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Usually writing longass posts about media, and SOMETIMES drawing badly (expect it infrequently and for it to look crusty) Interaction is ALWAYS welcome with me send me asks, dms, smoke signals, I like you nerds. I like sci fi. I like talking to other people about media.

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story Masterpost

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it!

Hello there! I've decided to undertake a personal quest to figure out what makes Star Wars Star Wars. How the hell did this franchise get to where it is today? And as it is 2026, marking 50 years from the publication of the first official Star Wars property, the 1976 novelization of the movie that would come out in 1977, what better time to start than now.

We've got 50 years and a staggering amount of published content to sift through, and I am realizing that though I number these posts they are relatively hard to sift through, so for your convenience and mine as I work my way through this adventure, I am going to be adding each post linked here for ease of reading and reference. All of my posts will also be tagged "#sneaker takes star wars" for ease of searching. All 2 of you reading this (including future me), you're welcome.

A brief methodology, if you're curious: For comics, shows, and serialized media on the whole (like the radio dramas) I am collecting them within one post categorized in the year of publication. Any individual release in a non serial medium (books, video games, films, TV specials) even if part of a trilogy will probably garner an individual post. This, however does not include explicit adaptations of an existing property, which I collect together, or children's books (dude there are so many of them. I cannot humanly give each one an individual post).

For additional convenience at a glance, the titles italicized in bold caps are all of the feature films. Without further ado, behold my madness, and my method!

I am legally obligated to have a Mandalorian and Grogu take.

I have now seen the Mandalorian and Grogu three times. Once on May 21st. Once on May 23rd. And once on May 25th. Don't get me wrong, I didn't really want to see it more than once, but I went of my own accord for the first one (because I make it my business to Star Wars no matter how bad), I went with my family members for the second because apparently they wanted to watch it too, and then I went on a first date for the third (there will not be a second date).

As a result, I can't escape this movie. I've seen it more than I think anyone should. And let me not mislead you. I think this movie isn't good. I don't think it's an unmitigated trainwreck, in the way that Solo and the Rise of Skywalker were. It's not a production nightmare that spewed out an ultimately flawed product, like Rogue One (I'll get to my thoughts on that movie someday. My takes there are apparently distinctly not popular).

No this movie fails in a more humdrum, boring fashion.

Well. There is something actually...

No. Not yet. We'll get to you, Embo. We'll get there. BUT NOT YET.

If there's any segment that worked inside the confines of the Mandalorian and Grogu, it had to work somewhere else first. Seriously. This film is definitionally nothing new. From the structure (basically just three to four episodes of the show back to back in spirit) to the characters (there is no real change) to the ship (they gave him another Razor Crest. Because people will buy a Razor Crest toy I guess).

NOTHING gets this across better than the opening of the film. We open on a snow planet (tried, tested, focus tested again) with walkers (shareholder approved) and actually, we see Imperials in a dramatically lit meeting room discussing their plans with beautiful snowy mountains in the background.

Wait sorry that's my Andor image I don't know how that got there. My god. I can't imagine why that's there. We leave the scene with a shot of ships against a sun in the haze of heat. Lifted directly from the Force Awakens.

There's nothing particularly egregious about the action, but it's also not good action. The eye is not guided to any particular direction on the screen. The framing and cinematography are entirely forgettable. No shot is good unless it has been ripped wholecloth from another, more successful film. Because so much of the film is proportionally composed of a patchwork sum of other more cohesive products, it maintains an average level of quality throughout. The main gripe I have is that the effects and the lighting and the cinematography all are painfully desaturated and washed out. The overwhelming majority of the film is lit with the aim of making the volume on which the bulk of the work was shot integrate as smoothly as possible, without any ambition.

The lack of ambition defines everything about the film, really. The storyline is small, again, by the nature of being adapted from television episodes. Mando gets a job, finds the job to be for an unsavory duo, uncovers a minor conspiracy because the empire is Bad, things go moderately south and necessitate a Baby Yoda Ex Machina, and the film ends. It aims to say nothing and boringly executes a very flat story with characters that might not ring hollow and bland on a laptop screen with another app open, but stretches the attention of even the most excited child in a Jedi costume in a movie theater.

Zeb From Rebels is there and Stinky From Clone Wars is there and wow those sure are the twins from the Book of Boba Fett and oh gee I can't wait to see Embo from the Clone Wars and oh my god it's a bunch of Babu Friks! None of these characters have any discernible personality, really, but regardless they're here. Stinky/Rotta is a deeply irritating character by virtue of being nothing more to the plot than a talking, slithering, whinging, daddy-issued MacGuffin.

When Grogu (who, if I am being so honest, I would rather just call Baby Yoda) meets a kind alien on Nal Hutta, I am immediately reminded of the second Ewok movie. Where the reluctant kindness of a stranger actually has bearing on the plot. Nothing has bearing on the plot of this film. The plot simply happens to the characters, that's that. Even though the Mandalorian's own moral code seemingly has bearing on the story, there's precious little exploration of that. Or of his sadness at the thought of losing his kid.

The story is predictable to the core, to the point where I was actively confused in the theater when the "twist" was revealed. It all technically works, but the whole is much less than the sum of its parts. And its parts are. Fine. Not stellar. But fine.

People will say that this isn't a bad movie because it lacks abject failure in any particular critical juncture. But I would point to the lack of any meaningful success at any critical juncture as a better diagnostic tool. This movie is a failure. It fails for lack of ambition. For lack of direction. For lack of care. Not for lack of talent or resources or ability. I actually think the puppetry in this movie is the only real highlight, and one that will probably go undervalued by Disney as this film continues to underperform at the box office. Movies with comparable or lower budgets last year were setting huge box office highs, some of them Disney's own.

This movie ultimately should've been made for television. It should never have seen a theatrical release. It lacks anything that makes for a good theatrical film (seriously, this is a film built for the second screen. IMAX adds nothing to the experience of viewing because the film has no visual treats. It's mostly grey), and I think that the box office speaks for itself.

This is a made-for-TV movie with the budget and marketing and market of a blockbuster. It doesn't work. It fails. Most bad movies are bad in this way: for absence of goodness. The grand catastrophic train wrecks are fun to talk about but that doesn't mean every film that wasn't a catastrophic train wreck wasn't bad.

The language of this film is defeat. Desaturated. Action scenes that reflect the budget but lack any direction or character significance (seriously. Shit just explodes. The stunts are less clever and fun to watch than some of the fights in the show. It all lacks energy and falls apart on the big screen). I was actually really excited to at least see the cool fuckoff big snake from the trailer shots but much of the scene is shot in a way that renders the fight unreadable.

I know that the people on this film have worked on better projects. Favreau in particular I can recognize that while Iron Man as a movie is not my thing (the dialogue just makes me roll my eyes SORRY GUYS), it is a much more competently made action movie. When Mandalorian and Grogu comes out on streaming, do actually compare the fights. It's much more clear what's going on in Iron Man. Dave Filoni, though I disagree with a lot of his choices on several projects, has written some very solid episodes of the Clone Wars.

This film just didn't come together. And my evidence for this is the fact that jokes didn't land in the theater. My evidence for this is that the very children at which this movie is nominally aimed seemed disinterested by the end. My evidence for this is the damn box office numbers.

It's a bad film. And it's bad because it has no identity of its own. Everything about it comes from somewhere else, everything about it worked somewhere else so it might work here. There is nothing original, there is no story to tell. There is no interest in this movie. It's bad in a humdrum, boring way. And no, it being for children is not a good excuse for being poorly constructed.

SO, with that, we return to the Ewoks. They were also not spectacular films, I must admit, but there is a certain charm in being made for television in them. The fact that the children characters (or well, children and Ewoks, who are obviously meant to be relatable to children) took up the majority of the screen and actually drove the plot and the stories were focused and simple. I'll point out the fact that they are constructed around play, and around being films that can be viewed at home, on TV, with a game out as a plus.

I'll compare the scene where Grogu finds help from his alien friend in Nal Hutta to the scene where Cindel and Wickett befriend an adult in the second Ewoks film. Not only does the Ewok film have the adult character provide a source of real, tangible support and comfort to children left on their own, he actually tangibly impacts the plot. There is a real moment of growth for him as well, as he sees hope.

The needs of children in film are different to the needs of adults. And I don't think the Ewok films are spectacular children's entertainment. It's no Sesame Street. But I do think they understand what a good movie for kids is better than the Mandalorian and Grogu. Because ultimately this is a LONG movie. It's a movie that requires them to project a lot onto a non-speaking character and the very obvious adult character. It's a movie with a lot of unnecessary reliance upon everything else. It's a movie that does nothing particularly well.

So why are we here? It's not good for kids, it's not good for adults, it's not making money... what gives, Disney?

What gives is that this film is the perfect example of a sunk cost fallacy. They were already in production when strikes meant things had to slow down. Momentum died. The budget for this movie was never going to be huge either, the show was cancelled.

Had this movie aired on Disney+ as a sort of Special Ending to the show, maybe it could be more kindly considered. But in a world where it has a bigger budget than the Minecraft movie and KPop Demon Hunters, both children-aimed features with an action-adventure focus and absolute hits, to call it average or not-bad is a disservice to the sea of features doing comparable work with a fraction of the resources.

If you have every resource under the sun and THIS is what you release to theaters, yes you should be ashamed. Yes this is bad. And the worst part is that it's not even bad in an interesting way.

PS: hello sorry not for the shameless self promotion but also I do actually go through and review a bunch of star wars stuff. I'm chronologically reviewing. Every Single Star War. in publication order. Here's a link to where I do that. I am very serious. Also again just for the record I do unironically love Star Wars and all of this criticism is out of fondness for a series that has, for better or worse, been a part of my life for my ENTIRE life.

Schroedinger's licensed media: The Spanish Droid and Ewok comics

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 33

In the leadup to what will be my via crucis (Star Wars in movie theaters again), WE'RE SO BACK WITH THE RETRO POSTING BABY! Is this comic series licensed or not? Who knows! Seriously. Disney couldn't find the paperwork when the English-speaking world rediscovered this in the early 2010s.

