The Melidaan ambassador was… interesting. Fox hadn’t expected him to be much different from the Senators he and his Corries had to guard. And yet Ambassador Ben Kenobi had subverted those expectations as soon as Fox had first laid eyes on him.

For starters, he didn’t dress like a politician. Instead of the bright colors and heavy layers favored by Senators, Kenobi himself seemed to prefer lighter, muted clothing that drew less attention and allowed for better maneuverability. If Fox hadn’t known any better, he would have guessed that Kenobi was a military officer, not a politician. Strange for a planet that was so determined to stay neutral that they refused to join even the Neutral Systems Alliance.

Second- he hadn’t requested an escort to Coruscant, nor did he request any guards once he arrived, despite the Chancellor himself asking him. He seemed completely unconcerned about any possibility of an attack or assassination attempt. Was it because of his neutrality? Did he believe that having a member of the GAR as a bodyguard would make it seem like he’d joined their side? Or was he simply too arrogant to think he’d need one?

But his demeanor wasn’t arrogant. Nor did it match the way he dressed. And the way he spoke- his voice was elegant, with an accent that fit right in with the Coruscanti upper class, and yet he didn’t smile like them. His smile - when aimed at the Corries - was soft and gentle. Kind.

Not many natborns were kind. Not to the Corries.

Standing in a large meeting room filled with planetary governors, leaders, and royalty- Obi-wan Kenobi placed his face into his hands and let out a long sigh.

The moment Satine had tried to flirt with him, in her usual aggressive manner, Jango had practically jumped down her throat.

Then Pre got involved and... since when had Pre known that he had once infiltrated Concordia? He most certainly had been involved with Pre for a short time, pretending to be a servant of the Clan while trying to find out more about Kyr’tsad, but he’d thought that Pre had forgotten all about him

Nearby Nield was sniping at all of them, telling them that he’d known Obi-wan longer and that Melida Daan had claimed him years ago.

On one side of him Quinlan was cackling at Anakin, whose mouth had fallen open in shock. On the other Cody was looking out over the mess with a completely neutral expression on his face.

Finally his Commander seemed to have enough of the noise and took a deeep breath, prompting Obi-wan to use the force to protect his ears.

“Enough!” He bellowed, drowning out the crowd with a voice meant for battlefields.

Everyone went quiet, even Jango, as they stared at the man in surprise.

Cody cleared his throat and stepped forward. “Who here either- has a claim on Kenobi, has fallen in love with Kenobi, or has slept with Kenobi?” He asked the room at large.

More than half the occupants threw up their hands.

Obi-wan ignored the indignant squawk and sudden spluttering of his former padawan.

“I will Skira’kaanir (Revenge Duel) anyone in this room who’s laid their hands on Ob’ika!” Jango snarled, bristling.

A slow smile crept across Cody’s face as he crossed his arms and shifted his stance. “I’ll take you up on that offer, Prime.”

Both Jango and Satine let out affronted noises and Obi-wan felt his ears going red as he put his face in his hands again.

This... might get a little ugly.

So, I had another Idea.

In a universe where the whole Melida/Daan incident ended differently (partly because it has been ages since I read the book and can’t remember the exact events and partly because I like Cerasi so she gets to live) Obi-Wan still left right after they won and the government got set up mostly without him. (Not for a lack of Cerasi and Nield trying to convince him to stay, though. They tried their best, but Obi still felt like he had to/was supposed to go back to the Jedi.)

So for the last twenty years or so, Cerasi and Nield have been ruling Melidaan. Sort of. It’s not a typical government and they are more like community leaders than planetary rulers. They really never asked for the responsibility or a planet. And while they’ve discovered they’re not actually all that bad at it, they’ve never really come to like it either.

But what’s interesting is that they call themselves a triarchy (or something like that. I might be making up words here) and there’s always a chair left open for ‘The Absent Third.’ (I forgot to mention this, but Melidaan has its own language now because I’m a language nerd and don’t love how everyone in Star Wars who looks vaguely human speaks one of about three languages. So they’ve got a language now. And ‘the absent third’ is actually more poetic and a single word in that language. Because I said so.)

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Obi-Wan is the third and if he were ever to make any kind of indication that he wanted to come back, they have a group ready and waiting to either be his getaway drivers or politely kidnap him from whoever is keeping him away from them. The team is made up of the little kids who latched onto him in the sewers and began to hero worship him. They’re all in their mid-twenties now, but that just means they’ll be more effective.

Anyway, at some point during the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and the 212th end up on Melidaan. And negotiations get weird. Because the Jedi didn’t realize they were sending a Negotiator who had a seat on the government of the planet he was being sent to negotiate with. (They never would have sent Dooku to negotiate with Serenno while he was still a Jedi.) And no one listened to Obi-Wan when he said this might not be the best idea.

