Computa, make these guys supa gay and horny.
Pairings:
Nanami x reader x Higuruma
Toji x reader x Shiu
Naoya x reader x Choso
Satoru x reader x Suguru
Shoko x reader x Utahime
Sukuna x reader
You saw some stupid tiktok video of a girl walking up to a pair of random men and asking them to kiss.
You had the biggest lightbulb moment, you had people you could try this on... you just wanted to see their reaction, not expecting them to actually do it..... riiighhtt?
cw: gay, kissing, suggestive
You worked in the same office as them. Both of them were the seniors in your department, but had taken you under their wings. They were caring and mature, able to have conversations with you openly about any topic you liked.
They were often seen together too.
So, at lunchtime... you struck.
You found them sitting both in some corner of the empty lounge room, drinking coffee.
Hiromi's downturned eyes found your the moment the door creaked open and you walked in with a grin.
Kento let out a small sigh, placing down his mug. "Did you forget to bring lunch again? How much do you need?" he was already reaching for his back pocket to pull out his wallet.
You snorted and shook your head, walking over and standing in front of the table, placing your palms down flat on the surface, eyes glimmering. The two men looked at you calmly, but it was clear they weren't sure what you were up to.
"Is something the matter? I'm sure we can resolve it." Hiromi spoke, his tone low but filled with care.
"Computer, make these guys super gay and horny."
Nanami gave you a look, his eyes slowly panning over to give Higuruma an unimpressed look.
Hiromi, a little taken aback, also looked over to the blonde.
"Cmon! Is that the only reaction i get?" You groaned, slumping as they just gave you side eyes. "Pleaseeee?"
"Is this... ahem, one of your tik toks?" Hiromi asked, a faint smile twitching up the corner of his lip.
Nanami looked like he was contemplating something.
"Maybe... just a jokeee..." You dramatically sighed, starting to push away from the table.
Kento, seeing you start to retreat, acted.
He grabbed Hiromi's tie, pulling him in, his hooked nose bumping against Nanami's straight one.
You squealed, a hand covering your mouth. You couldn't pull your eyes away, watching the two older gentlemen smirk at each other, lips almost touching.
But right as you'd hope they would kiss.... Kento let go of Higuruma and fixed his own tie.
Hiromi let out a faint chuckle, leaning back and fixing his tie.
"Angel, maybe we should schedule something outside of work sometime."
You joined Shiu's company a while back. You knew you'd often find him with Toji.
You were just a secretary, Kong was your boss and Fushiguro was the damn sorcerer killer but i digress.
You had formed a sort of friendship.
Toji was a bit meaner and spoke bluntly, often teased... or flirted with you.
Shiu was a more gentle man, though he would blow his cig smoke in your face during breaks. You didn't smoke but liked to be in his company.
Last night you had seen a funny video, wanting to recreate it in real life with them. They seemed close enough that they could take a little joke.
You wandered into the back alley of the office building and found the two... sharing a ciggy.
Shiu was in the middle of passing it to Toji's fingers when they noticed you. The two looking amused already.
Toji slipped the half gone cancer stick between his scarred lips and took a slow drag.
You scurried over to the two, giving an innocent smile.
"Lost, doll?" Shiu laughed, leaning back against the brick building.
Toji snorted, blowing smoke in your direction. "Don't tell me you came out all this way to bring some damn papers.... or maybe you're here to start a new addiction." He took another inhale.
You shook your head, the light in your eyes shining brighter.
The two glanced at each other, not sure what to expect.
"Computa, make these guys supa gay and horny."
The sound of howling and barking laughs rang trough the ally. You watched as Toji doubled over, a hand grabbing onto Shiu's arm for balance. Your boss wasn't any better, throwing his head back to laugh.
"Is that... HAHA! is that all you came here to say?" Toji snorted, the cig dropping from his mouth.
"Can you two kiss, for me, pretty please?" You batted your eyelashes, trying to give them puppydog eyes and a cute smile
Shiu wiped one of his eyes, shaking his head "No way in hell-"
But his words were quickly swallowed by Toji tugging his arm down and crashing their mouths together.
You gasped, taking a step closer to watch.
They looked like they were a bit too into it, beefy arms pulling Shiu close by his suit and his hands grabbed onto Toji's neck, either to choke him or hold him closer.
You swear you could see tongue- but before you could get any closer, the man with the scarred lip pulled away and wiped his mouth, extending the other hand to you.
"Pay up, ten bucks, show wasn't free."
Shiu, looking a bit winded tried to look away, coughing to hide the faint blush on his neck.
Naoya and Choso were rarely even seen in the same room together. They did not get along. at all. I mean, one is a puppy cutie patootie feminist and the other.... you'd rather slap him than listen to him talk.
You were having lunch outside, minding your business before you heard some arguing happening nearby, that familiar, cocky, cutesy tone of Naoya's shredding your eardrums.
You sighed, putting your lunch away and heading right over.
You found the black and blonde men, standing with arms crossed and frowns on their face.
"You should never say such things about a woman."
"Dooon't care, if she breathes, shes a THOT."
"What does that even mean???"
Your poor baby Choso looked like he was upset, you had to jump in and save him.
Think think think think... what wouldn't lead to you getting grilled by Naoya too...
You walked up to the two, and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"Computa, make these guys supppa gay and horny."