My prior retrospectives have indicated a real dip in original content in the 1980s, something that will become incredibly apparent the moment I finish hunting down all the damn children's books released in this decade (so many. So fucking many). And soon we'll hit the 90s explosion and I'll feel regretful for having ever said this, but analytically 80s Star Wars has just not been very fun for me to play with. It's not building a whole lot! It's mostly just going through the motions after Return of the Jedi, cashing in on a staggering amount of goodwill and children's entertainment.

So, having discussed the ill-fated Droids and Ewoks animated shows and their associated comic series, I kind of expected these comics to, yknow, be roughly the same thing. And they are. Sort of.

The comics actually follow along the shows quite well. They're well drawn. They're consistent. And so it's hard to tell whether or not they genuinely were licensed. For what it's worth, apparently no one had questioned the license at all until they re-emerged and people at Disney couldn't find the paperwork.

There were even other properties that had their own MyComyc runs, including Tom and Jerry and Inspector Gadget. And whether or not these were licensed is now also in question because really, no one had even thought about this until the 2010s nostalgia kicked in.

I did some googling, I wasn't able to find any of Editorial Gespa's other stuff (they were the ones who did the MyComyc runs) archived. I am genuinely fascinated. On one hand, it seems implausible to me that they wouldn't be licensed and something like that could possibly go unnoticed. Surely if all of these properties (including Mickey Mouse!) had been running unlicensed someone would've noticed. Then again, given the quality of the comics being so consistent with licensed media, maybe no one would've thought to question it.

But wouldn't the quality indicate that it probably WAS licensed? God I don't know. I'm not a historian of comics! I am just a fan trying to puzzle through the soup of 80s Star Wars, I did NOT mean to fall down this rabbithole of licensed media. For what it's worth, I cannot for the life of me find most of the MyComyc stuff that is unrelated to Star Wars. I actually am so fascinated.

Particularly I am curious about the other properties. Are they also just as accurate? Are they spot on? Could someone dig up a license for THEM? It seems all of these questions are unanswered on the internet and I would really love to dig.

I want one kind of. Like... what even is this? How did this come to be? Why can't I find it on any archive anywhere? (I reached out to a family member that lives in Spain and asked them to poke around to see if these crop up in used book shops but she hasn't found anything).

Perhaps it was licensed. Perhaps it wasn't. If you wish to read it for yourself, it's right here! Go for it! They're pretty fun, if unremarkable for anything other than the mystery of their origins.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

A Hollow Beauty: The Maul– Shadow Lord Midway Check-In

Let me open this one on a positive: the way this show looks positively FUCKS.

Sitting here and pretending that any individual screenshot of Maul– Shadow Lord isn't dazzling would be a waste of all our time. I could hit pause at almost any point during any episode and behold a shot that is beautifully lit, well composed, and reflects the budget Disney typically have on offer for their shows.

Similarly, the fight scenes are incredibly choreographed. This show is truly the culmination of decades of developing a style with increasing gains in technology and investment.

But you would expect this, wouldn't you? Star Wars as a property is valued at billions of dollars. The Walt Disney corporation paid a pretty penny for the rights, and a spare-no-expense approach is the theme of their projects. Though the animated show budgets have not been publicized in the way the live action shows were, the relative jump in quality reflects a financial interest in making sure these shows look as good as possible within the constraints of this style.

So the show looking good is expected. A lot of Star Wars looks very good. The Rise of Skywalker has some genuinely gorgeous shots in spite of the movie being... like that. The show looks great. I have a few hangups about the movement and overall look of the show though. This is largely a style preference, so let it not be said that I don't respect the immense amount of skill and work on display.

I find the movement in this animation style to lack strong follow-through or weight, and it really makes it hard to appreciate the fights, the general motion of characters, and it makes the environments feel very stiff. It has an almost video game feel. Especially the fabric on characters' costumes feels jarring. It'll look loose but move like it's glued to the characters, and I wish it was a bit more tactile. Likewise, a lot of the textures lack depth or tooth to them.

This isn't to say that the show doesn't look great, but when I compare it to something like Love, Death + Robots, or Arcane, or some of the work on Star Wars: Visions, or even a lot of 2D animated series, it feels like both movement and tactile environments in Maul– Shadow Lord struggle to feel truly integrated with each other in this style. Things just don't deform, don't push, don't stretch. It softens any blow or landing or crash, even as the beautiful lighting and backgrounds and individual shots do their best to set up drama.

Like I said, this is a personal preference, but I really do feel that lack of flexibility in the character animations and in how the environment responds to them, and it leeches some of the tension of any given scene away from me.

For one great example of a little detail that I think adds so much: hair! The hair in Maul just doesn't move, and that could add so much to the characters. Let us see their hair disheveled, or flying in the wind. Let it move independently of them at times!

(Confession: I'm actually not a huge Arcane person, I watched the first season when it came out and thought the style was great but I've just never been a big League of Legends person, so I fell off the wagon. But I do think the animation is a great example of how 3D animation can feel super tactile and impactful)

I have to assume these are stylistic choices rather than a representation of the budget, because Disney has an astonishing amount of money on hand to make any show. And if they're a reflection of budget, I would have to wonder why Disney wouldn't allocate a larger budget to this show, which focuses on a beloved character in an extremely popular property.

Nevertheless, I still would like to credit the cinematography, lighting, and background work on this show immensely, as well as the fight choreography. Like I said: hit pause on almost any shot and you have a nearly perfect composition. One of the shots I really loved was of the shadows of the imperial star destroyer and all the fighters over Janix in episode 5. Great work.

But let's set aside the animation and get to the meat and potatoes of the show: the story!

Let it not be said that I did not wait to post. We're now 60% into the first season of Maul– Shadow Lord, and I have held my tongue, observed, and taken in the show as it's been released. But seeing as I think it'll be fun to return to this post after the show has reached its temporary end (of the first season), I'm getting this in NOW. For the sake of brevity I will not be summarizing the happenings of the show, but please note that this will contain spoilers for what's come out so far. Like... lots of them. In fact, this is going to be extremely spoilery. If you care about that sort of thing and haven't seen the first six episodes, look away.

This show is getting 10 25 minute episodes (well, the first episode was 31 minutes), but this includes several minutes of credits and a recap at the beginning of each episode of everything leading into the episode. In reality, each episode is a bit closer to 20 minutes in duration. Which means, in the 10 episode series run, we're getting somewhere in the range of 3-4 hours of content.

This is in line with prior animated Star Wars shows, but unlike those, which tend toward the episodic adventure with a lighter overarching plot, this show is directly and emphatically a plot driven serial. Though the show is more or less for all ages, it gears itself tonally to a more mature audience than Clone Wars or Rebels did, and I would argue the Bad Batch as well.

In fact, this show is perhaps best understood as a continuation of the Clone Wars (2008) –> Bad Batch pipeline, and relies heavily on an understanding of Maul as seen in the 2008 Clone Wars series. It is absolutely not designed to stand alone. I don't necessarily view that as an inherently detrimental to the show, I just think it's important to note that the titular character is going to be nigh upon impossible to comprehend without at least skimming the wookieepedia page for what his whole deal is.

That's not in and of itself a problem, but it does point to a bigger difficulty for this show. We meet Maul at a very in-between time of his life. Seriously. After his first death-via-bisection, he comes back during the Clone Wars, only to eventually be defeated by Palpatine and lose his brother. Then we meet him again as a fallen, broken man in Rebels, obsessed with Obi-Wan Kenobi only to finally be killed by him in the end, at peace.

We're stuck in between the downfall from the Clone Wars and the end in Rebels. The ideal case for Maul in this show, then, would be to see him build up from nothing only to have a grand, colossal fall. One that lands him where we see him in Clone Wars, with his fucked up little creepo cave.

The writers of this show have a considerable challenge, then, to take this character from a massive low to another massive low, keeping it compelling, not treading on the toes of prior work, and, well, fulfilling the promise of an animated Star Wars show that is more "adult" (though we'll get to that).

This isn't to say that I don't think this can be compelling. But this is absolutely to say that this is challenging within the confines of an action/adventure story that has, all things considered, a pretty considerable amount of moving parts for being 10 episodes long in the first season.

Even more challenging, the show has to contend with telling a story that ultimately bears a striking resemblance to bits and pieces from a (pardon my french) metric fuckton of other Star Wars media. We have stories of Jedi hiding from the Empire after Order 66. We have stories about the Empire choking a planet, taking over. We have stories about the criminal underbelly of Star Wars responding to the Empire. There is a real glut of Star Wars out there, so what could Maul offer that's different? What does Maul give viewers from a story perspective that is new?

So we've arrived at the crux of the issue for Maul– Shadow Lord. The show wants to be a lot of things. It wants to do none of them.

In Roger Ebert's now-infamous review of Battlefield Earth, he claimed "The director, Roger Christian, has learned from better films that directors sometimes tilt their cameras, but he has not learned why."

Maul– Shadow Lord wishes to be a darker, more adult narrative than its animated predecessors. The plot, however, has remarkably little separating it from them. We've seen similarly grim themes explored in the Clone Wars (I would even argue that thematically the Clone Wars explores even darker areas. And though I will maybe someday explore why it struggles with some and does well with others, I want to emphasize that the point is that Maul is not a significant departure from that style of story). The show itself is rated as child appropriate, and even though there are several on-screen deaths, none are treated with any significant gravity. Being sliced in half by a lightsaber is bloodless, removed from the viewers in a layer of unreality. Though we nominally know there are crime empires Maul is subsuming, their crimes are sanded away, vaguely alluded to without any curiosity as to what they actually do.

