Do People Really Suck? If That's What You're Looking For

I've worked with nearly 700 managers and leaders in the last two and a half years, either in workshops or one on one from a variety of industries.

In almost every conversation, the same pattern emerges.

The person I am speaking with believes they are committed to doing their best.

They are equally convinced that others are not.

But here's the math problem nobody wants to face:

If everyone thinks they're the one doing the right thing and the problem is someone else, who exactly is the someone else?

This paradox points to an uncomfortable truth.

We are not seeing reality. We are often only seeing what we are looking for.

And if you go looking for evidence that people suck, you are guaranteed to find it.

A massive study just published in Nature Human Behaviour (2025) confirmed what I've been witnessing in workshops for years.

Researchers identified something called the Empathy Perception Gap.

Here's what they found: Most people are empathic and genuinely want to help others.

But we systematically believe they don't.

We assume we're the only ones willing to reach out while everyone else is indifferent.

The study proved we are essentially hallucinating disconnection that doesn't exist.

Why do we do this?

Your brain has a built-in search engine called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It filters the overwhelming amount of information you encounter every day, deciding what gets your attention and what fades into the background.

Here's the catch: This system is shaped by what you focus on.

If you walk into work believing people are lazy or selfish, your RAS will filter for evidence to prove you right.

You'll spot the one person checking their phone and miss the five people who are heads-down working.

You'll interpret a delayed email as disrespect rather than busyness.

As I write in my book The Missing Piece: "When you focus on growth and progress, your brain highlights opportunities that support that focus. But the inverse is also true."

Let's be real.

Yes, there are liars. Yes, there are toxic people.

But they are the exception, not the rule.

The danger is that when we assume "people suck" because of a few bad experiences, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We treat people with suspicion. They withdraw. And we say, "See? I told you so."

The study showed this clearly: Students who perceived their peers as less empathic became more isolated over time.

Their belief created their reality.

So how do we break this cycle?

It starts with the core message of The Missing Piece: Focus on being a great teammate.

You cannot control whether you are placed on a great team.

But you have complete control over whether you choose to be a great teammate.

When you shift your focus from "what are they doing wrong?" to "how can I support, celebrate, and challenge the people around me?"—you change the input into your brain's filter.

You start seeing opportunities to connect rather than reasons to complain.