Smorpher

all three cats climbing atop me to beg for what i have in my hands which is. a fucking bandaid

cats when they see something not even remotely food shaped

I should quit my job to pursue a life of meaningless violence

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

btw this has graduated into me just saying "the trout population will be affected" and then not elaborating

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

This made me so fucking angry I have to inflict it on all of you.

what’s the punchline here

wait

its kind of fun to uninstall programs you arent using to free up space and see them all beg for their lives

The pyromancer always wins

when you think about it a rollercoaster is probably safer than a car. i mean you crash any vehicle going over 60mph and youre likely to be gravely injured so id rather be in one thats stuck in a tested loop and not driven by my road-rage prone mother. this is why im about to make a bold new proposition for public transport,

we don't hate J.J. Abrams enough

Branson Reese, whoever you are, I keep your words in my heart all the time.

"branson reese, whoever you are" put some respect on the smooth sharks one fear man's name

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

Motion Picture Association of America.

Entertainment Software Rating Board

Gave a gamer girl a hickey call me the Mark Applier

no

Call this guy the Mark Denier

no

Call this guy the Mark Replier

Need to remind myself that there are still good people trying to balance out the bad in the world. There are still people who care even when the news are always full of stories of terrible things happening. It’s hard not to feel powerless but I still believe there are things one can do to help even if it’s on a smaller scale. We all mess up, but all is not lost.

had to share this

In every way this is set up to be a joke like any other short video, it even uses the trope of main character in a wig to represent their mom, but it isn't funny at all. It's just sweet and nice

something you have to understand is that sometimes a three star film is better than a four and a half star film and that's just the way it is