The humor of the show is, similarly, nothing new. There is perhaps less of it than in lighter episodes of prior shows, but it still bears a striking similarity in dialogue and tone. A crime lord named "Looti Vario" who cowers before Maul and becomes his stooge spewing funny little one liners. There's a droid who has to learn the hard way (via being told his titular boots are not regulation-appropriate) that the empire is bad. There's the teenage son of our soft-boiled detective being woefully out of his depth, and sad his dad just is never home.

Perhaps there could be a departure from the norm in structure or genre, but the show does not do that. It is a largely action-driven adventure. Rather than take the trappings of a noir to give viewers a mystery story, or perhaps a horror, or even a pastiche of a noir, the story continues along the same lines as the final season of Clone Wars, or another season of the Bad Batch. There is no mystery to uncover because from the outset we know who Maul is, we know what he wants (he tells us directly), we know where he will end up, and the journey is just like the journeys we've taken before. Maul wants an apprentice, like he wanted in Rebels. Maul wants revenge like he wanted in the Clone Wars. Maul wants to rebuild his crime empire which he largely does unimpeded and we've seen in comics.

Though a character like Devon being drawn in by Maul and the dark side of the force could be interesting, I will point out that we have seen this format before. In multiple forms of media. And we've even seen it with Maul himself in Rebels. We've seen this all before, and the show, though beautiful, doesn't want to push outside of the established norm.

Imagine a world where Maul's presence was kept ambiguous. Where we followed Lawson tailing a string of murders he couldn't identify. Where Devon was hearing whispers from the dark that she thought were just her thoughts. Having a real mystery to this noir! Let it inhabit the genre whose aesthetics the show seeks to emulate. Instead, the show retreads old ground, brings back characters we've already met (hello, Marrok), re-establishes plots that exist already. Because being nominally Maul (who spends much of the show monologuing and standing dramatically until he has to look cool in a fight scene) what does this show have?

I felt similarly about the Bad Batch as I do this show– they are "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" continued. They seek to continue along those lines rather than stand on their own. There's a real fear of departure from the familiar, even from a show that signals its intent to be different. The show KNOWS that a show with real grit (because yes, of course the success of Andor was influential to the studio) garnered critical acclaim, that that show showed how Bad the Empire is and was lauded for it. But the show goes through the motions of Empire Bad without the characters themselves mattering to it. A thing happens, then another thing happens, and then another. The characters act the way that they do because without them doing that, the plot doesn't happen. We are repeatedly told why things happen because there simply isn't enough time to motivate anything of its own accord.

There's too little runtime in this season for this much to happen and not feel like a checklist of events and character beats. It leans so heavily into tropes because there's too much they want to happen without actually taking their time to motivate it (Dad, you work too much) (I got sent to prison for stealing a loaf of bread some fruit) (The empire is bad, my wife works for them and we're on the rocks) (She would make an excellent apprentice).

It's a rush job. It's puzzle pieces from other stories that worked there because they worked there forced together in an extremely short timeframe. It doesn't fill out the aesthetics of the show because they're not trying to make a noir, they're not trying to make make a darker animated show, they're not trying to make a crime show, they're not trying to make a character study of Maul, the titular character. They're making a show that looks like all of those. The core of the show is essentially derivative.

The show brings back a character who got brought back to life (at the behest of George Lucas) at least in part because he was so beloved and liked by fans. But over the years since his initial revival, we've seen him die, come back, die again, come back, and can fill in so much of his life. This character, once praised for his stoic nature and the impact of his design, and how sparingly he was used as a secondary antagonist, now needs to be filled out in depth.

The character gets his own show about his crime empire, but the show does not take an interest in exploring the crimes, in having real violence and crime and evils. The show displays a remarkable lack of curiosity in the internal motivations of its titular character, even though he will repeatedly tell them to the camera, and has a hard time marrying the show's own family-friendly aims with the amorality of its character. It carries itself on a look and aesthetic that fans have come to associate with another beloved property, but demonstrates no ability to expand beyond the look. There is no exploration of the character in depth, nor is there an ability to depart, tonally or thematically, from the previous works

This post is also about the Book of Boba Fett.

The Postmaultem Addendum

Well. I don't know what I expected. I wanted to take a second here and just discuss the final episodes of the first season, because I have a non-negligible amount of thoughts on the topic. So. Let's do it. Here's your blanket spoiler warning if you haven't finished the show. I will be spoiling things. Avert your eyes. Starting... NOW

Welcome to the spoiler zone. Now that we're here, happy Revenge of the Fifth. I was busy yesterday (doing Star Wars things) (GUYS THE FIRST STAR WARS TABLETOP GAME IS SO FUN ACTUALLY).

I guess we were supposed to feel shocked by all the deaths (possibly temporary for Lawson) in this finale. Which. Ok, man. I mentioned earlier that the show really struggles to impart a sense of camaraderie or characterization, in part because of how quickly it goes through the motions of plot. I also mentioned that a lot of the fighting lacks stakes and violence because of the animation style. These things combine to make a finale that really lacks gravitas.

In the four episodes since we last spoke, a lot of people have died. I say this with a very disinterested tone because we barely knew most of them. Maul's cronies mostly only get named in subtitles, and most of them have no characterization beyond a vaguely scornful or tough exterior persona. We get a vague sense of internal tensions in Maul's camp, but ultimately it doesn't culminate in anything significant. Sure we nominally see them betray Maul, but does it sting? They just immediately die anyway. Does any death in this show feel important when these are characters we just don't know?

The only death that has some sort of significance would be Daki's death, but even that one feels lacking in execution. I obviously understand wanting Maul to Force push him at Vader from the perspective of generating tension between Maul and Devon moving forward, but the execution of his execution (ha) felt sloppy.

The show simply tries to do too much at once. To the point of nothing mattering.

And a final note about the animation: the limitations of this style become glaringly apparent when the show steps out of its usual dramatic lighting and into a more flat, sterile setting for the finale. The lighting in previous fights was pretty good, but the battle against Vader looks surprisingly mediocre. Both the way the scene is edited (it lacks follow through in a lot of the hits) and the overall aesthetic just look worse than the rest of the show in a way that baffles me.

This show ultimately feels like its resources were mismanaged. Why wouldn't you allocate a little extra money for the finale? Did it cost the same but end up looking worse due to the stylistic departure? Why wasn't there a more in-depth session with writers about how to make things flow more naturally. The editing of the show both in terms of storyline and dialogue and writing but also in the cuts and shots used to convey everything is really messy. This feels rushed.

I see a lot of skill on display in this show. Genuinely. Some of the vocal performances are quite good. There are obviously incredibly talented artists working on the backdrops and textures and animation. Hell, the writing has some cool ideas (I do really love the idea of a crime drama and a noir in Star Wars). But the show deeply lacks focus. It lacks stakes. It feels underbaked.

And I think it's a real shame for such a huge property with resources that most artists could only dream of to put out a product that doesn't make the most of those resources. You can't overpromise and underdeliver forever and KEEP those resources. The Star Wars money-printing machine is not a perpetual motion machine. And I fear a show like this doesn't build something that can be enjoyed for very long before the veneer flakes off and exposes a foundation full of cracks.

A Hollow Beauty: The Maul– Shadow Lord Midway Check-In

Let me open this one on a positive: the way this show looks positively FUCKS.

Sitting here and pretending that any individual screenshot of Maul– Shadow Lord isn't dazzling would be a waste of all our time. I could hit pause at almost any point during any episode and behold a shot that is beautifully lit, well composed, and reflects the budget Disney typically have on offer for their shows.

Similarly, the fight scenes are incredibly choreographed. This show is truly the culmination of decades of developing a style with increasing gains in technology and investment.

But you would expect this, wouldn't you? Star Wars as a property is valued at billions of dollars. The Walt Disney corporation paid a pretty penny for the rights, and a spare-no-expense approach is the theme of their projects. Though the animated show budgets have not been publicized in the way the live action shows were, the relative jump in quality reflects a financial interest in making sure these shows look as good as possible within the constraints of this style.

So the show looking good is expected. A lot of Star Wars looks very good. The Rise of Skywalker has some genuinely gorgeous shots in spite of the movie being... like that. The show looks great. I have a few hangups about the movement and overall look of the show though. This is largely a style preference, so let it not be said that I don't respect the immense amount of skill and work on display.

I find the movement in this animation style to lack strong follow-through or weight, and it really makes it hard to appreciate the fights, the general motion of characters, and it makes the environments feel very stiff. It has an almost video game feel. Especially the fabric on characters' costumes feels jarring. It'll look loose but move like it's glued to the characters, and I wish it was a bit more tactile. Likewise, a lot of the textures lack depth or tooth to them.

This isn't to say that the show doesn't look great, but when I compare it to something like Love, Death + Robots, or Arcane, or some of the work on Star Wars: Visions, or even a lot of 2D animated series, it feels like both movement and tactile environments in Maul– Shadow Lord struggle to feel truly integrated with each other in this style. Things just don't deform, don't push, don't stretch. It softens any blow or landing or crash, even as the beautiful lighting and backgrounds and individual shots do their best to set up drama.

Like I said, this is a personal preference, but I really do feel that lack of flexibility in the character animations and in how the environment responds to them, and it leeches some of the tension of any given scene away from me.

For one great example of a little detail that I think adds so much: hair! The hair in Maul just doesn't move, and that could add so much to the characters. Let us see their hair disheveled, or flying in the wind. Let it move independently of them at times!

(Confession: I'm actually not a huge Arcane person, I watched the first season when it came out and thought the style was great but I've just never been a big League of Legends person, so I fell off the wagon. But I do think the animation is a great example of how 3D animation can feel super tactile and impactful)

I have to assume these are stylistic choices rather than a representation of the budget, because Disney has an astonishing amount of money on hand to make any show. And if they're a reflection of budget, I would have to wonder why Disney wouldn't allocate a larger budget to this show, which focuses on a beloved character in an extremely popular property.

Nevertheless, I still would like to credit the cinematography, lighting, and background work on this show immensely, as well as the fight choreography. Like I said: hit pause on almost any shot and you have a nearly perfect composition. One of the shots I really loved was of the shadows of the imperial star destroyer and all the fighters over Janix in episode 5. Great work.