It gets more complicated from there, but my brain isn’t taking me any further right now.

I absolutely adore the Melida/Daan story so far! I was wondering what Jango and the others reaction to Obi-Wan being a Jedi was? Seems like it would be a fun conversation.

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There is a universe, Obi-Wan is sure, where Qui-Gon Jinn was a better man. Or perhaps just one where Obi-Wan was more desperate for the future he was promised. In that universe Obi-Wan Kenobi would be just one piece of a larger puzzle. He would be a warrior, a peacekeeper, a Jedi.

In this universe, Obi-Wan is the only Force Sensitive on the planet. He is a politician, a peacekeeper, and perhaps even something of a warrior. He is many things but he hasn’t been a Jedi for a very long time.

Such things won’t matter to Mandalorians. It’s a shame really, he thinks, because he was really starting to like them.

His arms shake with phantom weight and sweat cools on his temple. The screams of children echo in his ears, threatening to drag him away into bloodsoaked memories. Despite it all, he can see the moment it clicks in their eyes.

“You’re a Jedi,” Jango says hollowly.

Not anymore, Obi-Wan thinks but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out. Holding up large buildings with nothing but the Force and determination is not as easy as it looks. He’s running out of energy.

He takes a deep breath, “Call Daria, Prince Fett, she’ll be able to help you. Tevari, what’s happening?”

There’s a groan from somewhere behind him, “Evacuation protocol has started. All the babies are out, but the third floor is blocked off. And I’m… Obi I can’t feel my legs.”

He curses silently. The floor they’re on was the second until it became a pile of rubble. It was also their improvised NICU. So the rest of the floor has been cleared then, and it’s just him and Tevari here. Him, about to collapse, and Tevari, trapped.

A particularly shrill scream sounds from the floor above them and the rubble shifts with Obi-Wan’s flinch.

¬

Jango doesn’t know what to do in this situation, he just knows that people are dying and he’s staring at a comm. Minister Kenobi isn’t looking at them anymore. There’s someone else in the room with him, someone who sounds young and scared.

His buir swears, and snatches Jango’s comm from him.

“Minister Kenobi, what is the situation?”

“Bad,” Minister Kenobi wheezes, “There’s a fire spreading and the whole building is unstable. We need help. Call Daria.”

The connection cuts out, and Jango can’t be sure if it was interference or Kenobi just hung up on them.

“Buir-”

“You heard him,” Myles interrupts, “Call Minister Daria. There’s a hospital full of children that’s been bombed, and they need help. We can deal with the maybe Jedi problem later. Call Daria, Jango.”

Hands shaking, he keys in the code for Minister Daria.

¬

Daria wants to scream, to cry, to collapse on the floor and curl up in a ball. She can’t do any of those things, so she calmly directs the flood of people leaving the hospital and hopes Obi-Wan will appear among them. Daria was eleven when they ended the war. He’s been there, a guiding star and her best fucking friend, since then. She doesn’t want to see a world that doesn’t have him in it.

The Mandalorians are helped to evacuate the building, no doubt looking for Obi-Wan so they can- well she’s not sure exactly what they want with him.

After she hugs him, she’s going to kill him. How hard would it have been to include this in the brief. Hey Daria, the Mandalorians kind of really hate Jedi? Might want to watch out for that as well as the war stuff. See? Not hard! Idiot. She’s going to strangle him.

“If you have minor injuries please get checked out at the blue tent! More severe injuries will be treated in the green tents. If you are not injured make your way home and attend a check up in the morning. The situation is under control,” Herti says into their megaphone, “If you need help, Minister Daria,” Daria raises an arm, “and Minister Sergild will direct you. If you cannot find either of them, inform your evacuator of your needs.”

They’ve been making that announcement every ten minutes for the past hour.

“Minister Daria,” she jumps at the voice in her ear, “This young woman insisted she be brought to you first.”

Behind her, stands Ser Myles with Tevari in his arms.

She could try with relief, “Tevari, you’re okay! Obi-Wan-”

Tevari grasps her arms desperately, “He went further in, to try and keep it stable longer. He told me to find you. Obi says that he can keep going for at least an hour but-”

“He lies,” Daria says, “He always lies.”

The Mandalorian tilts his helmet in confusion.

“He can do it,” Tevari clarifies, “But it might kill him. It would definitely leave him in a coma. He’s injured, Daria, and it’s almost too much. He hasn’t had to do anything like this for ages. We have to find him.”

She nods, trying to be soothing, “It’s going to be okay, Teva. The evacuation is nearly finished, they’ll find him. It’s all going to be fine. Take her to the green tent, Ser Myles.”

