google, show me this guy's balls

Y'all won't mind if I take karaoke night seriously will you

Great thank you that means a lot. You've always understood me. We really have a strong connection, I really feel like you get me.

Anyway. I am anxious as fuck talking about this, because I don't want to make people upset/mad, so first lemme make some stuff clear.

Alright. Let's get on with the post.

Content warning for discussion of sexual assault.

Ok Disdney here's my suggestiosn

If Ford had got his head stuck in the portal instead of Fiddleford that would NOT have pumped the brakes on the portal because what Fiddleford saw that broke him was Bill looking really really horrifying and Ford is a monsterfucker so

Okay I love Sea Grunkles taking care of each other as much as the next person. However. I do think with decades of maladaptive strategies behind them, the guys are often exquisitely and hilariously bad at asking for help. Like, days after a chaotic cryptid encounter, finding out Ford has just. Stapled a gut wound and called it a day. Stan getting his ass handed to him in a fight because the other guy thought to bring a buddy and Stan straight up forgot he had a brother. It’s not that they’re trying to hide things from each other, they’re just so used to handling things solo that it doesn’t even occur to the Pines twins that there’s someone who can help.

Where AirBnBs are fully booked next week.

if you want me to consume a new media you MUST catch me at the exact moment when the stars are aligned and the air pressure is equal to the current degree of the sun’s peak against the horizon and all the cosmic energies are perfectly unified (aka my old interest is fading out) or i will nod and say “im adding that to my list!” Knowing theres no chance i will check it out

“unless its a book!” “unless you tell me it has gay people in it!” “this but only for live action shows” “theres a good chance i’ll get to it eventually” no wrong this post is not for you this post is ONLY for bitches who could have a treasured friend recommend them something that sounds grown in a lab to be your personal catnip and, with no choice in the matter, immediately know it will never be the right time to watch/read/listen to it

tom would say some shit like “i want to breastfeed you” to greg and greg would go “like uh ? like a metaphorical ? like a business milk?” and then tom would go “business milk?” and laugh like greg was the weird one and then greg would think he was the weird one

yeah turtlenecks are sexy too bad they’re also one of the worst sensory experiences fashion has ever developed

me wearing a turtleneck and fighting back nausea at the sensation: haha aren’t i hot *gags* anyone want to admit they have a crush on me

same thing with chokers. look how attractive and cool and punk i look now if you’ll excuse me i need to go take this off right now or i am going to throw up

tbh if my friend told me about some old dude in his apartment complex who died in his apartment and no one noticed for a few days bc he didn't really have anyone, and then proceeded to take me to the old man's apartment and we broke in and looked through his stuff and it mostly was just weird useless shit except for his unfinished manuscript, which I pieced together from the chunks that were scattered about the apartment, and I took it home just for the hell of it but then I started reading it and it appeared to be an extremely detailed and well-researched academic analysis of a documentary made by a pulitzer prize winning photojournalist, which followed said photojournalist and his family who, after moving into a new house, discover that the interior layout of the house keeps changing, expanding beyond the laws of physics, pitch black corridors that stretch on for what seem like miles appearing in their home overnight and disappearing at an instance and oh god there's something in there but then I looked it up and the film that the old man's book went into excruciating detail about didn't exist and neither did the photojournalist and his family, as far as I could find anywhere, and the majority of the old man's sources and extensive footnotes seemed to be nonexistent as well. I'd just be normal about it

i saw a twitter meme and immediately thought of kakyoin

[Connor] came in here one night, he had this dog with cancer that he couldn’t let the vet kill, but he couldn’t watch it die, either, so he dragged that thing around the whole bar asking somebody if they’d take it and give it a good life. He said, “I’ll pay you. I just can’t watch.”

SUCCESSION (2018—)

having a jigsaw moment about internet users again. hang on.

Hello, Elliot. You are a culturely Christian athiest who hasn't so much as attended a church service since the 7th grade. Half of your theological knowledge is based on the tv show "Good Omens", and the other half off "Supernatural" seasons 1-5. Yet, on your social media of choice, you often post about "biblically accurate angels" - wheels with many eyes - describing them as "creepy", "cryptid-core", and "gender envy". Not only that, but when somebody else posts about what you would call a "classical angel", you just can't help yourself but to correct them on what angels really looked like in the bible, kindly educating them with your pretentious "little known" fact. Or so you thought.

Before you is a simple matching game. If you know as much about angelology as you claim, Elliot, this should be simple. Line up the card describing an angel's appearance and role under G*d, with their matching name and place on the Christian angel hierarchy. Get all 9 correct, and you get to live. If you get even one of these wrong, however, and reveal that you have been spreading nothing but lies and half-truths about religion to make yourself feel superior on the internet... consider this your sunday school education.

*video footage switches to a short clip depicting a maniquin head getting hit with a bible at full speed, decimating instantly. footage switches back to the puppet*.

But don't worry, Elliot, I'll give you one hint: only one kind of angel is, sometimes, depicted as wheels in the Christian mythos, dumbass. Good luck.