But let's set aside the animation and get to the meat and potatoes of the show: the story!

Let it not be said that I did not wait to post. We're now 60% into the first season of Maul– Shadow Lord, and I have held my tongue, observed, and taken in the show as it's been released. But seeing as I think it'll be fun to return to this post after the show has reached its temporary end (of the first season), I'm getting this in NOW. For the sake of brevity I will not be summarizing the happenings of the show, but please note that this will contain spoilers for what's come out so far. Like... lots of them. In fact, this is going to be extremely spoilery. If you care about that sort of thing and haven't seen the first six episodes, look away.

This show is getting 10 25 minute episodes (well, the first episode was 31 minutes), but this includes several minutes of credits and a recap at the beginning of each episode of everything leading into the episode. In reality, each episode is a bit closer to 20 minutes in duration. Which means, in the 10 episode series run, we're getting somewhere in the range of 3-4 hours of content.

This is in line with prior animated Star Wars shows, but unlike those, which tend toward the episodic adventure with a lighter overarching plot, this show is directly and emphatically a plot driven serial. Though the show is more or less for all ages, it gears itself tonally to a more mature audience than Clone Wars or Rebels did, and I would argue the Bad Batch as well.

In fact, this show is perhaps best understood as a continuation of the Clone Wars (2008) –> Bad Batch pipeline, and relies heavily on an understanding of Maul as seen in the 2008 Clone Wars series. It is absolutely not designed to stand alone. I don't necessarily view that as an inherently detrimental to the show, I just think it's important to note that the titular character is going to be nigh upon impossible to comprehend without at least skimming the wookieepedia page for what his whole deal is.

That's not in and of itself a problem, but it does point to a bigger difficulty for this show. We meet Maul at a very in-between time of his life. Seriously. After his first death-via-bisection, he comes back during the Clone Wars, only to eventually be defeated by Palpatine and lose his brother. Then we meet him again as a fallen, broken man in Rebels, obsessed with Obi-Wan Kenobi only to finally be killed by him in the end, at peace.

We're stuck in between the downfall from the Clone Wars and the end in Rebels. The ideal case for Maul in this show, then, would be to see him build up from nothing only to have a grand, colossal fall. One that lands him where we see him in Clone Wars, with his fucked up little creepo cave.

The writers of this show have a considerable challenge, then, to take this character from a massive low to another massive low, keeping it compelling, not treading on the toes of prior work, and, well, fulfilling the promise of an animated Star Wars show that is more "adult" (though we'll get to that).

This isn't to say that I don't think this can be compelling. But this is absolutely to say that this is challenging within the confines of an action/adventure story that has, all things considered, a pretty considerable amount of moving parts for being 10 episodes long in the first season.

Even more challenging, the show has to contend with telling a story that ultimately bears a striking resemblance to bits and pieces from a (pardon my french) metric fuckton of other Star Wars media. We have stories of Jedi hiding from the Empire after Order 66. We have stories about the Empire choking a planet, taking over. We have stories about the criminal underbelly of Star Wars responding to the Empire. There is a real glut of Star Wars out there, so what could Maul offer that's different? What does Maul give viewers from a story perspective that is new?

So we've arrived at the crux of the issue for Maul– Shadow Lord. The show wants to be a lot of things. It wants to do none of them.

In Roger Ebert's now-infamous review of Battlefield Earth, he claimed "The director, Roger Christian, has learned from better films that directors sometimes tilt their cameras, but he has not learned why."

Maul– Shadow Lord wishes to be a darker, more adult narrative than its animated predecessors. The plot, however, has remarkably little separating it from them. We've seen similarly grim themes explored in the Clone Wars (I would even argue that thematically the Clone Wars explores even darker areas. And though I will maybe someday explore why it struggles with some and does well with others, I want to emphasize that the point is that Maul is not a significant departure from that style of story). The show itself is rated as child appropriate, and even though there are several on-screen deaths, none are treated with any significant gravity. Being sliced in half by a lightsaber is bloodless, removed from the viewers in a layer of unreality. Though we nominally know there are crime empires Maul is subsuming, their crimes are sanded away, vaguely alluded to without any curiosity as to what they actually do.

The humor of the show is, similarly, nothing new. There is perhaps less of it than in lighter episodes of prior shows, but it still bears a striking similarity in dialogue and tone. A crime lord named "Looti Vario" who cowers before Maul and becomes his stooge spewing funny little one liners. There's a droid who has to learn the hard way (via being told his titular boots are not regulation-appropriate) that the empire is bad. There's the teenage son of our soft-boiled detective being woefully out of his depth, and sad his dad just is never home.

Perhaps there could be a departure from the norm in structure or genre, but the show does not do that. It is a largely action-driven adventure. Rather than take the trappings of a noir to give viewers a mystery story, or perhaps a horror, or even a pastiche of a noir, the story continues along the same lines as the final season of Clone Wars, or another season of the Bad Batch. There is no mystery to uncover because from the outset we know who Maul is, we know what he wants (he tells us directly), we know where he will end up, and the journey is just like the journeys we've taken before. Maul wants an apprentice, like he wanted in Rebels. Maul wants revenge like he wanted in the Clone Wars. Maul wants to rebuild his crime empire which he largely does unimpeded and we've seen in comics.

Though a character like Devon being drawn in by Maul and the dark side of the force could be interesting, I will point out that we have seen this format before. In multiple forms of media. And we've even seen it with Maul himself in Rebels. We've seen this all before, and the show, though beautiful, doesn't want to push outside of the established norm.

Imagine a world where Maul's presence was kept ambiguous. Where we followed Lawson tailing a string of murders he couldn't identify. Where Devon was hearing whispers from the dark that she thought were just her thoughts. Having a real mystery to this noir! Let it inhabit the genre whose aesthetics the show seeks to emulate. Instead, the show retreads old ground, brings back characters we've already met (hello, Marrok), re-establishes plots that exist already. Because being nominally Maul (who spends much of the show monologuing and standing dramatically until he has to look cool in a fight scene) what does this show have?

I felt similarly about the Bad Batch as I do this show– they are "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" continued. They seek to continue along those lines rather than stand on their own. There's a real fear of departure from the familiar, even from a show that signals its intent to be different. The show KNOWS that a show with real grit (because yes, of course the success of Andor was influential to the studio) garnered critical acclaim, that that show showed how Bad the Empire is and was lauded for it. But the show goes through the motions of Empire Bad without the characters themselves mattering to it. A thing happens, then another thing happens, and then another. The characters act the way that they do because without them doing that, the plot doesn't happen. We are repeatedly told why things happen because there simply isn't enough time to motivate anything of its own accord.

There's too little runtime in this season for this much to happen and not feel like a checklist of events and character beats. It leans so heavily into tropes because there's too much they want to happen without actually taking their time to motivate it (Dad, you work too much) (I got sent to prison for stealing a loaf of bread some fruit) (The empire is bad, my wife works for them and we're on the rocks) (She would make an excellent apprentice).

It's a rush job. It's puzzle pieces from other stories that worked there because they worked there forced together in an extremely short timeframe. It doesn't fill out the aesthetics of the show because they're not trying to make a noir, they're not trying to make make a darker animated show, they're not trying to make a crime show, they're not trying to make a character study of Maul, the titular character. They're making a show that looks like all of those. The core of the show is essentially derivative.

The show brings back a character who got brought back to life (at the behest of George Lucas) at least in part because he was so beloved and liked by fans. But over the years since his initial revival, we've seen him die, come back, die again, come back, and can fill in so much of his life. This character, once praised for his stoic nature and the impact of his design, and how sparingly he was used as a secondary antagonist, now needs to be filled out in depth.

The character gets his own show about his crime empire, but the show does not take an interest in exploring the crimes, in having real violence and crime and evils. The show displays a remarkable lack of curiosity in the internal motivations of its titular character, even though he will repeatedly tell them to the camera, and has a hard time marrying the show's own family-friendly aims with the amorality of its character. It carries itself on a look and aesthetic that fans have come to associate with another beloved property, but demonstrates no ability to expand beyond the look. There is no exploration of the character in depth, nor is there an ability to depart, tonally or thematically, from the previous works

This post is also about the Book of Boba Fett.

Steven Yeun showed up to Avatar the Last Airbender and said "You are. You are gay" to Zuko and I think that's beautiful

Everywhere he goes he brings PSA's of the Future with him. That's perfect to me. I heard his voice and the whole scene immediately got 50 times gayer. Nothing but respect for MY voice acting legend.

Do I need this movie no but am I glad Steven Yeun gets to do what he does best with Zuko? Yes.

I watched Ewoks: Battle for Endor (1985) and now it's your problem

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 32

TL;DR: I'm watching/reading/playing/whatever-the-verb-is-ing ALL of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. This is the mission. CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

Hey, for this one, I'm playing the classics. I watched a movie. I've compiled two lists: one list of what I liked, and one oef what I didn't like. Then at the end I'll ramble a little bit about the movie and why it is what it is. But before we start: BRIEF MAUL SHADOW LORD EPS 1 AND 2 DIVERSION

I really wish Star Wars was a little less hellbent on making all of their shows tie into each other and be interconnected like this. This feels like 2008 Clone Wars season infinity at this point. And they could do something very different tonally speaking, which is also what I felt about the Bad Batch, but both of them ultimately have just ended up in a similar place to 2008 CW and that's a waste I think. There's only so much of that you can do without it feeling stale, and I fear we passed that point long ago.

BACK TO THE EWOKS. This movie is an hour and a half. I've compiled my lists. We ride.

