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An Invitation

My fellow Editors,

If the pizza delivered to us the other day is to be the standard quality of fare we can expect from our hosts here at the library, then I think it would be to everyone’s benefit for more of us to know how to cook. Though I didn’t learn how until adulthood, I consider myself to be a fairly successful chef these days, and would be willing to offer lessons to any other editors who were similarly unimpressed by our welcome back “feast.”

On a similar note: if the last two stories are representative of the kind of situations we will be getting thrown into, I think it’s reasonable to expect a certain amount of physical peril.

I’m a bartender, not a warrior, but I think it might unfortunately be prudent to learn the basics of some form of self defense. If anyone would be willing to take a rank amateur under their wing and offer some pointers, I would be most grateful.

Sincerely,
Iren Suto

~~PS: No doubt the Librarians can see this message as well. If you are reading this, you are also invited to the cooking class. You clearly need it.~~

PPS: I may have been laboring under a misapprehension of our current arrangement and apologize for any overly critical words directed at the Librarians. They are still invited to cooking classes, if they would like to join us.

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I would be more than happy to help you learn a few things. Unarmed combat isn't my strength but I'm not bad at it. It depends if you're interested in learning a weapon or no.

... Also I can help with cooking if you need. If there's a lot of interest in the class you might need some extra hands.

So there ARE other cooks here! So many people told me they couldn’t that I was starting to despair!

I think I would prefer not to have to carry a weapon with me. Or at least not an obtrusive one. Something I can improvise easily or hide in a pocket, perhaps?

I was trained in a very nice restaurant, but I also grew up cooking food on a campfire. I'm good at both extremes, really - no master chef, but I can make some decently complicated things.

So a knife or something of that nature? Hm... I usually train with larger weapons but I'm certain we can work on the basics. I'm trying to start smithing things in the maker's space, so let me know if you'd like a custom one.

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I admit when I heard there were abilities such as pulling items directly from books here, it seemed obvious we were intended to use it for better provisions! If one can withdraw a steak one can withdraw a cooked one..

Please let me know when you choose to schedule these lessons so I can be certain I've plenty of free time for cleanup afterward.

The cook books are great for gathering ingredients, but every book in here is unfinished. Getting a full meal from one is a dicey prospect.

That doesn't make much sense. If I could have Father draw entire cooking equipments from a book, whole and ready to be used, which we have done, why would a salad be different? Or a soup? Or a shirt?

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ordainedbarkeep - 2026-06-17 01:52 (UTC) - Expand

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ordainedbarkeep - 2026-06-17 16:20 (UTC) - Expand

But I got a very nice apfelkuchen from one of the library cookbooks? And Hikaru's gotten good meals out of travel magazines. You just have to find cookbooks where the unfinished element is that some of the recipes in the table of contents aren't actually in the book, not where every recipe itself has missing ingredients or steps. And you've got to put in a lot of effort and be practiced at pulling to make sure the foods you pull out are fully formed, but that goes for pulling things out of books in general.

... that said, it is likely a good idea for people to learn how to cook, the better to use the ingredients in the icebox and cupboards.

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codeswitchcraft - 2026-06-17 14:43 (UTC) - Expand

Check. I know several forms of unarmed combat, and if the past few stories are any indication, the sword ban's worth nothin' outside my home country.

... How's your upper body strength?

I would describe my physical strength as “unimpressive.”

Especially compared to many of the people here.

Edited 2026-06-17 00:07 (UTC)

[... So teaching Iren to use a bow is out. Rats.]

Hm. I'm pretty tiny, myself; maybe we can sort something out?

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birdchasingecho - 2026-06-23 18:26 (UTC) - Expand

Just name the time and place. I have nothing better to do.

Though it’s not martial arts training I’ll be paying you back with, I can tell you that for free.

I doubt I will have any shortage of offers in that regard.

But, of course, if you want to work for the Laughing Toadstool, I will be forced to hold you to a higher standard than just anyone.

[For once, Anya's handwriting is reasonably legible, as she has put a lot of effort into painstakingly printing out each letter in big, wobbly lines:]

CAN We MAKe COOKieS?

[That blocky yet adorable handwriting. Could there be a tiny child somewhere in the stacks? Children make Iren nervous. What if she says something wrong that ruins their future development as a person!? What is the appropriate thing to say here!?

When was the last time she made cookies?]

Yes.

We can make cookies.

YAY

ANYA WiLL TeACH YOU HOW TO PUNCH STUFF

[By which we mean Anya will be passing on some tips her Mama taught her, but since Anya's Mama is a professional assassin Iren is getting a slightly better deal than you'd expect.]

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ordainedbarkeep - 2026-06-18 15:35 (UTC) - Expand

I would like to learn as well; all I can do is boil eggs.

I won a cooking contest once! But the other guy burned his food pretty badly. Everyone said mine was terrible. I want to surprise them when I get back!

Well that's a good starting spot. We'll teach you how to boil other things, and all the other ways you can cook eggs!

That would be great! I can scramble them too, but it's at a level that I would call edible, it's not GOOD.

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ordainedbarkeep - 2026-06-22 00:51 (UTC) - Expand

I'm already pretty good at cooking, and not that great at most forms of fighting, so I'm not sure I've got a lot for you. But if you wanna learn how to use a gun, I can help with that.

I'd rather not carry a gun around, honestly. If you pull a gun on someone and they have one too then suddenly your left with nothing but bad choices.

I'm hoping to start with just things like how to break out of a grapple or throw a punch without breaking my knuckles.

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gotthelegs - 2026-06-23 15:35 (UTC) - Expand

A gun is a brilliant idea in truth. Learning how to grapple won't do a thing versus someone who has one!

Please encourage all these small, fragile mortals to do the sensible thing and use a weapon. That's why weapons were invented.

Interesting response to hospitality.

Kidnapping people is not hospitality.

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unsheathedfromreality - 2026-06-26 00:58 (UTC) - Expand

Seems like you already have a few offers, but I can teach you the basics of hand-to-hand combat. Fair warning, it takes a while to get proficient. Unless people really can walk back out of a story with entirely new skills, but we can't exactly control that.

And I'm a decent cook. If you're organizing a rotation, you can pencil me in.

-Layla

I did not expect results overnight. Don’t worry about that.

I would, of course, need to sample your cooking myself before serving anything you made at the Laughing Toadstool. We have standards to uphold here.

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