I don't obey you now

No way, you shan’t possess me, I take not your gifts, your pleasures, your renown My utter heart is boiling in the rage eternal, I forsake your enslaving altar, throne and crown.

Nevermore

I don’t accept such gods who are cold to prayers, Who wish a one-sided mass, without deliverance Who cares about appetites of spirits in the far end of a hell If you, my lord, can’t even hear a plea amid blood rivers spilled for you

Never

You break my faith in you, The altar burnt, temple abandoned  And this my last embrace with your cruel dominion, Go away, my lesser god, begone, your sanctuary stands empty

The fallen priest goes to another temple

Bare winds

I walk aside, I wander with no dreams, And with full sack of ashes turn my steps, For strangers cheerfully share a kiss, With snakes alive inside my hollow chest 

I run in forest full of whispers hectic With will-o`-whisps of trapping bliss, I run so far, so quick and so hysteric, That counting not my true love's kiss 

I fell, I fell beneath, out of mirrors, Where is a gallery of grievous faults, I cry, I beg, I try to deal and figure, Why every wandering turns to dust

I’m a dissolved shadow of tomorrow, I weep for chance that is long lost. My lips have poison that has borrowed The taste of wine, milk and true love

Those Who Obey: Planets and Placements

The Sun in Libra often places responsibility in other people’s hands. There is plenty of aesthetics, ethical preaching and silky asses around them, but in ordinary life they may secretly enjoy having someone competent tell them what the hell to do. The command still needs reasonable grounds and logical arguments, because Libra will obey a judge, not a random barking idiot. They do not want to become your chair or another piece of home decor, they want a dominant partner who can protect them, make decisions and remain attractive while doing it

Mars in Taurus loves tattoos, piercings and other marks placed on the body like signatures of ownership, memory or pure bad taste that somehow becomes hot. These lads are often drawn to brute, physical types who can be impulsive and fall deeply into lust. Mars in Taurus may wait forever for something good to arrive, lying there like a sacred offering, until a Scorpio stellium or Capricorn Mars and Venus finally appears and starts treating the whole body as disputed property

Venus in Capricorn has its own old-school reputation. Firmicus Maternus described one related type as “lickers of women,” which is ancient astrology trying to write gossip with a straight face. In my observations, gay men with this placement often simply enjoy giving pleasure, receiving it and turning affection into skilled labor with clear quality standards

Mars or the Sun in Cancer is frequently submissive, unless the Moon is placed in one of the signs of Mars, Aries or Scorpio. This is the tradwife fantasy born inside a man’s body, emotionally complicated, protective, domestic and somehow ready to cook dinner after an argument nobody officially admitted was an argument. Venus in Virgo may also agree to almost anything when there is a practical reason, financial benefit or clear improvement to the system, provided nobody damages the Olympic body they have been maintaining like a private government project

The fifth house in Libra may want a judge who criticizes, corrects or blames them, especially when Venus is afflicted. The fifth house in Capricorn may pass through so many boring and complicated relationships that eventually the native decides romance would function better as employment, with one partner becoming the boss and the other trying to understand whether the benefits package includes emotional warmth. The fifth house in Scorpio experiments with intense emotions and may seek harsh or punishing relationship dynamics, especially when Mars is below the horizon or closely connected with Venus

When the ruler of the fifth house is afflicted by a malefic, the person may eroticize punishment, seek strict control or use these dynamics to avoid another form of pain that feels less manageable. A strong ruler of the eighth house aspecting the ruler of the fifth or personal significators may create a powerful need either to surrender control or to keep walking toward situations where consequences finally grow teeth

The ruler of the twelfth house aspecting the ruler of the fifth may describe secretive, complicated love, where someone gives almost everything to protect the relationship, preserve hidden desires and fulfill fantasies that would terrify their respectable daytime personality. In some charts, this combination may also weaken interest in sex itself, because apparently the psyche has already spent the entire budget on secrecy, longing and private emotional theatre

These placements do not automatically make someone submissive, obedient or interested in power exchange, because one aspect cannot handcuff the entire chart and drag it into the basement. But when several of these factors repeat the same message, the chart may begin to whisper that this person does not simply want love, they want structure, surrender, protection and someone trustworthy enough to hold the keys

Mirror

This picture, like many works from my last cycle, is about conditions of mind, but this one was dragged out of me through shame, painful memories, self-criticism and that ugly fucking fear of myself, and while drawing the man in front of the mirror I cried without any rational reason, hated myself for crying and kept going because stopping would feel like another pretty lie

Some parts of this image still belong to undiscovered rooms of my psyche, where pain watches through many eyes and builds its architecture from memory, and I wanted the drawing to hurt until every defense cracked, because this is metaphor linked to my life, this is my life speaking without teddy-daddy behind my back

Rules that help me stay alive

Follow your heart

Dive into love as if possessed

Worship your lovers

Respect your friends

Fulfill your own wishes and the wishes of those closest to you

Trust your feelings, keep trust of others

Do what you will, and my will is to obey by those I love

Love has no price, but love leads toward the fulfillment of destiny

Hate the haters

Love the lovers

Ignore the ignorant

In my birth chart, Pluto in Scorpio forms an exact trine to the Sun in Cancer and a square to Jupiter in Leo