Now THIS is Podracing

  • The nostalgic whimsy of made-for-TV 80s movie soundtracks is really unmatched. Something about how liberally they used piccolos
  • OBSESSED with the special effects in this movie they are so silly
  • The matte paintings in these movies are really nice. They're definitely more fantastical than some of the ones in the films end up looking, but they're beautiful, colorful, and man. I just love a good matte painting.
  • Aside from the killing of her family being very explicit (I'll get to that in the dislike list) I think that the feeling of the action is largely of a character and tone that works for the audience. Nothing feels too scary, but you still feel the urgency and tension. It's good. Outside of the killing part I feel like I could show this to a five year old and have them enjoy the adventure and the drama.
  • Aubree Miller as Cindel gets tossed into the deep end as a really baby actress and she's doing a good job! Child actors get a lot of flack for not managing to carry a movie but she's the only one really who has to do a lot with her face here and she's selling it! Sure it's not Stellan Skarskgård, but she's a super young kid and responsible for most of the emoting and relatability for this movie and she does a great job.
  • These green/blue screen effects are SENDING ME I'm howling
  • This is perhaps the truest origin story for a Star Wars tradition: The gruff, unwilling dad adopting a sad little orphan child. All these later Star Warses owe this movie everything. Clone Wars, Bad Batch, probably the Maul show, the Mandalorian, Kal'buir, Qui-Gon in Jedi Apprentice, you all owe Ewoks YOUR ENTIRE LIVES.
  • HORSES. IN STAR WARS. I LOVE STAR WARS HORSES. IDC THAT IT BREAKS THE IMMERSION, IT'S FUNNY AND I AM HERE FOR IT.
  • The story of this movie is a little bit easier to follow than the first. It's still very episodic in nature but is a lot clearer in each little scene.
  • OH FAKE RECORDER PLAYING I LOVE YOU. Also it's a jaunty tune. I really enjoy this soundtrack! Yes it's not John Williams and those are huge shoes to fill but it's such a character in this movie and has a real charm to it.
  • The climactic action setpiece has really charmed me. Of course it feels goofy and cartoonish, but in a lot of ways it really does feel like it recaptures some of the childish charm of the Return of the Jedi Ewoks.

I Don't Like Sand

  • Ewoks talking is something that I generally disapprove of in live action. There's something decidedly absurdist about nothing in their faces moving as they articulate words. On one hand, hilarious. Love it. Those costumes had a budget of 2. On the other hand, it absolutely takes you out.
  • The adults are being out-acted by Aubree Miller, the little girl playing Cindel Towani. And good for Aubree! But man.
  • So! This movie kills off Cindel's whole entire family right at the start. Which is BATSHIT. I can understand wanting her to be an orphan for movie trope and plot convenience purposes, but I do think showing them all dying and having Cindel see it right in front of her is a bit much for a movie geared at like... preschoolers and early early grade schoolers. It's a bit too explicit to not be upsetting on a level that doesn't really let the kids get into the movie. I think it would have worked MUCH better for it to have been already established before the start of the movie, or have it be a little less explicitly shown in cold blood given the desired audience for this movie.
  • I understand why the Ewoks need to be able to talk in this movie, because it would be VERY confusing to follow for a child if they couldn't, but... yeah I don't like that choice at all
  • Sorry to keep harping on this but man the Ewok costumes (particularly the eyes though) just don't work in a lot of lighting scenarios.
  • The green/blue screen (not sure which they used but I've got a feeling it's bluescreen?) effects are hilarious. They are very funny. It's a shame it wasn't intended to be.
  • Much like the first movie, I feel like this movie could've really benefited from being shorter. A tight hour runtime would've probably been a little better for the story to feel a little less meandering while retaining that movie feeling.
  • Dear aspiring filmmakers: Do a screentest with your prosthetics or costumes you want your actors to wear. If they can't move in a convincing fashion, DON'T USE EM. It's really genuinely a huge difficulty of this movie. It even makes it hard to understand some of the actors and dialogue and I wish it didn't!

This was better than the first one! It's super cute! I do really think these movies would have been much better on the whole had they been allowed to be the original length pitched, the hour and half runtimes do feel like they drag in places. That said, this is actually fairly solid children's programming, though I do think it could stand to have a little more meat on the bones for kids to learn from.

Obviously these are largely inconsequential to the broader Star Wars universe, but I think that's actually okay. A little incidental adventure, something that has a fantastical feeling and the protagonists riding away on a spaceship, it's charming enough and looks good enough that I think the people who this was made for would really enjoy it.

And honestly? That's perfectly fine imo! Not everything has to be for everyone. This is very explicitly kid's entertainment, for YOUNG kids. It's fun, it's playful, it's giving them something to use as a foundation to play. I like it. Let this be a lesson Star Wars, sometimes if you narrow down on who you're doing it for, you get a good product on the other side of it.

Before Kylo Ren, there was Kybo Ren: The tale of the 1985 Droids cartoon.

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 31

Sing in me, Muse! And through me tell the story of that surprisingly relevant children's cartoon from the 1980s. A show that got cancelled after a lukewarm reception, in spite of costing half a million dollars or so per hour of television. For all its budget, the show managed to convince ABC that neither it nor its sister show, the Ewoks cartoon, were worth renewing beyond that point.

By 1985 the initial Star Wars boom was beginning to wane. The lull from the mid/late 80s would last until the 90s, when things picked up steam again, and this show itself didn't cause the dried out interest. Part of it was George Lucas' own burnout with Star Wars, part of it is that it's hard to sustain public highs as huge as the interest in the original trilogy movie releases, ESPECIALLY without ongoing movie releases. So the downsize in scope to television shows makes sense on paper, and because of the huge success of Star Wars as children's media, it seems like a match made in heaven.

Ewoks was a fairly liked show, if ordinary, in its first season. One of its particular strengths was its general separation from the rest of Star Wars. Sure, sometimes the Empire is a nominal threat, but for the most part is is a series concerned with the happenings of the little, cuddly, friendly teddy bear aliens originally based on the VC no that's not fraught at all. Sigh. Droids was, however, first and foremost a Star Wars show.

The show stars (pun intended) two central characters from the movies, Anthony Daniels is, of course, playing C-3PO; there's a focus on their hijinks bouncing from place to place and avoiding the Empire.

Keen-eyed viewers of the show nowadays will have a great time spotting familiar names and concepts crop up. There's a speeder race on Boonta, a desert planet. There's a lot of desert planets, actually. What a fixation (that'll come back big time). There's a retro 1950s style diner run by an alien (Hi Dex!). The show mentions the Sith. There's even a vehicle that looks like Grievous' in later properties.

And, presented without comment because. Well. I don't need to say anything about this, the image says it all: Kybo Ren.

If I speak...

This is actually one of the funny things about early Star Wars. Names and places come back and cycle around all the time. Mace, Kybo Ren, these ideas kick around and around and around until they finally solidify. Hell, even look at the Clone Wars mentions before the Prequels.

From a story perspective I'd say these stories fall a little flat compared to the Ewok show's first season, but I do think they're better than the second season. The art is, though very simple, a genuinely impressive feat (guys cel animated shows were fucking hard to make. TV schedules are batshit), and I think the opening is a genuine gem of animation. Also the opening theme was written by the drummer of the Police, Stewart Copeland.

But this show had a relatively critical issue: it's both too Star Wars and not Star Wars enough. The characters are recognizable, the settings are obviously drawn from the films, but the storylines are so small, the new characters feel out of place next to our established characters, the visual language feels different to the gravitas of the silver screen. Really early in the show we see a character just casually waving a lightsaber around. You recognize Anthony Daniels' voice, Threepio and Artoo seem like themselves, but out of place. Even the music of the show is very synth heavy, which isn't bad, it just feels distant.

It's a show that could have benefitted from being closer to the main films, but was doomed by being not quite close enough. Our little droid friends drift through the universe, lonely, and we almost don't recognize it even though we know it's the same.

But BOY OH BOY do those toys go for insane amounts of money nowadays.

This is a brief intermission from our adventure in the land of Ewoks and also a belated apology for being slow on these updates. Then again I am pretty sure I am shouting these into the void of nothingness which is how it should be. So I'm only REALLY apologizing to the void. And future me.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

So the 1985 Ewok TV show isn't great. There's definitely no foreshadowing here.

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 30

Happy 30th post. If you've not read a single one of the others, uh. Don't feel obligated to do so. These are largely standalone retrospectives. I will have a little interlude special for this series done soon.

I don't think this show is particularly good. It's not particularly good in terms of children's media. That said, I don't think this show is particularly bad in any way either. It's actually spectacularly mediocre in a way that I find difficult to discuss. And I LOVE 80s TV cheese. I live and BREATHE for 80s animated show cheese. Actually, hilariously, the origin story of this blog IS 80s TV cheese (Or well, a modern reboot of an 80s cheese TV show). 80s TV shows were... kind of nightmarish if you're watching them and seeking quality in any sense. They are the product of a largely deregulated TV industry. Which is the nice way of saying they are the product of an unchecked desire to sell toys to children (Say it with me everyone: Fuck Ronald Reagan).

George Lucas did have aspirations for this show to be Good though. The studio that did the animations in the Holiday Special (generally considered to be the only redeeming part of the damn thing) came back to do it and the Droids show (which I will be discussing soon) and the budgets were generally speaking pretty large, around 500000 dollars per episode. Today that'd be around 1500000 dollars in present day USD. Which again, is a per episode cost. The stories are episodic, they are largely contained from the rest of the Star Wars universe, and take a more children's adventure fantasy approach. My previous criticisms of this approach still apply. So now we have an Ewok show.

Or well. Two? Ewok shows?

Okay. So the thing is that the tale of Ewoks is actually the tale of two different TV shows in a trench coat. The first season and the second season are so separate from each other as to be considered effectively discrete. The first season has 24 minute episodes, storylines that last the duration of an episode, a pretty large cast, and an animation style that, though simplistic, is relatively impressive for what it is.

The second season of Ewoks has a reduced cast, storylines that last half the episode so you get effectively 2 stories in one 20+ minute episode, and, to my mind, art that is a little less interesting to look at along with stories that are somehow even simpler and more devoid of character than the first. I don't think it's bad, I just think it's notably less ambitious and as a consequence a little worse as a product. These two seasons look and feel very different from each other.

