What do you think Ilya would do if, during the hookup era, he was aware that Shane had a cat but the cat was always hiding when he was there and he has literally never seen it in person but then one day the post-sex nap lasted a liiiiittle too long and he was awoken by this absolute beast sitting on his chest just looking at him like 👁️👄👁️
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcHzF5XCt7h/?l=1
CACKLING
his name is cheddar (this is not shane's fault) (the pikelings heard "chester," said "cheddar," and then just. kept doing it.) (at a certain point, it was just easier to give in and start calling his cat cheddar.). maine coons tend to be pretty people-oriented, but cheddar is a rescue and is thus REALLY shy around strangers (something shane got told when montreal was doing photo op/community service at the shelter) and needed a quiet, calm home (*shane voice*: same). so ilya has seen cat toys and some very tasteful cat trees at shane's house, but it's not like he ends up spending THAT much time there, and as much as he would like to meet the cat, he's not going to go looking through shane's apartment if the cat isn't going to come say hi on his own. (ilya "consent king" rozanov extends this even to kitties choosing to say hi or not.) (man respects puss of all varieties 🫡.)
but over time, shane and ilya start doing things like "accidentally" leaving clothes at each other's place, so cheddar over time has made a bed of a few of ilya's t-shirts and sweatshirts so his smell becomes familiar, and after shane and ilya start dating (at the cottage, shane left cheddar with yuna and david with the excuse of his silent retreat because cheddar might be shy, but he is fucking LOUD when he's calling for shane in the house, and then after The Boyfriending, they still kept cheddar just because he's iffy with strangers, especially when not in the apartment he's more used to), ilya stays over at the apartment for the first time, and even if shane tends to keep his door closed because he doesn't want to wake up to cheddar on his face (...again), ilya doesn't know this, so he doesn't make sure the door is shut.
which means he wakes up at 7 am to shane?? on his chest??? pu-purring???? opens his eyes and cheddar is just
oh my GOD shane first met cheddar because Jesus Fuck This Place Is Fucking Loud, and he just needed like. FIVE seconds of not hearing barking, so he ducked into the cat section, and that was a little quieter, but he then saw a cracked door to a semi-dim room and was like, "great. perfect. thirty seconds of quiet and not fluorescent lighting."
and then he walks in, and there's a portable kennel?? with a fucking MASSIVE cat in it?? but tucked all the way in a corner, face pressed into the bed he'd crushed into a ball from trying to disappear into it?? and he's a little "damn, there's cat solitary??", but the cat seems? fine? doesn't hiss or anything?? so he walks into the room and sits down for a bit just to get a brief volume break, and like. what else is he going to do but talk to the only other thing in the room?
and shane if he's not on the ice or in the locker room isn't really very loud by nature. so he talks very quietly to this cat who slowly turns to peek at him, and listen. no matter who you are. feeling Chosen by an animal feels good. and shane doesn't know much about cats (or animals in general, really), but he copies what he saw some of the guys doing earlier and puts his fingers up to the cage and makes a kissy noise and then IMMEDIATELY regrets making a kissy noise and just, "sorry, dude. that was weird."
and obviously chester (the name on his kennel label) doesn't give a fuck about a human making kissy noises at him or not, but shane gives off pretty chill energy and is sitting pretty quietly, and chester used to live with an elderly man (shane WILL get teased about this forever when ilya finds out) and finds shane calming, so slowly uncurls a little and even sniffs at his fingers and then rubs his head against the bars. and shane is kind of afraid he's going to get bitten, but he'd feel rude teasing the cat with pets and then not offering pets, so he pokes his fingers through and just lets chester decide where he wants to get pet, and he smiles a little when chester aggressively gives himself chin scritches while shane just holds still.
and he about jumps out of his skin when a volunteer finds him in there because someone noticed they misplaced shane fucking hollander somewhere, but chester immediately tucks himself back into the back of the cage and shane is a little "...aw." (importantly: no one is mean to chester here! but this place is very loud and has a lot of people and smells and changes all the time, and he is not used to it and gets overwhelmed).
and shane follows the volunteer back to everyone else (and resists the urge to wince when they go through the main door and are back in Jesus Fuck It Is So Loud territory) and hears about how chester is a rescue and isn't adjusting too well so he's not in trouble or anything, but that room is the quietest place in the shelter, so it's the best they can do.
and the volunteer day ends and everyone leaves.
but shane can't stop thinking about chester in his cage trying to hide from everything being so new and loud all around him, and he's never had a cat before or anything, but maybe...maybe chester wouldn't mind that.
