Reblogged aspecpplarebeautiful
Pride Mothman vest has some new additions
Reblogged positive-aro-ace-space
why be radically exclusionary abt queerness when you could be radically inclusionary instead. let's inflate the numbers. let's become the majority. the sky's the limit
"we can't let just ANYONE call themselves queer!!" what are you talking about. I'm steepling my fingers and gleefully cackling every time we Get Another One and you should be too. lock in.
Fuck yeah, let's make this little raft we're surviving on big as hell. If I bring my bit of driftwood and you bring yours and we let as many people join in as want to, we might end up with a functional boat.
I heard someone say 'queer is that which accepts queerness' a few weeks ago and I've been thinking about it ever since.
Back when I was active on AVEN (I have no idea what it's like now), we had two definitions of asexual -- an external definition and an internal definition. The external definition, the one that's on the wiki and the press material and that everyone uses when talking about asexuality, was of course "an asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction". The internal definition, the one we kept in mind when talking to each other, was "an asexual is someone who calls themself asexual".
The reason for this was very simple and very practical. In the very early AVEN and immediately pre-AVEN days, back before my time when the disparate ace communities were first finding each other and creating a public online network, there was a fair lot of exclusionist discourse. There are a lot of ways to be asexual, and the early community of course fell prey to the usual infighting about whether someone with a libido counts as asexual, whether someone who chooses to have sex can be asexual (usual tiring Purity Brigade Bullshit), whether someone without a libido counts as asexual (after all, if you have no sex drive, are you sure it's a matter of sexual orientation?), whether ace people count as lgbtq, all the usual nonsense. This worked out the way it pretty much always does -- the inclusionists "win", because exclusionists always break off into smaller and smaller communities so the largest group is, of course, the one where all different kinds of people stick together and welcome each other. And that was AVEN.
And when you're trying to have a strong community and somebody shows up at the gates saying, "hi, I think I'm asexual", it's a fucking horrible idea to start doubting their credentials. They saw the public definition and started calling themselves asexual; they're here, and now they're under the internal definition. An asexual is somebody who calls themself asexual. Sometimes, these people would be frustrated allosexuals, or people choosing to swear off sex, who might not fit the external definition of the term. We made sure that everyone knew the external definition, and there were always conversations about asexuality and how it affected our lives, if they asked us directly what we thought then we'd say "only you can know for sure" and then give our thoughts on the matter for as long as they asked for them, and other than that it wasn't anyone else's fucking business or anyone's place to judge. If people weren't nasty and didn't create problems, they could stay and call themselves whatever they wanted.
Many of these people who didn't fit the strict definition eventually left after receiving support and discovering more about themselves. Some stopped IDing as ace but became allies to the community. Some people who came in with the most "I'm a heterosexual girl who is angry at my boyfriend" intro posts you've ever seen in your life discovered that they were in fact ace and that the messages that society had taught them about sex and romance were simply not for them -- these are people who, in a gatekept community, would have been incorrectly ousted immediately.
And then there were people -- a LOT of people -- who found themselves in grey areas. People who said "okay, this community makes sense to me and is useful to me and I have so much in common with a lot of you, but not EXACTLY like you. However, what I experience may not be the strict default definition but it's an awful lot like these other members on the forum." And they formed sub-communities. The grey aces. The demisexuals. The aromantics and greyromantics. Through these dialogues, between subgroups who in a more exclusionary community would be arguing about who the "real" asexuals are and splintering off into their own communities away from all those stupid cishet fakers, we developed language to describe our similarities and differences. The sexual/romantic/aesthetic attraction model came out of these dialogues and it became so massively important to our understanding of asexuality that basically everyone in the ace/aro community describes themselves by it, as do a large number of people outside the community. The community made massive leaps ahead in just a decade or two by, well, being a community. By being a place where anybody who called the place home, and didn't bully other people in the home, was right. By being somewhere where anybody who saw "asexual: someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction" and thought "that sounds like a term with some use for me" was allowed to use it.
An asexual is somebody who does not experience sexual attraction.
An asexual is somebody who calls themselves asexual.
These definitions are not in conflict -- they are both, in concert, fundamentally necessary for a safe and vibrant community where we can protect, support, and learn about each other and ourselves.
And that is absolutely not exclusive to asexual communities.