If you can't tell from this trajectory the reception to the first season was lukewarm. And Droids (the series we'll get to soon) was not well received. So naturally, Ewoks ended up canceled after 2 seasons. There are some highlights, the second-to-last episode of the series feels very much like a good children's Star Wars adventure (complete with sneaking into Imperial facilities disguised as droids), though it feels incredibly jarring to see Stormtroopers and Imperial infrastructure in this world. It's an inconsequential series, but fine. The seasons feel so distinct from each other because the show never really had an identity so much as recurring characters and an overall aesthetic.

Look, in an era dominated by the desire to sell toys above else Ewoks isn't particularly surprising in terms of its subject matter. I think the little snippets of the Ewok language they throw in are fun. Members of the production crew mentioned ABC tended to shoot down anything that felt too adult, too "Star Wars-y," which is... probably why it feels so divorced from everything. I think the animation is creditable given the amount of variety in backgrounds, the amount of work put in, and it reflects the budget.

Unfortunately it's just hard to care about this cartoon, because in the sea of children's advertisement masked as television, it's not very notable. It's an unambitious story and conceit. I almost wish they'd taken a bigger swing and missed than aimed for a very modest target.

Is it a sin to be forgettable? Is it a worse sin than being bad? I don't hate this show, but I'm unlikely to remember it. It is manufactured to be good, it was given a budget that would've been a dream for several other shows, it was manufactured to sell toys. There was a real desire for this show to exist and for this show to sell. There was effort and skill and lots of money put into it. They wanted this show to happen. It's Ewoks! Ewoks are popular, Star Wars is popular, we need to have an Ewok show!

But watching the show I cannot help but wonder whether anyone wanted to tell any story at all. They wanted this show to happen. They never thought about what they wanted to show. And this, this is a lesson they should have learned in the 1980s, long before streaming happened.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

Entering the Ewok Zone: The 1985-87 Comics

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 29

Buckle up motherfucker because we have a LOT of Ewok to get through. So much. If you're new here, HELLO, don't feel obligated to read all 28 other posts. This is an Ewok-exclusive post. The next post after this one is the Ewok Children's Book Extravaganza. This blog is going to be Ewoktopia for the next several posts. We're in Real Ewok Hours here. Get ready for lots of treehouses, lots of fuzzy lil alien creatures, and a generally child-focused approach to entertainment.

Before there was baby Yoda (I will NOT be respecting the name "Grogu" thank you very much) and HIS plethora of adorably sellable merchandise, there was the veritable inundation of Ewok content that really characterized the 1980s. Oh there's so much. I'm am so Ewok-pilled at the moment. I'm so Ewoked out that the word Ewok doesn't even register as a real word to me right now. I don't think I can successfully impart the degree to which the Ewokism has consumed my very soul. I'm establishing this now because if you're sticking with me, we're crossing this rainbow bridge together and there is no emergency exit.

I'll discuss the Ewok animated TV show these comics tied into very soon, but the first 4 issues of this run were published before the show debuted. If you can't tell from the image above, these are For Kids. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I do not mind children's media that is explicitly for children being made.

That said, man, I think kids deserve stuff that is of a high quality and not insulting to their intelligence.

I think these comics struggle to clear that bar, unfortunately. So let's start with the things I like. The art is pretty nice! The colors veer into garish a little too often for my taste, and I do think that making the Girl Ewoks™ so obviously feminine in that cartoonish way is just kinda silly, but these are technically sound drawings, and the art style is appealing without being overly simplistic. I didn't really find any big swings in quality over the course of the run either, which I appreciate. It's a relatively consistent product.

The stories are just... not great. And that's unfortunate. And I think that them being for children shouldn't be an excuse for the lack of quality. The simplicity of the stories told is just not in line with the reading level required to read them, nor do I think the stories have much to offer a young kid. Sure there's some moralizing as there tends to be in kids stories, but there's no character. You can't relate to any of the Ewoks here because though they are written to be children, they are not written for children nor do they resemble children.

Children are not small, dumb, adults. They've got different needs, different ways of thinking, and they are no less worthy of quality entertainment because of it.

One last thing. I did think it was somewhat obvious in terms of the original trilogy and has been discussed ad nauseum, so I decided to hold off on discussing this until I had a good opportunity. So sorry for burying the lede here, but, it's now time! Incoming digression, bail now if you must. Especially if you are of the "It's not that deep" flavor of human, I am politely reminding you that you have been warned, and this is your last chance to disembark.

Dear Mr. Capitalism, please can I merchandize and infantilize guerrilla fronts?

The Empire Strikes Back arcade game from 1985 made me realize I'm not built for arcade games

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 28

So. Uh. Surprise!

Before I get into how this game felt to play for me, let's discuss how tf this game works. This was a conversion kit they sold for the first Star Wars arcade game, and it went back to the vector graphics after the RotJ game was using raster graphics. I actually liked the raster graphics on the RotJ game, I thought they were pretty cute, but the vector graphics look great as well.

You start out on Hoth, trying to fight probe droids. Then you fight with the walkers, then you're Han in the Falcon and trying to get past TIE fighters, and then finally you get to the asteroid field. Once you get through all four of those parts, the game starts again, but harder this time. Throughout the game you can collect letters to spell out JEDI, which, once you have it, stops you from being shot at for a little while. It's a straightforward rail shooter.

So...

Why doesn't it work for me?

Yeah I think I'm just... not built for this? Maybe? I know I like some Star Wars games I've already played before this, but something about these arcade games I've been playing just doesn't click for me. Again, a real shame because I LOVE the feel of them. Everything about an old arcade cabinet clicks and shifts and sounds perfect. I love the vector graphics. I actually think the increased difficulty when you compare it to the Star Wars game is pretty nice! (though the asteroid field part is... purely fucking frustrating).

I want to like this game. But I'm just not capable of sustaining interest in a task this repetitive for long enough. I caught myself just looking for any excuse to take a break and look away. I think a real component to this is my eyes getting tired. Much as I like the vector graphics, that high contrast movement does tend to give me headaches like there's no tomorrow. (The eyeballs are not thriving).

I think if you like the first Star Wars arcade game, this is about the same as an experience. The graphics look a little better, it's a little harder so feels more rewarding as a progression (except the asteroid field), and it's a little less excitingly new as a concept. I like that the game takes advantage of major setpieces in the movie. It's good.

This is a perfectly fine arcade game. It's just really not for me. Which is fine. It's 100% ok for me to not enjoy this like that. ESPECIALLY because oh my god the migraine from staring at this screen was unpleasant.

A brief note to compare– the RotJ arcade game used raster graphics and was MUCH easier on my eyes. This isn't a knock against vector graphics at all because I think they are so charming and wholeheartedly delightful to play with, but I do think that there is a real advantage the raster graphics have in both the lower contrast designs being possible but also in their ability to show a more developed environment. On the other hand, the action and movement from vector graphics looks fantastic, which is, I think, really desirable in a rail shooter.

We'll be hitting a platformer soon but I do think it's noteworthy that every game so far has been a shooter/piloting game. This is just what was available to any Star Wars gaming enthusiast at the time. Even Jedi Arena is at its core about Not Getting Shot and Beating Your Opponent. There are ofc aspects to the Star Wars story in the movies that don't revolve around this at all, but the aspects of the movies that are most suited to adapting to this early era of video games is fundamentally the pew pew bit. Seeking to build out a game that's related to the films but not really around that requires diverging more from the "This is the movie but as a game" approach, and so you'll see more creativity rather than just straightforward adaptation required in the design and stories of games that DON'T revolve around being shooters and pertain to the original trilogy

(DO want to note that the prequels as source inspiration for games inherently are going to have a broader range of possible games that can be adapted very directly because of how the action in those movies was a lot less pew pew and a lot more.... loony tunes. But we'll get there when we get there, and WE'RE NOT THERE YET).

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984) (NO GROWN-UPS ALLOWED in this treehouse)

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 27

If there's anything George Lucas loved in his stories, it's fuzzy guys. Just little fluffy aliens, that don't speak English. He loves a walking carpet. He was so serious about the Wookiees. So serious about the Wookiees that they even get named in his pre-Star Wars projects. This is just a sticking point for him. He needs to have his creatures. And he got to have his creatures!

Though perhaps in a different form than he'd thought. The Ewoks were conceptualized largely because of the frankly unfeasible nature of having a large-scale battle on Kashyyyk with Wookiees all that would entail. So. We got creatures half as tall and about twice as silly (a remarkable feat given the inherently silly nature of Chewbacca in theory). And George Lucas' daughter apparently loved the Ewoks. Which, fair. I too adored them when I was a kid. Something about a lil teddy bear-adjacent alien. Irresistible to the mind of a child.

So George was interested in making an Ewok TV special, and being much more involved in that project after the unmitigated catastrophic embarrassment that was the Holiday Special. When shopping the idea around though, the original half-hour pitch turned into a plan for a two-hour programming block.

This movie establishes the fact there are horses in Star Wars. This is canon to me, damn you Disney. Do not take the horsies from me.

For a TV movie that had to do a pretty wide range of action and setting changes made for 3 million dollars, this actually looks pretty good. The set for Endor is... obviously California, but it looks nice, the stop motion used for action scenes is an interesting artifact in that this is some of the last stop motion for a feature film ILM would do, and I generally like the matte paintings used, though they are a little more overtly whimsical and fantastical than the ones in the original trilogy.

The acting is 80s TV acting from children at its finest. At no point does this transcend the feeling of school play. But that's kind of charming in its own way, and I firmly believe that children should not be blamed for not being good actors. That's on directors and casting. It's very funny to me though to see how unbelievable every threat is. And the story is exactly what you would expect given that the original pitch was a half-hour special that ended up becoming a 90+ minute feature.