Tevari’s hands fall away from her, eyes closing, “You lie too.”

¬

There is fire and smoke and Jango can barely see anything. There aren’t many people left inside, but the search for Minister Kenobi continues. Another injured child had reported he went further into the collapsing structure. (They’re all children, how can they all be children?)

A grunt up ahead draws Jango’s attention and he hurries forwards.

Minister Kenobi stands with his hands thrust into the air, knees bending and blood streaming down his face. There’s a child clutching his legs, and their terrified eyes find Jango’s.

“Help,” they whimper.

He does the only thing he can think of. He sets the child on his shoulders and scoops Minister Kenobi into his arms.

Username Guide try to kill me, I dare you: Obi-Wan Brain Parasites DNI: Xanatos Illegally Alive: Feemor Renesmee/Consecotaleophobia: Quinlan Merry: Reeft Pippin: Garen Lumos: Luminara *Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Bant War Crimes 'R' Us: Nield Platinum Bitch: Siri Pacifism IS MY KINK: Satine

Chapter Text

Centaxday 17th 38 BBY

03:00

[try to kill me, I dare you is online]

Renesmee: EYO WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU OBES

try to kill me, I dare you: Oh you know, getting stabbed by a ‘fellow’ bounty hunter :)

Merry: I-

Illegally Alive: OBI-WAN PLS

Renesmee: IFE QFIRH

Pippin: obi-wan [b]lease

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Ben.

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Why are you like this

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: PLEASE TELL ME YOUR’E IN MEDICAL

try to kill me, I dare you: I am actually

[try to kill me, I dare you has sent an image]

Obi-Wan had evidently taken the picture himself with one arm stretched out to hold the comm while the other was posed in a peace sign. There was a small slice through the already existing slit in his left eyebrow. Bruises were already blooming on his cheek along with a black eye. Dried blood was smeared across his bottom lip under a scabbed over cut.

War Crimes 'R' Us: Obi-Wan

War Crimes 'R' Us: Why

War Crimes 'R' Us: Were

War Crimes 'R' Us: You

War Crimes 'R' Us: Stabbed

try to kill me, I dare you: got into a fistfight with an obnoxious Duros with an equally obnoxious hat.

Platinum Bitch: better yet, did you win?

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: SIRI

Platinum Bitch: What? It’s a legitimate question.

try to kill me, I dare you: I’ll be fucked if I knew

try to kill me, I dare you: the little bitch ran off after he stabbed me

War Crimes 'R' Us: oof

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: sigh

Illegally Alive: ANYWAYS

Illegally Alive: you need any transport?

try to kill me, I dare you: Nah I’m good, still gonna be stuck here for a few weeks

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Please try to get some sleep Ben

try to kill me, I dare you: No promises :p

[try to kill me, I dare you is now offline]

Renesmee: that was wild

[Lumos is now online]

Lumos: Everyone.

Lumos: Go.

Lumos: To.

Lumos: Bed.

Lumos: Now.

Renesmee: Yes maam

Platinum Bitch: fine

War Crimes ‘R’ Us: apologies Luminara

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Of course Luminara

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Sorry Lumi!

Merry: jokes on you it’s daytime where I am atm

Pippin: going to bed rn!

Illegally Alive: sorry for bothering you Padawan Unduli

Lumos: Good

[9 Users are now offline]

Zhellday 19th 38 BBY

14:00

[Renesmee has changed their user to: Consecotaleophobia]

Consecotaleophobia: obi you’re a kriffing bitch

try to kill me, I dare you: Talk shit get hit quin

Consecotaleophobia: >:O

Illegally Alive: I-

Illegally Alive: CONTEXT PLEASE

Consecotaleophobia: obi stabbed my hand with a fork :(

try to kill me, I dare you: You act like adding a frowny face is going to get you any pity

Illegally Alive: okay I’ll bite

Illegally Alive: Obi, why did you stab padawan vos with a fork?

try to kill me, I dare you: Quin was being an absolute whore of a Kiffar and kept messing with my report >:\

Consecotaleophobia: :p

Illegally Alive: …..

Illegally Alive: fair enough

[Illegally Alive is now offline]

Consecotaleophobia: OI

try to kill me, I dare you: lmao, sucks to suck

Primeday 22nd 38 BBY

17:45

try to kill me, I dare you: So what did we learn today?