Reblogged toytulini
potentially controversial but i don't think "male sexuality is inherently predatory (and so if you don't want to be predatory, you're probably a girl)" is a winning feminist take. i actually think it's exactly the opposite and we should really be avoiding the implication that predatory misogynistic behavior is biological and not social in nature
this is just “boys will be boys” used to defend misogynistic behavior under the assumption it’s biological and not a choice resulting from misogyny never being socially punished, but with a coat of paint on it to sound woke
socialized behavior argument aside i just also do not think this is true beyond shitheads who are obviously not representative of the general population. some boys just had good parents idk what to tell you
this is one of those things where it’s like, “damn that sucked and shouldn’t have happened to you but it does seem like you’re turning your bad experience into political beliefs and you can’t be doing that”
Reblogged desultory-suggestions
this is your reminder to support the Sameer Project in their efforts to deliver Food+Water+Aid to North Gaza, South Gaza, as well as their Medical Campaign throughout the strip
Reblogged emptysurface
Anonymous asked:
Encouraging kids to masturbate… dad of the year right there
Well, I don’t think I have actually written a post like that yet and I also think you may overestimate how many literal kids there are on tumblr - but since you’re handing out awards, here’s some gentle, non-judgemental info on masturbation like a good dad would offer if asked (since teens and young people deserve honest answers to make empowered choices):
Masturbation is a very common activity. It’s generally safe and healthy and it even comes with some benefits:
- it’s only you, meaning there’s no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases!
- it’s a safe way to explore your own likes and dislikes and to try out fantasies you may have, without the emotional entanglement of involving another person (yet or at all).
- it can’t break your heart. Sex with another person requires a lot of trust and communication and you shouldn’t rush into that just to try it out.
- it can be a fun way to get to know your own body, and knowing your own body is important to take care of your health! Knowing what’s going on down there is a good thing.
- It’ll not ruin sex with a (future) partner. Many actually experience the opposite: getting to know your body and learning about your preferences solo actually makes sex with a partner more enjoyable and relaxed.
- It may bring physical health benefits: it’s like a mini workout after all, plus orgasms are known to be healthy for you!
- It can be a stress-relief and even helps some people sleep better.
- It can actually help you live according to your values. For example, if you’re single and do not wish to have sex outside of longterm relationships, masturbation can help satisfy your needs without sacrificing your beliefs for a one night stand.
- It allows you full flexibility without having to explain anything. You don’t like orgasms? You can just stop before you reach that point. You like to be perfectly quiet? Nobody expects you to moan if it’s only you.
It also doesn’t really have any side effects or negative consequences in general. Ideas such as „masturbation causes mental illness“ or even „masturbation leads to blindness“ are outdated medical myths. There’s no scientific evidence for that at all and it comes from times with limited knowledge on sexual health plus very strict beliefs around „sexual purity“. Modern medicine considers masturbation a healthy activity most people do.
Things you should keep in mind are just:
- You should wash your hands before. While you can’t give yourself STDs (unless you touched someone else’s genitalia or fluids right before), you may have other germs or irritants on your hands that you don’t want down there. Also wash your hands after, that’s just basic hygiene and respect for the next person you shake hands with.
- Masturbation doesn’t always require putting something inside of you. But if you do want to, please only use products specifically designed for that (or your fingers). Things that weren’t made for that purpose might hurt or injure you, or they could even get stuck or break off inside of you.
- If you don’t enjoy masturbation, you don’t need to do it. While it’s a great activity for many, it’s still just an activity. Just like hiking or playing cards or singing: if you don’t enjoy it, you’re not missing out on anything by not doing it.
Lastly, I also want to address this common question:
Masturbation doesn’t always involve pornography. Many use their own imagination or even just enjoy the touch without any (inner) movie playing. You do not need to use porn to masturbate.
But if (and only if) porn is something you’re curious about and maybe something you’re worried about (is it unethical or weird etc), please know:
- it’s a very common thing to be curious about and it’s also something many people regularly consume.
- Know that, just as with online content of other genres, shocking or extreme content sometimes gets the most clicks. This doesn’t mean it’s representative of what most people enjoy or want in real life.
- Sex in porn is staged. It’s meant to look good, not be realistic. Be aware that it’s not a good source for sexual education.
- The problems with the porn industry are mainly problems with the industry (such as unsafe working conditions, unfair wages etc.). The ethical problem isn’t the sex itself.
- You can avoid some of the industry problems by seeking out ethically produced or fairtrade porn. This usually means: all workers were fairly paid, there were precautions taken that all workers are of legal age and are willingly participating, workers may get more say in which scenes they want to do etc. Those websites also often focus more on female or queer pleasure than mainstream sites do. You may need to do some research there but it’s worth it
Reblogged mathematical-cheese
That amatonormative question when..
Reblogged asexual-society
I know we make jokes about the proverbial asexual pervert who has written hundreds of thousands of words of smut on ao3, but also shoutout to the aces who aren’t perverts. to the aces who skip the sex scenes and wince at sex jokes and awkwardly leave the conversation when your friends start talking about sex. your boundaries aren’t childish and fuck anyone who says otherwise.
Reblogged life-of-an-asexual
Speaking of non-dream meetings you can attend, I realized that I don't think this has gotten much circulation in ace spaces, but if you are on the Westside of Portland, there's an aro/ace spectrum peer support group that's held once per month. Details here.
(If you're in Portland proper, PDX Aces & Aros is probably closer to you! And then of course if you are farther north, Seattle Aces and Aros is where you want to go.)
Anonymous asked:
I just read the article about Emma Trosse, and while that is really interesting, I'm a little confused about the line "Sinnlichkeit, which is the origin of the current word asexual". As a german native speaker, I don't really understand what that is supposed to mean, Sinnlichkeit just means sensuality and has no relation at all to the word asexual, which is the same in german as in english. Do you know what they mean by that?