First, the Towani family crashes on Endor. The parents can't find their kids and get captured. And then the Ewoks find the kids. And then, one of the kids, Cindel, she gets sick. And then, her brother Mace (George does love to recycle a name), he has to find her medicine. And then, when she's better, they have to fight a monster. And then, they use space magic to figure out where their parents are. And then, they rally to go on a quest to find their parents. And then they make friends with another Ewok who joins them. And then they make friends with a magical priestess who also joins them. And then they meet a magical fairy queen. And then they cross a desert. And then they have to fight giant spiders. And then they find their parents. And then they have to fight the monster that kidnapped their parents. And then and then and then.

If you can't tell this movie isn't exactly going to hold the attention or interest of an adult audience. But it is absolutely how kids play with toys. It's a lot more fantastical and simple than the theatrical movies, and very obviously geared to a similar if not younger audience than the Ewok scenes in Return of the Jedi. And I think that's fine.

Though George Lucas had children in mind when making the Original Trilogy, I think those movies are not explicitly For Kids in a lot of ways. They revolve around adult characters, in adult scenarios (because yes obviously Leia in Jabba's palace implies absolutely nothing that is For Kids imo), and have plots that, though straightforward, aren't really in line with children's media. This movie, by contrast, centers children, has children being very childlike, and has a storyline that is much more overtly a fairy tale and a play scenario. I think it would be very silly and unfair of me to judge this by the same standards I use for the original trilogy. It's just not trying to do the same thing for the same audience.

Do I think it's a particularly phenomenal children's movie? No. But I don't think it's remotely bad either. Like I said, it looks pretty damn good, especially for the time. It's got a ton of elements that kids can take and repurpose for their own playtime fun. The score is really sweet and whimsical and light. Everything will verge on saccharine and flat for the adult audience, but like... again, this isn't for you. Insofar as children's media goes I think for its target audience it could have really stood to be shorter. A 4 or 5 year old is kind of the ideal viewer, but 2 hours is kind of a lot for them to sustain interest. This would probably also help adults hate this movie a little less.

Also just a note: The Ewoks can very quickly veer into echoing aspects of a noble savage trope, and this movie does not help that impression. It is lessened to some extent by the fact that they are fuzzy little aliens and obviously non-human, but in a series that does portray aliens as people, showing a character's initial knee-jerk reaction understanding of them as non-sentient (which Mace does) feels jarring. I think it's fairly clear Lucas was going for them being childlike. But to tie the childlike behaviors with their styling being evocative of a very 1980s Hollywood understanding of indigenous societies is... something that I think has not aged particularly well.

Yes I think it's good for kids to have characters to relate to and have fun with and play with. But I also think you can do it without leaning into these sorts of tropes! Maybe styling the Ewoks a bit differently would've helped with the uncomfortable undertones here, especially because I think the intent behind them is fairly clear.

I don't think it's bad that this movie exists in theory. I think it is pretty ideal for Star Wars to have stuff that is for kids, explicitly for kids, that doesn't consider itself essential viewing for adults to enjoy Star Wars. This is just a tangential story, and it's fine. It probably also sold a lot of Ewok toys. Which.... the franchise learning the secrets to the money-printing machine might have created a monster. But it did print that money.

It's not aged particularly well, it's not a forgotten classic, but it's a solid enough adventure for a child to watch. Episodic, not too scary, it's about kids and it's for kids. I find it hard to be mad at all of it. If there can be more adult-focused entertainment, so too can this exist. And I think Lucas' more child-focused offerings are taken best separately from the overarching tone and plot of the mainline theatrical films. This doesn't feel jarring or like it undercuts the existing movies. It's just also there. That's good enough in my book.

And also if you're grown like... just don't watch it? Nobody is forcing you at gunpoint to watch this. It's not like you need it to understand any of the rest of Star Wars lmfao. Old-ass people do not need to be watching this movie like that. Viewers under the age of 8 need not apply.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

PS: Tumblr ate this post last night. Idk where it went. So I'm reposting it now because it's bothering me that it's gone, and fortunately I had this in my big google doc of all my retrospectives. Yippee! Sorry if you're seeing this post again now, don't mean to clog your feed, just trying to keep all my posts in order

A Tale of Two Return of the Jedi Games

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 26

Welcome to 1984. I've decided for the sake of brevity and because it's a fun comparison that I'm going to go over both of the Return of the Jedi games together. Also because I only got a pretty limited amount of time on the arcade game so I have a lot less to say about it.

These are the two games released in 1984, both of them are Return of the Jedi-themed, and both of them are Atari games. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi– Death Star Battle (which was available in late 1983 for the 2600 but as I was able to find it on the Atari 5200, I'm doing it with the other 1984 release) is a relatively straightforward shooter developed by Parker Brothers. They did the Empire Strikes Back game that I found needlessly stressful, and the Jedi Arena game that I loathed. You have to shoot TIE fighters until you can get through the energy shield, then shoot the Death Star until it explodes. When you win, you get to do it again but even harder this time. I'll be referring to it as Death Star Battle from now on to avoid confusion.

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi is the second game, it's an arcade game that Atari developed themselves, and I was very bad at it. It basically just takes you through the story of the movie, from a speeder bike on Endor to piloting an AT-ST to flying the Falcon to destroy the Death Star. It's all raster graphics as opposed to the vector graphics in the Star Wars game, and it's just ok. Weirdly hard for me, but that might just be a me thing. I liked the Star Wars game a lot more, and I think Death Star Battle is a little bit more immediately readable visually. But this game has a lot more variety for the players, and would probably get a lot less old in an arcade setting.

For what it's worth I think both of these games are just fine. Death Star Battle has a certain addictive character like all of these kinds of shooters have. The arcade game actually has some really lovely art that I think is just absolutely wonderful to look at even if it can be a little harder to follow while playing.

I am not necessarily super fond of either game (I'm crotchety and hate busywork and these games start to feel like it when playing them for more than... 10 or so minutes at any given time) but I do think there's a joy in the games and as far as retro games go, these are good entries. Maybe less immediately memorable than the original Star Wars arcade game, but still alright.

I am so bad at the speeder bikes in the arcade game though it's really cruel and unusual to me specifically.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

Calling this book Lando Calrissian and the Starcave of ThonBoka is like calling it Lando Calrissian and the Chai Tea

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 25

So, this is the end of the Lando Calrissian Adventures trilogy and... We've come so far. Physically. Lando as a character has not moved from day one of this trilogy, but he sure has travelled! And now we are at the conclusion of this trilogy with Lando Calrissian and the Starcave of ThonBoka (1983).

I wanted to take a moment to talk about the title of this book before we get into evaluating its merits beyond that. We learn that ThonBoka translates directly to Starcave. This book is named Lando Calrissian and the Starcave of Starcave. A writer with good comedic chops and an eye for satire might use this title and play with the idea of language, on communications and understanding. A writer more interested in serious themes could even play with the notion of conquest erasing language along with people, as the Centrans in book besiege ThonBoka and starve the inhabitants, the Oswaft.

L. Neil Smith decides that his vacuum-breathing inhabitants of ThonBoka will use their specific abilities during the climactic battle. At no point in the book, however, is the title something that could fit in as a nod to the themes, to the overarching story, or to any character. Make of that what you will.

Calrissian remains the relatively passive protagonist he's been established to be in the preceding novels, Vuffi Raa his droid companion continues to call him "Master" so he can reiterate his catchphrase throughout the book, and the book decides that now is the moment that they shall examine the degree to which a droid can be culpable for their actions. I am once again reminded of the fact that I desperately wish this novel was interested in actually exploring this topic, in exploring the sentience and subsequently the personhood of droids. But alas, this is not to be for me. Instead Vuffi Raa's people are foreshadowed throughout the entire book such that their appearance in the end feels less like a deus ex machina (but reader, make no mistake, a deus ex machina it is).

At the close of the book Calrissian reiterates his desire to settle down, a desire that has been present from the very beginning of these novels because he must be dragged into every single plot by force. So no changes to him there. The main villain of this trilogy has a plot so inscrutable and so nonsensical I begin to wonder how this character even is supposed to exist within the confines of the cartoonish evils of the Empire. How are you too cartoonishly evil for Star Wars? I never thought it could reach that point, but here we are. I wish this book was clever enough to work around the necessity of having a villain largely unrelated to the main line of Star Wars, but. Rokur Gepta is an almost comically unsuitable villain.

There is no connection to Lando, not really. There is a ridiculous degree of power he employs but the origins of that power and its effects on others don't matter. Hell, even the book's setting in a libertarian pseudoutopia doesn't get any sort of significant examination. Smith just seems to lack an eye for where a topic he's brought up can be pushed more. Where it should matter to the largely shenanigans-heavy plot.

Action scenes remain a general strong point for a book with mostly readable prose. This is technically proficient writing. But, I cannot help but wonder why these books exist when so little of note happens within them. Lando Calrissian as a character is intriguing to us in the Empire Strikes Back because he is a former scoundrel trying to go straight. One that might make unsavory dealings with the Empire just to keep himself out of trouble, but to keep his associates out of it as well. A man driven into action because he feels threatened and because he grew to care for the friends he'd made.

I see none of that interest in the Lando Norris of this trilogy. He has almost no characterization beyond getting tugged into adventures this way and that by bumbling into them, and getting saved by his droid companion who generally cannot fail and reliably is the only one moving the plot forward. And it negatively impacts the color of his actions in the films: Was helping Luke and Leia get out of the Empire's clutches and eventually sticking it out with the Rebellion? Or was this yet another adventure he got dragged into with no agency of his own?

Now allow me to break character for a moment. I do like this book and this trilogy. I think this and the first book are both what I generally enjoy in pulp science fiction: good action, decent enough prose, absolutely balls to the walls ideas for different kinds of aliens and phenomena in space. This is fun to me. I'm having fun. But it doesn't square away with the films in character. Which is the real sticking point for me. I am very happy to take stories that are very different in tone, in desired audience, in themes from the original films. But this just feels so divorced from the films to a point where any attempt to tie them in feels hamstrung, haphazard, and ultimately ineffective. So I invite you to ask yourself, why is this a Star Wars book?

