in early April. I thought it was a sign of a gentle balmy spring. i want to wear dresses and sandals and not more jeans and sweaters!
We had some bad news over the weekend. Our family friend Arlene died. Just for context, when Kevin was a teen, Arlene and her stepmother Ethel lived down the hall from Kevin and his mother. Ethel's husband was the building super. Ethel and Eleanor became best friends. Kevin doesn't have much in the way of biological relatives in this area, so their family became our family. Ethel, Arlene, and Arlene's husband Richard were a major part of Kevin's life. We spent holidays and family occasions together. We took vacations together. When Ethel and Richard died, Arlene continued to take care of Eleanor and socialize with her as always. Arlene had a major illness following a knee surgery and was in rehab for several months. We had Eleanor's birthday party the rehab center that year so Arlene could celebrate it with us. Arlene introduced us to the staff as her family. That's how close we all were.
After Eleanor's death, Arlene kind of dropped out of our lives. Kevin tried to call her now and then to check in. Sometimes she even called us She sent Christmas cards. On the other hand, she refused any attempt we made to socialize. We invited her to holiday dinners. She always refused. We made the effort. She wasn't interested. She relied heavily on her friends Alicia and Janice. We barely knew these women. Alicia came to the rehab center birthday party. Janice came on the Danube cruise with us and shared a room with my mother in 2018. That's the only time I ever met them (and we went to many parties at Arlene's home in the early days and met many of her friends). These women were not at the funerals of Ethel and Richard. I don't know how she knows them or became so close to them.
Since Arlene's health never fully recovered, she has always had a HHA part time. It's the same one Eleanor used in her last days, so we know her and she stays in touch with us. A few weeks ago she texted Susan to say Arlene wasn't feeling well, so she brought her to the hospital and she was admitted. We had no idea what was wrong with her. HHA told Susan. Susan relayed it to us. The next thing we know Arlene is being released from the hospital and was going home to hospice care. She died two days later. Again, we only found out through the HHA. We have been told there is no funeral (not sure if that's true, especially given that Arlene was an active member of a lodge). Kevin and Susan were both supposed to be backup executors of her estate (with Alicia as the main one) but we found out that Arlene removed Kevin and Susan from this and added Janice instead without telling us. Ironically, Janice and Alicia didn't even know where Richard was buried since Arlene wanted to be buried with him. My family couldn't remember, but Kevin did some investigation and found out for her. I said he shouldn't have done that. If our family is going to be left out of this, I think they can plan the burial and figure it out themselves.
We are trying to figure out why Arlene turned on the family like this and I could only come up with one explanation: Donald Trump. Arlene was becoming more aggressively MAGA over the years. I remember Bob (whom one could never call a liberal, but hates Trump) razzed her about being a Trump voter (he never holds back giving anyone a hard time about anything) and she declared, "And proud of it!" Mom is friends with Janice on Facebook and said her feed is full of angry MAGA posts. My political leanings have never been a secret. While Kevin is not as outspoken as I am, I know he feels the same way, as does my mother. Could Arlene just not stand to be in our company anymore?
Not for nothing, but we see a few of our friends falling away. I am beginning to see the pattern here. Once upon a time we had friends with different views and yet we all still managed to care about each other and spend time together. Now thanks to MAGA, people can't stand to even be in our company as if we might taint them with leftist poison. It's as if they are required to shun us.
Arlene died knowing she alienated us and was fine with that. There is no way to fix the relationship now. What about our living friends? A few years down the road will our friends that are still alive be okay with it? What happens after they force us to move on and suddenly realize they miss or, or need something from us?
This is a good topic for my essay blog.
We had some bad news over the weekend. Our family friend Arlene died. Just for context, when Kevin was a teen, Arlene and her stepmother Ethel lived down the hall from Kevin and his mother. Ethel's husband was the building super. Ethel and Eleanor became best friends. Kevin doesn't have much in the way of biological relatives in this area, so their family became our family. Ethel, Arlene, and Arlene's husband Richard were a major part of Kevin's life. We spent holidays and family occasions together. We took vacations together. When Ethel and Richard died, Arlene continued to take care of Eleanor and socialize with her as always. Arlene had a major illness following a knee surgery and was in rehab for several months. We had Eleanor's birthday party the rehab center that year so Arlene could celebrate it with us. Arlene introduced us to the staff as her family. That's how close we all were.
After Eleanor's death, Arlene kind of dropped out of our lives. Kevin tried to call her now and then to check in. Sometimes she even called us She sent Christmas cards. On the other hand, she refused any attempt we made to socialize. We invited her to holiday dinners. She always refused. We made the effort. She wasn't interested. She relied heavily on her friends Alicia and Janice. We barely knew these women. Alicia came to the rehab center birthday party. Janice came on the Danube cruise with us and shared a room with my mother in 2018. That's the only time I ever met them (and we went to many parties at Arlene's home in the early days and met many of her friends). These women were not at the funerals of Ethel and Richard. I don't know how she knows them or became so close to them.
Since Arlene's health never fully recovered, she has always had a HHA part time. It's the same one Eleanor used in her last days, so we know her and she stays in touch with us. A few weeks ago she texted Susan to say Arlene wasn't feeling well, so she brought her to the hospital and she was admitted. We had no idea what was wrong with her. HHA told Susan. Susan relayed it to us. The next thing we know Arlene is being released from the hospital and was going home to hospice care. She died two days later. Again, we only found out through the HHA. We have been told there is no funeral (not sure if that's true, especially given that Arlene was an active member of a lodge). Kevin and Susan were both supposed to be backup executors of her estate (with Alicia as the main one) but we found out that Arlene removed Kevin and Susan from this and added Janice instead without telling us. Ironically, Janice and Alicia didn't even know where Richard was buried since Arlene wanted to be buried with him. My family couldn't remember, but Kevin did some investigation and found out for her. I said he shouldn't have done that. If our family is going to be left out of this, I think they can plan the burial and figure it out themselves.
We are trying to figure out why Arlene turned on the family like this and I could only come up with one explanation: Donald Trump. Arlene was becoming more aggressively MAGA over the years. I remember Bob (whom one could never call a liberal, but hates Trump) razzed her about being a Trump voter (he never holds back giving anyone a hard time about anything) and she declared, "And proud of it!" Mom is friends with Janice on Facebook and said her feed is full of angry MAGA posts. My political leanings have never been a secret. While Kevin is not as outspoken as I am, I know he feels the same way, as does my mother. Could Arlene just not stand to be in our company anymore?
Not for nothing, but we see a few of our friends falling away. I am beginning to see the pattern here. Once upon a time we had friends with different views and yet we all still managed to care about each other and spend time together. Now thanks to MAGA, people can't stand to even be in our company as if we might taint them with leftist poison. It's as if they are required to shun us.
Arlene died knowing she alienated us and was fine with that. There is no way to fix the relationship now. What about our living friends? A few years down the road will our friends that are still alive be okay with it? What happens after they force us to move on and suddenly realize they miss or, or need something from us?
This is a good topic for my essay blog.
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