Brain Parasites DNI: You have both a severely crippled self-esteem and a god complex….?

try to kill me, I dare you: W̵͕̤̳̎̿r̴̮̰̖̈́ǫ̴̪͆n̴̤̔̀͠g̴͉͛̒ ̶̬̿͌a̸͓͔̲̒̽̚ń̴̛̤̈́s̶͓͓̓̌͜w̷̹̜̟̓e̶̜̰͌͑̊r̶̫̂̽͠ ̴̦̝̊>̵͙͋͘͜:̶̫̋̇͝)̸̛͓̝͋

Illegally Alive: WOW DON’T LIKE THAT

Brain Parasites DNI: YOU DON’T LIKE A LOT OF THINGS

Illegally Alive: AND YET, IM STILL DOING BETTER THAN YOU

Brain Parasites DNI: OI KRIFF OFF IM PERFECT

try to kill me, I dare you: XAN YOU KIDNAPPED AND SOLD ME INTO SLAVERY WHEN I WAS 12

Brain Parasites DNI: OK THAT WASN’T ONE OF MY FINEST MOMENTS

try to kill me, I dare you: NO SHIT SHERLOCK

Illegally Alive: WHY CANT WE HAVE A NORMAL FAMILY

try to kill me, I dare you: SOMEONE FELL TO THE DARKSIDE

Brain Parasites DNI: THAT WASN’T BY MY FREE WILL

Brain Parasites DNI: BRAIN WORMS FROM THE SITH WARS ARE KRIFFING BITCHES

Pippin: WHY ARE WE ALL SHOUTING!?

try to kill me, I dare you: I DON’T KNOW

try to kill me, I dare you: COMEDIC EFFECT I PRESUME

Pippin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Illegally Alive: AAAAAAAAAAAA

Brain Parasites DNI: AAAAAAAAA

try to kill me, I dare you: Ā̸͉̤Å̷̩̤͘A̵̢̳̞͋͐A̵̢͑́͠Ã̶̺̱̳A̸̳̠͎̾͋͝Á̸̲̱̩Ā̴̢͓̒̎Ä̵̡͓̞́͝A̸͋͜A̶̦̐̅A̷̛̫͈̘Ā̵̮̰̊̓Ǎ̸̢̘͉͝

Illegally Alive: Okay, we good now?

try to kill me, I dare you: Yup

Brain Parasites DNI: I think so

Illegally Alive: cool

[Three users are now offline]

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Pardon my explicit language

Pacifism IS MY KINK: But what the fuck

Platinum Bitch: oh yeah i forgot that you didnt get any context

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: So for some context, Xanatos was training to become a Jedi shadow with Feemor

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: I don’t know the specifics of the mission but long story short Xan's brain got snatched by a preserved parasite from the Sith Wars that wasn't detectable and it turned him to the dark side.

Pacifism IS MY KINK: That sounds... like a convoluted ya novel

Consecotaleophobia: ikr!?

Centaxday 1st 38 BBY

Consecotaleophobia: god id dead and everything is worthless

Platinum Bitch: LMAO GET DUNKED ON

Pippin: WHEEZE

War Crimes ‘R’ Us: do we want to know?

Consecotaleophobia: N O

Merry: Obi-Wan and Siri thoroughly humiliated Quin in front of a bunch of initiate Shadow's

Consecotaleophobia: REEFT I TRUSTED YOU RAISIN HEAD

Merry: RAISIN HEAD!?

Pippin: PRETTY SURE AT LEAST HALF OF THE RECRUITS HAVE CRUSHES ON OBES AND SIRI NOW LMAO

Consecotaleophobia: OH KRIFF OFF

[*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly* is now Online]

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: OK I WANT TO KNOW

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: WHY IS THE CAFETERIA ON FIRE

[Lumos is now Online]

Lumos: Oh that would be my fault

Lumos: I would say I'm sorry, but I'm really not.

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: .....

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Lumi

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: WHY

Lumos: >:)

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Sigh

Chapters: 20/? Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, 212th Attack Battalion & Obi-Wan Kenobi, 501st Legion & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex Characters: CC-2224 | Cody, CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Mace Windu, Ahsoka Tano, CC-6454 | Ponds, The Clones, 212th Attack Battalion, 501st Legion (Star Wars), the jedi council, Plo Koon Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Qui-Gon Jinn is a dick, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, De-Aged Obi-Wan Kenobi, designated babysitter mace windu and plo koon, Obi-Wan is baby, LITERALLY, Melida/Daan, BAMF Obi-Wan Kenobi, Young Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn's A+ Parenting, he was a good Jedi and a good man but he definitely wasn't a good master, Child Soldiers, Implied emotional/psychological abuse, no beta we die like qui gon, there is barely any proofreading sorry Series: Part 2 of Clone Wars Shenanigans and Self Indulgences Summary:

A mission to a Sith Temple takes an. . . interesting turn, leaving the Jedi and the Clones to deal with the fallout. Well, at least this kid Obi-Wan is cute?

- Obi-Wan Kenobi is de-aged to about 14 years old. The Problem? He doesn't have any memories after that age. The people who love him are about to learn some hard truths.