I love pulpy sci fi though. It's fun. But I also think these books illustrate the difference between "fun" and "good" remarkably well. Though these books are deeply amusing, there's just nothing to dig into, and any attempts to dig are met with a concrete frustration. The title tells you that right from the outset. Lando Calrissian and the Starcave of ThonBoka is Lando Calrissian and the Chai Tea is Lando Calrissian and the Redundant Redundancy is Lando Calrissian and the Sellout Cashgrab.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

Lando Calrissian and the Flamewind of Oseon

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 24

THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU TRAILER PREAMBLE: Look I am just a bit nervous for this movie. Mostly because they've been very cagey on what the story is supposed to be, and because the show is imo a very good example of wasted potential. I would be happy for this movie to be a pretty baseline competent action movie, but I do think the effects in the trailer looked... not super convincing? Idk something about live action Zeb doesn't work for me. Hopefully everything looks a lot better in the finished article.

I wish the universe didn't feel 2 meters wide. It all feels so small and cramped because nothing has the liberty to just exist for its own sake. What's such a shame to me is that that was such a strength of the Mandalorian as a show at first! It was all of the parts of the galaxy that had been touched and ravaged by the empire without being directly involved. And now it's like. Everyone knows everyone and it's all on top of each other. A shame. Well. That's enough doomposting for now I hope the movie proves me wrong!

ONTO THE BOOK REVIEW NOW

SO, this is L. Neil Smith's second book in his Lando Adventures trilogy and OH BOY this one is a funny one. I kind of glossed over this in my review of the first book, mostly because it wasn't super relevant beyond Lando's catchphrase being "Don't call me Master" (which, yes, is also repeated ad nauseum in this book, never fear), but L. Neil Smith is like. Very much a libertarian.

So at the end of the last book, Lando gets a ludicrous amount of money in the form of "life crystals" and by the beginning of this book this money has all been pissed away in taxes. That's right baby, the real enemy is, as ever, The Fed! I'm only mostly joking, but the opening of the book is laughable. Lando's ineptitude at "playing it straight," as it were, has rid him of all his money ever, so he really has no choice guys, he has to go back to gambling. He has to take these odd jobs that land him on the wrong side of the law.

I'm not a particular lover of law enforcement myself, but it's laughable to me the degree to which this book just repeatedly makes Lando the victim of The Man. He's a very passive character in these books, admittedly. Doesn't seem to know anything about anywhere he ends up, doesn't seem to want anything really, takes jobs he doesn't have the ability to do, he's being dragged through these plots kicking and screaming by Vuffi Raa, his droid sidekick.

It's a real struggle to get through. At the end of the book as he's being tortured, Lando learns that all of his struggles to live a legal life were from one man who wanted revenge on him from the previous book. But Lando barely knows the guy.

So... what works, then? The prose is fine. Like I said last time, Smith's writing is of a standard pulpy flavor, and it works well. I again enjoy a lot of the ideas that Smith comes up with for the world, the planets genuinely feel very different from each other and though they aren't really explored (which is a weakness on the whole: there's some things that have big implications for the worldbuilding in the franchise, but they simply cannot be explored because... it's a spinoff novel. Biting off a little less could provide for a more satisfying story). I do think the action is well paced and written. It's easy to follow and it's compelling.

Vuffi Raa is a real character and not just a cardboard cutout and I wish we saw more of that dynamic. Lando is a sort of roguish simulacrum of his self from the movies. I know that the Billy Dee Williams charisma is damn near unmatchable, but it's a shame to see Lando seem so passive and not give much to the book. I guess if you wanted to project onto him that would work, but I hate projecting onto someone so bland! The closest we get to him having a personality or agency is at the end of the novel, when Raa suggests giving the money they've come into back to a planet and Lando says "forget it."

Soooooo. Should you read this? I think if you read the first one, and enjoyed the first one, this is likely going to hit the same notes for you. If you're looking for a good book, no, not really. It is very funny to see the obvious influence of Smith's personal politics on how he approaches the story, and I think some concepts are cool, but on the whole it is less esoteric than the first book, which is a shame for people who, like me, enjoy the more balls to the walls approach to sci fi. It feels more like it's in the Star Wars universe because of that though– it doesn't feel totally disjointed.

I find this a weakness, you might find it a strength. It just makes me think more about how there's basically no interaction with the rest of the world from the other Star Wars media, even when there really should be! So... ymmv.

I know these retrospectives have been slow recently. In real time I am actually a little ahead of when I post these and I have hit a bit of a wall with one of the future ones (you'll see when we hit the tabletop game. Oh god.) (there's just... so much of it). So I slowed up my pace with these accordingly.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST

Lando Calrissian and the Mindharp of Sharu (1983)

A Star Wars (retrospective) Story, Part 23

They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I, however, say you can absolutely judge a book by it's title, and oh boy does this title say a lot in its 7 words. It says "Hello reader, you're going to need to buckle up for this one." It says "Prepare for pulp! Cowards, beware!"

When I read Brian Daley's Han Solo trilogy, I commented on the dryness of the prose and the quick turnaround time for publication. L. Neil Smith wrote this book and the two others that make up the Lando Norris Adventures trilogy within the span of nine weeks in 1983. They were released at a truly breathtaking pace. A breakneck pace, really. Keeping that in mind, a lot of this book and its subsequent sequels starts to make sense.

By which I mean, of course, that they're not very good. But let's just talk about the first one, the Mindharp of Sharu. The novel that brought Sabacc to Star Wars is a bizarre romp through spacetime. And it is spacetime to this book, which veers far nearer to soft science fiction pulp than it does to the fantastical orientations of most Star Wars media so far. You KNOW I love it when Star Wars does dinosaurs, which this book does, but this book also gives you the spooky scaries of non-euclidian geometry (yes, conversations with the ever-shifting dimensions of a freaky hallway are important to me thank you very much).

Esoteric details abound, as Lando is tossed about by the plot until the mystery is solved. The use of passive voice there is deliberate. Smith isn't a bad writer, the prose is pretty solid if occasionally hokey (some of the alliteration feels heavy-handed, and a lot of the repeated bits aren't very funny) but the story happens to the characters. It's not very developed. One of the particular weaknesses of the novel for me is the book's noncommittal approach to different planetary cultures. Sure, it matters nominally, but the significances are all superficial, even for the parts of the story when they enter the pyramid (yes of course there's a pyramid, it's pulpy eighties far). I think the closest to interesting this book gets when it comes to examining anything is the following passage.

“It’s quite a mess, all right, old home appliance. But don’t fret, she’s only a machine, after all, and they’ve promised to make full and complete repairs, once we—” “Only a machine?” The robot’s voice was disbelieving, scandalized, and almost hysterical. “Master, I, too, am ‘Only a machine’! This is horrible, unbearable, cruel, evil. It’s—” “Oh, come now, Vuffi Raa, don’t exhaust your vocabulary. You’re a sapient machine. The Falcon’s big and smart, but she’s way, way beneath you on the scale of things. Otherwise I shouldn’t have had to rent that confounded, idiotic—” “Master,” the droid interrupted, more gently this time, “how does it make you feel to see somebody’s furry pet run over by the roadside? Do you dismiss it, say it’s only an animal, beneath you on the scale of things? Or do you feel like … well, the way I feel now?” Lando shook his head, too tired to argue further. The point, within limits, was certainly well taken. And he hated to think that the little automaton was a more humane being than he himself.

This, however, just isn't the focus of the book and so it glances off the narrative windshield, ne'er to be explored in depth. And put a pin in that for later Star Wars properties because Lando and droids and their existence is perplexingly a frustration that comes up again. I really do think that the sentience of droids something that's ripe for exploration in the Star Wars media landscape, but it just doesn't happen. Probably because it has deeply uncomfortable implications for the universe. But I think that a little discomfort is worth a good story! I would love to see it pushed. This is not the book to do it, unfortunately.

Yet another aspect of this book that I find lacking is the fact that there is a planet that has magical crystals that extend lifespans by four times their natural durations... and it's a prison colony? It's not being extracted? Stripped? It's not a huge point of interest? Obviously that'd have huge implications for the rest of the Star Wars universe, but this is a spinoff novel series, so it can't. And so this is where I think, if these books had a little more time in the oven, this concept would've been reworked. A prison colony mining a resource that is useful, but not this kind of transformative critical magical crystal. Even if you're taking these books in a vacuum, there's just no sense of how the broader components of this universe universe interact with each other/

And I think if your main character's catchphrase for the novel is "Don't call me Master," you should be prepared to explore that! Not just drop it in at every opportunity without digging in!

This is also really just one of those series that feels very divorced from the Star Wars universe that we've seen in the first three movies and even some of the other standalone books. Both Brian Daley and Alan Dean Foster's spinoff novels stick very closely to concepts and ideas that exist in the films– lightsabers, droids, aliens. There's a sort of internal logic to Star Wars worldbuilding conventions where by virtue of the limitations of filmmaking at the time all places we visit have the same gravity, so do ships, there's explosions in space, and spacetime doesn't exist. This book pushes outside of that into realms more firmly associated with science fiction staples, and though I don't mind that, it definitely leaves the book feeling distant from the films and the other books. It's not necessarily a bad thing; I think it wouldn't make the novel better to adhere to those conventions, but it is worth keeping in mind.

This novel is for you if you know what you're getting into. It's very pulpy, in a way that almost seems dated for 1980s science fiction even. I don't think it rises above its concept, but there are some fun details and if interesting ideas are what you're looking for in your reading, then this book might work for you. I'm not going to pretend I didn't have fun. My collection of books is CHOCK FULL of cheese of this nature. But this cheese simply does not hold up to critical scrutiny.

TL;DR: I'm going through all of the Star Wars media I can get my hands on in order of its initial publication. I shall discuss it all. Maybe someday I'll even finish it! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERPOST