you used my scrolls?!

Weeping and laughing hysterically with the Pinterest app open

*driving in my smart car* Google glass, show me the nearest e-cig shop! *beeping sound* ugh no! Only show ones that accept Bitcoin!

this was considered an outlandish joke in 2014

like 2 months ago i saw a single lobster in the grocery store tank that'd somehow lost a rubber band and every other lobster was huddled in the opposite corner of the tank in a big lobster pile (presumably because the freed lobster was an asshole about having a free claw) like. im done with crab in a bucket mentality. You're not even trying to pull everyone else down to get out and climb up yourself, you're just being a dick. Unshackled lobster in a tank mentality

They just had her walking around like that. Lesbitron 5000

everyone’s always saying “oh jesus was crucified and came back to life what a miracle”

like okay? xena was crucified 3 times and looked hot every time he’s not special

the youtube notification of ''ooohh your video isn't starting up smoothly???? turn off your ad blocker you cunt <3'' is so pathetic to me bc it takes five seconds max. you think i can't wait five seconds? you think i need to give you money because five seconds is too long? i pity your wife.

had to share this

In every way this is set up to be a joke like any other short video, it even uses the trope of main character in a wig to represent their mom, but it isn't funny at all. It's just sweet and nice

Companies in the 2000s: You wouldn't download a car! Digital copies are still stealing, even if the original copy remains with us.

Companies in the 2020s: That digital copy, which you have paid for, doesn't really belong to you. We're removing it from your library now.

Companies deleting media you've literally purchased is 1000x more realistically "stealing" than digital piracy, you cannot change my mind

This comic was first published in 2008. 2008! That's almost twenty years ago now.

this tweet genre is so fucking funny i need more of them

My entry for this year's @digigirlzine! Please go check out the full zine, there is so much amazing art in it!!

In an effort to avoid arousing any suspicion, drunk driver Jeff Macklin reportedly assured himself while speeding away in a stolen police car Monday that he would be totally fine if he just took it slow. “All you gotta do is take this nice and easy, and everything will turn out A-okay,” said the inebriated Macklin, who carefully checked the rearview mirror as he peeled out in the police cruiser and gunned it down the highway.

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