For a bit I was
high.
Up so high I felt almost free.
almost.
But then I was smacked down. Didn’t even see it coming. And all of a sudden I was
plummeting.
And I hit the ground so hard.
I hit the ground so hard I shattered into a million pieces.
I couldn’t put myself together without the fingers to do so.
I couldn’t breathe as there were no lungs to allow it. I could not form straight thoughts as my mind was shattered.
And yet while I lay there and that familiar poison seeps through me again like it once did when I was a child. Like it once did when I was a child.
And yet you sit there. You read of others pain. And you do nothing.
Simply a dramatic
poet.
A person who’s over dramatic.
And they croak out “it hurts” from their bloody heap.
And you tell her
“get over it”.
How I Try To Be vs. How I Come Off
Try not to show jealousy so to not come off as crazy/clingy: actually come off as really standoffish and uncaring
Try to give space to avoid coming off as obsessed: actually comes off as cold hearted
Try to distance myself when angry to avoid making the other person feel bad: come off as actually being angry at them
Try to explain my thought process so to avoid coming off as crazy: actually comes off crazier
Well, from the get-go he impressed me. In everything he did, I was in awe of what he could do and what he enjoyed. I could listen to him for hours talk about his plans for the future and the things he loved to do. The way his eyes lit up and he talked so fast he couldn’t breathe. He amazed me in everything he did. When we’d talk about things that were difficult and he’d say he loved doing it I was in awe of him. Those were the times when he was so full of life it simply impressed me. He was amazing in that sense. I wanted to support everything dream of his and every thing he did, I could see all that he could be, what he could become, and I was in awe of his potential. Of the things he could accomplish. Unfortunately, I can’t offer that support anymore but I’ll always hope he gets there. To that place I know he can reach. I just wish I could tell him. As for me? I’m headed for the top. I’m going to reach for the stars and I am going to become exactly who I want to be. Hey you. I believe in all that you can be. One day I want to look back and see you’ve accomplished everything you’ve ever wanted. And although we’re on different paths when I reach the top I at least hope you’ll be up there too.
Gen Z culture has to be the strongest their is. Life sucks and our response is something like “rip” and then we just keep truckin’. Then maybe a night every once in awhile we break down. Cry our eyes out. Say we just can’t do it anymore. But then we’re back to it in a few hours. Like that is just insane strength right there.
Something I Wouldn’t Do
I’m Done
You ever wanted to say something so badly you ache inside?
Draw shaky breaths and curse your mind
Because it’s running and running with words you don’t want to hear
You selfish shit of a person
Your mind stuck at 16
It’s painful to watch you
Stuck in time
Unmovable by your own mind
It’s sad really
I spend most of my time pitying you
Because you gave up so damn easily
On everything really
I’ve watched others fall so much further and get up again
But you just lay there
In blood long since dried
And as others pass you by they think
“Wow. Poor guy.”
And some of them maybe stopped to help you
They probably really tried
But they gave up when you refused to move
When you chose to stay put
And you aged in body but never in mind
What a fool
Honestly
I try to be kind
But I snarl when I think of all the time
You’ve wasted
Thrown away
Like you deserve it
One big wound left on your chest
But look at all of us
Look at the rest
Of the scars decorating our bodies
The ones we wear with pride
Because we stood up
We kept going
While you just laid there and died
You want pity? There’s no way anyone could understand?
Honey, you understand nothing
Because you stopped living
And you made that choice
To ignore it all and say
“I’m fine”
But you know you aren’t
Yet you refuse to get better
Because in being frozen you can’t hurt anymore
But that’s where you’re wrong
In being frozen you’re accepting ignorance
YOU are the one who will never understand
Once is never enough
And the best part in life is loving your scars
And I truly wish you could know that kind of love
For yourself
And maybe you will someday
Realize everything I’ve said is true
But honey, I hope to God it’s not too late for you
It is currently 1 a.m. and I’m going off 5% battery but here goes nothing...
Y’all to begin with, I believe everyone in the world has a soul mate. I believe there’s a person out there that is designed to be your other half and stay with you for the rest of your life. Now before y’all look all excitedly at your boyfriend/girlfriend just know that maybe....it’s not them. I think every person will one day be happy, but I also know that sometimes that person isn’t who you want it to be right now. Say you had a really amazing relationship that lasted forever and you thought “man this is it my one true love” and then BAM love over. Broken heart. Why has this happened to me? Ugly sobbing, mental breakdowns, and emotional scars. Any of this sound familiar? To those people who’ve never had a broken heart you are so lucky. Really. Like that’s just something that—I mean you totally dodged a bullet. But for those who have been broken, battered, and otherwise abused by someone. You know what it’s like. You know what it’s like to lose trust. To hate. To hurt. To feel like the world has crumbled at your feet. To feel worthless, not good enough, or ugly. But let me tell you this. Somewhere you’re soulmate is out there maybe feeling the same heartache you feel. Maybe she/he is crying their eyes out and begging their god to make the pain stop. Maybe they just want to be loved....by someone like you. While I believe your soulmate is out there I also know that you have to meet them half way. If you’re fixed on a past person you can’t find that true love. If you’re stuck in the past licking wounds someone else put on you then you’re not going to notice if they walk right by. Your soulmate is out there but they can only do so much. And maybe you’ll miss them if you’re too stuck in the past. Trust me when I say I completely understand the mental destruction a person can leave behind. I’ve been torn up more than I care to admit. Hell, I even am as I write this. But I’m learning that you gotta get the fuck up! Struggle to your feet! Spit blood! Clench your teeth! And honey, struggle through! At the end none of the hurt will even matter because the one you’ve always prayed for will be right there. And you’ll be safe, and loved, and cared for. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but if you give it your all, one day those terrible memories will just be that. Distant. A bad dream you woke up from. But YOU have to take the first step. YOU have to make the effort to find them. Will you get hurt along the way? Maybe. Will the heartache go away? Promise. So take a moment to heal—not too long—and when you’re ready, start looking. You’ll be glad that you did.
You Know What’s F**king Frustrating?!
It’s fucking frustrating when you’re one of those people who care about other people’s well-being over your own. When the people you care about are hurting themselves (dating people that treat them badly, having friends that are cruel to them, emotionally putting themselves through hell, etc.) and they don’t even realize it. And when you give them advice they get all defensive and angry that you’re telling them that what they’re doing is hurting them. Or they give the whole ‘I’m fine’ because they literally don’t have any idea that they’re not. But they’ve let some words slide. Certain things they’ve said clue you in that they’re not really okay. But the more you try to help the angrier they get or the more distant they get. Sometimes they’ll come at you saying there’s no way you could understand what they’re going through and that you don’t know how it feels. And the fucking worst part? One day a total stranger is going to tell them the same thing you’ve been telling them forever and they’re going to cling to every word of a stranger. They’ll get their act together and finally see what’s wrong and you’re left picking up the pieces. You’re left watching them walk away all fixed and healed and you’ll finally feel part of that ache go away. The pain that came with watching them suffer. But the pain of their rejection will always be with you. You’ll always wonder if maybe you didn’t love them enough or maybe they never loved you to see the truth. But while they someday flourish and grow you’ll wilt and gray under the pressure of holding them up for so long. And you’ll still love them like you always did. And you’ll still be there if they need you. Waiting for them to realize how much you loved them. Waiting forever just to be acknowledged. Because they don’t know that they mean the world to you.