Choso, now finally noicing you, looked happier already but your words made gim look confused again. "h...hhuh? What does that me-"
"GAY? WHO ARE YOU CALLING GAY?" Naoya's sharp eyes found yours, voice getting a pitch higher while pointing a finger at you now, rudely cutting off Choso.
"What? i said MAKE gay, not that you are. Are you getting so defensive because you are a homosexual?" You tilted your head.
Choso, now even more confused by these terminologies finally spoke up. "I... can be gay and horny for you, if that's what you'd like. " He gave you a shy smile.
Naoya frowned, glaring over to Choso. "Are you even hearing yourself? You'd let a woman tell you what to do?" he scoffed.
Choso nodded, eyes not even glancing over to Naoya, focusing on you, as if you'd tell him what exactly to do now.
"You both are weird… i was just joking….." you shook your head, heading away from the odd pair. You had done your job.
"Should we be gay and horny for her?" Choso asked Naoya while watching you leave.
You already knew that your two best friends had something going on.
So you had the perfect idea how to test your theory about them being secretly together.
You found them at their usual spot, at some wending machine Satoru had already bought out and was trying to shake the last bag of candy out while Suguru just watched, letting the white haired man struggle.
"Guyysss!!!" You called while running over, your phone in hand.
Satoru groaned, kicking the vending machine one last time before turning and giving you a wide, toothy grin, eyes behind the blindfold focusing on you. "My favourite weakling!"
"Our favourite weakling. toru" Geto corrected, leaning off of the wall to crowd you.
You started recording with your phone, pointing the camera up at them probably at some bad 0.5 angle.
You cleared your throat and spoke. "Computa, make these guys supaaa gay and horny. Kiss."
Suguru blinked, tilting his head before glancing over to Satoru "What?"
Satoru paled, quickly shoving his hand on your phone and whisper-shouting to Suguru "DOES SHE KNOW?"
Suguru leaned over and did the same. "I THINK SHE KNOWS."
"Are you two gonna kiss or nah? Computa, make them hurry up. " You huffed, trying to wrench your phone our of Satorus fingers so you could film it.
Satoru almost whimpered, turning red and shifting to stand behind Suguru, hiding from you. "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
"Know what? Bro just a lil peck-"
Suguru, ever the mediator turned his head to the side to place a soft kiss on Gojo's cheek.
You were in a little friendgroup with Shoko and Utahime, you went to college together and took the same courses- after doing some group project you became close friends.
As girlfriends often do, you spent every other weekend together, either having a drink or two or having sleepovers.
Today, you were at Utahimes apartment, bundled up in a blanket while the three of you lay together on the bed, having your silent tiktok scrolling time.
You scrolled and found a funny video, wanting to make a joke about it you loudly repeated it for the other two to hear.
"Computa, make these girl supa gay and horny." You giggled after saying it, sitting up to see if they were laughing too.
Shoko just gave you a small smirk, pushing herself up to sit. Utahime looked a bit more blank, staying laid down.
"Are you trying to tell us something, cutie?" Shoko laughed, poking at your side.
Utahime rolled her eyes but managed to get up as well. "You know that me and Shoko are dating, right?"
Your jaw almost fell off the damn hinges. You, in fact, did not know. "HUH? NONO IM JUST SAYING A TIKTOKIHEARDI-" You panicked, now worried you might have messed something up.
Leiri just laughed, leaning over and pulling at Utahimes arm, them both leaning their faces together, right in front of you. "Want us to be 'supa gay and horny' right in front of you?" She asked, giving you a smile. Utahime's face had gone red, even the large scar across her face looking like it was getting pinker.
You gulped, but gave a small nod, the video on your phone forgotten, you had just wanted to share with new niche reference but now you had somehow found yourself watching two of the hottest women ever make out in front of you.
You watched as they slowly got closer, basically climbing out of the bedsheets to hold hands while having a sensual, wet make out session-
"Stop staring and join..." Lori mumbled out after pulling away, brown eyes meeting yours, Shoko moving down to kiss at her neck.
Now you see, this is meant for two people. But Sukuna has two mouths soooo....
"Sukuuuu!" You cheerfully bounced over to him.
The beefy, monstrous man was in his garden, trying to write some haikus. In peace and quiet.
But, of course your dumbass had to come annoy him.
"Speak, woman. I'll gut you if it is something foolish. I'm busy." He spoke, not even bothering to look over to you, holding his calligraphy brush in one of his many hands.
"Would you mind showing me how you move your second mouth to your palm?" You innocently smiled, padding up to him and leaning over his side.
He grunted, assuming it was all you wanted. Sukuna lifted his lower arm, side eyeing you before materializing the mouth from his stomach up to the palm. It grinned at you, tongue wanting to peek out. "Done?"
"Can you hold it up higher, i can't see..."
He exhaled, lifting his hand up.
"Could you put it near your face, i wanna see if its any different than your face.. mouth!"
He was so done. "Bossy." But lifted it anyways, this really being the last thing he'd do.
"Computa, make this guy supa gay and horn-" You tried to get out, grabbing his wrist to try and turn the hand mouth to his.. other mouth, wanting to have him kiss himself.
Your vision went blurry and you fainted.
The bastard used cleave on you.
"Closed mouths don't get fed. They might get sliced in half though." - Yoon Goon, 2026
Yoon's notes: computa.... computaaa...