WAIT FUCK
it's after the olympics, so shane is already feeling hurt from getting ghosted and snapped at, which means it feels even better to have this little creature who seems to like and want him. obviously it doesn't fix anything happening with rozanov, but things feel at least a little bit better when cheddar is hanging out on the couch with him. <3
jackie stops by to look after cheddar when shane is on the road (cheddar doesn't mind the kids because they understand that uncle shane and cheddar's house means Time To Be Quiet) (which also means they end up spending. not-insignificant amounts of time there when jackie just needs Some Fucking Quiet For Five Minutes Oh My God.) (shane will literally be at home and get a "can we come have cheese time?" texts and be like "yeah sure" because the kids respect that they have to be VERY quiet to hang out with Cheddar The Giant Fluffy Cat, which is a small price to pay for such a treasure).
and jackie's favorite ongoing joke during Cheddar Check is holding cheddar the way guys show off the size of their fish, which means that shane has SO many photos of jackie and cheddar that are just
GOD
cheddar fucking LOVES water, which means he will stand at the door and yell his complaints when shane takes a shower and doesn't let him join, but obviously he's always hiding when ilya comes over
which means ilya comes over one day after they're dating and is just sore as FUCK and decides to take a bath while waiting for shane to get home so he can soak in hot water and be ready for sexy times later
but does not know that he needs to shut the door to keep out The Water Beast
so he's just chilling in the bath, hears the door open, and smiles and says hi to cheddar as he trots on in, and is honestly kind of flattered when cheddar jumps up on the ledge to hang out with him because aw, he's accepted, how ni-
and then cheddar just with the energy of "oh, don't mind me" just??? gets in the bath??? WITH him???? cheddar, what the fuck are you DOING???? no!! this is water!! you are a cat!!! this is not for you!!!
he tries to pick cheddar up (and jesus FUCK is he extra heavy when he's wet), and cheddar just yells LOUDLY in protest of having to leave The Wet, so ilya just. lets go of him.
which means shane gets home to his boyfriend and his cat just. chilling in the tub together.
shane who didn't grow up around cats and doesn't really know how to hold them but has held pikelings when they were roughly Cheddar Sized and just applies that experience
which means that cheddar is used to getting carried around on shane's hip
shane has one of these bad boys
at the cottage JUST for cheddar
cheddar goes out in his harness on a lead line and then gets to knock himself out chasing water while shane supervises with Maximum Dad Energy
the ottawa team wants cheddar to be their mascot SO bad, but cheddar is still very shy and is thus only met when one or two people are over at a time and NEVER makes an appearance if they're having the team over, and obviously he can't go out places with them like anya sometimes gets to
which means it is an ongoing bit to badly photoshop cheddar into team pictures so he's included
the one of cheddar holding the stanley cup gets printed out and hung in shane and ilya's trophy room
i'm actually feeling so emotional about shane being cheddar's safe space, which means that after the move to ottawa, shane spends so much time just lugging cheddar around the house
and how it actually makes him feel a little better, too, that even if everything else is different, he's still got his buddy cheddar with him
actual tears in my eyes thinking about cheddar and shane having a hard time with the move and so many changes happening so suddenly. and shane feels extra-guilty because at least *he* understands why this happened. cheddar is just getting his whole world changed suddenly and doesn't understand why.
cheddar hides under the bed for the first three days they're in ottawa, and shane spends most of his time on the floor just talking to him. ilya walks in one day to him fully asleep on the floor with one arm under the bed resting on cheddar.
shane hollander carrying cheddar around like a large sentient teddy bear, you are so deep in my heart.
oh my GOD hayden gave shane a miniature hockey net as a bit after the twins outgrew it because of COURSE cheddar would take after his dad
but cheddar actually ends up LOVING "playing hockey"
shane unwinding after really hard days by sitting on the floor and trying to slide stuffed hockey puck toys past cheddar, who sees his hockey net come out and SPRINTS to lay inside it to play their game