I'm not a native german speaker but I'm pretty sure it's meant to be Sinnlichkeitslosigkeit which means "lack of sensuality" or "asensuality" using English. Which makes me believe the Making Queer history article has a typo since AceArchive.lgbt and The Language of Asexuality before AVEN have it.
Reblogged maid-of-timey-wimey
hello allo tumblr user, just out of curiosity why are you always saying "aroace people can still choose to date and have sex!" and never "allo people can still choose not to date or have sex!" just out of curiosity of course! come closer! i just wanna talk! come closer!
hello allo tumblr user why is it that whenever discussing aspec people you always feel the need to bring up that asexuals can be perverts and make the best smut fics or nsfw art? or that aromantics can participate in fandom shipping and write really good romance? why is that? can we reflect on the implications that aspec people have to prove their worth to you by conforming in a way that entertains you? can we talk about this? come closer! come closer!
Reblogged monsterqueers
i don't care if it's nazis, mormons, or a bunch of misguided autistic people. if anyone ever tries to tell you your soul is from another planet and you're actually part of the class of impressive people that secretly did everything cool in the world but is now extinct and lives on through your broken genome, you RUN. YOU WILL RUN AWAY. YOU WILL SPRINT FULL SPEED AWAY FROM THAT.
grabs you by the shoulders listen. listen to my words. i understand the urge to make fanfiction about yourself and to find a reality in which you're super awesome and great and everyone who hates you is wrong and dumb. i get it. you're better than that. you can love yourself without putting other people down, dehumanizing and generalizing, and retaliating against your oppressors.
there's no NPCs. there's no aliens coming to save us. we're not the next step in human evolution. our hyperconnected nervous systems give us terrible sensory overwhelm more often than they make us geniuses. neurotypical people are sentient, conscious, aware people who are capable of understanding you. we're more the same than we are different. we're more the same than we are different. we're more the same than we are different.
Reblogged
A newly transcribed short story written by Alan Turing challenges the long-standing image of the genius as isolated and ashamed of his sexuality, revealing instead a man who was “playful, funny, cheeky” and “really liked sex”.
Reblogged ratsetflummi
Oh you're aroace? You should watch Blimpus and Jumbie it has an aroace character! Their name is Splonky and they're introduced in season 3 they're in six episodes, have a total 25 minutes of screentime and an average of three lines per episode. They're absolutely groundbreaking aroace representation, the show's creator confirmed it on twitter when he posted a doodle of Splonky holding an asexual flag. Oh that's not your cup of tea? Here's a list of aroace books they're all about high schoolers discovering that they're aroace after trying to find a significant other and it ends with the message that you can just make up for being a terminal virgin by third wheeling the gay couple you're friends with
You go into the splonky blimpus and jumbie tag and there's like a handful of cute fanart and appreciation for Splonky, and then every other post is people drawing Splonky making out with a variety of other characters from the show and the rest is people writing mini-essays yelling at people who ship Splonky with anyone as if that killed their grandma
What is Blimpus and Jumbie even about? Who the fuck cares? There's an aroace character who was introduced in season 3, is in six episodes, has a total 25 minutes of screen time and an average of three lines per episode, the creator confirmed it on twitter when he posted a doodle of them holding an asexual flag! You're aroace, you'll love Blimpus and Jumbie, it has aroace representation! Btw the target demographic for Blimpus and Jumbie is 10-14 year olds.
Reblogged avenpt
Stop saying people can't have happy relationships if they aren't platonic!! Aplatonic people exist!!!
Reblogged avenpt
For those of you wondering if you’re ace
If identifying as asexual makes you breathe a little easier...
If it feels like a weight being lifted off your chest and shoulders...
If it feels like it just makes sense somehow...
If it makes you happy...
If it sounds right in your head...
Then use it. Claim it. Make it your own. Even if only for a day. A week. A month. A couple years.
Labels aren’t tattoos. They don’t have to be permanent or perfect.
Reblogged celestialcontrail
bringing back my too woke opinion that you should be allowed to change labels without the previous one being incorrect
i think you should be allowed to identify as trans without retroactively saying you were also trans in the past. i think the "born this way" rhetoric is limiting and you should be able say stuff like "i was fully a girl when i was a kid and now im a boy" without it invalidating your current identity but maybe that's just me
Reblogged
Homo/transphobes hate ALL OF US. People who are against the queer community are against the WHOLE community, not just bits and pieces of it.
They hate a gay binary trans man who uses only he/him just as much as they hate a lesbian oriented aroace person who uses xenogenders and they/bug/pup/its pronouns.
They hate *ALL OF US*. You are not "one of the good ones," stop pandering to bigots to try and sacrifice your own community to save your face. We are all the same to them, they'll take your rights, silence you, beat you, rape you, and kill you too. Hate crimes DO discriminate, and they discriminate against us ALL.