Every single time you write "IOP" in your tags, I read it as IHOP. Every single time. And I always think, "Why is she getting therapy at IHOP???" 🤣🤣🤣
lmaooooo can you imagine getting therapy at IHOP?? Actually that would be awesome. I wish that was a real thing!!
Anyway in case you (or anyone reading this) doesn't know, IOP = intensive outpatient program! Specifically for mental health, my particular program is basically like 4 hours of group therapy a day. This week is my last week in the program since I'm gonna be preparing to move for grad school so you won't be reading IOP as IHOP for much longer lol
Today I turn 38!
To celebrate I added a party hat to my icon like this post suggested lol
I'm feeling a little sad because my oldest brother passed away from cirrhosis in 2020 and he was 37 when he died. I've now finally reached an age that he never got to be. However I'm grateful that I'm alive and that I was able to get sober because he couldn't.
Anyway to brighten the mood lol I'm excited cause this means I've been an adult for 2 full decades. I can't believe this much time has passed already. I graduated from high school and started undergrad 20 years ago which is a trip to think about 🤯
My phone (a galaxy S20+) suddenly has a green line on the screen that's present even during rebooting, which seems to suggest a hardware failure. I've had this phone for almost 6 years so I feel like a screen replacement is a waste of money and I should just buy a new phone. I'm not in a hurry to get a new one since the phone still works so I want to take my time deciding. Has anyone bought a phone recently? Does anyone have any suggestions?
So lots of things have been happening with the therapist I have a crush on at IOP. My therapist was unavailable last week to talk about it so I caught her up on everything in the past 2 weeks today and she basically validated that with the way he's been acting, it's very likely he is interested in me and that he's either single or he's a piece of shit. It feels so good to know that I'm not crazy.
I've recently reduced my seroquel (antipsychotic) dosage and before this medication would make me sleep a fuck ton, like 10+ hours a day. I'd have a really hard time getting up in the morning. But today is the 2nd day in a row that I've woken up at 6 AM. WTF. This medication is making me a morning person somehow. Or I'm just taking it too early. It is nice but it also means I have way more time in the day now that I used to have, and I already had too much free time lol
I took a 60 day chip at my usual Wednesday AA meeting tonight and that was great enough, but last week I was talking with a woman and asked her to come this week for my 60 day chip. She did show up, and even said that she passed on doing something on the beach in order to come to the meeting for my chip and I just felt really touched. Everyone in the room was so sweet. I walked out of there with a full heart. I've wasted so much time hating myself, closing myself off, thinking no one cared about me. People do care. I'm glad that I'm now finally in a place where I can actually appreciate this.
I'm not sure how exactly but I'm slowly becoming a different person. I was depressed this last weekend because I didn't do anything, I just stayed home. But I used to prefer rotting in my room. Now however every day that I go out and talk to people IRL makes me feel so much better than isolating ever did. I used to dread being around people. I've been in AA for almost 3 years and before I relapsed most of the time I'd basically bounce right after the meeting ended. But tonight I stayed and talked with people for half an hour. That would've been unthinkable before. I'm just generally in a better mood (except for the depression this weekend), I have more confidence than I've had for a long time... idk if it's medication changes, IOP, AA, or what but I really do feel grateful and blessed to be experiencing these changes
I decided to try dating apps again just for casual dating (because my crush on a therapist at IOP is driving me insane and I need to get over it) and I went to okcupid first cause that was my favorite one but I ended up running into a like limit? wtf? I haven't used dating apps in a million years so this is probably old news but I had no idea that was a thing. Apparently tinder also has a limit, though it seems more generous than okcupid's limit, so I also started using that one. I've been pretty timid about messaging people first though
I probably shouldn't be posting selfies on here but oh well. I haven't taken any selfies in a long time but I really like how my hair came out! They refused to bleach my hair since I have dry scalp and it could've burned my scalp or something like that, but I decided to try dying it anyway. I was surprised that this much blue even came through! I am getting older and I have more gray in my hair now, which is why I think there's any noticeable blue at all. The blue is clearly inconsistent but I still think it looks cool 🥰
Regardng what I just reblogged. It's literally true. I'm the cause of all my problems. I've had a pretty charmed life lately but I can't even appreciate it. Like I'm more financially stable than a lot of people but in my mind that doesn't matter because I've never been in a serious long-term relationship. Because of that, i'm a worthless human being. I don't know how to grow out of this other than actually starting a relationship with someone