I am sitting at my desk right now sucking ketchup directly out of the packet. I haven't done this in years and years, and when I did use to do it it was usually only at the close of a meal, but a minute ago I was seized by a sudden craving and just happened to have the stuff around for the first time in quite a while. It's not quite as satisfying as crunching salt crystals, but I'm still rather enjoying it.
Does anyone else out there occasionally or habitually consume condiments neat, or have I out-freaked you all?
A benefit of Gmail I'm noticing (shush, Casey): I used to keep two kinds of mail in my inbox: things I needed to keep around, at least for a little while, for reference (like details of upcoming social events); and thoughtful emails I wanted to reply to at length but didn't have time for at the moment. After one of the latter kind of email had been sitting around for a while, though, it was awfully easy to forget about it...and if I went long enough without remembering to reply to it, after a while a sort of overdue library book effect set in--I couldn't reply to it because it had just been too long and it would be embarrassing to admit I only just got to it.
Now that I'm using Gmail, though, I can immediately archive the first type of email, meaning that my inbox now contains almost nothing but the second kind. Without the clutter, I remain much more aware of the important stuff and it's much less likely to fall by the wayside. Now that I don't have to use it as a holding pen, I can actually set "get inbox down to zero" as a reasonable goal, and that motivates me even further.
I still wish they'd done the layout a little differently, though.
I've been avoiding posting about all the crap that's stressing me out lately, and I'm not sure why. I think it's mostly because I don't want to think too much about it--I have been discussing it with friends, but that's because those friends can then distract me, whereas when I'm alone it's easier to get into a serious funk.
However, right now I've got forms that need filling out rather badly, and people I need to see about them, and I'm balking like mad--almost having a panic reaction, in fact, at the thought of leaving my house to attempt to have business dealings that may not go so well. Not sure what to do about this, and not sure how writing it out will help, but not sure what else I'm capable of handling at the moment. It looks like these errands will not happen today; I only hope I'll get up the nerve tomorrow.
Amidst the stressful crap, several happy things have been occurring as well. Problem is, they're happy in a kind of scary way. Emotional closeness is theoretically a good thing, but I fear that I'll want a mile if I'm given an inch, as it were. Recently I've learned the hard way about limits, and I'm now deathly afraid to test them in similar situations.
Fear truly is the mind-killer. I don't want to be afraid, but I don't know how not to be.
Was anyone planning on seeing Tempest at the Plough tonight? I'm still not sure if I will, but if I do go, will there be familiar folks to bust a move with?
Today's fortune cookie says "You will never know hunger." I think that may be the only fortune I've ever seen that gets positively worse when you add "in bed." I mean, hunger in bed is a fun thing, right?
Well, at least it's definite. After all those fortunes that simply make vague generalizations, say things about my personality as a whole, or cover their asses with "you might do such-and-such," it's refreshing to see one that makes a clear and emphatic statement about the future like it's supposed to.
Huh. I just submitted my financial aid application for next year (yes, I know I'm terribly late), and on the confirmation page they showed my Estimated Family Contribution as *gasp* less money than my parents actually make--in fact less than my living expenses alone. I know this doesn't sound like it ought to be a big deal, but in previous years it hasn't been the case. I'm not sure what's changed, but does this mean I might actually be eligible for grants as well as loans this year?
*crosses fingers*
Oh, and I seem to have a job. It's independent contract work, so I'm not sure how many hours I'll actually end up working, but with luck it'll be enough to supplement out the financial aid income. The per-hour rate is good, so I won't need to work many hours a week, and I can be flexible as hell with scheduling.
My choir director told me about a possible paid gig with a church choir in Oakland. I dropped by today to audition and somehow ended up committing to sing with them this Sunday. At nine in the morning.
Nine in the morning.
Those who know me will understand just how I feel about this.
It gets better. I'd already made plans to go to Rocky this week, which I am not canceling because I only get to do Rocky a couple of times a year; since public transit doesn't run that late, I can only go when friends with cars are going, and my friends are a sadly infrequently Rocky-visiting bunch. So, on Sunday morning I will be singing on no more than five hours of sleep, with a throat hoarse from two hours of shouting.
